I feel like I failed my kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We don't have any money saved up for their college. We're an upper middle-class family with a 270k HHI, so they can't get much need-based financial aid. The money that was gonna go to their college fund was spent on private school that did get them ahead academically in the early years but has become useless now (they currently go to public). I just feel like I failed them, because none of their top choices are in-state (we're in VA) and they have, especially my oldest, spectacular grades, 99th percentile test scores and plenty of awards for both academic and art ECs. Many people think my oldest is going to be getting into the Ivies or at least a top 25. But we can't afford that. She's already been applying to various scholarships but have had no luck so far. Both DH and I paid our own way for college, but we were both in-state UMD. Our money now mostly goes towards their ECs. I feel like I'm going to hinder their success because I didn't save like I should have.

Is your husband in shape? King crab season in Alaska is coming up and guys can pull down $60-$80k in 5 weeks if they work hard. Just make sure you go with a very experience captain who knows where the big catch is most likely to be.

can the kid not do that? Isn't the dh employed already (maybe I missed that he isn't?)?

I was assuming the dad works full time remote at a federal agency. But if he works in the private sector it may be hard to move to Alaska for 2 months without his manager noticing.

[Anonymous]

I find these "we failed" posts are often an excuse to be let off the hook.

You make a lot of money now. If you want to send your kid to a private school, take out the loans and pay over the next 10 years.

it's not like you *can't* do that. it's that you didn't save before (like many did, when saving on a lower salary was a sacrifice they felt) so you can't pay no. You can. And it wont' even be that hard. Cash flow 50k a year for next 4 years and finance the rest. You pay 25k a year won't be so hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find these "we failed" posts are often an excuse to be let off the hook.

You make a lot of money now. If you want to send your kid to a private school, take out the loans and pay over the next 10 years.

it's not like you *can't* do that. it's that you didn't save before (like many did, when saving on a lower salary was a sacrifice they felt) so you can't pay no. You can. And it wont' even be that hard. Cash flow 50k a year for next 4 years and finance the rest. You pay 25k a year won't be so hard.

An excellent point

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find these "we failed" posts are often an excuse to be let off the hook.

You make a lot of money now. If you want to send your kid to a private school, take out the loans and pay over the next 10 years.

it's not like you *can't* do that. it's that you didn't save before (like many did, when saving on a lower salary was a sacrifice they felt) so you can't pay no. You can. And it wont' even be that hard. Cash flow 50k a year for next 4 years and finance the rest. You pay 25k a year won't be so hard.

An excellent point

+1 I've heard college payment framed as you pay 1/3 from savings, 1/3 from cash flow (including student jobs), 1/3 from loans. If you are low on savings but have a high income now and expect that to continue, paying more from cash flow/loans seems reasonable. To the degree that it fits with other financial goals like retirement.

Personally, we felt we could stretch to a max $50k/year by adding cash flow and the basic student loans to what we'd saved. We were not willing to take on parent loans with DH planning to retire soon. Kids opted for lower cost schools to avoid any loans.

[Anonymous]

Has your daughter considered JHU??

They give a lot of merit aid..etc. after Bloomberg gave them millions of dollars.

[Anonymous]

Just pay. Sorry, but why the doom and gloom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has your daughter considered JHU??

They give a lot of merit aid..etc. after Bloomberg gave them millions of dollars.

There do NOT give a lot of merit

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find these "we failed" posts are often an excuse to be let off the hook.

You make a lot of money now. If you want to send your kid to a private school, take out the loans and pay over the next 10 years.

it's not like you *can't* do that. it's that you didn't save before (like many did, when saving on a lower salary was a sacrifice they felt) so you can't pay no. You can. And it wont' even be that hard. Cash flow 50k a year for next 4 years and finance the rest. You pay 25k a year won't be so hard.

My theory is that half of the top posts here are started by freelancers trying to get us to do their research.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The time to discuss financial realities with kids is beginning of 10th grade.

If Pepperdine is not an option, they should know that right at the beginning. If Alabama is offering full rides for bright students, they should know that. If Princeton meets all financial need, they should know that. If State U is manageable, they should know that. If Colby is a dream school but not remotely possible, they should know that. If they have siblings, and everything needs to be fair and equitable, they should know that. And if it's merit or community college, they should know that.

Kids are remarkably adaptable and focused when they know the parameters. And they know what they need to do to go to where they want to go. Tell them what's what with what you can afford in 10th grade. And then explain merit. And list the 30 or so schools that meet all need - provided they can get in. Assure them it's all going to work out, but ultimately, the options will be up to them depending on how they perform in high school. And the better they do, the more options they'll have.

When kids feel like they are in charge of their destiny, they do better. But they need to understand the parameters. There aren't a lot of families that can drop $800,000 on two kids going to middling private colleges. But everyone can go to MIT if they can get in.

Kids - families - need to understand the game, the costs, the barriers, and how to play the game.

Um, no.

Isn't this literally the case? What is stopping someone with an acceptance letter from enrolling?

The fact you must pay the tuition and R&B bill?

MIT pays if you can't afford it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The time to discuss financial realities with kids is beginning of 10th grade.

