How did your affair end?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When a person cheats, it is primarily their fault. however If you became fat or were not having sex with your spouse or had a nasty attitude, then you are partly responsible for the cheating

What no!

You step out on your marriage that is on you.

You don’t like they got fat tell them and leave but having an affair is dishonest and disrespectful and cowardly.

Bs to blame the other person when you are the shit

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When a person cheats, it is primarily their fault. however If you became fat or were not having sex with your spouse or had a nasty attitude, then you are partly responsible for the cheating

Correct.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When a person cheats, it is primarily their fault. however If you became fat or were not having sex with your spouse or had a nasty attitude, then you are partly responsible for the cheating

Only a total POS would use this non-logic. If you're not being treated well, or your needs/wants aren't being met, or you think you simply want more, LEAVE.

The decision to cheat instead of leaving isn't justified by your feelings, no matter how unhappy you claim to be. Your partner isn't responsible for your happiness, you are. And if you choose to pursue your "happiness" in some strange, instead of prioritizing your integrity and being honest with your so-called partner, that is a statement about YOU and you alone.

You say this as though it’s easy to move out and leave your kids. That’s a disingenuous argument.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left my xH for my AP. I’m still with AP, but overall I’m just as unhappy as I was with xH.

One thing I learned is that no matter who you are with, there will be problems. There is no perfect person where everything will be perfect with them. You just trade one set of problems for another.

Same with the benefits. There are tradeoffs. xH was far more financially stable and had more financial prospects. AP (current H) is sexier and easier to get him to do what I want. Neither really make me happy. I’ve learned that happiness has to come from within you.

I did not leave H for AP but I completely agree with this.

Yup. My mom stayed with her AP and he has an entirely different set of problems than my dad does, but overall no less severe. So she's still just as unhappy and it's way less convenient for everyone else. In particular, his financial problems, might seem like not a big deal in your 40s but it sure is a very big deal in your 80s.

This is why it is known: cheating is about what’s wrong inside an individual. The marriage, the spouse, etc have zero to do with it. Cheaters will continue to blame everyone else for their unhappiness and change relationships, houses, move, etc…but they are still the same miserable individuals on the inside. Rotten in their core.

It is really not that simple.

It really is, though. All cheaters are low-integrity, intellectually lazy, morally-bankrupt people. The rest is just a set of lies you tell to try to justify your nonsense.

Preach!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When a person cheats, it is primarily their fault. however If you became fat or were not having sex with your spouse or had a nasty attitude, then you are partly responsible for the cheating

Only a total POS would use this non-logic. If you're not being treated well, or your needs/wants aren't being met, or you think you simply want more, LEAVE.

The decision to cheat instead of leaving isn't justified by your feelings, no matter how unhappy you claim to be. Your partner isn't responsible for your happiness, you are. And if you choose to pursue your "happiness" in some strange, instead of prioritizing your integrity and being honest with your so-called partner, that is a statement about YOU and you alone.

You say this as though it’s easy to move out and leave your kids. That’s a disingenuous argument.

Lazy, "If it's not easy for me, I won't" cheaterspeak.

Integrity is doing the right thing, not the easy thing. Grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When a person cheats, it is primarily their fault. however If you became fat or were not having sex with your spouse or had a nasty attitude, then you are partly responsible for the cheating

Only a total POS would use this non-logic. If you're not being treated well, or your needs/wants aren't being met, or you think you simply want more, LEAVE.

The decision to cheat instead of leaving isn't justified by your feelings, no matter how unhappy you claim to be. Your partner isn't responsible for your happiness, you are. And if you choose to pursue your "happiness" in some strange, instead of prioritizing your integrity and being honest with your so-called partner, that is a statement about YOU and you alone.

You say this as though it’s easy to move out and leave your kids. That’s a disingenuous argument.

Lazy, "If it's not easy for me, I won't" cheaterspeak.

Integrity is doing the right thing, not the easy thing. Grow up.

I'm sure the kids want mom or dad to move out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left my xH for my AP. I’m still with AP, but overall I’m just as unhappy as I was with xH.

