I don't know how I will continue this arrangement with DH for decades -- looking for creative ideas

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d put an in-law apartment on the property and live in that.

OP here. There is already a guest apartment on the property, currently used as my home office (I work from home). It is only 560 sq ft but it has a kitchen, bath, living room and a bedroom. I might just move there full-time.

Why doesn't he move in there?!!! Especially if he is mostly out of the home for work during the week anyway?

OP here. We already had an agreement that he would live in the guest apartment. He hated it there, because it "doesn't have a nice view like the main house." Now he took over the master suite, where even the bathroom has gorgeous panoramic views. I sleep in one of the upstairs secondary bedrooms, and lately my daughter started sleeping in my bed.

This is just the worst trolling.

Agreed. And I happen to live on the water and my bathroom actually does have gorgeous panoramic views but even I don't believe this OP for one second. Also, typos/grammar errors signals bot troll. Try again.

Agreed. This is the worst trolling. No one would be willing to put up with all of this ridiculousness. I mean taking care of DH’s parents? Why does OP even care about them? She’s worried that it will default to the DD? Use the next few years to teach DD to separate herself from these type of duties. I mean maybe I missed it, has it been said? OP has an answer for every solution presented.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d put an in-law apartment on the property and live in that.

OP here. There is already a guest apartment on the property, currently used as my home office (I work from home). It is only 560 sq ft but it has a kitchen, bath, living room and a bedroom. I might just move there full-time.

Why doesn't he move in there?!!! Especially if he is mostly out of the home for work during the week anyway?

OP here. We already had an agreement that he would live in the guest apartment. He hated it there, because it "doesn't have a nice view like the main house." Now he took over the master suite, where even the bathroom has gorgeous panoramic views. I sleep in one of the upstairs secondary bedrooms, and lately my daughter started sleeping in my bed.

This is just the worst trolling.

Agreed. And I happen to live on the water and my bathroom actually does have gorgeous panoramic views but even I don't believe this OP for one second. Also, typos/grammar errors signals bot troll. Try again.

Agreed. This is the worst trolling. No one would be willing to put up with all of this ridiculousness. I mean taking care of DH’s parents? Why does OP even care about them? She’s worried that it will default to the DD? Use the next few years to teach DD to separate herself from these type of duties. I mean maybe I missed it, has it been said? OP has an answer for every solution presented.

Its because the truth is that really OP doesn't care about her kid. She's doing all these things for the money and to keep the house. Maybe she tries to justify it in her head but I think we all see through it. OP is a terrible excuse for a mom and the dad isn't any better.

[Anonymous]

The dad souds just like my father -- really self-involved, lacking in maturity and executive functioning skills. My mom also did everything when we were growing up. She too stayed because she had her 'beautiful house'. After my dad died, we had to put my mom in a nursing home due to dementia, and the house was sold. The weirdest part was that the estate sale people called us up and were like "don't you guys want any of these items from the home?" and I realized that my brother took literally nothing, he was that traumatized from growing up there and listening to my father harass my mother. Don't be like my parents. Not a lot of good memories there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
We are basically separated, living under one roof. Our daughter is 13. H and I hardly see each other during the week, as he leaves for work very early and comes home very late.

We cannot stand each other. Every weekend is living hell. While we both try to be civil, every discussion risks boiling over into a fight. He lacks empathy for me raising our daughter alone and doing absolutely everything around the house (he does 0) and accuses me of all kinds of irrational things such as wanting to inherit half of his parents' house.
He constantly badgers me to start earning 2x or 3x of what I make now (over 150k).

Neither of us wants to sell our beautiful house, and we want to pass it on to our daughter when she eventually marries and has children.

I actually plan to move out as soon as she leaves for college.

I just don't know how to cope with the situation until then. I am a heart patient (in my late 40s), and I get so upset almost every weekend that I fear that I will suffer a heart attack. I am very unhappy.

I would absolutely not mind moving out now to a rental, but I don't want to "desert the family home and the child." Plus, with the current prices, I could hardly afford a 2BR condo.

We live in a very expensive area. If we sold the house and split the proceeds, with the current interest rates each of us could barely afford a miserable dump.

Please help.

OP we are basically married to the same person. I have two kids though and we both work from home. The weekends here are torture. I wish I knew you in real life because I’m afraid to talk to my friends about any of this. Hang in there.

OP here. PP, I am sorry that you are going through the same thing. I could not stay in the marriage if my husband worked from home. I only have to interact with him during the weekend.

To the other PPs: I appreciate you emphasizing the negative memories that my daughter is accumulating in the house. Your comments made me realize that my plan is not sustainable.

I think that eventually I will divorce. Until then I'll stay in the guest apartment during the weekends.

In my line of work I actually have the chance to earn significantly more, if I can manage to spend significantly more time working. With alimony, child support and working more I may be able to take over the mortgage payments completely.

Regarding the care of my in-laws, I'm puzzled why people think I should not do anything for my child's grandparents. It's just basic human decency.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
We are basically separated, living under one roof. Our daughter is 13. H and I hardly see each other during the week, as he leaves for work very early and comes home very late.

