Dating someone who cheated on their spouse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with so many of these posts, specifically about the loss of love thing. Marriage is hard and love takes on different forms throughout and as time goes on. To cheat because you don't feel same love for a spouse, rather than talk to them and try really hard to work through it, shows a real lack of character and integrity as many others have said. I would not risk it as you already feel some trust issues and that's too important to sacrifice.

+1

People who constantly seek that passionate kind of love after 10+ years of marriage with kids are immature emotionally and mentally.

Marriage has its ups and downs, boredom, challenges. But, it's a commitment to that marriage.

If you don't think you can handle that, then don't get married, at the least, don't have children.

So many people see the world in such black and white terms, it’s astounding.

- Not a cheater, since I know you’ll accuse me of it.

Some things are black and white. Premeditated murder, mass shootings, kicking a dog, etc. I put lying to a spouse, putting their health at risk, banging randos behind their back in the 'black and white' category. I'm generally a very 'live and let live' type of person, but I sure as h*ll wouldn't knowingly date a known liar/cheat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with so many of these posts, specifically about the loss of love thing. Marriage is hard and love takes on different forms throughout and as time goes on. To cheat because you don't feel same love for a spouse, rather than talk to them and try really hard to work through it, shows a real lack of character and integrity as many others have said. I would not risk it as you already feel some trust issues and that's too important to sacrifice.

+1

People who constantly seek that passionate kind of love after 10+ years of marriage with kids are immature emotionally and mentally.

Marriage has its ups and downs, boredom, challenges. But, it's a commitment to that marriage.

If you don't think you can handle that, then don't get married, at the least, don't have children.

So many people see the world in such black and white terms, it’s astounding.

- Not a cheater, since I know you’ll accuse me of it.

Lol. If you dont believe cheating is black and white, then how can we accuse you? You'll justify it and somehow make it ok and not your fault.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with so many of these posts, specifically about the loss of love thing. Marriage is hard and love takes on different forms throughout and as time goes on. To cheat because you don't feel same love for a spouse, rather than talk to them and try really hard to work through it, shows a real lack of character and integrity as many others have said. I would not risk it as you already feel some trust issues and that's too important to sacrifice.

+1

People who constantly seek that passionate kind of love after 10+ years of marriage with kids are immature emotionally and mentally.

Marriage has its ups and downs, boredom, challenges. But, it's a commitment to that marriage.

If you don't think you can handle that, then don't get married, at the least, don't have children.

So many people see the world in such black and white terms, it’s astounding.

- Not a cheater, since I know you’ll accuse me of it.

Lol. If you dont believe cheating is black and white, then how can we accuse you? You'll justify it and somehow make it ok and not your fault.

It’s not that I don’t think the act of cheating isn’t black and white. I just think posters like you seem to have this notion that it’s sex love friendship finances everything everything everything with one person for all eternity, or else you’ll crumble and die. That’s where I think your black and white thinking is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with so many of these posts, specifically about the loss of love thing. Marriage is hard and love takes on different forms throughout and as time goes on. To cheat because you don't feel same love for a spouse, rather than talk to them and try really hard to work through it, shows a real lack of character and integrity as many others have said. I would not risk it as you already feel some trust issues and that's too important to sacrifice.

+1

People who constantly seek that passionate kind of love after 10+ years of marriage with kids are immature emotionally and mentally.

Marriage has its ups and downs, boredom, challenges. But, it's a commitment to that marriage.

If you don't think you can handle that, then don't get married, at the least, don't have children.

So many people see the world in such black and white terms, it’s astounding.

- Not a cheater, since I know you’ll accuse me of it.

Lol. If you dont believe cheating is black and white, then how can we accuse you? You'll justify it and somehow make it ok and not your fault.

It’s not that I don’t think the act of cheating isn’t black and white. I just think posters like you seem to have this notion that it’s sex love friendship finances everything everything everything with one person for all eternity, or else you’ll crumble and die. That’s where I think your black and white thinking is.

DP. No, actually, people who condemn cheating are not thinking that everything has to be with one person for all eternity. People who explicitly negotiate monogamy are consenting to sex under specific parameters. If the parameter is monogamy (whether it's within a marital relationship or not) then when one person cheats it turns consensual sex into non-consensual sex. Yes, it is that black and white.

Furthermore, when I negotiate monogamy, I am giving up certain activities or options in the same way I am asking my partner to. When a partner cheats, they are manipulating the faithful partner to give up things and give things, without paying the expected & mutually negotiated "cost" of giving up and giving the same.

