So are we to never have a husband-wife trip without kids for another 14 years?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re being a baby.

+1.

OMG. I cannot roll my eyes enough at this post. First of all, OP is clearly a dude. By wanting to "reconnect" he means he's not getting enough sex, so he thinks of one thing: a weekend away while his elderly MIL takes care of his young children. HIs wife points out why that is not realistic and, instead of problem solving, he immediately pouts and talks about marriages "fading out".

OP, grow the F up. It sounds like your wife is busy taking care of your family while you are thinking about yourself. If you all aren't getting enough time together, actually solve the problem. A good way to start will be you spending some solo evenings with your kids while your wife goes to a hotel for a massage and some sleep. That way you'll actually understand what needs to be done when you guys go away on vacation together and help you hire the right person.

You’re being way too judgmental and projecting your own broken relationship on the OP’s situation. You have no way of knowing if your guess about their family dynamic is right, and suggesting something the total opposite of what OP is looking for is either callous or delusional on your part.

Nope. PP is correct, and you’re naive.

Certainly possible, but PP is still callous.

[Anonymous]

Our parents were either not capable, not interested or not alive to ever watch our kids. Both of our siblings live across country so “getting away” was not a easy option..

When kids were 3 and 5 our nanny watched them for an overnight.

When they were 11 and 13 my sibling stayed for 3 nights, he barely did anything (forgot meds, classes etc) but the kids were alive. Still we decided that wasn’t going to work going forward.

This year, our kids (now 13 and 15) will go to sleep away camp and we will take a week somewhere.

We do family trips and when the kids were younger some all inclusive switch kids clubs. This is a choice we made to be parents so we dealt with it but I was at times envious of people who had active and involved grandparents (the ones I had who were capable are selfish and uninterested and the one who loved my kids was not capable and now has severe dementia and we care for her).

If I’m able to be an active grandparent I will be. And if I’m not I’ll try to help financially so that my kids can hire help if needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You got 2 young kids and you want your wife to up and go on a trip with you? Look at it from her perspective - neither of you will have an opportunity to spend time with your young children for much longer. Sorry if your penis isn't the most interesting thing in the world to her anymore, lol.

I get the feeling though. My wife and I 'date' during the work week where MIL can come over to the house, heat up some prepared dinner, and let the kids play. We get some alone time, wife doesn't feel like we've overburdened her mother, and it's a good time really.

DW here. Seems reasonable to me. I find it bizarre how MC and UMC women completely give up their lives when kids arrive. It’s a complete 180 that isn’t healthy.

Going away and spending a few days focused on your spouse and resting is very normal and healthy. Anyone telling you otherwise has anxiety and way too much focus on their children.

It’s ironic but mothers who can’t leave their children for a weekend tend to end up very bath mothers to older children.

Then why isn’t OP doing any of the work to make this reasonable thing happen? Other than the internet tantrums
of course which we all know are very productive contributions to the household.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our parents were either not capable, not interested or not alive to ever watch our kids. Both of our siblings live across country so “getting away” was not a easy option..

When kids were 3 and 5 our nanny watched them for an overnight.

When they were 11 and 13 my sibling stayed for 3 nights, he barely did anything (forgot meds, classes etc) but the kids were alive. Still we decided that wasn’t going to work going forward.

This year, our kids (now 13 and 15) will go to sleep away camp and we will take a week somewhere.

We do family trips and when the kids were younger some all inclusive switch kids clubs. This is a choice we made to be parents so we dealt with it but I was at times envious of people who had active and involved grandparents (the ones I had who were capable are selfish and uninterested and the one who loved my kids was not capable and now has severe dementia and we care for her).

If I’m able to be an active grandparent I will be. And if I’m not I’ll try to help financially so that my kids can hire help if needed.

Were there no friends who the kids could stay with for a night or two? Even two separate friends - so one each?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You got 2 young kids and you want your wife to up and go on a trip with you? Look at it from her perspective - neither of you will have an opportunity to spend time with your young children for much longer. Sorry if your penis isn't the most interesting thing in the world to her anymore, lol.

I get the feeling though. My wife and I 'date' during the work week where MIL can come over to the house, heat up some prepared dinner, and let the kids play. We get some alone time, wife doesn't feel like we've overburdened her mother, and it's a good time really.

DW here. Seems reasonable to me. I find it bizarre how MC and UMC women completely give up their lives when kids arrive. It’s a complete 180 that isn’t healthy.

Going away and spending a few days focused on your spouse and resting is very normal and healthy. Anyone telling you otherwise has anxiety and way too much focus on their children.

It’s ironic but mothers who can’t leave their children for a weekend tend to end up very bath mothers to older children.

So much judgement in your post.

She's not wrong.

Yeah, mothers who don't want to burden their own elderly mothers so husband can get some action, while the dude pouts on the internet instead of offering solutions, are bad. Or something.

How sad that you view a weekend get away with your spouse only about sex?

Seems like OP is trying to come up with solutions.

