I don't know how I will continue this arrangement with DH for decades -- looking for creative ideas

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds miserable and unsustainable. You can’t really plan for your daughter. She and her future husband might want to live somewhere else. This is a family home on DH side? No mortgage?

+1, you honestly cannot predict where your daughters going to be in 15 or 20 years. It’s not realistic to keep this house for her.

It’s insanely toxic. What happens when daughter is 30 and wants to live somewhere else and refuses the house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are a psycho

Who stays to leave their daughter the house to live in with her husband????

You have to be a troll

One your daughter could like other girls are you ok with her marrying a woman and moving in?

Wth? Is wrong with you?

Your kid might never marry give. Your situation they are living in trans. Who thinks their kid will want to live in the house they grew up in forever ???


You have to be a troll

Hi, there. OP here. No, I am not a troll. My daughter is straight, plans to get married and have children. She loves our home, which is very conveniently located in a very desirable area.

We bought the house a few years ago, when mortgage rates were lower. I know our plan to turn over the house to our daughter when she has children sounds strange to Americans. We both come from a culture where the elderly vacate the main house and "retire to the cottage".

I plan to stay married after our daughter leaves for college for the following reason:
If we get divorced, the burden of managing my husband's things would fall on my daughter or a new wife. While he is a high earner, he is incapable of managing taxes, insurances, home repairs, investments, etc. I manage even his parents' care.

Your daughter is 13 and she loves “the desirable area”.

Definitely a troll

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d put an in-law apartment on the property and live in that.

OP here. There is already a guest apartment on the property, currently used as my home office (I work from home). It is only 560 sq ft but it has a kitchen, bath, living room and a bedroom. I might just move there full-time.

Why doesn't he move in there?!!! Especially if he is mostly out of the home for work during the week anyway?

OP here. We already had an agreement that he would live in the guest apartment. He hated it there, because it "doesn't have a nice view like the main house." Now he took over the master suite, where even the bathroom has gorgeous panoramic views. I sleep in one of the upstairs secondary bedrooms, and lately my daughter started sleeping in my bed.

[Anonymous]

OP, please find another therapist. The culture of hanging onto a house at all costs is going to cost way more in terms of sacrificing your daughter’s well-being. You are modeling a terrible relationship. A house is not worth that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds miserable and unsustainable. You can’t really plan for your daughter. She and her future husband might want to live somewhere else. This is a family home on DH side? No mortgage?

+1, you honestly cannot predict where your daughters going to be in 15 or 20 years. It’s not realistic to keep this house for her.

It’s insanely toxic. What happens when daughter is 30 and wants to live somewhere else and refuses the house?

OP here. The house is appreciating rapidly and is a good investment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d put an in-law apartment on the property and live in that.

OP here. There is already a guest apartment on the property, currently used as my home office (I work from home). It is only 560 sq ft but it has a kitchen, bath, living room and a bedroom. I might just move there full-time.

Why doesn't he move in there?!!! Especially if he is mostly out of the home for work during the week anyway?

OP here. We already had an agreement that he would live in the guest apartment. He hated it there, because it "doesn't have a nice view like the main house." Now he took over the master suite, where even the bathroom has gorgeous panoramic views. I sleep in one of the upstairs secondary bedrooms, and lately my daughter started sleeping in my bed.

This is just the worst trolling.

[Anonymous]

She won’t want the house after living through this difficiult family situation.

I understand not wanting two smaller places. But your current arrangement is not working.

[Anonymous]

Your thirteen year old wants to get married and have kids NOW but who knows what will happen. My life now is nothing at all like I planned at 13! My sister is in her 40s and always wanted marriage and kids but it hasn’t happened.

You seem to reject all of the suggestions. Just continue avoiding him for the next 5 years. Make a plan and split weekend custody - one of you takes each day. The other person stays in their room and/or vacates the house for the rest of the day. Move to the basement apartment so you have more space and can cook down there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d put an in-law apartment on the property and live in that.

OP here. There is already a guest apartment on the property, currently used as my home office (I work from home). It is only 560 sq ft but it has a kitchen, bath, living room and a bedroom. I might just move there full-time.

Why doesn't he move in there?!!! Especially if he is mostly out of the home for work during the week anyway?

OP here. We already had an agreement that he would live in the guest apartment. He hated it there, because it "doesn't have a nice view like the main house." Now he took over the master suite, where even the bathroom has gorgeous panoramic views. I sleep in one of the upstairs secondary bedrooms, and lately my daughter started sleeping in my bed.

This is just the worst trolling.

OP here. Yes, these were his words. I can't control how my husband is thinking (his mentality is part of the problem.)

[Anonymous]

In my opinion, your DC will not want to live in this house as an adult.
My parents divorced when I was 17. My dad moved out, mom & I continued to live in the house.
I did not want to live in this house as an adult, when my mom offered it to me (she moved to FL). It held a lot of negative energy, a lot of memories of tension between my parents.
She sold it & gave me some money to put towards my downpayment on a condo that was 100% my choice. I really appreciate that.

[Anonymous]

Keep the house, get a 1-bedroom or studio nearby and you and your husband alternate staying at the house with your daughter and the other person goes to the apartment. You never live in the house together, daughter gets to stay in the house, you keep your sanity for the next 5 years. Your daughter is at the age where she will care less and less about her family, so she might not even care too much about this as long as her home stays the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds miserable and unsustainable. You can’t really plan for your daughter. She and her future husband might want to live somewhere else. This is a family home on DH side? No mortgage?

+1, you honestly cannot predict where your daughters going to be in 15 or 20 years. It’s not realistic to keep this house for her.

+1
This x 1000. My parents were desperately unhappy in their marriage and my siblings and I have had to untie some big knots with our own relationships as a result.

OP, give your child the gift of two happy (happier?) parents and end this misery now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my opinion, your DC will not want to live in this house as an adult.
My parents divorced when I was 17. My dad moved out, mom & I continued to live in the house.
I did not want to live in this house as an adult, when my mom offered it to me (she moved to FL). It held a lot of negative energy, a lot of memories of tension between my parents.
She sold it & gave me some money to put towards my downpayment on a condo that was 100% my choice. I really appreciate that.

In my estimation, your child will associate the house with years of unhappiness and separate themself from it as soon as possible.

[Anonymous]

When I was 13 I would have said I wanted to live in my childhood home. When the time came, I had zero interest.

You need to show her a healthy environment vs some dream that in 10 years she will want to raise her kids in that house. Which she will likely grow to hate because of how miserable her parents made it.

[Anonymous]

Where do you need rates to be?