So are we to never have a husband-wife trip without kids for another 14 years?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents never took a weekend away just them. That is a newer trend among the affluent and those with young local family. We took one vacation without our kids and our younger one cried for us. Didn’t vacation without the kids for another 15 years.

Mine did. I'm 46. This isn't a "trend."

I’m 48 and I don’t know one family that took a weekend away trip without their kids from my childhood at all. This was not a thing if your parents did it was certainly an exception. It is a trend that more younger people are doing it now, but in the past, people did not have the time or the resources to take weekend away trips without their kids.

Hm, I'm 49 and my parents left us for solo trips all the time. Mostly they left us with nearby family or family friends, but they did once leave the 3 of us (ages 22, 20, and 12) alone for a two week international trip.

Same, down to the two-week international trip, except I'm two years younger than you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go to a resort with good childcare.

This. Resort with sitting/kids’ club. Then work on finding an overnight sitter and building your village for the long haul.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents never took a weekend away just them. That is a newer trend among the affluent and those with young local family. We took one vacation without our kids and our younger one cried for us. Didn’t vacation without the kids for another 15 years.

Mine did. I'm 46. This isn't a "trend."

I’m 48 and I don’t know one family that took a weekend away trip without their kids from my childhood at all. This was not a thing if your parents did it was certainly an exception. It is a trend that more younger people are doing it now, but in the past, people did not have the time or the resources to take weekend away trips without their kids.

Hm, I'm 49 and my parents left us for solo trips all the time. Mostly they left us with nearby family or family friends, but they did once leave the 3 of us (ages 22, 20, and 12) alone for a two week international trip.

Same, down to the two-week international trip, except I'm two years younger than you.

I’m laughing at all these people whose parents went on multiple week international trips decades ago leaving them behind. Next, people who are grew up with a full time in-house housekeepers are going to start talking about it as though it was a normal or common thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents never took a weekend away just them. That is a newer trend among the affluent and those with young local family. We took one vacation without our kids and our younger one cried for us. Didn’t vacation without the kids for another 15 years.

Mine did. I'm 46. This isn't a "trend."

I’m 48 and I don’t know one family that took a weekend away trip without their kids from my childhood at all. This was not a thing if your parents did it was certainly an exception. It is a trend that more younger people are doing it now, but in the past, people did not have the time or the resources to take weekend away trips without their kids.

It wasn't an exception in our circle when I was a kid. Nor was bringing friends on trips with you. I understand that people live differently, but I knew dozens of families whose parents traveled without their kids. Resources weren't an issue.

“Resources weren’t an issue” is the key phrase obviously.

Of course it is. I never said it wasn't. The PP literally said no one did this. I'm saying they're incorrect. Maybe no one they know, but to assume your experience was everyone's experience is a special form of delusion.

There is no always or never. There are always exceptions. But exceptions don’t make the rule.

[Anonymous]

We didn't do a vacation without the kids until they were old enough for a 2-week sleep away camp, when our youngest was 9. We do not have local family, so we'd either have to take the kids to family or have family come here. My kids' one living grandparent is not involved at all. My brother has his hands full with his own kids, one of whom has severe special needs, so bringing my kids to stay at his house while we vacation isn't an option. My other brother lives across the country and is single, and I'm not sure I'd trust him to take my kids out to eat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why did you even have kids?

To wait 30 years to take a solo vacation 🙄

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did you even have kids?

To wait 30 years to take a solo vacation 🙄

Why are you so bad at math? What happened here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did you even have kids?

To wait 30 years to take a solo vacation 🙄

Why are you so bad at math? What happened here?

Nope. BC you’ll drag your adult kids along on vacation as well.

Try harder

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did you even have kids?

To wait 30 years to take a solo vacation 🙄

Why are you so bad at math? What happened here?

Nope. BC you’ll drag your adult kids along on vacation as well.

Try harder

Wow, you seem to be deeply invested in other people’s vacation, so much so you have to make up stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Isn't that why kids do short sleepaway camps?

At which age do kids go away to camp?

If you have 2-3 kids, it might be a good 10 years until an adults-only trip via sleepaway camp.

This was us! Kids 6 years apart. Youngest went to sleep away camp at 7, older one was 13 - that was our first trip. No way my parents would watch them they were the “we raised our kids” type grandparents. DH’s parents became frail and needy the moment he went to college - it was like they couldn’t wait to age to try to manipulate him back - no way I’m leaving my kids with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents never took a weekend away just them. That is a newer trend among the affluent and those with young local family. We took one vacation without our kids and our younger one cried for us. Didn’t vacation without the kids for another 15 years.