To not be a cheater doesn't require staying forever and being someone's everything. It simply means to communicate your desires explicitly, negotiate them fairly, keep your promises and when you find you can't keep a promise, speak up explicitly before breaking your promise and either re-negotiate or end things before getting entangled with someone else.

Really not that hard. It's a low bar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with so many of these posts, specifically about the loss of love thing. Marriage is hard and love takes on different forms throughout and as time goes on. To cheat because you don't feel same love for a spouse, rather than talk to them and try really hard to work through it, shows a real lack of character and integrity as many others have said. I would not risk it as you already feel some trust issues and that's too important to sacrifice.

+1

People who constantly seek that passionate kind of love after 10+ years of marriage with kids are immature emotionally and mentally.

Marriage has its ups and downs, boredom, challenges. But, it's a commitment to that marriage.

If you don't think you can handle that, then don't get married, at the least, don't have children.

So many people see the world in such black and white terms, it’s astounding.

- Not a cheater, since I know you’ll accuse me of it.

Lol. If you dont believe cheating is black and white, then how can we accuse you? You'll justify it and somehow make it ok and not your fault.

It’s not that I don’t think the act of cheating isn’t black and white. I just think posters like you seem to have this notion that it’s sex love friendship finances everything everything everything with one person for all eternity, or else you’ll crumble and die. That’s where I think your black and white thinking is.

DP. No, actually, people who condemn cheating are not thinking that everything has to be with one person for all eternity. People who explicitly negotiate monogamy are consenting to sex under specific parameters. If the parameter is monogamy (whether it's within a marital relationship or not) then when one person cheats it turns consensual sex into non-consensual sex. Yes, it is that black and white.

Furthermore, when I negotiate monogamy, I am giving up certain activities or options in the same way I am asking my partner to. When a partner cheats, they are manipulating the faithful partner to give up things and give things, without paying the expected & mutually negotiated "cost" of giving up and giving the same.

To not be a cheater doesn't require staying forever and being someone's everything. It simply means to communicate your desires explicitly, negotiate them fairly, keep your promises and when you find you can't keep a promise, speak up explicitly before breaking your promise and either re-negotiate or end things before getting entangled with someone else.

Really not that hard. It's a low bar.

Love this.. very well said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with so many of these posts, specifically about the loss of love thing. Marriage is hard and love takes on different forms throughout and as time goes on. To cheat because you don't feel same love for a spouse, rather than talk to them and try really hard to work through it, shows a real lack of character and integrity as many others have said. I would not risk it as you already feel some trust issues and that's too important to sacrifice.

+1

People who constantly seek that passionate kind of love after 10+ years of marriage with kids are immature emotionally and mentally.

Marriage has its ups and downs, boredom, challenges. But, it's a commitment to that marriage.

If you don't think you can handle that, then don't get married, at the least, don't have children.

So many people see the world in such black and white terms, it’s astounding.

- Not a cheater, since I know you’ll accuse me of it.

Lol. If you dont believe cheating is black and white, then how can we accuse you? You'll justify it and somehow make it ok and not your fault.

It’s not that I don’t think the act of cheating isn’t black and white. I just think posters like you seem to have this notion that it’s sex love friendship finances everything everything everything with one person for all eternity, or else you’ll crumble and die. That’s where I think your black and white thinking is.

I have tons of friends! I just dont sleep with them. They are friends, not lovers. So I guess thats pretty black and white to me, yes.

[Anonymous]

I'm surprised he even shared that with you. Makes me wonder how much of the truth my ex-husband shares w/his newbies. My guess is 2%. I'm sure he leaves out the family abandonment and bringing his sidepiece to our house. LOL!

[Anonymous]

run now you won’t regret it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with so many of these posts, specifically about the loss of love thing. Marriage is hard and love takes on different forms throughout and as time goes on. To cheat because you don't feel same love for a spouse, rather than talk to them and try really hard to work through it, shows a real lack of character and integrity as many others have said. I would not risk it as you already feel some trust issues and that's too important to sacrifice.

+1

People who constantly seek that passionate kind of love after 10+ years of marriage with kids are immature emotionally and mentally.

Marriage has its ups and downs, boredom, challenges. But, it's a commitment to that marriage.

If you don't think you can handle that, then don't get married, at the least, don't have children.

So many people see the world in such black and white terms, it’s astounding.

- Not a cheater, since I know you’ll accuse me of it.

Lol. If you dont believe cheating is black and white, then how can we accuse you? You'll justify it and somehow make it ok and not your fault.