If Pepperdine is not an option, they should know that right at the beginning. If Alabama is offering full rides for bright students, they should know that. If Princeton meets all financial need, they should know that. If State U is manageable, they should know that. If Colby is a dream school but not remotely possible, they should know that. If they have siblings, and everything needs to be fair and equitable, they should know that. And if it's merit or community college, they should know that.

Kids are remarkably adaptable and focused when they know the parameters. And they know what they need to do to go to where they want to go. Tell them what's what with what you can afford in 10th grade. And then explain merit. And list the 30 or so schools that meet all need - provided they can get in. Assure them it's all going to work out, but ultimately, the options will be up to them depending on how they perform in high school. And the better they do, the more options they'll have.

When kids feel like they are in charge of their destiny, they do better. But they need to understand the parameters. There aren't a lot of families that can drop $800,000 on two kids going to middling private colleges. But everyone can go to MIT if they can get in.

Kids - families - need to understand the game, the costs, the barriers, and how to play the game.

Um, no.

Isn't this literally the case? What is stopping someone with an acceptance letter from enrolling?

Money.

Financial aid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The time to discuss financial realities with kids is beginning of 10th grade.

If Pepperdine is not an option, they should know that right at the beginning. If Alabama is offering full rides for bright students, they should know that. If Princeton meets all financial need, they should know that. If State U is manageable, they should know that. If Colby is a dream school but not remotely possible, they should know that. If they have siblings, and everything needs to be fair and equitable, they should know that. And if it's merit or community college, they should know that.

Kids are remarkably adaptable and focused when they know the parameters. And they know what they need to do to go to where they want to go. Tell them what's what with what you can afford in 10th grade. And then explain merit. And list the 30 or so schools that meet all need - provided they can get in. Assure them it's all going to work out, but ultimately, the options will be up to them depending on how they perform in high school. And the better they do, the more options they'll have.

When kids feel like they are in charge of their destiny, they do better. But they need to understand the parameters. There aren't a lot of families that can drop $800,000 on two kids going to middling private colleges. But everyone can go to MIT if they can get in.

Kids - families - need to understand the game, the costs, the barriers, and how to play the game.

Um, no.

Isn't this literally the case? What is stopping someone with an acceptance letter from enrolling?

You have to sign finanancial documents long before showing up

And what's the issue with that?

$86,000 this year and rising.

0 if you aren't UMC and much less than that even if you are

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The time to discuss financial realities with kids is beginning of 10th grade.

If Pepperdine is not an option, they should know that right at the beginning. If Alabama is offering full rides for bright students, they should know that. If Princeton meets all financial need, they should know that. If State U is manageable, they should know that. If Colby is a dream school but not remotely possible, they should know that. If they have siblings, and everything needs to be fair and equitable, they should know that. And if it's merit or community college, they should know that.

Kids are remarkably adaptable and focused when they know the parameters. And they know what they need to do to go to where they want to go. Tell them what's what with what you can afford in 10th grade. And then explain merit. And list the 30 or so schools that meet all need - provided they can get in. Assure them it's all going to work out, but ultimately, the options will be up to them depending on how they perform in high school. And the better they do, the more options they'll have.

When kids feel like they are in charge of their destiny, they do better. But they need to understand the parameters. There aren't a lot of families that can drop $800,000 on two kids going to middling private colleges. But everyone can go to MIT if they can get in.

Kids - families - need to understand the game, the costs, the barriers, and how to play the game.

Um, no.

Isn't this literally the case? What is stopping someone with an acceptance letter from enrolling?

The fact you must pay the tuition and R&B bill?

MIT pays if you can't afford it.

No, it doesn't.

[Anonymous]

OP, how many kids do you have and what grades are they in? How much can you afford?

Some suggestions:
1. In state - you could afford to cash flow this.

2. Look into whether your student could graduate one semester to one year early and if this would make a difference. (Three years of private college tuition versus four years.) Note that many top colleges give little AP/ IB credit; this will be more likely to work at a state school, even out of state.

3. Overseas - Look at top Canadian and British universities. They are less expensive and may fulfill your kid’s desire to study away. Univ of Toronto, McGill, Cambridge, Oxford, Univ of London, London School of Economics, Soas, St Andrew’s

4. Military academies

5. Lesser ranked colleges that give many students scholarships - Here’s a link. Some schools on that list that may be of interest include Connecticut College, Lewis & Clark, Carnegie Mellon, Creighton, Cooper Union

https://www.usnews.com/best-colleges/rankings/most-merit-aid

6. A year or two at the community college and then transfer to a top prestigious school. Not all prestigious schools take many transfers, but with a guaranteed transfer to UVa, your top student could explore possibilities like Cornell, U Michigan, Case Western which I think take a good number of transfers.

Regardless of what you do, I think step one is figuring out how much you can pay. Your income is pretty high and you may be able to cash flow. You can cut out vacations, cut the kids’ activities, sell an extra car/ some investments, maybe see if you are over saving in retirement.

[Anonymous]

^^

Sorry, Carnegie Mellon is not on that list. But Bryn Mawr, College of Wooster, Case Western, Univ of Denver and Oberlin are (as are the others I mentioned). It may be worth adding a few of these schools to your child’s list and seeing if they come up with some merit aid.

[Anonymous]

What a privileged post. Like seriously? Send em to state school and call it a day. Stop whining here. Almost sounds like a humble brag.