Wife without interest in intimacy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Continue the effort? No. It takes two to tango and she’s unwilling to get on the dance floor.

Side piece, stat!

No, not without her consent and full knowledge. Betrayal by secret cheating is wrong.

However, op, do you think she might be open to bringing a third person into the bedroom with you both ? You could use a female escort to keep it impersonal.

Might work, if she’s amenable.

It’s unlikely that she would be amendable. However, I haven’t suggested such options. Maybe she would be open it. However. misconceptions are holding back. Or is simple afraid to say it.

Sounds like she might be happier if you’d get that need taken care of by someone else so she doesn’t have to.

It’s worth discussing with her openly and honestly. Just don’t cheat behind her back.

Maybe there is some arrangement which could be reached here? You’ll never know if you do not ask.

[Anonymous]

The OP suggests that she would be too shy or would be ashamed to talk openly about other options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Continue the effort? No. It takes two to tango and she’s unwilling to get on the dance floor.

Side piece, stat!

No, not without her consent and full knowledge. Betrayal by secret cheating is wrong.

However, op, do you think she might be open to bringing a third person into the bedroom with you both ? You could use a female escort to keep it impersonal.

Might work, if she’s amenable.

It’s unlikely that she would be amendable. However, I haven’t suggested such options. Maybe she would be open it. However. misconceptions are holding back. Or is simple afraid to say it.

Sounds like she might be happier if you’d get that need taken care of by someone else so she doesn’t have to.

It’s worth discussing with her openly and honestly. Just don’t cheat behind her back.

Maybe there is some arrangement which could be reached here? You’ll never know if you do not ask.

This is one of those situations where it could hurt to ask.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Been married almost 20-years. Before kids, my wife, even before kids, had a low drive and little interest in having meaningful intimacy. Foreplay, exploring (nothing crazy, lingerie, or spicing it hasn’t been part of intimacy, even though bring it up. she acknowledges solo occasionally (no vibrator) and has never had an “o.”

Are suggestions on how to make intimacy more than sleeping together? Should I even continue effort?

I have one genuine suggestion, but it seems intense. If it's gotten to where she has a low or no sex drive then there is one thing you can do (because face it, being a nice guy or asking for sex just won't work). I'll get a lot of grief about this one, but here it goes. Bare with with....Be a bit of an ass hole and very matter of factly and somewhat emotionless. Tell her flat out that you want sex whether she does or not. If she isn't going to do it because she wants to, then she needs to do it because you need it. Tell her, if she is going to take the desire out of it, then you just want to use her body to get off. And if she isn't willing, then you'll go elsewhere to get it. Tell her this isn't negotiable and that this is one of the few things that you demand. And when your giving it to her, don't be romantic, don't even kiss her. Just use her like a tool to get off. ....so here is why. She will start to feel insecure and start wanting you to do it because of romantic reasons. You can always start doing that way after she comes to her senses. And if she doesn't care enough about you to give it up for you...then find somebody else. Remember how when you were single women loved ass holes. Start being one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Been married almost 20-years. Before kids, my wife, even before kids, had a low drive and little interest in having meaningful intimacy. Foreplay, exploring (nothing crazy, lingerie, or spicing it hasn’t been part of intimacy, even though bring it up. she acknowledges solo occasionally (no vibrator) and has never had an “o.”

Are suggestions on how to make intimacy more than sleeping together? Should I even continue effort?

Get a side piece. You could even have her "approve" it if you think she would.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She’s never had an O even by herself?

That sucks. I would encourage her to try a V on her own. I also like erotic fiction/romance (I don’t do p-rn names me uncomfortable).

Maybe if she wants she can profess to having you and her try the V together. Does she not like oral?

Any suggestions on the best way to gauge possible comfort level with erotic books, a vibrator, or something similar?

She is self-conscious in that area, so my offer for oral, with limited exceptions, is not accepted.

If nothing else, I want her to realize that there is nothing wrong with spicing it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s never had an O even by herself?

