So are we to never have a husband-wife trip without kids for another 14 years?

[Anonymous]

Why did you even have kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents never took a weekend away just them. That is a newer trend among the affluent and those with young local family. We took one vacation without our kids and our younger one cried for us. Didn’t vacation without the kids for another 15 years.

Mine did. I'm 46. This isn't a "trend."

I’m 48 and I don’t know one family that took a weekend away trip without their kids from my childhood at all. This was not a thing if your parents did it was certainly an exception. It is a trend that more younger people are doing it now, but in the past, people did not have the time or the resources to take weekend away trips without their kids.

It wasn't an exception in our circle when I was a kid. Nor was bringing friends on trips with you. I understand that people live differently, but I knew dozens of families whose parents traveled without their kids. Resources weren't an issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We never felt the need to have parent-only trips during our kids' childhoods, OP, so I guess everyone's different. We enjoyed our family vacations. Having kids never felt like a sacrifice. Oldest is in college now.

Your medal is in the mail. Thank you so much for your contribution to this discussion.

dp Why are you so offended that pp did not want to go away without kids? I never did either but, don't begrudge anyone who does. Different families do different things! And no medal is required either way If friends told me that they are having a child free vacation I always said 'have fun!'

I'm not offended but I'm allowed to roll my eyes, hard, at someone who says, smugly, that they never felt that having kids was a sacrifice. You can feel free to spend time with people who say stuff like that. For me, it's a no.

Good. I don’t want to spend my time with anyone talks about having kids (a voluntary choice, by the way) as a sacrifice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents never took a weekend away just them. That is a newer trend among the affluent and those with young local family. We took one vacation without our kids and our younger one cried for us. Didn’t vacation without the kids for another 15 years.

Mine did. I'm 46. This isn't a "trend."

I’m 48 and I don’t know one family that took a weekend away trip without their kids from my childhood at all. This was not a thing if your parents did it was certainly an exception. It is a trend that more younger people are doing it now, but in the past, people did not have the time or the resources to take weekend away trips without their kids.

It wasn't an exception in our circle when I was a kid. Nor was bringing friends on trips with you. I understand that people live differently, but I knew dozens of families whose parents traveled without their kids. Resources weren't an issue.

“Resources weren’t an issue” is the key phrase obviously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents never took a weekend away just them. That is a newer trend among the affluent and those with young local family. We took one vacation without our kids and our younger one cried for us. Didn’t vacation without the kids for another 15 years.

Mine did. I'm 46. This isn't a "trend."

I’m 48 and I don’t know one family that took a weekend away trip without their kids from my childhood at all. This was not a thing if your parents did it was certainly an exception. It is a trend that more younger people are doing it now, but in the past, people did not have the time or the resources to take weekend away trips without their kids.

I’m 39 and had the same experience as you, but DH was passed off so his parents could travel. FWIW he still resents it as he felt his parents did not actually prioritize a good environment for him and siblings.

I think some families can make this work well and some make it work badly and many, many parents do not travel without their kids. I can understand why it’s important to couples and think it’s fantastic if it works. I don’t think it’s a given that it works out for everyone.

We have 3 kids and haven’t traveled away. I am getting to the point where I see the appeal and would like to do it in theory, but I don’t think we have the right care option. At least not currently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We never felt the need to have parent-only trips during our kids' childhoods, OP, so I guess everyone's different. We enjoyed our family vacations. Having kids never felt like a sacrifice. Oldest is in college now.

Kids are so much fun, and the memories you make together are magical.

But maybe OP SAH so sees her kids ALOT and her DH gets 12 weeks of vacation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents never took a weekend away just them. That is a newer trend among the affluent and those with young local family. We took one vacation without our kids and our younger one cried for us. Didn’t vacation without the kids for another 15 years.

Mine did. I'm 46. This isn't a "trend."

I’m 48 and I don’t know one family that took a weekend away trip without their kids from my childhood at all. This was not a thing if your parents did it was certainly an exception. It is a trend that more younger people are doing it now, but in the past, people did not have the time or the resources to take weekend away trips without their kids.

I’m 39 and had the same experience as you, but DH was passed off so his parents could travel. FWIW he still resents it as he felt his parents did not actually prioritize a good environment for him and siblings.

I think some families can make this work well and some make it work badly and many, many parents do not travel without their kids. I can understand why it’s important to couples and think it’s fantastic if it works. I don’t think it’s a given that it works out for everyone.

We have 3 kids and haven’t traveled away. I am getting to the point where I see the appeal and would like to do it in theory, but I don’t think we have the right care option. At least not currently.

This. I had friends whose parents regularly traveled without their kids but these families tended to have (and still have) dysfunctional relationships. These are also friends who were largely raised by their nannies (including of course staying with nannies while parents traveled together or even separately). Their families had extensive financial resources but didn't emphasize family togetherness and the parents viewed the kids as being a tax on their time, freedom, and ability to pursue their desires.

I'm not talking about families where the parents might leave kids with relatives or friends for a big anniversary trip. Yes I know people who did that. But leaving kids with family is different than hiring a nanny or sitter (it winds up being a vacation for the kids as well and they spend the time bonding with Grandma or their cousins or whatever). Also this wasn't something people did multiple times a year or even annually, at least not until they were older. It would be the sort of thing parents might do for a 5th or 10th wedding anniversary as a special one off.

Once kids are like 9 or 10 you get more freedom anyway because of stuff like summer camp, school trips, etc. Assuming you have 3 kids max, I don't think most families view it as a huge imposition to mostly travel as a family until the youngest is old enough for summer camp, with maybe a handful of solo trips when kids can stay with a trusted loved one (not a hired sitter) for very special events. That just sounds normal. The families I know where the parents regularly left the kids behind are not families I would wish to emulate based on how my friends' describe their childhoods and their current relationships with their parents.