One thing I learned is that no matter who you are with, there will be problems. There is no perfect person where everything will be perfect with them. You just trade one set of problems for another.

Same with the benefits. There are tradeoffs. xH was far more financially stable and had more financial prospects. AP (current H) is sexier and easier to get him to do what I want. Neither really make me happy. I’ve learned that happiness has to come from within you.

I did not leave H for AP but I completely agree with this.

Yup. My mom stayed with her AP and he has an entirely different set of problems than my dad does, but overall no less severe. So she's still just as unhappy and it's way less convenient for everyone else. In particular, his financial problems, might seem like not a big deal in your 40s but it sure is a very big deal in your 80s.

This is why it is known: cheating is about what’s wrong inside an individual. The marriage, the spouse, etc have zero to do with it. Cheaters will continue to blame everyone else for their unhappiness and change relationships, houses, move, etc…but they are still the same miserable individuals on the inside. Rotten in their core.

It is really not that simple.

It really is, though. All cheaters are low-integrity, intellectually lazy, morally-bankrupt people. The rest is just a set of lies you tell to try to justify your nonsense.

Actually, the truth is that cheaters are all around you. Some of your family, friends, community members have committed adultery. They just don't talk about it. Just like you don't hear from every third woman you meet that she's had an abortion. It's a normal human behavior. It's not a good one, but it would probably rock your black and white world to know that people you admire and respect have made mistakes too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left my xH for my AP. I’m still with AP, but overall I’m just as unhappy as I was with xH.

One thing I learned is that no matter who you are with, there will be problems. There is no perfect person where everything will be perfect with them. You just trade one set of problems for another.

Same with the benefits. There are tradeoffs. xH was far more financially stable and had more financial prospects. AP (current H) is sexier and easier to get him to do what I want. Neither really make me happy. I’ve learned that happiness has to come from within you.

I did not leave H for AP but I completely agree with this.

Yup. My mom stayed with her AP and he has an entirely different set of problems than my dad does, but overall no less severe. So she's still just as unhappy and it's way less convenient for everyone else. In particular, his financial problems, might seem like not a big deal in your 40s but it sure is a very big deal in your 80s.

This is why it is known: cheating is about what’s wrong inside an individual. The marriage, the spouse, etc have zero to do with it. Cheaters will continue to blame everyone else for their unhappiness and change relationships, houses, move, etc…but they are still the same miserable individuals on the inside. Rotten in their core.

It is really not that simple.

It really is, though. All cheaters are low-integrity, intellectually lazy, morally-bankrupt people. The rest is just a set of lies you tell to try to justify your nonsense.

Actually, the truth is that cheaters are all around you. Some of your family, friends, community members have committed adultery. They just don't talk about it. Just like you don't hear from every third woman you meet that she's had an abortion. It's a normal human behavior. It's not a good one, but it would probably rock your black and white world to know that people you admire and respect have made mistakes too.

No, you absolute trashcan of a human, it isn't "a normal human behavior". There are rapists and murderers around me, and that's the better analogy: harmful people with deep pathology that prevents them from acting like decent humans. Equating this to abortion is just nonsensical rhetoric. And cheating isn't "a mistake": it's a fscking choice. It's not an oops; you plan that, think about it, and execute.

But thanks for reinforcing PPs point that y'all are committed to the lies you tell yourselves to excuse your garbage behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left my xH for my AP. I’m still with AP, but overall I’m just as unhappy as I was with xH.

One thing I learned is that no matter who you are with, there will be problems. There is no perfect person where everything will be perfect with them. You just trade one set of problems for another.

Same with the benefits. There are tradeoffs. xH was far more financially stable and had more financial prospects. AP (current H) is sexier and easier to get him to do what I want. Neither really make me happy. I’ve learned that happiness has to come from within you.

I did not leave H for AP but I completely agree with this.

Yup. My mom stayed with her AP and he has an entirely different set of problems than my dad does, but overall no less severe. So she's still just as unhappy and it's way less convenient for everyone else. In particular, his financial problems, might seem like not a big deal in your 40s but it sure is a very big deal in your 80s.

