So are we to never have a husband-wife trip without kids for another 14 years?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t need adult only trips: I did not do it, my parents did not, his parents did not, grandparents did not. Most people don’t do this. Grow up.

I would have not said grow up, but I agree. This is a topic where the DCUM perspective is very much skewed from the everyday perspective.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You got 2 young kids and you want your wife to up and go on a trip with you? Look at it from her perspective - neither of you will have an opportunity to spend time with your young children for much longer. Sorry if your penis isn't the most interesting thing in the world to her anymore, lol.

I get the feeling though. My wife and I 'date' during the work week where MIL can come over to the house, heat up some prepared dinner, and let the kids play. We get some alone time, wife doesn't feel like we've overburdened her mother, and it's a good time really.

DW here. Seems reasonable to me. I find it bizarre how MC and UMC women completely give up their lives when kids arrive. It’s a complete 180 that isn’t healthy.

Going away and spending a few days focused on your spouse and resting is very normal and healthy. Anyone telling you otherwise has anxiety and way too much focus on their children.

It’s ironic but mothers who can’t leave their children for a weekend tend to end up very bath mothers to older children.

So much judgement in your post.

She's not wrong.

Yeah, mothers who don't want to burden their own elderly mothers so husband can get some action, while the dude pouts on the internet instead of offering solutions, are bad. Or something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You got 2 young kids and you want your wife to up and go on a trip with you? Look at it from her perspective - neither of you will have an opportunity to spend time with your young children for much longer. Sorry if your penis isn't the most interesting thing in the world to her anymore, lol.

I get the feeling though. My wife and I 'date' during the work week where MIL can come over to the house, heat up some prepared dinner, and let the kids play. We get some alone time, wife doesn't feel like we've overburdened her mother, and it's a good time really.

DW here. Seems reasonable to me. I find it bizarre how MC and UMC women completely give up their lives when kids arrive. It’s a complete 180 that isn’t healthy.

Going away and spending a few days focused on your spouse and resting is very normal and healthy. Anyone telling you otherwise has anxiety and way too much focus on their children.

It’s ironic but mothers who can’t leave their children for a weekend tend to end up very bath mothers to older children.

So much judgement in your post.

She's not wrong.

Yeah, mothers who don't want to burden their own elderly mothers so husband can get some action, while the dude pouts on the internet instead of offering solutions, are bad. Or something.

How sad that you view a weekend get away with your spouse only about sex?

Seems like OP is trying to come up with solutions.

I can sympathize with OP for not knowing how much life would change post kids. Pre-kids you get to travel on adult trips and socialize with only adults. Now I have kids and most women seem only interested in socializing with their kids and talking about them too. It’s weird how this happens overnight.

I think the kid-centric lifestyle in the suburbs is unhealthy and driving a lot of unhappiness. OP is the perfect example. He wants to get away with his wife for a few days to have fun and not be limited by kids and has crazies like you claiming it’s about sex. Did you think weekend trips pre-kids were only about sex?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We never felt the need to have parent-only trips during our kids' childhoods, OP, so I guess everyone's different. We enjoyed our family vacations. Having kids never felt like a sacrifice. Oldest is in college now.

My kids are grown now. During their entire childhood, we went away twice without them, leaving them with my parents both times-- once when DS1 was 3 (before DS2 was born), and once when the kids were 8 and 3. I don’t think my parents ever went away without us. Both marriages survived.

By contrast, my parents went away without us a fair amount of the time. We sometimes stayed with relatives - which wasn't easy; relatives all lived 4-5 hours away so that had to be arranged. Other times family friends or paid sitters stayed with us. Or we'd stay at a family friend's house. When we were a little older, they'd do it while we were away at summer camp. I'm in my 50s, my parents have been married 50-something years. We're all good.

I think if this matters to you, you can absolutely do it. Why not? It's important for adults to have some time to themselves.

[Anonymous]

Overnight babysitter, sleep away camp, good family friends. Your best bet right now is a reliable overnight babysitter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You got 2 young kids and you want your wife to up and go on a trip with you? Look at it from her perspective - neither of you will have an opportunity to spend time with your young children for much longer. Sorry if your penis isn't the most interesting thing in the world to her anymore, lol.

I get the feeling though. My wife and I 'date' during the work week where MIL can come over to the house, heat up some prepared dinner, and let the kids play. We get some alone time, wife doesn't feel like we've overburdened her mother, and it's a good time really.

DW here. Seems reasonable to me. I find it bizarre how MC and UMC women completely give up their lives when kids arrive. It’s a complete 180 that isn’t healthy.