[Anonymous]

We have left the kids with our parents (all of whom are in their 80s but are active and perfectly fine managing 8 and 10 year olds), with our siblings (DH has a single sister who lives nearby and loves to spend the weekend with our kids, she's the fun aunt, while my brother lives further away but has 2 similarly aged kids and they love spending the weekend together), have asked close friends with similarly aged kids if they could take our kids for a weekend sleepover and offered to do the same so they could have their own weekend, and sent our kids to Girl Scout camp for a week.

[Anonymous]

Oh also all inclusive with childcare. If you are THAT type of parent you barely have to see your kid at all the whole time you're there.

[Anonymous]

IF you need a vacation away from your kids to keep your marriage you do not have a good marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love travel but I travel with my kids only. I think it's shitty to leave your kids for a week.

I hope you say that to people's faces so they know who you really are.

I sure do. Funny, I have a great marriage. My SIL who insisted on week vacations without kids from the time they were 4 months old---she divorced after 6 years.

I think some people just cope with parenting and life better.

You're doing a great job raising codependent kids who won't be able to surprise on their own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love travel but I travel with my kids only. I think it's shitty to leave your kids for a week.

I hope you say that to people's faces so they know who you really are.

I sure do. Funny, I have a great marriage. My SIL who insisted on week vacations without kids from the time they were 4 months old---she divorced after 6 years.

I think some people just cope with parenting and life better.

You're doing a great job raising codependent kids who won't be able to surprise on their own.

Hahah, I mean survive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents never took a weekend away just them. That is a newer trend among the affluent and those with young local family. We took one vacation without our kids and our younger one cried for us. Didn’t vacation without the kids for another 15 years.

Mine did. I'm 46. This isn't a "trend."

I’m 48 and I don’t know one family that took a weekend away trip without their kids from my childhood at all. This was not a thing if your parents did it was certainly an exception. It is a trend that more younger people are doing it now, but in the past, people did not have the time or the resources to take weekend away trips without their kids.

Hm, I'm 49 and my parents left us for solo trips all the time. Mostly they left us with nearby family or family friends, but they did once leave the 3 of us (ages 22, 20, and 12) alone for a two week international trip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents never took a weekend away just them. That is a newer trend among the affluent and those with young local family. We took one vacation without our kids and our younger one cried for us. Didn’t vacation without the kids for another 15 years.

Mine did. I'm 46. This isn't a "trend."

I’m 48 and I don’t know one family that took a weekend away trip without their kids from my childhood at all. This was not a thing if your parents did it was certainly an exception. It is a trend that more younger people are doing it now, but in the past, people did not have the time or the resources to take weekend away trips without their kids.

It wasn't an exception in our circle when I was a kid. Nor was bringing friends on trips with you. I understand that people live differently, but I knew dozens of families whose parents traveled without their kids. Resources weren't an issue.

“Resources weren’t an issue” is the key phrase obviously.

Of course it is. I never said it wasn't. The PP literally said no one did this. I'm saying they're incorrect. Maybe no one they know, but to assume your experience was everyone's experience is a special form of delusion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents never took a weekend away just them. That is a newer trend among the affluent and those with young local family. We took one vacation without our kids and our younger one cried for us. Didn’t vacation without the kids for another 15 years.

Mine did. I'm 46. This isn't a "trend."

I’m 48 and I don’t know one family that took a weekend away trip without their kids from my childhood at all. This was not a thing if your parents did it was certainly an exception. It is a trend that more younger people are doing it now, but in the past, people did not have the time or the resources to take weekend away trips without their kids.

I’m 39 and had the same experience as you, but DH was passed off so his parents could travel. FWIW he still resents it as he felt his parents did not actually prioritize a good environment for him and siblings.

I think some families can make this work well and some make it work badly and many, many parents do not travel without their kids. I can understand why it’s important to couples and think it’s fantastic if it works. I don’t think it’s a given that it works out for everyone.

We have 3 kids and haven’t traveled away. I am getting to the point where I see the appeal and would like to do it in theory, but I don’t think we have the right care option. At least not currently.

This. I had friends whose parents regularly traveled without their kids but these families tended to have (and still have) dysfunctional relationships. These are also friends who were largely raised by their nannies (including of course staying with nannies while parents traveled together or even separately). Their families had extensive financial resources but didn't emphasize family togetherness and the parents viewed the kids as being a tax on their time, freedom, and ability to pursue their desires.

I'm not talking about families where the parents might leave kids with relatives or friends for a big anniversary trip. Yes I know people who did that. But leaving kids with family is different than hiring a nanny or sitter (it winds up being a vacation for the kids as well and they spend the time bonding with Grandma or their cousins or whatever). Also this wasn't something people did multiple times a year or even annually, at least not until they were older. It would be the sort of thing parents might do for a 5th or 10th wedding anniversary as a special one off.

Once kids are like 9 or 10 you get more freedom anyway because of stuff like summer camp, school trips, etc. Assuming you have 3 kids max, I don't think most families view it as a huge imposition to mostly travel as a family until the youngest is old enough for summer camp, with maybe a handful of solo trips when kids can stay with a trusted loved one (not a hired sitter) for very special events. That just sounds normal. The families I know where the parents regularly left the kids behind are not families I would wish to emulate based on how my friends' describe their childhoods and their current relationships with their parents.

Ah, well, the kids who I know whose parents traveled without them are all very close and didn't have issues with these trips. I had fun when my parents left town. I had babysitters who were in their late 20's and they were a blast.