This is why it is known: cheating is about what’s wrong inside an individual. The marriage, the spouse, etc have zero to do with it. Cheaters will continue to blame everyone else for their unhappiness and change relationships, houses, move, etc…but they are still the same miserable individuals on the inside. Rotten in their core.

It is really not that simple.

It really is, though. All cheaters are low-integrity, intellectually lazy, morally-bankrupt people. The rest is just a set of lies you tell to try to justify your nonsense.

Actually, the truth is that cheaters are all around you. Some of your family, friends, community members have committed adultery. They just don't talk about it. Just like you don't hear from every third woman you meet that she's had an abortion. It's a normal human behavior. It's not a good one, but it would probably rock your black and white world to know that people you admire and respect have made mistakes too.

They lose the admiration and respect when you find out what they do in their real life. John Edwards, Bill Clinton, Mike Sanford….

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left my xH for my AP. I’m still with AP, but overall I’m just as unhappy as I was with xH.

One thing I learned is that no matter who you are with, there will be problems. There is no perfect person where everything will be perfect with them. You just trade one set of problems for another.

Same with the benefits. There are tradeoffs. xH was far more financially stable and had more financial prospects. AP (current H) is sexier and easier to get him to do what I want. Neither really make me happy. I’ve learned that happiness has to come from within you.

I did not leave H for AP but I completely agree with this.

Yup. My mom stayed with her AP and he has an entirely different set of problems than my dad does, but overall no less severe. So she's still just as unhappy and it's way less convenient for everyone else. In particular, his financial problems, might seem like not a big deal in your 40s but it sure is a very big deal in your 80s.

This is why it is known: cheating is about what’s wrong inside an individual. The marriage, the spouse, etc have zero to do with it. Cheaters will continue to blame everyone else for their unhappiness and change relationships, houses, move, etc…but they are still the same miserable individuals on the inside. Rotten in their core.

It is really not that simple.

It really is, though. All cheaters are low-integrity, intellectually lazy, morally-bankrupt people. The rest is just a set of lies you tell to try to justify your nonsense.

Actually, the truth is that cheaters are all around you. Some of your family, friends, community members have committed adultery. They just don't talk about it. Just like you don't hear from every third woman you meet that she's had an abortion. It's a normal human behavior. It's not a good one, but it would probably rock your black and white world to know that people you admire and respect have made mistakes too.

They lose the admiration and respect when you find out what they do in their real life. John Edwards, Bill Clinton, Mike Sanford….

I totally look at people differently if I find out they are a cheater. And, I certainly no longer trust them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left my xH for my AP. I’m still with AP, but overall I’m just as unhappy as I was with xH.

One thing I learned is that no matter who you are with, there will be problems. There is no perfect person where everything will be perfect with them. You just trade one set of problems for another.

Same with the benefits. There are tradeoffs. xH was far more financially stable and had more financial prospects. AP (current H) is sexier and easier to get him to do what I want. Neither really make me happy. I’ve learned that happiness has to come from within you.

I did not leave H for AP but I completely agree with this.

Yup. My mom stayed with her AP and he has an entirely different set of problems than my dad does, but overall no less severe. So she's still just as unhappy and it's way less convenient for everyone else. In particular, his financial problems, might seem like not a big deal in your 40s but it sure is a very big deal in your 80s.

This is why it is known: cheating is about what’s wrong inside an individual. The marriage, the spouse, etc have zero to do with it. Cheaters will continue to blame everyone else for their unhappiness and change relationships, houses, move, etc…but they are still the same miserable individuals on the inside. Rotten in their core.

It is really not that simple.

It really is, though. All cheaters are low-integrity, intellectually lazy, morally-bankrupt people. The rest is just a set of lies you tell to try to justify your nonsense.

Actually, the truth is that cheaters are all around you. Some of your family, friends, community members have committed adultery. They just don't talk about it. Just like you don't hear from every third woman you meet that she's had an abortion. It's a normal human behavior. It's not a good one, but it would probably rock your black and white world to know that people you admire and respect have made mistakes too.