Going away and spending a few days focused on your spouse and resting is very normal and healthy. Anyone telling you otherwise has anxiety and way too much focus on their children.

It’s ironic but mothers who can’t leave their children for a weekend tend to end up very bath mothers to older children.

So much judgement in your post.

She's not wrong.

Yeah, mothers who don't want to burden their own elderly mothers so husband can get some action, while the dude pouts on the internet instead of offering solutions, are bad. Or something.

How sad that you view a weekend get away with your spouse only about sex?

Seems like OP is trying to come up with solutions.

I can sympathize with OP for not knowing how much life would change post kids. Pre-kids you get to travel on adult trips and socialize with only adults. Now I have kids and most women seem only interested in socializing with their kids and talking about them too. It’s weird how this happens overnight.

I think the kid-centric lifestyle in the suburbs is unhealthy and driving a lot of unhappiness. OP is the perfect example. He wants to get away with his wife for a few days to have fun and not be limited by kids and has crazies like you claiming it’s about sex. Did you think weekend trips pre-kids were only about sex?

Where do you see OP doing that?

[Anonymous]

My oldest is 13, youngest 9, and we’ve gone away once alone for 2 nights. That’s just life w/o family who can help (for whatever reason), unless you get a trusted overnight sitter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not familiar with sleepaway camps. Looked up a random one in WV. It is $2K for 1 week session during summer. Is this a typical rate? Thanks in advance.

Yes, that’s probably the lower end of average for a private sleepaway camp though there are typically discounts for siblings/multiple weeks/etc.

There are some cheaper options through Girll/Boy Scouts and other non profit but they tend to be very rustic, have more restrictions for ages, activities, etc and fill up very quickly/have lotteries to get in.

YMCA camps are usually cheaper than those private ones also.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are teens/tweens now, and no, we have never taken a trip alone.

My mother, who is perfectly capable of watching our kids, isn’t interested (yet tells me stories of her friends who “have to” watch their grandchildren because otherwise the couple couldn’t take a vacation - whatever).

My MIL was much older and couldn’t walk on her own without a walker, so couldn’t do it.

I’m an only child, DH’s siblings just wouldn’t do it. It would never even occur to them.

I never had a sitter that I would trust with my kids multiple days while out of town.

Yes, kids went to sleep away camps at various times, but never really all at the same time.

So no, we have never been away for a couple couples getaway. Although it does sound lovely, it is luxury, not an entitlement. We signed up to be parents, and so we are parents.

It does sting a little that my mother isn’t more help, she was excited to have grandkids and always talked as if she wanted to be involved, but I think she liked the idea more than the reality. I also don’t have the type of relationship with DH’s siblings where I could ask them. DH is able to get away himself solo when he wants to, so I don’t think they realize how difficult it is.

At some point in a few years, kids will launch, and we will be living our best life, but until then, we are a family unit.

Which is her right, and which you don't need to have her opinion on--she owns her body, mind, and time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You got 2 young kids and you want your wife to up and go on a trip with you? Look at it from her perspective - neither of you will have an opportunity to spend time with your young children for much longer. Sorry if your penis isn't the most interesting thing in the world to her anymore, lol.

I get the feeling though. My wife and I 'date' during the work week where MIL can come over to the house, heat up some prepared dinner, and let the kids play. We get some alone time, wife doesn't feel like we've overburdened her mother, and it's a good time really.

DW here. Seems reasonable to me. I find it bizarre how MC and UMC women completely give up their lives when kids arrive. It’s a complete 180 that isn’t healthy.

Going away and spending a few days focused on your spouse and resting is very normal and healthy. Anyone telling you otherwise has anxiety and way too much focus on their children.

It’s ironic but mothers who can’t leave their children for a weekend tend to end up very bath mothers to older children.

So much judgement in your post.

She's not wrong.

Yeah, mothers who don't want to burden their own elderly mothers so husband can get some action, while the dude pouts on the internet instead of offering solutions, are bad. Or something.

How sad that you view a weekend get away with your spouse only about sex?

Seems like OP is trying to come up with solutions.

I can sympathize with OP for not knowing how much life would change post kids. Pre-kids you get to travel on adult trips and socialize with only adults. Now I have kids and most women seem only interested in socializing with their kids and talking about them too. It’s weird how this happens overnight.

I think the kid-centric lifestyle in the suburbs is unhealthy and driving a lot of unhappiness. OP is the perfect example. He wants to get away with his wife for a few days to have fun and not be limited by kids and has crazies like you claiming it’s about sex. Did you think weekend trips pre-kids were only about sex?

