So are we to never have a husband-wife trip without kids for another 14 years?

[Anonymous]

Was speaking with my spouse about getting a weekend away together just the two of us - we need some time to reconnect. We have two young kids. My MIL lives locally, but is getting older. We haven't taken a solo trip together since when our first was an infant and my mother watched him for a weekend.

Asked my spouse if we could inquire with MIL about doing a weekend away in 2025. Spouse put the kibosh on that quickly, saying MIL is too old to watch two young kids.

So - is this it? We won't be taking another kid-free trip until our youngest is 16 and can stay home alone?

If so, I can now understand why marriages fade out.

What the hell do other people do? Or are you with your kids 24/7?

[Anonymous]

I do have parents who took mine when they were younger but also sleepaway camps - my kids loved those and we took couples-only trips during them.

[Anonymous]

Ask your mom.

[Anonymous]

Isn't that why kids do short sleepaway camps?

[Anonymous]

Couple of things:

I have an almost 16 year old, and I would not take a trip and leave them home alone. 16 seems like an adult when you have tiny kids: 16 is NOT an adult.

If you have the funds to take a trip, you can hire a sitter, right? Or you can find another family that you trust and perhaps even trade off with them for the weekend on occasion. Also, he may change his mind about his mom. Do you have siblings? If they come to visit, perhaps they can extend their visit for a few days for you an DH to get away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Isn't that why kids do short sleepaway camps?

At which age do kids go away to camp?

If you have 2-3 kids, it might be a good 10 years until an adults-only trip via sleepaway camp.

[Anonymous]

We took our first couples trip when my oldest was 2. SIL kept him for 4 days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do have parents who took mine when they were younger but also sleepaway camps - my kids loved those and we took couples-only trips during them.

There's a whole industry of resorts in places like upstate NY and the Poconos that market to parents who just dropped off the kids at sleepaway camp nearby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Couple of things:

I have an almost 16 year old, and I would not take a trip and leave them home alone. 16 seems like an adult when you have tiny kids: 16 is NOT an adult.

If you have the funds to take a trip, you can hire a sitter, right? Or you can find another family that you trust and perhaps even trade off with them for the weekend on occasion. Also, he may change his mind about his mom. Do you have siblings? If they come to visit, perhaps they can extend their visit for a few days for you an DH to get away.

Which sitters watch your kids all weekend? Vast majority of sitters in this area are HS girls and college students who can barely text back their availability in a punctual manner...let alone watch your kids for an entire weekend.

We live in MoCo and I don't know of any other families using overnight sitters. Or at least they are not advertising it publicly!

[Anonymous]

Go to a resort with good childcare.

[Anonymous]

We got away usually at least once a year without our kids even when they were really little. Grandparents were never an option for us but:
- We had a nanny with whom we could leave the kids for short periods, and once we left for 6 days when they were about 2 (twins). An expensive solution but well worth it.
- My best friend, and their godmother, begged to have them to herself - so every summer we left them with her for 3-5 days.
- Now the kids are 13. Last year they did two weeks of sleepaway camp and this year they will do the same. This year we will take a parents only trip while they're away, designating a local close friend as an emergency contact in case something happens.

[Anonymous]

You mentioned your mother - is she not available? Also yes you can find reliable overnight sitters - I have family members not in DC area who’s used them. It’s a lot of work to vet and they are expensive but it can be done.

But also (and I say this as PP who mentioned going on trips when her kids were in sleepaway camps), yes it’s a lot harder and much more expensive to get a trip as a couple when you have children (and close to impossible when they are very little.) It comes with the territory.

[Anonymous]

Do you not have friends with similar-aged kids who can trade out with you? Busy weekend for whoever's in charge, blissful one for the ones who dropped their children off. Then you switch for another weekend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you not have friends with similar-aged kids who can trade out with you? Busy weekend for whoever's in charge, blissful one for the ones who dropped their children off. Then you switch for another weekend.

Yes, we did this. Our kids 16 are bff, so it worked out. Prior to this, we didn't leave our kids for parents only vacation. Younger kids are needier, and I don't want to impose.

+1 to the PP who said don't leave your 16 yr old alone while you go on vacation. That's illegal. 16 yr olds are not adults.

That said, this is why we are retiring right as the youngest goes to college. We will be mid 50s, early 60s, and I want to be young(ish) while I travel. I just said to my spouse that we're coming full circle: we always traveled on our anniversary (in the fall), and once DC leaves, we can go back to traveling once again on our anniversary.

Yes, OP, having kids is tough and involves giving up a lot, especially with little family support. My parents are waaay too old and live far away for DC to stay with; my ILs have passed away.

We are older parents, so unfortunately, our kids will face the same issue when they have kids.

[Anonymous]

You’re being a baby.