I feel like I failed my kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ROTC

Good point - I went to Cornell - lots of ROTC kids there.

OP - kid really doesn't want to do ROTC

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your aren't a troll, your kids just go to the best in state college they can go to. Like most other people.

+1

There are lots of kids like yours, OP, including mine. My son had a perfect 1600 SAT score and a 4.8 weighted GPA coming out of the Blair magnet. He did very well at University of Maryland and did not apply to any top 20 schools because we could not afford them. And, we had saved quite a lot.

It's not unusual and it will be fine. What matters is how your kids do, not that they go to a brand name school.

+2 Tell the kids you can afford VA state school budget. They can apply elsewhere but if it doesn't fit the budget it's off the list. They should start to look for things they can like about UVA/W&M/VT.

Read The Price You Pay for College by Ron Lieber
https://www.amazon.com/Price-You-Pay-College-Financial/dp/006286730X

OP - kid is very set on getting out of VA as fast as she can, really wants New England schools

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We don't have any money saved up for their college. We're an upper middle-class family with a 270k HHI, so they can't get much need-based financial aid. The money that was gonna go to their college fund was spent on private school that did get them ahead academically in the early years but has become useless now (they currently go to public). I just feel like I failed them, because none of their top choices are in-state (we're in VA) and they have, especially my oldest, spectacular grades, 99th percentile test scores and plenty of awards for both academic and art ECs. Many people think my oldest is going to be getting into the Ivies or at least a top 25. But we can't afford that. She's already been applying to various scholarships but have had no luck so far. Both DH and I paid our own way for college, but we were both in-state UMD. Our money now mostly goes towards their ECs. I feel like I'm going to hinder their success because I didn't save like I should have.

You live in VA - send them to UVA. T25 Done. Consider your choice of residence as the non-fail.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ROTC

Good point - I went to Cornell - lots of ROTC kids there.

OP - kid really doesn't want to do ROTC

No doubt, but you have to explain that’s the path to attending an expensive OOS school. Money math is money math.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your aren't a troll, your kids just go to the best in state college they can go to. Like most other people.

+1

There are lots of kids like yours, OP, including mine. My son had a perfect 1600 SAT score and a 4.8 weighted GPA coming out of the Blair magnet. He did very well at University of Maryland and did not apply to any top 20 schools because we could not afford them. And, we had saved quite a lot.

It's not unusual and it will be fine. What matters is how your kids do, not that they go to a brand name school.

+2 Tell the kids you can afford VA state school budget. They can apply elsewhere but if it doesn't fit the budget it's off the list. They should start to look for things they can like about UVA/W&M/VT.

Read The Price You Pay for College by Ron Lieber
https://www.amazon.com/Price-You-Pay-College-Financial/dp/006286730X

OP - kid is very set on getting out of VA as fast as she can, really wants New England schools

so... just tell her that she cant.

i was a straight A, NMSF student who lived in north carolina and my parents basically made me go to UNC. I grumbled about it but it was a wonderful 4 four years, and I met lots of other brilliant classmates (either out of staters or other middle class north carolinians whose parents made them stay in state.)

It's not a failure!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We don't have any money saved up for their college. We're an upper middle-class family with a 270k HHI, so they can't get much need-based financial aid. The money that was gonna go to their college fund was spent on private school that did get them ahead academically in the early years but has become useless now (they currently go to public). I just feel like I failed them, because none of their top choices are in-state (we're in VA) and they have, especially my oldest, spectacular grades, 99th percentile test scores and plenty of awards for both academic and art ECs. Many people think my oldest is going to be getting into the Ivies or at least a top 25. But we can't afford that. She's already been applying to various scholarships but have had no luck so far. Both DH and I paid our own way for college, but we were both in-state UMD. Our money now mostly goes towards their ECs. I feel like I'm going to hinder their success because I didn't save like I should have.