Mine did. I'm 46. This isn't a "trend."

I’m 48 and I don’t know one family that took a weekend away trip without their kids from my childhood at all. This was not a thing if your parents did it was certainly an exception. It is a trend that more younger people are doing it now, but in the past, people did not have the time or the resources to take weekend away trips without their kids.

Hm, I'm 49 and my parents left us for solo trips all the time. Mostly they left us with nearby family or family friends, but they did once leave the 3 of us (ages 22, 20, and 12) alone for a two week international trip.

Same, down to the two-week international trip, except I'm two years younger than you.

I’m laughing at all these people whose parents went on multiple week international trips decades ago leaving them behind. Next, people who are grew up with a full time in-house housekeepers are going to start talking about it as though it was a normal or common thing.

I’m in my 50s and grew up very middle class (typical vacation was to like everyone into a car, drive to another state and then camp). My parents did take one long international trip when I was 4. It was my grandmothers 80th birthday and they took her to her home country where they had never been—they left me for the two weeks with my older siblings (who in today’s dcumlandia would be referred to as “parentified”). It was a little traumatic but I survived. Back then you couldn’t even call or email! I think the traumatic part was that they took my grandmother. Had they just left me with my grandmother they could have gone to Timbuktu and I would barely have noticed. But my siblings were of the “tough love” variety — I distinctly remember them saying “go ahead and cry as loud as you want — mom cant hear you across the ocean.” There may have also been renditions of the song “don’t cry out loud” An, siblings.
Anyway, if we want to get all historical, people used to send their kids away at 7 to work in the great houses or to apprentice, so this whole idea of parents always being with their kids is a pretty new invention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did you even have kids?

To wait 30 years to take a solo vacation 🙄

Why are you so bad at math? What happened here?

Nope. BC you’ll drag your adult kids along on vacation as well.

Try harder

DP but ... who cares if they do? Maybe they like doing that. How does this impact you?

Separately, numerous people have explained that like OP's spouse, they didn't have anyone to leave young kids with so didn't travel without them for years, but most people have explained that by the time kids were 8 or 9, they were doing camp or could reasonably stay with relatives who couldn't handle younger kids. So assuming 2-3 kids fairly close in age, your looking at 10-12 years. Not 30. And in the meantime you can have date nights, bring a nanny on vacation, go to resorts with kids clubs, etc. So you can still find ways to get alone time with your spouse.

It's just bizarre to me that some of you think unless a person is willing to leave their toddler for a week with an aging grandparent or a sitter, your marriage will simply wither on the vine. It won't, unless you let it. Being very pessimistic and fatalistic about the reality of parenting young kids won't help though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents never took a weekend away just them. That is a newer trend among the affluent and those with young local family. We took one vacation without our kids and our younger one cried for us. Didn’t vacation without the kids for another 15 years.

Mine did. I'm 46. This isn't a "trend."

I’m 48 and I don’t know one family that took a weekend away trip without their kids from my childhood at all. This was not a thing if your parents did it was certainly an exception. It is a trend that more younger people are doing it now, but in the past, people did not have the time or the resources to take weekend away trips without their kids.

Hm, I'm 49 and my parents left us for solo trips all the time. Mostly they left us with nearby family or family friends, but they did once leave the 3 of us (ages 22, 20, and 12) alone for a two week international trip.

Same, down to the two-week international trip, except I'm two years younger than you.

I’m laughing at all these people whose parents went on multiple week international trips decades ago leaving them behind. Next, people who are grew up with a full time in-house housekeepers are going to start talking about it as though it was a normal or common thing.

I’m in my 50s and grew up very middle class (typical vacation was to like everyone into a car, drive to another state and then camp). My parents did take one long international trip when I was 4. It was my grandmothers 80th birthday and they took her to her home country where they had never been—they left me for the two weeks with my older siblings (who in today’s dcumlandia would be referred to as “parentified”). It was a little traumatic but I survived. Back then you couldn’t even call or email! I think the traumatic part was that they took my grandmother. Had they just left me with my grandmother they could have gone to Timbuktu and I would barely have noticed. But my siblings were of the “tough love” variety — I distinctly remember them saying “go ahead and cry as loud as you want — mom cant hear you across the ocean.” There may have also been renditions of the song “don’t cry out loud” An, siblings.
Anyway, if we want to get all historical, people used to send their kids away at 7 to work in the great houses or to apprentice, so this whole idea of parents always being with their kids is a pretty new invention.