Where do you see OP doing that?

+1

She is just in shock that no one is coming to her rescue given their awareness of her mere existence

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Couple of things:

I have an almost 16 year old, and I would not take a trip and leave them home alone. 16 seems like an adult when you have tiny kids: 16 is NOT an adult.

If you have the funds to take a trip, you can hire a sitter, right? Or you can find another family that you trust and perhaps even trade off with them for the weekend on occasion. Also, he may change his mind about his mom. Do you have siblings? If they come to visit, perhaps they can extend their visit for a few days for you an DH to get away.

Which sitters watch your kids all weekend? Vast majority of sitters in this area are HS girls and college students who can barely text back their availability in a punctual manner...let alone watch your kids for an entire weekend.

We live in MoCo and I don't know of any other families using overnight sitters. Or at least they are not advertising it publicly!

Professional nannies $350 a night.

Anyone know where to find one if you don’t normally use one?

[Anonymous]

You don’t need to “reconnect”. Just both understand you need to be good partners for the sake of your kids. Have sex regularly even if you don’t really feel like it. Then, just do your jobs as parents. All this reconnecting is a first world problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re being a baby.

+1.

OMG. I cannot roll my eyes enough at this post. First of all, OP is clearly a dude. By wanting to "reconnect" he means he's not getting enough sex, so he thinks of one thing: a weekend away while his elderly MIL takes care of his young children. HIs wife points out why that is not realistic and, instead of problem solving, he immediately pouts and talks about marriages "fading out".

OP, grow the F up. It sounds like your wife is busy taking care of your family while you are thinking about yourself. If you all aren't getting enough time together, actually solve the problem. A good way to start will be you spending some solo evenings with your kids while your wife goes to a hotel for a massage and some sleep. That way you'll actually understand what needs to be done when you guys go away on vacation together and help you hire the right person.

+1,000,000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re being a baby.

+1.

OMG. I cannot roll my eyes enough at this post. First of all, OP is clearly a dude. By wanting to "reconnect" he means he's not getting enough sex, so he thinks of one thing: a weekend away while his elderly MIL takes care of his young children. HIs wife points out why that is not realistic and, instead of problem solving, he immediately pouts and talks about marriages "fading out".

OP, grow the F up. It sounds like your wife is busy taking care of your family while you are thinking about yourself. If you all aren't getting enough time together, actually solve the problem. A good way to start will be you spending some solo evenings with your kids while your wife goes to a hotel for a massage and some sleep. That way you'll actually understand what needs to be done when you guys go away on vacation together and help you hire the right person.

You’re being way too judgmental and projecting your own broken relationship on the OP’s situation. You have no way of knowing if your guess about their family dynamic is right, and suggesting something the total opposite of what OP is looking for is either callous or delusional on your part.

Nope. PP is correct, and you’re naive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You got 2 young kids and you want your wife to up and go on a trip with you? Look at it from her perspective - neither of you will have an opportunity to spend time with your young children for much longer. Sorry if your penis isn't the most interesting thing in the world to her anymore, lol.

I get the feeling though. My wife and I 'date' during the work week where MIL can come over to the house, heat up some prepared dinner, and let the kids play. We get some alone time, wife doesn't feel like we've overburdened her mother, and it's a good time really.

DW here. Seems reasonable to me. I find it bizarre how MC and UMC women completely give up their lives when kids arrive. It’s a complete 180 that isn’t healthy.

Going away and spending a few days focused on your spouse and resting is very normal and healthy. Anyone telling you otherwise has anxiety and way too much focus on their children.

It’s ironic but mothers who can’t leave their children for a weekend tend to end up very bath mothers to older children.

So much judgement in your post.

She's not wrong.

Yeah, mothers who don't want to burden their own elderly mothers so husband can get some action, while the dude pouts on the internet instead of offering solutions, are bad. Or something.

How sad that you view a weekend get away with your spouse only about sex?

Seems like OP is trying to come up with solutions.

I can sympathize with OP for not knowing how much life would change post kids. Pre-kids you get to travel on adult trips and socialize with only adults. Now I have kids and most women seem only interested in socializing with their kids and talking about them too. It’s weird how this happens overnight.

I think the kid-centric lifestyle in the suburbs is unhealthy and driving a lot of unhappiness. OP is the perfect example. He wants to get away with his wife for a few days to have fun and not be limited by kids and has crazies like you claiming it’s about sex. Did you think weekend trips pre-kids were only about sex?

She doesn’t. OP does. You know, thinking with his penis and all that. That’s what all the mush-mouthed code about “reconnecting” means for guys. Sorry.