I can sympathize with OP for not knowing how much life would change post kids. Pre-kids you get to travel on adult trips and socialize with only adults. Now I have kids and most women seem only interested in socializing with their kids and talking about them too. It’s weird how this happens overnight.

I think the kid-centric lifestyle in the suburbs is unhealthy and driving a lot of unhappiness. OP is the perfect example. He wants to get away with his wife for a few days to have fun and not be limited by kids and has crazies like you claiming it’s about sex. Did you think weekend trips pre-kids were only about sex?

“My wife should make her mom do it”

There’s the 2025 solution!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our parents were either not capable, not interested or not alive to ever watch our kids. Both of our siblings live across country so “getting away” was not a easy option..

When kids were 3 and 5 our nanny watched them for an overnight.

When they were 11 and 13 my sibling stayed for 3 nights, he barely did anything (forgot meds, classes etc) but the kids were alive. Still we decided that wasn’t going to work going forward.

This year, our kids (now 13 and 15) will go to sleep away camp and we will take a week somewhere.

We do family trips and when the kids were younger some all inclusive switch kids clubs. This is a choice we made to be parents so we dealt with it but I was at times envious of people who had active and involved grandparents (the ones I had who were capable are selfish and uninterested and the one who loved my kids was not capable and now has severe dementia and we care for her).

If I’m able to be an active grandparent I will be. And if I’m not I’ll try to help financially so that my kids can hire help if needed.

There is no reason to add the "but": you didn't consult any of your relatives on the timing of your becoming a parent, on how many kids to have, on the values you communicate to your kids, so any contempt, even miniscule toward relatives is unwarranted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Couple of things:

I have an almost 16 year old, and I would not take a trip and leave them home alone. 16 seems like an adult when you have tiny kids: 16 is NOT an adult.

Nonsense. We have left my 16 yo alone for weekends without any issue. 16 is pretty much an adult- depending on the child, of course.

"pretty much" is not the same as "legally an adult".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You got 2 young kids and you want your wife to up and go on a trip with you? Look at it from her perspective - neither of you will have an opportunity to spend time with your young children for much longer. Sorry if your penis isn't the most interesting thing in the world to her anymore, lol.

I get the feeling though. My wife and I 'date' during the work week where MIL can come over to the house, heat up some prepared dinner, and let the kids play. We get some alone time, wife doesn't feel like we've overburdened her mother, and it's a good time really.

DW here. Seems reasonable to me. I find it bizarre how MC and UMC women completely give up their lives when kids arrive. It’s a complete 180 that isn’t healthy.

Going away and spending a few days focused on your spouse and resting is very normal and healthy. Anyone telling you otherwise has anxiety and way too much focus on their children.

It’s ironic but mothers who can’t leave their children for a weekend tend to end up very bath mothers to older children.

So much judgement in your post.

She's not wrong.

Yeah, mothers who don't want to burden their own elderly mothers so husband can get some action, while the dude pouts on the internet instead of offering solutions, are bad. Or something.

How sad that you view a weekend get away with your spouse only about sex?

Seems like OP is trying to come up with solutions.

I can sympathize with OP for not knowing how much life would change post kids. Pre-kids you get to travel on adult trips and socialize with only adults. Now I have kids and most women seem only interested in socializing with their kids and talking about them too. It’s weird how this happens overnight.

I think the kid-centric lifestyle in the suburbs is unhealthy and driving a lot of unhappiness. OP is the perfect example. He wants to get away with his wife for a few days to have fun and not be limited by kids and has crazies like you claiming it’s about sex. Did you think weekend trips pre-kids were only about sex?

Let's be honest.. a man absolutely expects sex if they have a weekend away without kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You got 2 young kids and you want your wife to up and go on a trip with you? Look at it from her perspective - neither of you will have an opportunity to spend time with your young children for much longer. Sorry if your penis isn't the most interesting thing in the world to her anymore, lol.

I get the feeling though. My wife and I 'date' during the work week where MIL can come over to the house, heat up some prepared dinner, and let the kids play. We get some alone time, wife doesn't feel like we've overburdened her mother, and it's a good time really.

DW here. Seems reasonable to me. I find it bizarre how MC and UMC women completely give up their lives when kids arrive. It’s a complete 180 that isn’t healthy.

Going away and spending a few days focused on your spouse and resting is very normal and healthy. Anyone telling you otherwise has anxiety and way too much focus on their children.

It’s ironic but mothers who can’t leave their children for a weekend tend to end up very bath mothers to older children.

So much judgement in your post.

She's not wrong.

Yeah, mothers who don't want to burden their own elderly mothers so husband can get some action, while the dude pouts on the internet instead of offering solutions, are bad. Or something.

Yea that must mean you are a terrible parent to older children. I laughed out loud reading that part.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You got 2 young kids and you want your wife to up and go on a trip with you? Look at it from her perspective - neither of you will have an opportunity to spend time with your young children for much longer. Sorry if your penis isn't the most interesting thing in the world to her anymore, lol.

I get the feeling though. My wife and I 'date' during the work week where MIL can come over to the house, heat up some prepared dinner, and let the kids play. We get some alone time, wife doesn't feel like we've overburdened her mother, and it's a good time really.