The idea of parents having children as people they wanted to be around, as opposed labor or heirs, is a new invention. Why exactly are we going back to that for this discussion?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents never took a weekend away just them. That is a newer trend among the affluent and those with young local family. We took one vacation without our kids and our younger one cried for us. Didn’t vacation without the kids for another 15 years.

Mine did. I'm 46. This isn't a "trend."

I’m 48 and I don’t know one family that took a weekend away trip without their kids from my childhood at all. This was not a thing if your parents did it was certainly an exception. It is a trend that more younger people are doing it now, but in the past, people did not have the time or the resources to take weekend away trips without their kids.

Hm, I'm 49 and my parents left us for solo trips all the time. Mostly they left us with nearby family or family friends, but they did once leave the 3 of us (ages 22, 20, and 12) alone for a two week international trip.

Same, down to the two-week international trip, except I'm two years younger than you.

I’m laughing at all these people whose parents went on multiple week international trips decades ago leaving them behind. Next, people who are grew up with a full time in-house housekeepers are going to start talking about it as though it was a normal or common thing.

I’m in my 50s and grew up very middle class (typical vacation was to like everyone into a car, drive to another state and then camp). My parents did take one long international trip when I was 4. It was my grandmothers 80th birthday and they took her to her home country where they had never been—they left me for the two weeks with my older siblings (who in today’s dcumlandia would be referred to as “parentified”). It was a little traumatic but I survived. Back then you couldn’t even call or email! I think the traumatic part was that they took my grandmother. Had they just left me with my grandmother they could have gone to Timbuktu and I would barely have noticed. But my siblings were of the “tough love” variety — I distinctly remember them saying “go ahead and cry as loud as you want — mom cant hear you across the ocean.” There may have also been renditions of the song “don’t cry out loud” An, siblings.
Anyway, if we want to get all historical, people used to send their kids away at 7 to work in the great houses or to apprentice, so this whole idea of parents always being with their kids is a pretty new invention.

Sounds negligent. We didn’t use seat belts either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents never took a weekend away just them. That is a newer trend among the affluent and those with young local family. We took one vacation without our kids and our younger one cried for us. Didn’t vacation without the kids for another 15 years.

Mine did. I'm 46. This isn't a "trend."

I’m 48 and I don’t know one family that took a weekend away trip without their kids from my childhood at all. This was not a thing if your parents did it was certainly an exception. It is a trend that more younger people are doing it now, but in the past, people did not have the time or the resources to take weekend away trips without their kids.

I’m 39 and had the same experience as you, but DH was passed off so his parents could travel. FWIW he still resents it as he felt his parents did not actually prioritize a good environment for him and siblings.

I think some families can make this work well and some make it work badly and many, many parents do not travel without their kids. I can understand why it’s important to couples and think it’s fantastic if it works. I don’t think it’s a given that it works out for everyone.

We have 3 kids and haven’t traveled away. I am getting to the point where I see the appeal and would like to do it in theory, but I don’t think we have the right care option. At least not currently.

This. I had friends whose parents regularly traveled without their kids but these families tended to have (and still have) dysfunctional relationships. These are also friends who were largely raised by their nannies (including of course staying with nannies while parents traveled together or even separately). Their families had extensive financial resources but didn't emphasize family togetherness and the parents viewed the kids as being a tax on their time, freedom, and ability to pursue their desires.

I'm not talking about families where the parents might leave kids with relatives or friends for a big anniversary trip. Yes I know people who did that. But leaving kids with family is different than hiring a nanny or sitter (it winds up being a vacation for the kids as well and they spend the time bonding with Grandma or their cousins or whatever). Also this wasn't something people did multiple times a year or even annually, at least not until they were older. It would be the sort of thing parents might do for a 5th or 10th wedding anniversary as a special one off.

Once kids are like 9 or 10 you get more freedom anyway because of stuff like summer camp, school trips, etc. Assuming you have 3 kids max, I don't think most families view it as a huge imposition to mostly travel as a family until the youngest is old enough for summer camp, with maybe a handful of solo trips when kids can stay with a trusted loved one (not a hired sitter) for very special events. That just sounds normal. The families I know where the parents regularly left the kids behind are not families I would wish to emulate based on how my friends' describe their childhoods and their current relationships with their parents.

Ah, well, the kids who I know whose parents traveled without them are all very close and didn't have issues with these trips. I had fun when my parents left town. I had babysitters who were in their late 20's and they were a blast.

This.