So are we to never have a husband-wife trip without kids for another 14 years?

[Anonymous]

My husband and I haven’t had a trip just the two of us for 19 years! I do know lots of peol that send their kids to sleep away camp at 8 and then travel then. My youngest refuses to do sleep away camp so that never worked for us. I know someone else that says their nanny for this. I never wanted to do that.

But it’s really no big deal. Here are many solutions:
Go on a cruise or to a resort with kids clubs. I remember the first time we took a cruise and I took the kids to the kids club. My spouse was going to take a nap or something and I was like “let me be clear. The kids are all gone at this moment. If you want to have sex, now is the moment.” That had not occurred to him.
Get connecting rooms (Hilton!) or a two bedroom suite and put the kids on the other room.
Take your elderly MiL or mother on the trip and put the kids in the room with her. This also works really well if you want to be able to do things like have a fancy dinner with just the two of you, do something llle rock climbing, or go out to a late night show/dancing whatever. The key is to pay all expenses for MIL for trip — she will be happy to watch the kids while you go out!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We didn't have anyone to watch our kids so, no, didn't take a trip without them for many years. But we did go every year to a family camp where the kids were busy all day with their own things and DH and I could just spend time together.

Really, I never felt like I was missing anything not traveling without the kids. We still did regular local date nights, which seemed more important. I've never been a big traveler and my parents never traveled without us kids so that seems normal to me.

I can see it mattering more if travel was a big part of your pre-kids couple life.

+1

We’ve always had regular date nights (weekly, sometimes more) and made abundant use of babysitters. We do enjoy travel but have always just done things where the kids could come along (and made good use of kids clubs and hotel babysitting, connecting rooms etc). We’ve left the kids overnight a few times (with a sitter or friends) out of necessity, but is kind of a hassle with young kids IMHO. We’ve never family available to take them overnight. We genuinely don’t feel like we have missed out of anything.

We also each do regular trips with friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I haven’t had a trip just the two of us for 19 years! I do know lots of peol that send their kids to sleep away camp at 8 and then travel then. My youngest refuses to do sleep away camp so that never worked for us. I know someone else that says their nanny for this. I never wanted to do that.

But it’s really no big deal. Here are many solutions:
Go on a cruise or to a resort with kids clubs. I remember the first time we took a cruise and I took the kids to the kids club. My spouse was going to take a nap or something and I was like “let me be clear. The kids are all gone at this moment. If you want to have sex, now is the moment.” That had not occurred to him.
Get connecting rooms (Hilton!) or a two bedroom suite and put the kids on the other room.
Take your elderly MiL or mother on the trip and put the kids in the room with her. This also works really well if you want to be able to do things like have a fancy dinner with just the two of you, do something llle rock climbing, or go out to a late night show/dancing whatever. The key is to pay all expenses for MIL for trip — she will be happy to watch the kids while you go out!

Clearly your children run your life. You think your young child is in charge of if he attends sleep away camp!

Ignoring this, going away with your spouse provides just the couple to focus on each other for an extended period of time without interruptions. In a way that a separate hotel room at the Hilton does not. If you don’t understand the difference then you never will even with someone explaining to you why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I haven’t had a trip just the two of us for 19 years! I do know lots of peol that send their kids to sleep away camp at 8 and then travel then. My youngest refuses to do sleep away camp so that never worked for us. I know someone else that says their nanny for this. I never wanted to do that.

But it’s really no big deal. Here are many solutions:
Go on a cruise or to a resort with kids clubs. I remember the first time we took a cruise and I took the kids to the kids club. My spouse was going to take a nap or something and I was like “let me be clear. The kids are all gone at this moment. If you want to have sex, now is the moment.” That had not occurred to him.
Get connecting rooms (Hilton!) or a two bedroom suite and put the kids on the other room.
Take your elderly MiL or mother on the trip and put the kids in the room with her. This also works really well if you want to be able to do things like have a fancy dinner with just the two of you, do something llle rock climbing, or go out to a late night show/dancing whatever. The key is to pay all expenses for MIL for trip — she will be happy to watch the kids while you go out!

Clearly your children run your life. You think your young child is in charge of if he attends sleep away camp!

Ignoring this, going away with your spouse provides just the couple to focus on each other for an extended period of time without interruptions. In a way that a separate hotel room at the Hilton does not. If you don’t understand the difference then you never will even with someone explaining to you why.

Yup, DCUM is very different than the real world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Was speaking with my spouse about getting a weekend away together just the two of us - we need some time to reconnect. We have two young kids. My MIL lives locally, but is getting older. We haven't taken a solo trip together since when our first was an infant and my mother watched him for a weekend.

Asked my spouse if we could inquire with MIL about doing a weekend away in 2025. Spouse put the kibosh on that quickly, saying MIL is too old to watch two young kids.

So - is this it? We won't be taking another kid-free trip until our youngest is 16 and can stay home alone?

If so, I can now understand why marriages fade out.

What the hell do other people do? Or are you with your kids 24/7?

There is no way this is real.

[Anonymous]

My question to OP is: did you not think about this before kids? Yes, some families do have grandparents or family to leave children with, but even for them- it can change in an instant as grandparents age or have health issues (particularly true now that most are starting families later in life compared to past generations).

We’ve been married 20yrs and have teens, with most of our friends in a similar stage. Very few of us have had a lot of opportunity for many “couples vacations without the kids”. Some did when the children were very small, but has fizzled out (as grandparents have aged ).

