Husband asked me to look more presentable

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:my daughter has a 2 month old. she wore the same clothes every day for about a month. i do know she showered though.

do you have some comfy clothes like loungewear or sweatshirt and pants? if not, get a few comfy outfits and rotate them or get them so they are mix and match.

do shower and put on clothes, though.

other than that, you can do as you please until you are feeling better.

I have comfy clothes but I didn’t buy a lot. I go through them quickly and can’t always do laundry as often as I want.

How do you go through them quickly if you only change once a week?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:hire a teenager or middle schooler to come do laundry.
they can do this and would be happy for some pocket money.

do you have neighbor friends? if you were my neighbor and you were struggling i would be happy to do a load or two for you per week for free.

It might be easier to just do a wash and fold service, especially if they are washing relatively light items.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately, OP, you really need to shower and change clothes daily. I am really not trying to be mean, but you probably smell after a week of no showering. And showering regularly will help to some degree how you feel.

I know you say you're not depressed, but this is a huge red flag for depression.

This.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, but DH is being ridiculous. It would be one thing if he said “Honey, I want you to be able to take a shower if you want to so that you feel better. I’ll take the baby for the next 20 minutes so you can shower and get dressed” vs “you need to look more presentable.” That’s just weird and not supportive. OP I’m sorry you’re in pain. If there’s any way you can afford more help at all, even dipping into savings, please do. It’s a short time in your life and having some help is important, especially if you’re in pain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't have more kids with him

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can't you just say that you are PP, WFH and are overwhelmed. It won't be forever. So some grace would be appreciated.

Or, you can just tell him to F off.

We are 1 month in and I’m not back to work.

My husband has always had some issues with hygiene. He's super hygiene - showers 2-3 times a day. I’ve always been clean but the basics like showering and changing my clothes has fallen to the bottom of my list. I admit that I don’t shower much these days or change my clothes unless I do. I try to shower frequently but it’s hard and I don’t have the energy for it most days. I will throw pajamas on each time. My husband wants me to shower daily and at least get dressed in real clothes.

I think showering once day is reasonable. People who don’t, smell. I’m very sensitive, and it’s not a pleasant smell. Just shower while he watches the baby.

[Anonymous]

This whole thread should be moved to postpartum. It’s not a relationship issue. Maybe the husband could have handled it better but OP is not doing well at all. She should see her OB.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This whole thread should be moved to postpartum. It’s not a relationship issue. Maybe the husband could have handled it better but OP is not doing well at all. She should see her OB.

If OP is more than 6 weeks postpartum OB will just tell you to see your PCP. Speaking from experience on this. My PCP then told me to see OB and I learned it's all gaslighting and excuses to avoid the truth that we treat postpartum animals better than human mothers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This whole thread should be moved to postpartum. It’s not a relationship issue. Maybe the husband could have handled it better but OP is not doing well at all. She should see her OB.

An OB isn’t the right doc to treat a herniated disc. Who is treating that for you, OP? A physiatrist would be a good start. That’s a doctor who coordinates with other specialists to treat pain and get you back normal functioning.

[Anonymous]

What is he doing to help you get sleep, meals and showers? If he is caring for the baby so that you can take care of yourself then his concerns are valid. If he is not caring for his newborn then he needs to step up so you can care for yourself.

That being said, it sounds like you may have ppd and should seek care. I’ve been home alone with newborns and figured out how to shower even when it was difficult. Good luck and congrats on the baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is the baby? This seems unreasonable unless it’s really extreme. Like if the baby is six months old and you’re showing once a week. He might have a point. If the baby is less than a month, he should not be doing anything.

A little over 1 month. I think I’ve showered maybe 4 times since giving birth. I will wear the same clothes until I shower again.

Hon, you need professional help. This is not normal.

BS she needs professional help. She has an incision that is not fully healed. I was lucky to shower once or twice a week at that stage. I changed underwear and bra, but that was about it.

No PPD--you have just forgotten what having a brand-new infant via a cesarean is like.

Really? My kids are in college, but I had two c-sections and showers are my lifeline. They’re my coffee. I was not waiting a month to shower. I would leave my colicky baby in his car seat screaming in front of me while I took a shower. A healthy mom is a better mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This whole thread should be moved to postpartum. It’s not a relationship issue. Maybe the husband could have handled it better but OP is not doing well at all. She should see her OB.

If OP is more than 6 weeks postpartum OB will just tell you to see your PCP. Speaking from experience on this. My PCP then told me to see OB and I learned it's all gaslighting and excuses to avoid the truth that we treat postpartum animals better than human mothers.

She said it’s been a month. She needs help. Nothing she has described is normal, and her follow-ups on make her sound more in denial.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can't you just say that you are PP, WFH and are overwhelmed. It won't be forever. So some grace would be appreciated.

Or, you can just tell him to F off.

We are 1 month in and I’m not back to work.

My husband has always had some issues with hygiene. He's super hygiene - showers 2-3 times a day. I’ve always been clean but the basics like showering and changing my clothes has fallen to the bottom of my list. I admit that I don’t shower much these days or change my clothes unless I do. I try to shower frequently but it’s hard and I don’t have the energy for it most days. I will throw pajamas on each time. My husband wants me to shower daily and at least get dressed in real clothes.

I think showering once day is reasonable. People who don’t, smell. I’m very sensitive, and it’s not a pleasant smell. Just shower while he watches the baby.

+1. If your DH was asking you to wear makeup, style your hair, lose the baby weight faster, dress better, etc. I would say he’s completely out of line. But, showering regularly is basis hygiene and I think asking you to do this is a reasonable request. I think you’ll feel a lot better too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Y'all really will make every excuse for a woman, huh?

Op, this is nasty. Please get in the shower and clean yourself.

What are you talking about? This thread is full of people telling OP to shower.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, but DH is being ridiculous. It would be one thing if he said “Honey, I want you to be able to take a shower if you want to so that you feel better. I’ll take the baby for the next 20 minutes so you can shower and get dressed” vs “you need to look more presentable.” That’s just weird and not supportive. OP I’m sorry you’re in pain. If there’s any way you can afford more help at all, even dipping into savings, please do. It’s a short time in your life and having some help is important, especially if you’re in pain.

We really don't know exactly how DH presented it, and I was Team OP until she said she is only taking a shower and changing clothes once a week.