I feel like I failed my kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At 270k/HHI can’t you cash flow a lot of this? We were at that income level a few years ago paying 45k/year on daycare for 2 kids. It was tight and meant we had to cut back on things like travel and takeout, but we still made it work.

If you could contribute 40-50k for the next 4 years that would go a long way and your DD can take loans or get a part time job to cover anything else. That would still leave you at 225k income as almost empty nesters. How high can your living expenses be at this point? I hope mortgage/groceries/car/retirement aren’t taking up that whole amount. It will be a major drop in lifestyle, but it’s not forever and will mean a lot to your kids.

Ivies are $90k/year. We are paying $11k/month. Two kids would be $180k/year.

Yeah. I don’t think people realize privates aren’t 60-70k year anymore. Most are $85-99k/year now.

Realistically anyone with kids should have investigated costs well before high school. I remember hearing from a colleague with a kid at Vanderbilt that it was over 60k. This was about 10 yrs ago, and I realized then based on basic math and inflation private "target" cost would be 85k+ when mine went. I went to and elite and prioritized education savings. Our '25 is EDing an ivy and sibling attends a different ivy.
Then again people are dumb because a different colleague told me her kid is applying to Duke ED because she thinks it costs way less than ivies which she "heard" are 85k a semester. I had to pull up the webpages and show her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At 270k/HHI can’t you cash flow a lot of this? We were at that income level a few years ago paying 45k/year on daycare for 2 kids. It was tight and meant we had to cut back on things like travel and takeout, but we still made it work.

If you could contribute 40-50k for the next 4 years that would go a long way and your DD can take loans or get a part time job to cover anything else. That would still leave you at 225k income as almost empty nesters. How high can your living expenses be at this point? I hope mortgage/groceries/car/retirement aren’t taking up that whole amount. It will be a major drop in lifestyle, but it’s not forever and will mean a lot to your kids.

Ivies are $90k/year. We are paying $11k/month. Two kids would be $180k/year.

Yeah. I don’t think people realize privates aren’t 60-70k year anymore. Most are $85-99k/year now.

Realistically anyone with kids should have investigated costs well before high school. I remember hearing from a colleague with a kid at Vanderbilt that it was over 60k. This was about 10 yrs ago, and I realized then based on basic math and inflation private "target" cost would be 85k+ when mine went. I went to and elite and prioritized education savings. Our '25 is EDing an ivy and sibling attends a different ivy.
Then again people are dumb because a different colleague told me her kid is applying to Duke ED because she thinks it costs way less than ivies which she "heard" are 85k a semester. I had to pull up the webpages and show her.

We did and when we set up my kids’ 529 privates we’re tracking $60-65k. We are paying $88k this year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t beat yourself up. And you have not failed your kids in any way. I envy you because you live in Virginia and have great in-state options like UVA and William and Mary. Has your kid toured the in-state schools? I (parent) was even more skeptical than my kid (98th percentile) about our in-state options, but after we toured, I changed my mind. I was so impressed as was my kid. Ignore the external expectations about your kid going to a T-25. Plenty of top kids from my kid’s peer group opted for our in-state flagship. Your kid can find her academic peer group at a number of more affordable colleges outside the T-25. Has your kid considered some less selective liberal arts colleges such as Rhodes, Wooster and Furman? Or places like Pitt? They may offer generous merit aid if she’s firmly set on going OOS.

100% agree with all of this. Just talk openly with your kids about the financial picture. As hard as it is, ignore the external expectations. It actually sounds like your early investment may have paid off more than you realize right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At 270k/HHI can’t you cash flow a lot of this? We were at that income level a few years ago paying 45k/year on daycare for 2 kids. It was tight and meant we had to cut back on things like travel and takeout, but we still made it work.

If you could contribute 40-50k for the next 4 years that would go a long way and your DD can take loans or get a part time job to cover anything else. That would still leave you at 225k income as almost empty nesters. How high can your living expenses be at this point? I hope mortgage/groceries/car/retirement aren’t taking up that whole amount. It will be a major drop in lifestyle, but it’s not forever and will mean a lot to your kids.

Ivies are $90k/year. We are paying $11k/month. Two kids would be $180k/year.

Yeah. I don’t think people realize privates aren’t 60-70k year anymore. Most are $85-99k/year now.

Realistically anyone with kids should have investigated costs well before high school. I remember hearing from a colleague with a kid at Vanderbilt that it was over 60k. This was about 10 yrs ago, and I realized then based on basic math and inflation private "target" cost would be 85k+ when mine went. I went to and elite and prioritized education savings. Our '25 is EDing an ivy and sibling attends a different ivy.
Then again people are dumb because a different colleague told me her kid is applying to Duke ED because she thinks it costs way less than ivies which she "heard" are 85k a semester. I had to pull up the webpages and show her.