Get them in first then they will most likely get some type of financial aid combined with loans etc... Why didn't you save anything? That being said my parents saved zero for college and I went to a private college as did my siblings. It can work out! Get them in first then see what happens. There is always a way for it to work. I never worried about not being able to pay for the tuition. I knew it would work out and I received merit based aid plus financial aid. Anything left was pell grants and loans. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ROTC

Good point - I went to Cornell - lots of ROTC kids there.

Parents who speak like OP does about their kids generally veto ROTC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your aren't a troll, your kids just go to the best in state college they can go to. Like most other people.

+1

There are lots of kids like yours, OP, including mine. My son had a perfect 1600 SAT score and a 4.8 weighted GPA coming out of the Blair magnet. He did very well at University of Maryland and did not apply to any top 20 schools because we could not afford them. And, we had saved quite a lot.

It's not unusual and it will be fine. What matters is how your kids do, not that they go to a brand name school.

+2 Tell the kids you can afford VA state school budget. They can apply elsewhere but if it doesn't fit the budget it's off the list. They should start to look for things they can like about UVA/W&M/VT.

Read The Price You Pay for College by Ron Lieber
https://www.amazon.com/Price-You-Pay-College-Financial/dp/006286730X

OP - kid is very set on getting out of VA as fast as she can, really wants New England schools

so... just tell her that she cant.

i was a straight A, NMSF student who lived in north carolina and my parents basically made me go to UNC. I grumbled about it but it was a wonderful 4 four years, and I met lots of other brilliant classmates (either out of staters or other middle class north carolinians whose parents made them stay in state.)

It's not a failure!

Or you tell her she can if she chooses a lower ranked New England school and gets merit aid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your aren't a troll, your kids just go to the best in state college they can go to. Like most other people.

+1

There are lots of kids like yours, OP, including mine. My son had a perfect 1600 SAT score and a 4.8 weighted GPA coming out of the Blair magnet. He did very well at University of Maryland and did not apply to any top 20 schools because we could not afford them. And, we had saved quite a lot.

It's not unusual and it will be fine. What matters is how your kids do, not that they go to a brand name school.

+2 Tell the kids you can afford VA state school budget. They can apply elsewhere but if it doesn't fit the budget it's off the list. They should start to look for things they can like about UVA/W&M/VT.

Read The Price You Pay for College by Ron Lieber
https://www.amazon.com/Price-You-Pay-College-Financial/dp/006286730X

OP - kid is very set on getting out of VA as fast as she can, really wants New England schools

There are NO new england schools with extensive merit to make them less than instate UVa or W&Mary, that would be tied or better in education than those instate options. You cannot afford the New England schools that would be worth it(ivies, Top10 SLACs). You have to completely rework you budget or take out some loans or you have to say no and have them stay in state.
Your income is plenty high to be fullpay for one kid at a private(88k), and some of the ivies have great aid you might qualify for $10k off .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your aren't a troll, your kids just go to the best in state college they can go to. Like most other people.

+1

There are lots of kids like yours, OP, including mine. My son had a perfect 1600 SAT score and a 4.8 weighted GPA coming out of the Blair magnet. He did very well at University of Maryland and did not apply to any top 20 schools because we could not afford them. And, we had saved quite a lot.

It's not unusual and it will be fine. What matters is how your kids do, not that they go to a brand name school.

+2 Tell the kids you can afford VA state school budget. They can apply elsewhere but if it doesn't fit the budget it's off the list. They should start to look for things they can like about UVA/W&M/VT.

Read The Price You Pay for College by Ron Lieber
https://www.amazon.com/Price-You-Pay-College-Financial/dp/006286730X

OP - kid is very set on getting out of VA as fast as she can, really wants New England schools

so... just tell her that she cant.

i was a straight A, NMSF student who lived in north carolina and my parents basically made me go to UNC. I grumbled about it but it was a wonderful 4 four years, and I met lots of other brilliant classmates (either out of staters or other middle class north carolinians whose parents made them stay in state.)

It's not a failure!