Many have done family trips, bringing the grandparents along to help- sure. Many used resorts with childcare or brought a nanny for small kids. Most have been able to cobble together arrangements to be away a night or two as needed/wanted. But this expectation of regular trips/vacations without the kids is pretty unrealistic for the vast majority of families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You got 2 young kids and you want your wife to up and go on a trip with you? Look at it from her perspective - neither of you will have an opportunity to spend time with your young children for much longer. Sorry if your penis isn't the most interesting thing in the world to her anymore, lol.

I get the feeling though. My wife and I 'date' during the work week where MIL can come over to the house, heat up some prepared dinner, and let the kids play. We get some alone time, wife doesn't feel like we've overburdened her mother, and it's a good time really.

DW here. Seems reasonable to me. I find it bizarre how MC and UMC women completely give up their lives when kids arrive. It’s a complete 180 that isn’t healthy.

Going away and spending a few days focused on your spouse and resting is very normal and healthy. Anyone telling you otherwise has anxiety and way too much focus on their children.

It’s ironic but mothers who can’t leave their children for a weekend tend to end up very bath mothers to older children.

Preach! ❤️

[Anonymous]

I don't think a single weekend is going to reconnect you. That takes more than just a trip, it's about patterns overall.

[Anonymous]

When your kids are old enough to do sleepovers, try to book them for sleepovers at friends’ houses on the same night, then do a local hotel staycation. You can get a babysitter to pick them up from their friends and watch them for the day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You got 2 young kids and you want your wife to up and go on a trip with you? Look at it from her perspective - neither of you will have an opportunity to spend time with your young children for much longer. Sorry if your penis isn't the most interesting thing in the world to her anymore, lol.

I get the feeling though. My wife and I 'date' during the work week where MIL can come over to the house, heat up some prepared dinner, and let the kids play. We get some alone time, wife doesn't feel like we've overburdened her mother, and it's a good time really.

DW here. Seems reasonable to me. I find it bizarre how MC and UMC women completely give up their lives when kids arrive. It’s a complete 180 that isn’t healthy.

Going away and spending a few days focused on your spouse and resting is very normal and healthy. Anyone telling you otherwise has anxiety and way too much focus on their children.

It’s ironic but mothers who can’t leave their children for a weekend tend to end up very bath mothers to older children.

So much judgement in your post.

She's not wrong.

Of course she is. She is calling other women abnormal, unhealthy, anxious, bad mothers who are too focused on their kids to the detriment of their marriage.

We don’t even know if OP is a man or a woman.

But we do know the PP happily takes all kinds of shots at other women.

Let’s say OP is a woman. What would PP say?

[Anonymous]

Yes, duh!

[Anonymous]

How old is your youngest kid? I’m guessing 4, based on the title?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think a single weekend is going to reconnect you. That takes more than just a trip, it's about patterns overall.

+1

You need to be making time for each other weekly. A trip is not going to magically change anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I haven’t had a trip just the two of us for 19 years! I do know lots of peol that send their kids to sleep away camp at 8 and then travel then. My youngest refuses to do sleep away camp so that never worked for us. I know someone else that says their nanny for this. I never wanted to do that.

But it’s really no big deal. Here are many solutions:
Go on a cruise or to a resort with kids clubs. I remember the first time we took a cruise and I took the kids to the kids club. My spouse was going to take a nap or something and I was like “let me be clear. The kids are all gone at this moment. If you want to have sex, now is the moment.” That had not occurred to him.
Get connecting rooms (Hilton!) or a two bedroom suite and put the kids on the other room.
Take your elderly MiL or mother on the trip and put the kids in the room with her. This also works really well if you want to be able to do things like have a fancy dinner with just the two of you, do something llle rock climbing, or go out to a late night show/dancing whatever. The key is to pay all expenses for MIL for trip — she will be happy to watch the kids while you go out!

Clearly your children run your life. You think your young child is in charge of if he attends sleep away camp!

Ignoring this, going away with your spouse provides just the couple to focus on each other for an extended period of time without interruptions. In a way that a separate hotel room at the Hilton does not. If you don’t understand the difference then you never will even with someone explaining to you why.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I haven’t had a trip just the two of us for 19 years! I do know lots of peol that send their kids to sleep away camp at 8 and then travel then. My youngest refuses to do sleep away camp so that never worked for us. I know someone else that says their nanny for this. I never wanted to do that.

But it’s really no big deal. Here are many solutions:
Go on a cruise or to a resort with kids clubs. I remember the first time we took a cruise and I took the kids to the kids club. My spouse was going to take a nap or something and I was like “let me be clear. The kids are all gone at this moment. If you want to have sex, now is the moment.” That had not occurred to him.
Get connecting rooms (Hilton!) or a two bedroom suite and put the kids on the other room.
Take your elderly MiL or mother on the trip and put the kids in the room with her. This also works really well if you want to be able to do things like have a fancy dinner with just the two of you, do something llle rock climbing, or go out to a late night show/dancing whatever. The key is to pay all expenses for MIL for trip — she will be happy to watch the kids while you go out!

Clearly your children run your life. You think your young child is in charge of if he attends sleep away camp!

Ignoring this, going away with your spouse provides just the couple to focus on each other for an extended period of time without interruptions. In a way that a separate hotel room at the Hilton does not. If you don’t understand the difference then you never will even with someone explaining to you why.

+1

Maybe you need this because you lack imagination . Many of us have figured out how to stay connected and have a fulfilling sex life with the kids around.