They lose the admiration and respect when you find out what they do in their real life. John Edwards, Bill Clinton, Mike Sanford….

Arnold fell from grace too. Lost his box office market value and political career.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left my xH for my AP. I’m still with AP, but overall I’m just as unhappy as I was with xH.

One thing I learned is that no matter who you are with, there will be problems. There is no perfect person where everything will be perfect with them. You just trade one set of problems for another.

Same with the benefits. There are tradeoffs. xH was far more financially stable and had more financial prospects. AP (current H) is sexier and easier to get him to do what I want. Neither really make me happy. I’ve learned that happiness has to come from within you.

I did not leave H for AP but I completely agree with this.

Yup. My mom stayed with her AP and he has an entirely different set of problems than my dad does, but overall no less severe. So she's still just as unhappy and it's way less convenient for everyone else. In particular, his financial problems, might seem like not a big deal in your 40s but it sure is a very big deal in your 80s.

This is why it is known: cheating is about what’s wrong inside an individual. The marriage, the spouse, etc have zero to do with it. Cheaters will continue to blame everyone else for their unhappiness and change relationships, houses, move, etc…but they are still the same miserable individuals on the inside. Rotten in their core.

It is really not that simple.

It really is, though. All cheaters are low-integrity, intellectually lazy, morally-bankrupt people. The rest is just a set of lies you tell to try to justify your nonsense.

Actually, the truth is that cheaters are all around you. Some of your family, friends, community members have committed adultery. They just don't talk about it. Just like you don't hear from every third woman you meet that she's had an abortion. It's a normal human behavior. It's not a good one, but it would probably rock your black and white world to know that people you admire and respect have made mistakes too.

No, you absolute trashcan of a human, it isn't "a normal human behavior". There are rapists and murderers around me, and that's the better analogy: harmful people with deep pathology that prevents them from acting like decent humans. Equating this to abortion is just nonsensical rhetoric. And cheating isn't "a mistake": it's a fscking choice. It's not an oops; you plan that, think about it, and execute.

But thanks for reinforcing PPs point that y'all are committed to the lies you tell yourselves to excuse your garbage behavior.

It is kind of normal, and is even common. Many people cheat at some point in their life. Doesn’t mean it’s okay, but it is something that happens in many marriages.

You appear to have intense emotions involving someone cheating on a spouse. Comments like “trashcan of a human” and “”harmful people with deep pathology.”

In some cultures, cheating is even more common! Men typically have a mistress. Again, doesn’t mean it’s okay, but it can be common.

Personally, I have a problem with my spouse cheating on me, but I’m also just as bothered by other misdeeds.

I’d do some soul searching to figure out why you’re so angry and express such extreme statements. It’s not a good look and it’s likely causing you to not focus on other areas of a relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When a person cheats, it is primarily their fault. however If you became fat or were not having sex with your spouse or had a nasty attitude, then you are partly responsible for the cheating

This is abuser logic. All abusers make their own actions someone else's responsibility. "I would not have cheated if you hadn't .... (fill in the blank). It's no different from a domestic violence perpetrator who says, "I wouldn't have hit you if you'd just...."

Men, at some point in human history, have to start to take responsibility for their own actions and the consequences thereof.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It ran its course and he suggested we go our own ways. It was an affair/friendship of over 20 years and was heartbreaking. I will miss him every day for the rest of my life but I also recognize it was time to finally move on. Biggest regret of my life.

I hate to tell you honey but you were not his only over for 20 years - he had others on the side.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When a person cheats, it is primarily their fault. however If you became fat or were not having sex with your spouse or had a nasty attitude, then you are partly responsible for the cheating

This is abuser logic. All abusers make their own actions someone else's responsibility. "I would not have cheated if you hadn't .... (fill in the blank). It's no different from a domestic violence perpetrator who says, "I wouldn't have hit you if you'd just...."

Men, at some point in human history, have to start to take responsibility for their own actions and the consequences thereof.

Men AND Women

My cheating ex-wife sounded the same.