I feel like I failed my kids

[Anonymous]

We don't have any money saved up for their college. We're an upper middle-class family with a 270k HHI, so they can't get much need-based financial aid. The money that was gonna go to their college fund was spent on private school that did get them ahead academically in the early years but has become useless now (they currently go to public). I just feel like I failed them, because none of their top choices are in-state (we're in VA) and they have, especially my oldest, spectacular grades, 99th percentile test scores and plenty of awards for both academic and art ECs. Many people think my oldest is going to be getting into the Ivies or at least a top 25. But we can't afford that. She's already been applying to various scholarships but have had no luck so far. Both DH and I paid our own way for college, but we were both in-state UMD. Our money now mostly goes towards their ECs. I feel like I'm going to hinder their success because I didn't save like I should have.

[Anonymous]

Gonna? Come on, you can’t be serious with this.

[Anonymous]

Sell your financed car and drive a beater

Cut everything Dave Ramsey style

Get a second job. Consult. Send your husband to crew on a trawler for 2mo. Leverage your residence. Take on a renter.

Experience the pain you missed out on 18-10yrs ago.

[Anonymous]

You haven’t failed them! You went to UMD and are just fine! Maybe you can’t afford a t25 school, but that doesn’t mean they won’t go to a school! Figure out what you can afford and most importantly be honest with your child!!!

[Anonymous]

At 270k/HHI can’t you cash flow a lot of this? We were at that income level a few years ago paying 45k/year on daycare for 2 kids. It was tight and meant we had to cut back on things like travel and takeout, but we still made it work.

If you could contribute 40-50k for the next 4 years that would go a long way and your DD can take loans or get a part time job to cover anything else. That would still leave you at 225k income as almost empty nesters. How high can your living expenses be at this point? I hope mortgage/groceries/car/retirement aren’t taking up that whole amount. It will be a major drop in lifestyle, but it’s not forever and will mean a lot to your kids.

[Anonymous]

Don’t beat yourself up. And you have not failed your kids in any way. I envy you because you live in Virginia and have great in-state options like UVA and William and Mary. Has your kid toured the in-state schools? I (parent) was even more skeptical than my kid (98th percentile) about our in-state options, but after we toured, I changed my mind. I was so impressed as was my kid. Ignore the external expectations about your kid going to a T-25. Plenty of top kids from my kid’s peer group opted for our in-state flagship. Your kid can find her academic peer group at a number of more affordable colleges outside the T-25. Has your kid considered some less selective liberal arts colleges such as Rhodes, Wooster and Furman? Or places like Pitt? They may offer generous merit aid if she’s firmly set on going OOS.

[Anonymous]

Is your oldest going to be a national merit semifinalist? If so, she can qualify for 50% off tuition at USC.

Can one of you switch jobs to one that pays higher (e.g., from government lawyer to a law firm)?

Do you have any well-off parents who can help pay tuition or "loan" tuition money to your kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is your oldest going to be a national merit semifinalist? If so, she can qualify for 50% off tuition at USC.

Can one of you switch jobs to one that pays higher (e.g., from government lawyer to a law firm)?

Do you have any well-off parents who can help pay tuition or "loan" tuition money to your kids?

She probably will, has gotten near perfect scores on the PSAT every year so far (10th grader).

We're both feds, wouldn't really be able to get any jobs that pay higher elsewhere.

DH's parents have passed, mine are definitely in no position to help pay tuition.

[Anonymous]

You went to state schools and have good jobs and a high HHI.

If your children replicate this, you haven't failed in any way.

You sent bright kids to private school. That suggests you are status conscious. Help your kids to plan for state school undergrad/prestige grad. That still works well.

[Anonymous]

Send them to UVA, VT, or W&M. Christ.

[Anonymous]

If your aren't a troll, your kids just go to the best in state college they can go to. Like most other people.

[Anonymous]

Does your daughter know your budget? It is normal to give your kids a budget, and common to say “in-state only” - especially in Virginia.

[Anonymous]

You are not UMC

[Anonymous]

If you make 270 HHI, it sounds like you can cashflow quite a bit of expenses. At 200k we used a 529 for in-state tuition but cash-flowed about 30k for room and board for our 2. With that extra 70k we could have had another $40k to spend. In other words, we could have cash flowed $70k a year at 270k which is what I anticipate our income will be when child
#3 attends. However we are prioritizing retirement so our youngest will have a similar budget to 1 and 2. There’s nothing wrong with a state school, especially a flagship if that’s what you can afford. My kids were told that is they wanted to go private or OOS, they needed merit aid so they targeted schools known for it where they would be considered high stats.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Send them to UVA, VT, or W&M. Christ.

All fine schools to launch from, that are reasonably priced in particular VT.