That sucks. I would encourage her to try a V on her own. I also like erotic fiction/romance (I don’t do p-rn names me uncomfortable).

Maybe if she wants she can profess to having you and her try the V together. Does she not like oral?

Any suggestions on the best way to gauge possible comfort level with erotic books, a vibrator, or something similar?

She is self-conscious in that area, so my offer for oral, with limited exceptions, is not accepted.

If nothing else, I want her to realize that there is nothing wrong with spicing it up.

Sounds like she has some work to do on herself; her attitudes, what is normal for marital intimacy, etc.

Mentioned it before, but it could not hurt to buy her the couples self-help guide “Come as You Are.”

If she’s reluctant to read it with you, she could read on her own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s never had an O even by herself?

That sucks. I would encourage her to try a V on her own. I also like erotic fiction/romance (I don’t do p-rn names me uncomfortable).

Maybe if she wants she can profess to having you and her try the V together. Does she not like oral?

Any suggestions on the best way to gauge possible comfort level with erotic books, a vibrator, or something similar?

She is self-conscious in that area, so my offer for oral, with limited exceptions, is not accepted.

If nothing else, I want her to realize that there is nothing wrong with spicing it up.

Sounds like she has some work to do on herself; her attitudes, what is normal for marital intimacy, etc.

Mentioned it before, but it could not hurt to buy her the couples self-help guide “Come as You Are.”

If she’s reluctant to read it with you, she could read on her own.

If she’s going to read up on this by herself, she might find interesting reading on the written-word section of Literotica. Erotic writing might inspire her; won’t know until she tries it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Been married almost 20-years. Before kids, my wife, even before kids, had a low drive and little interest in having meaningful intimacy. Foreplay, exploring (nothing crazy, lingerie, or spicing it hasn’t been part of intimacy, even though bring it up. she acknowledges solo occasionally (no vibrator) and has never had an “o.”

Are suggestions on how to make intimacy more than sleeping together? Should I even continue effort?

I have one genuine suggestion, but it seems intense. If it's gotten to where she has a low or no sex drive then there is one thing you can do (because face it, being a nice guy or asking for sex just won't work). I'll get a lot of grief about this one, but here it goes. Bare with with....Be a bit of an ass hole and very matter of factly and somewhat emotionless. Tell her flat out that you want sex whether she does or not. If she isn't going to do it because she wants to, then she needs to do it because you need it. Tell her, if she is going to take the desire out of it, then you just want to use her body to get off. And if she isn't willing, then you'll go elsewhere to get it. Tell her this isn't negotiable and that this is one of the few things that you demand. And when your giving it to her, don't be romantic, don't even kiss her. Just use her like a tool to get off. ....so here is why. She will start to feel insecure and start wanting you to do it because of romantic reasons. You can always start doing that way after she comes to her senses. And if she doesn't care enough about you to give it up for you...then find somebody else. Remember how when you were single women loved ass holes. Start being one.

There is something wrong with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s never had an O even by herself?

That sucks. I would encourage her to try a V on her own. I also like erotic fiction/romance (I don’t do p-rn names me uncomfortable).

Maybe if she wants she can profess to having you and her try the V together. Does she not like oral?

Any suggestions on the best way to gauge possible comfort level with erotic books, a vibrator, or something similar?

She is self-conscious in that area, so my offer for oral, with limited exceptions, is not accepted.

If nothing else, I want her to realize that there is nothing wrong with spicing it up.

This is really sad. Oral sex is the easiest way for a woman to achieve orgasm but she's uncomfortable with it, which isn't unusual either. She sounds very repressed and self-concious. I would try things like giving her a body massage without it leading to sex, touching her and assuring her of her beauty and how much you love her just so she can open up to the idea of her having physical pleasure for its own sake. I would emphasize just being close and physical without oral or PIV or any goal in mind. After a while she may be more amenable to getting oral aex just for the pleasure of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s never had an O even by herself?