Our neighbors had their first baby. They really want kid to go to their Alma mater. They could not believe it when I told them current cost is $88k/year. They paid around around $55-60k 15 years ago

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:ROTC

Good point - I went to Cornell - lots of ROTC kids there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it too late to apply for ROTC scholarships?

This could be great option!

[Anonymous]

The long and short of it is that those stars might not get your kid into a T25
or Ivy.

UVA
W&M
VT

Pick one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The long and short of it is that those stars might not get your kid into a T25
or Ivy.

UVA
W&M
VT

Pick one.

*stats

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We don't have any money saved up for their college. We're an upper middle-class family with a 270k HHI, so they can't get much need-based financial aid. The money that was gonna go to their college fund was spent on private school that did get them ahead academically in the early years but has become useless now (they currently go to public). I just feel like I failed them, because none of their top choices are in-state (we're in VA) and they have, especially my oldest, spectacular grades, 99th percentile test scores and plenty of awards for both academic and art ECs. Many people think my oldest is going to be getting into the Ivies or at least a top 25. But we can't afford that. She's already been applying to various scholarships but have had no luck so far. Both DH and I paid our own way for college, but we were both in-state UMD. Our money now mostly goes towards their ECs. I feel like I'm going to hinder their success because I didn't save like I should have.

Honestly there are only a handful of school that are worth much more than UVA/WM/VT

If your kid gets into HYPSM and you can't really afford it, then that's that, but i would try very hard to make the budget work at these schools even if I don't eat out or get a new car for those years.

At the rest of the IVY+ I would go as far as my budget allowed but no further. If you have to cut back on eating out or whatever, fine but don't cut into your retirement of drastically change your lifestyle

Your children are lucky to have such great in state options.

When people say household income, are they talking about top line gross or AGI or take home?

[Anonymous]

I don't think you owe your kids a private top 20, OP. But my recommendation is that you have a a very clear conversation with your kids about finances BEFORE they apply. The only way you fail them if you get their hopes up and then atg the last minute tell them they can't go somewhere.

FWIW, my oldest chose UVA over an Ivy a couple years ago. Biggest factor in the choice was the money but the point is, plenty of bright kids making this decision.

[Anonymous]

Just because you didn’t save doesn’t mean you get to feel guilty and skip it all.

You have the same choices we all do.

Go state u without too much of a financial hit.

Or apply to private and pay. Instead of drawing from a 529, you’ll cash flow and take out a loan. Same difference. You either save when kids are young and income is low. Or save when they’re older and income is higher. Difference is you may have to use a loan

[Anonymous]

I know someone who chose a Big 10 flagship over an Ivy and another person who chose a UC school over a T-5 SLAC- both for sound financial reasons. Then there are people who choose their in-state flagship over a T-25 OOS public- because they don’t see the sense in paying OOS tuition for another state’s flagship when their own flagship works just as well. As for wanting the out-of-state experience or “going away” experience, one can also find that at their in-state colleges- if they make a point of branching out and making a life for themselves on campus.

[Anonymous]

OP there's a great book about paying for college called

Paying for college by Princeton Review

Get a copy. They are $20. It is so worth reading.

[Anonymous]

It doesn’t make sense for the average person to attend one of these 70K+ per year private schools. If your family is rolling in money and it’s truly no hardship, then do whatever you want obviously. But the average pay for the average job one can get with an undergraduate education has NOT kept up with the rise in tuition. For example, I have have seen engineering jobs asking for more experience, more education, and offering less compensation than what I was making immediately upon graduation decades ago.

Better to invest that money (for you or your kids) and send them to in-state public.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We don't have any money saved up for their college. We're an upper middle-class family with a 270k HHI, so they can't get much need-based financial aid.

First, keep in mind that aid at Princeton have great need-based aid, even for families with income close to $300K.

Second, you probably spend plenty on kid 1. All if that money (maybe $30k per year?) can go toward college, that plus a guaranteed student loan plus a student job is probably more than enough to pay for UVa. in-state or a school that price matches UVa. in-state.

Third, UVa. and W&M are equivalent to Ivy League schools, and George Mason can provide amazing opportunities for a student equipped to take the opportunities. You don’t have to feel any guilt whatsoever about send your child to those schools.

Fourth, schools a little below the top 10 do have some great merit aid aimed at really great students. If your daughter wants to go out of state, she just has to go compete for merit aid.

Finally, if she can’t get good merit aid, she’s desperate to go away for school, and she’s open to having a really unusual college experience, she could consider English-language bachelor’s programs at KU Leuven in Belgium. Belgium universities are a lot cheaper than UK schools, it’s fairly easy for good students to get into most EU schools, and she’d be sure not to see half of her high school classmates on campus.