It’s not that I don’t think the act of cheating isn’t black and white. I just think posters like you seem to have this notion that it’s sex love friendship finances everything everything everything with one person for all eternity, or else you’ll crumble and die. That’s where I think your black and white thinking is.

DP. No, actually, people who condemn cheating are not thinking that everything has to be with one person for all eternity. People who explicitly negotiate monogamy are consenting to sex under specific parameters. If the parameter is monogamy (whether it's within a marital relationship or not) then when one person cheats it turns consensual sex into non-consensual sex. Yes, it is that black and white.

Furthermore, when I negotiate monogamy, I am giving up certain activities or options in the same way I am asking my partner to. When a partner cheats, they are manipulating the faithful partner to give up things and give things, without paying the expected & mutually negotiated "cost" of giving up and giving the same.

To not be a cheater doesn't require staying forever and being someone's everything. It simply means to communicate your desires explicitly, negotiate them fairly, keep your promises and when you find you can't keep a promise, speak up explicitly before breaking your promise and either re-negotiate or end things before getting entangled with someone else.

Really not that hard. It's a low bar.

Love this.. very well said.

+1

[Anonymous]

My good friend’s parents had an affair with each other almost 40 years ago and have been happily married embasically ever since. I highly doubt that either has ever cheated again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My good friend’s parents had an affair with each other almost 40 years ago and have been happily married embasically ever since. I highly doubt that either has ever cheated again.

Who gives a f@kk? It’s anecdotal and not the norm. So proud of them, I guess. Christ

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My good friend’s parents had an affair with each other almost 40 years ago and have been happily married embasically ever since. I highly doubt that either has ever cheated again.

Who gives a f@kk? It’s anecdotal and not the norm. So proud of them, I guess. Christ

That pp always posts about the happily married cheaters who have been together 40 years- how the heck would you know the reality of your "good friend's parents" and their marriage??? Maybe they are happy but they are just bad people- this is entirely possible. A lot of crappy people are actually happy with themselves and their lives because they steamroll over anyone in front of them to get what they want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with so many of these posts, specifically about the loss of love thing. Marriage is hard and love takes on different forms throughout and as time goes on. To cheat because you don't feel same love for a spouse, rather than talk to them and try really hard to work through it, shows a real lack of character and integrity as many others have said. I would not risk it as you already feel some trust issues and that's too important to sacrifice.

+1

People who constantly seek that passionate kind of love after 10+ years of marriage with kids are immature emotionally and mentally.

Marriage has its ups and downs, boredom, challenges. But, it's a commitment to that marriage.

If you don't think you can handle that, then don't get married, at the least, don't have children.

So many people see the world in such black and white terms, it’s astounding.

- Not a cheater, since I know you’ll accuse me of it.

Lol. If you dont believe cheating is black and white, then how can we accuse you? You'll justify it and somehow make it ok and not your fault.

It’s not that I don’t think the act of cheating isn’t black and white. I just think posters like you seem to have this notion that it’s sex love friendship finances everything everything everything with one person for all eternity, or else you’ll crumble and die. That’s where I think your black and white thinking is.

DP. No, actually, people who condemn cheating are not thinking that everything has to be with one person for all eternity. People who explicitly negotiate monogamy are consenting to sex under specific parameters. If the parameter is monogamy (whether it's within a marital relationship or not) then when one person cheats it turns consensual sex into non-consensual sex. Yes, it is that black and white.

Furthermore, when I negotiate monogamy, I am giving up certain activities or options in the same way I am asking my partner to. When a partner cheats, they are manipulating the faithful partner to give up things and give things, without paying the expected & mutually negotiated "cost" of giving up and giving the same.

To not be a cheater doesn't require staying forever and being someone's everything. It simply means to communicate your desires explicitly, negotiate them fairly, keep your promises and when you find you can't keep a promise, speak up explicitly before breaking your promise and either re-negotiate or end things before getting entangled with someone else.

Really not that hard. It's a low bar.

Love this.. very well said.

+1

People need to stop talking about being cheated on in terms of not giving consent. Being raped is not giving consent. Being cheated on is something that frankly every person in a relationship needs to be prepared for, because sometimes your spouse doesn’t honor his word. But you’re going into a relationship knowing this may happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with so many of these posts, specifically about the loss of love thing. Marriage is hard and love takes on different forms throughout and as time goes on. To cheat because you don't feel same love for a spouse, rather than talk to them and try really hard to work through it, shows a real lack of character and integrity as many others have said. I would not risk it as you already feel some trust issues and that's too important to sacrifice.