DW here. Seems reasonable to me. I find it bizarre how MC and UMC women completely give up their lives when kids arrive. It’s a complete 180 that isn’t healthy.

Going away and spending a few days focused on your spouse and resting is very normal and healthy. Anyone telling you otherwise has anxiety and way too much focus on their children.

It’s ironic but mothers who can’t leave their children for a weekend tend to end up very bath mothers to older children.

So much judgement in your post.

She's not wrong.

Yeah, mothers who don't want to burden their own elderly mothers so husband can get some action, while the dude pouts on the internet instead of offering solutions, are bad. Or something.

How sad that you view a weekend get away with your spouse only about sex?

Seems like OP is trying to come up with solutions.

I can sympathize with OP for not knowing how much life would change post kids. Pre-kids you get to travel on adult trips and socialize with only adults. Now I have kids and most women seem only interested in socializing with their kids and talking about them too. It’s weird how this happens overnight.

I think the kid-centric lifestyle in the suburbs is unhealthy and driving a lot of unhappiness. OP is the perfect example. He wants to get away with his wife for a few days to have fun and not be limited by kids and has crazies like you claiming it’s about sex. Did you think weekend trips pre-kids were only about sex?

Yes I thought weekends prekids were mostly about sex, didn’t everyone?

But the extent you think it’s about other types of connection, the better advice is to make sure you find ways to connect everyday in your normal life. Not save it up for one-off weekends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You got 2 young kids and you want your wife to up and go on a trip with you? Look at it from her perspective - neither of you will have an opportunity to spend time with your young children for much longer. Sorry if your penis isn't the most interesting thing in the world to her anymore, lol.

I get the feeling though. My wife and I 'date' during the work week where MIL can come over to the house, heat up some prepared dinner, and let the kids play. We get some alone time, wife doesn't feel like we've overburdened her mother, and it's a good time really.

DW here. Seems reasonable to me. I find it bizarre how MC and UMC women completely give up their lives when kids arrive. It’s a complete 180 that isn’t healthy.

Going away and spending a few days focused on your spouse and resting is very normal and healthy. Anyone telling you otherwise has anxiety and way too much focus on their children.

It’s ironic but mothers who can’t leave their children for a weekend tend to end up very bath mothers to older children.

So much judgement in your post.

She's not wrong.

Yeah, mothers who don't want to burden their own elderly mothers so husband can get some action, while the dude pouts on the internet instead of offering solutions, are bad. Or something.

How sad that you view a weekend get away with your spouse only about sex?

Seems like OP is trying to come up with solutions.

I can sympathize with OP for not knowing how much life would change post kids. Pre-kids you get to travel on adult trips and socialize with only adults. Now I have kids and most women seem only interested in socializing with their kids and talking about them too. It’s weird how this happens overnight.

I think the kid-centric lifestyle in the suburbs is unhealthy and driving a lot of unhappiness. OP is the perfect example. He wants to get away with his wife for a few days to have fun and not be limited by kids and has crazies like you claiming it’s about sex. Did you think weekend trips pre-kids were only about sex?

Yes I thought weekends prekids were mostly about sex, didn’t everyone?

But the extent you think it’s about other types of connection, the better advice is to make sure you find ways to connect everyday in your normal life. Not save it up for one-off weekends.

I really hate the martyred parent complex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our parents were either not capable, not interested or not alive to ever watch our kids. Both of our siblings live across country so “getting away” was not a easy option..

When kids were 3 and 5 our nanny watched them for an overnight.

When they were 11 and 13 my sibling stayed for 3 nights, he barely did anything (forgot meds, classes etc) but the kids were alive. Still we decided that wasn’t going to work going forward.

This year, our kids (now 13 and 15) will go to sleep away camp and we will take a week somewhere.

We do family trips and when the kids were younger some all inclusive switch kids clubs. This is a choice we made to be parents so we dealt with it but I was at times envious of people who had active and involved grandparents (the ones I had who were capable are selfish and uninterested and the one who loved my kids was not capable and now has severe dementia and we care for her).

If I’m able to be an active grandparent I will be. And if I’m not I’ll try to help financially so that my kids can hire help if needed.

+100

[Anonymous]

It’s very doable
Hire a nanny.

[Anonymous]

We didn't have anyone to watch our kids so, no, didn't take a trip without them for many years. But we did go every year to a family camp where the kids were busy all day with their own things and DH and I could just spend time together.

Really, I never felt like I was missing anything not traveling without the kids. We still did regular local date nights, which seemed more important. I've never been a big traveler and my parents never traveled without us kids so that seems normal to me.

I can see it mattering more if travel was a big part of your pre-kids couple life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don’t need to “reconnect”. Just both understand you need to be good partners for the sake of your kids. Have sex regularly even if you don’t really feel like it. Then, just do your jobs as parents. All this reconnecting is a first world problem.

That breeds resentment. Bodies aren't property. Consent vs coercion. Married or not.

Signed someone that did this for years and problems remained.