Agree. My son had a 1580 SAT, NMSF, all 5s on his AP exams, and a 4.0 unweighted GPA. He really wanted to go out of state, but he is at UVA as an Echols Scholar. He's very happy at UVA, has made lots of friends, and has gotten involved in several activities. Ideally, would he rather be in Boston or NYC? Probably. But we weren't going to pay $90,000+ for him to go there when UVA is just as good or better than most schools in those areas, and less than half the price. He fully plans to go to law school outside of Virginia, and that is fine because even UVA law school is $$$$.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is your oldest going to be a national merit semifinalist? If so, she can qualify for 50% off tuition at USC.

Can one of you switch jobs to one that pays higher (e.g., from government lawyer to a law firm)?

Do you have any well-off parents who can help pay tuition or "loan" tuition money to your kids?

She probably will, has gotten near perfect scores on the PSAT every year so far (10th grader).

We're both feds, wouldn't really be able to get any jobs that pay higher elsewhere.

DH's parents have passed, mine are definitely in no position to help pay tuition.

If she's a NMF she will get a FULL RIDE at Alabama. There tons of really really smart ivy level kids there taking advantage of their huge merit scholarships and saving their $ for med school, law school, etc.
Re USC (southern California) you still have to get in. And COA is $95k/year. Minus $35k (half off tuition) still $60k year x 4 + $240k, plus annual increases.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ROTC

Good point - I went to Cornell - lots of ROTC kids there.

OP - kid really doesn't want to do ROTC

OP: Have you communicated clearly to your DC what your financial parameters are?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ROTC

Good point - I went to Cornell - lots of ROTC kids there.

OP - kid really doesn't want to do ROTC

No doubt, but you have to explain that’s the path to attending an expensive OOS school. Money math is money math.

Military service should not be the default to afford college. That is not a path for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your aren't a troll, your kids just go to the best in state college they can go to. Like most other people.

+1

There are lots of kids like yours, OP, including mine. My son had a perfect 1600 SAT score and a 4.8 weighted GPA coming out of the Blair magnet. He did very well at University of Maryland and did not apply to any top 20 schools because we could not afford them. And, we had saved quite a lot.

It's not unusual and it will be fine. What matters is how your kids do, not that they go to a brand name school.

+2 Tell the kids you can afford VA state school budget. They can apply elsewhere but if it doesn't fit the budget it's off the list. They should start to look for things they can like about UVA/W&M/VT.

Read The Price You Pay for College by Ron Lieber
https://www.amazon.com/Price-You-Pay-College-Financial/dp/006286730X

OP - kid is very set on getting out of VA as fast as she can, really wants New England schools

OP, I want a pony. Maybe your kid did, too, at some point. The vast majority of us can't have everything we want.

If your DC doesn't know what your limitations are vis a vis paying for college, then you need to communicate them now. They should not be applying to schools you can't afford.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We don't have any money saved up for their college. We're an upper middle-class family with a 270k HHI, so they can't get much need-based financial aid. The money that was gonna go to their college fund was spent on private school that did get them ahead academically in the early years but has become useless now (they currently go to public). I just feel like I failed them, because none of their top choices are in-state (we're in VA) and they have, especially my oldest, spectacular grades, 99th percentile test scores and plenty of awards for both academic and art ECs. Many people think my oldest is going to be getting into the Ivies or at least a top 25. But we can't afford that. She's already been applying to various scholarships but have had no luck so far. Both DH and I paid our own way for college, but we were both in-state UMD. Our money now mostly goes towards their ECs. I feel like I'm going to hinder their success because I didn't save like I should have.

Get them in first then they will most likely get some type of financial aid combined with loans etc... Why didn't you save anything? That being said my parents saved zero for college and I went to a private college as did my siblings. It can work out! Get them in first then see what happens. There is always a way for it to work. I never worried about not being able to pay for the tuition. I knew it would work out and I received merit based aid plus financial aid. Anything left was pell grants and loans. Good luck.

That was true a few generations ago, but is no longer so.