We cannot stand each other. Every weekend is living hell. While we both try to be civil, every discussion risks boiling over into a fight. He lacks empathy for me raising our daughter alone and doing absolutely everything around the house (he does 0) and accuses me of all kinds of irrational things such as wanting to inherit half of his parents' house.
He constantly badgers me to start earning 2x or 3x of what I make now (over 150k).

Neither of us wants to sell our beautiful house, and we want to pass it on to our daughter when she eventually marries and has children.

I actually plan to move out as soon as she leaves for college.

I just don't know how to cope with the situation until then. I am a heart patient (in my late 40s), and I get so upset almost every weekend that I fear that I will suffer a heart attack. I am very unhappy.

I would absolutely not mind moving out now to a rental, but I don't want to "desert the family home and the child." Plus, with the current prices, I could hardly afford a 2BR condo.

We live in a very expensive area. If we sold the house and split the proceeds, with the current interest rates each of us could barely afford a miserable dump.

Please help.

OP we are basically married to the same person. I have two kids though and we both work from home. The weekends here are torture. I wish I knew you in real life because I’m afraid to talk to my friends about any of this. Hang in there.

OP here. PP, I am sorry that you are going through the same thing. I could not stay in the marriage if my husband worked from home. I only have to interact with him during the weekend.

To the other PPs: I appreciate you emphasizing the negative memories that my daughter is accumulating in the house. Your comments made me realize that my plan is not sustainable.

I think that eventually I will divorce. Until then I'll stay in the guest apartment during the weekends.

In my line of work I actually have the chance to earn significantly more, if I can manage to spend significantly more time working. With alimony, child support and working more I may be able to take over the mortgage payments completely.

Regarding the care of my in-laws, I'm puzzled why people think I should not do anything for my child's grandparents. It's just basic human decency.

We’re saying that about the in-laws, because if I hated my DH and my DH was treating me like this, why would I care about his parents? If my DH was as bad as you say, that would mean his parents are most likely not good people either. Why? Because what kind of in-laws would allow their son to treat the mother of their grandchildren this way? All while she’s taking care of them. So something just doesn’t sound right with your story?

[Anonymous]

Do the bare minimum for the in laws situations

And make sure you or your a-hole spouse are not funding them.

If they don’t get situated they will move in with you. And that would trigger an instant divorce in my book.

[Anonymous]

You can do whatever you like for whomever you like, but if your plan is to do those things and then complain when someone comments on it, then it's a you problem. If you wish to help his parents, go for it, but how about not expecting him to praise you. If you are doing it out of basic human kindness than nothing anyone says to you would matter, would it? It almost sounds like you do things that you know will antagonize him and then play the martyr. It's immature. Grow up and make your own choices. Who cares what he thinks?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
We are basically separated, living under one roof. Our daughter is 13. H and I hardly see each other during the week, as he leaves for work very early and comes home very late.

We cannot stand each other. Every weekend is living hell. While we both try to be civil, every discussion risks boiling over into a fight. He lacks empathy for me raising our daughter alone and doing absolutely everything around the house (he does 0) and accuses me of all kinds of irrational things such as wanting to inherit half of his parents' house.
He constantly badgers me to start earning 2x or 3x of what I make now (over 150k).

Neither of us wants to sell our beautiful house, and we want to pass it on to our daughter when she eventually marries and has children.

I actually plan to move out as soon as she leaves for college.

I just don't know how to cope with the situation until then. I am a heart patient (in my late 40s), and I get so upset almost every weekend that I fear that I will suffer a heart attack. I am very unhappy.

I would absolutely not mind moving out now to a rental, but I don't want to "desert the family home and the child." Plus, with the current prices, I could hardly afford a 2BR condo.

We live in a very expensive area. If we sold the house and split the proceeds, with the current interest rates each of us could barely afford a miserable dump.

Please help.

OP we are basically married to the same person. I have two kids though and we both work from home. The weekends here are torture. I wish I knew you in real life because I’m afraid to talk to my friends about any of this. Hang in there.

OP here. PP, I am sorry that you are going through the same thing. I could not stay in the marriage if my husband worked from home. I only have to interact with him during the weekend.

To the other PPs: I appreciate you emphasizing the negative memories that my daughter is accumulating in the house. Your comments made me realize that my plan is not sustainable.

I think that eventually I will divorce. Until then I'll stay in the guest apartment during the weekends.

In my line of work I actually have the chance to earn significantly more, if I can manage to spend significantly more time working. With alimony, child support and working more I may be able to take over the mortgage payments completely.

Regarding the care of my in-laws, I'm puzzled why people think I should not do anything for my child's grandparents. It's just basic human decency.

We’re saying that about the in-laws, because if I hated my DH and my DH was treating me like this, why would I care about his parents? If my DH was as bad as you say, that would mean his parents are most likely not good people either. Why? Because what kind of in-laws would allow their son to treat the mother of their grandchildren this way? All while she’s taking care of them. So something just doesn’t sound right with your story?

OP here. My in-laws don't know about the conflicts in my marriage, or, at most, they know my husband's version. They live several time zones away. I never considered it correct to dump my issues on my in-laws.