That sucks. I would encourage her to try a V on her own. I also like erotic fiction/romance (I don’t do p-rn names me uncomfortable).

Maybe if she wants she can profess to having you and her try the V together. Does she not like oral?

Any suggestions on the best way to gauge possible comfort level with erotic books, a vibrator, or something similar?

She is self-conscious in that area, so my offer for oral, with limited exceptions, is not accepted.

If nothing else, I want her to realize that there is nothing wrong with spicing it up.

This is really sad. Oral sex is the easiest way for a woman to achieve orgasm but she's uncomfortable with it, which isn't unusual either. She sounds very repressed and self-concious. I would try things like giving her a body massage without it leading to sex, touching her and assuring her of her beauty and how much you love her just so she can open up to the idea of her having physical pleasure for its own sake. I would emphasize just being close and physical without oral or PIV or any goal in mind. After a while she may be more amenable to getting oral aex just for the pleasure of it.

What are your thoughts on surprising her with something new and/or spontaneous. For example, a vibrator, erotic movie, etc. Maybe even a different type of relationship. If nothing else, I would be interested in her reaction. However, I don’t want risk major damage to the relationship.

[Anonymous]

Tbh, if she never had an "o" then she is obviously not interested. Nobody would be. Neither would you. There is no solution until she herself figures out what to do. If she doesn't want to, there's nothing you can do. For her, s* is unpleasant and perhaps even painful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tbh, if she never had an "o" then she is obviously not interested. Nobody would be. Neither would you. There is no solution until she herself figures out what to do. If she doesn't want to, there's nothing you can do. For her, s* is unpleasant and perhaps even painful.

Are there any ways that can encourage her to explore herself?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s never had an O even by herself?

That sucks. I would encourage her to try a V on her own. I also like erotic fiction/romance (I don’t do p-rn names me uncomfortable).

Maybe if she wants she can profess to having you and her try the V together. Does she not like oral?

Any suggestions on the best way to gauge possible comfort level with erotic books, a vibrator, or something similar?

She is self-conscious in that area, so my offer for oral, with limited exceptions, is not accepted.

If nothing else, I want her to realize that there is nothing wrong with spicing it up.

This is really sad. Oral sex is the easiest way for a woman to achieve orgasm but she's uncomfortable with it, which isn't unusual either. She sounds very repressed and self-concious. I would try things like giving her a body massage without it leading to sex, touching her and assuring her of her beauty and how much you love her just so she can open up to the idea of her having physical pleasure for its own sake. I would emphasize just being close and physical without oral or PIV or any goal in mind. After a while she may be more amenable to getting oral aex just for the pleasure of it.

What are your thoughts on surprising her with something new and/or spontaneous. For example, a vibrator, erotic movie, etc. Maybe even a different type of relationship. If nothing else, I would be interested in her reaction. However, I don’t want risk major damage to the relationship.

PP here. I am someone who has never used toys. I am open to trying new things but that has never appealed to me so if she is a little shy, I wouldn't try that first but you could but maybe a few other things at first. My husband and I did watch erotic movies when we were first together and I liked that but we watched one porno and I thought it was gross and boring. So be careful in selection but it coukd be part of judt opening up about sex and thst sex is desirable and okay. I would just try being more physical all the time so she feels pleasure with touching. Hugs, kisses, touching that feels good without worrying about orgasm for either of you. Tell her how beautiful she is and maybe how sexy too and how you like her femininity and even reticence, that it makes you hot. I suggest a slow kind of seduction over time with patience. I would try to lead it to oral sex for her and she may not get there at first. But I think that's the sweet spot. She sounds self-concious and may have insecurities about her body. You reasure her that you love her body. If she feels women shouldn't have pleasure, or this kind of talk embarrasses her, gently work on that idea too. She may want you to lead and help her. I hope it works out for you both..

[Anonymous]

She is probably gay or, more likely asexual.