Son dating girl whose parents don’t allow her to date

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is really simple. Teach your son to interact with this girl within the parameters her parents have set. It’s fine if he doesn’t like her enough to do that - this has happened for eternity.

Please do not talk to her parents, and do not encourage your son to encourage her to lie to her own parents. Her family has rules - teach him to respect those rules.

I think the girl’s parent’s parameters are simple: OP’s son should not exist in their daughter’s life whatsoever (especially since he’s a white boy).

If that’s the case, so be it. It’s a good lesson for OP’s son to respect the rules of another family. If their relationship needs to consist of seeing each other at school, he needs to decide if he is ok with that. If he is, they can develop their relationship in that capacity. If he’s not, he can move on.

Remember, we are talking about minor children here.

It’s kind of absurd to expect OP’s kid to interpret and follow another family’s rules when their own DD has no interest in doing so. His job is to respect her, not figure out what her parents allow and don’t allow. That said, I might feel rather protective of a kid in this position and advise him that this young woman, as lovely as she may be, has many extra layers of expectations and responsibility and he should perhaps look elsewhere if he’s interested in dating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS is in a school which is approximately 50% kids of Indian parents.

Are Indian parents really this strict about dating in HS? Or is it just a myth?

It depends- we immigrated here 20+ yrs ago, and we are very open with our DDs and would definitely not have an issue with them dating in High School. Our siblings are the same. In fact, one of them has a DDd that has been dating for 2 yrs ( same Caucasian boy) since she was 15 yo. Our friends are open minded like us and have teens that are dating in HS. My Freshman DD knows several Freshman girls of Indian ( immigrant parents) lineage, that are currently dating non Indian HS boys, with parent’s knowledge. I personally. Do not know any Indian parent that is actively not allowing their high school teen from dating. But that does not mean there are not others. However, I also know many non Indian , and some non immigrant parents that are strict and do not want their Freshman dating. I don’t jump at conclusions about their cultures- I think of it as that particular family making the decision they think is best for their family. I don’t have to agree with it but I don’t question it either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS is in a school which is approximately 50% kids of Indian parents.

Are Indian parents really this strict about dating in HS? Or is it just a myth?

It depends- we immigrated here 20+ yrs ago, and we are very open with our DDs and would definitely not have an issue with them dating in High School. Our siblings are the same. In fact, one of them has a DDd that has been dating for 2 yrs ( same Caucasian boy) since she was 15 yo. Our friends are open minded like us and have teens that are dating in HS. My Freshman DD knows several Freshman girls of Indian ( immigrant parents) lineage, that are currently dating non Indian HS boys, with parent’s knowledge. I personally. Do not know any Indian parent that is actively not allowing their high school teen from dating. But that does not mean there are not others. However, I also know many non Indian , and some non immigrant parents that are strict and do not want their Freshman dating. I don’t jump at conclusions about their cultures- I think of it as that particular family making the decision they think is best for their family. I don’t have to agree with it but I don’t question it either.

Sorry for all the typos..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stay out of it. I was this girl in high school. Let her handle it.

Yup, same. Her parents will meet him eventually, she'll introduce him as a friend. They'll get to know him, eventually they'll warm up. This will take years. It's fine. Everything is okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stay out of it. I was this girl in high school. Let her handle it.

Yup, same. Her parents will meet him eventually, she'll introduce him as a friend. They'll get to know him, eventually they'll warm up. This will take years. It's fine. Everything is okay.

Yes. I did exactly this. And oddly, my parents say they prefer it this way, even though they now know they didn’t know about huge parts of my life back then. I don’t get it, but I guess it works for some people. I do think newer Indian immigrants are more open minded in many ways, but I don’t think any of them want to encourage high school dating.