+1

People who constantly seek that passionate kind of love after 10+ years of marriage with kids are immature emotionally and mentally.

Marriage has its ups and downs, boredom, challenges. But, it's a commitment to that marriage.

If you don't think you can handle that, then don't get married, at the least, don't have children.

So many people see the world in such black and white terms, it’s astounding.

- Not a cheater, since I know you’ll accuse me of it.

Lol. If you dont believe cheating is black and white, then how can we accuse you? You'll justify it and somehow make it ok and not your fault.

It’s not that I don’t think the act of cheating isn’t black and white. I just think posters like you seem to have this notion that it’s sex love friendship finances everything everything everything with one person for all eternity, or else you’ll crumble and die. That’s where I think your black and white thinking is.

DP. No, actually, people who condemn cheating are not thinking that everything has to be with one person for all eternity. People who explicitly negotiate monogamy are consenting to sex under specific parameters. If the parameter is monogamy (whether it's within a marital relationship or not) then when one person cheats it turns consensual sex into non-consensual sex. Yes, it is that black and white.

Furthermore, when I negotiate monogamy, I am giving up certain activities or options in the same way I am asking my partner to. When a partner cheats, they are manipulating the faithful partner to give up things and give things, without paying the expected & mutually negotiated "cost" of giving up and giving the same.

To not be a cheater doesn't require staying forever and being someone's everything. It simply means to communicate your desires explicitly, negotiate them fairly, keep your promises and when you find you can't keep a promise, speak up explicitly before breaking your promise and either re-negotiate or end things before getting entangled with someone else.

Really not that hard. It's a low bar.

Love this.. very well said.

+1

People need to stop talking about being cheated on in terms of not giving consent. Being raped is not giving consent. Being cheated on is something that frankly every person in a relationship needs to be prepared for, because sometimes your spouse doesn’t honor his word. But you’re going into a relationship knowing this may happen.

Umm - I disagree. Marriage means vows to be faithful. Hence, cheating is not anticipated..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with so many of these posts, specifically about the loss of love thing. Marriage is hard and love takes on different forms throughout and as time goes on. To cheat because you don't feel same love for a spouse, rather than talk to them and try really hard to work through it, shows a real lack of character and integrity as many others have said. I would not risk it as you already feel some trust issues and that's too important to sacrifice.

+1

People who constantly seek that passionate kind of love after 10+ years of marriage with kids are immature emotionally and mentally.

Marriage has its ups and downs, boredom, challenges. But, it's a commitment to that marriage.

If you don't think you can handle that, then don't get married, at the least, don't have children.

So many people see the world in such black and white terms, it’s astounding.

- Not a cheater, since I know you’ll accuse me of it.

Lol. If you dont believe cheating is black and white, then how can we accuse you? You'll justify it and somehow make it ok and not your fault.

It’s not that I don’t think the act of cheating isn’t black and white. I just think posters like you seem to have this notion that it’s sex love friendship finances everything everything everything with one person for all eternity, or else you’ll crumble and die. That’s where I think your black and white thinking is.

DP. No, actually, people who condemn cheating are not thinking that everything has to be with one person for all eternity. People who explicitly negotiate monogamy are consenting to sex under specific parameters. If the parameter is monogamy (whether it's within a marital relationship or not) then when one person cheats it turns consensual sex into non-consensual sex. Yes, it is that black and white.

Furthermore, when I negotiate monogamy, I am giving up certain activities or options in the same way I am asking my partner to. When a partner cheats, they are manipulating the faithful partner to give up things and give things, without paying the expected & mutually negotiated "cost" of giving up and giving the same.

To not be a cheater doesn't require staying forever and being someone's everything. It simply means to communicate your desires explicitly, negotiate them fairly, keep your promises and when you find you can't keep a promise, speak up explicitly before breaking your promise and either re-negotiate or end things before getting entangled with someone else.

Really not that hard. It's a low bar.

Love this.. very well said.

+1

People need to stop talking about being cheated on in terms of not giving consent. Being raped is not giving consent. Being cheated on is something that frankly every person in a relationship needs to be prepared for, because sometimes your spouse doesn’t honor his word. But you’re going into a relationship knowing this may happen.

Umm - I disagree. Marriage means vows to be faithful. Hence, cheating is not anticipated..

Yeah, because your husband hooking up with a coworker is just as awful as being sexually assaulted by a stranger at gun point.

Get a grip. These things aren’t equal.