When your kid is melting down and people try to "help"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometime, the parents of young children seem to think it's their world and we are all just living in it.

Not that you don't have my sympathy OP, I just think you are wrong. If your kid is having a tantrum in shared space, then you don't suddenly own the space and get to dictate the behavior of all the other people in that space.

I would never interfere with a parent and child in mid tantrum, but I also don't think you have any right to say "f@@@ off" to someone who does. It's shared space.

+1. You are the adult and you don't get to tantrum just because you are frustrated with the situation and people walking by are reacting imperfectly. Really, don't worry so much about being embarrassed or judged, just focus on your kid.

I think the point is that other adults should act like adults instead of butting in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometime, the parents of young children seem to think it's their world and we are all just living in it.

Not that you don't have my sympathy OP, I just think you are wrong. If your kid is having a tantrum in shared space, then you don't suddenly own the space and get to dictate the behavior of all the other people in that space.

I would never interfere with a parent and child in mid tantrum, but I also don't think you have any right to say "f@@@ off" to someone who does. It's shared space.

+1. You are the adult and you don't get to tantrum just because you are frustrated with the situation and people walking by are reacting imperfectly. Really, don't worry so much about being embarrassed or judged, just focus on your kid.

I think the point is that other adults should act like adults instead of butting in.

I think the point is that other adults are stepping in to be an adult when people like the OP are behaving like kids.

Do not let your child tantrum in public. Leave immediately if they can’t handle a situation. It might be an inconvenience sometimes but that’s life. That’s being an adult.

[Anonymous]

Ah, yes, DCUM, home of the beautifully simultaneous combo of "It Takes A Village!" and "Burn Down The Village!"

[Anonymous]

I think people step in because it’s known that distractions help kids overcome tantrums and they’re hoping that they can be the one to distract the kid long enough that they stop crying. I have seen it work and I’ve also seen it fail.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Before I had kids I swore I wouldn't "let" my kids have tantrums. Hahahaha. I am a good parent, but I have highly emotional kids, so yeah sometimes they had meltdowns in public. We left immediately. They grew up and now they don't. It was a stage, it sucked. And I have sympathy for those who have kid's melting down in public, but if I see you give them a treat to placate them then I have no sympathy for you. You're literally paying them to do it again in the future.

+1 NP. I had had twins when my older child was 2. One of my twins is highly emotional, stubborn, and prone to difficult behavior. My husband worked long hours when they were young, so I was frequently out with the three of them alone. With three, if you let one tantrum, there was no telling what the other ones would do. I learned that when possible, it was best to leave wherever we were (store, museum, party) when all of them were still happy. Pushing things was a recipe for disaster. If one of them started to melt down in a store, we were out the door, no matter what I needed or even if I had a full cart. I'm sorry for the staff who had to put my cart away, but personally, I didn't want my kids to ride out tantrums in public. I'm not saying that's the right approach for everyone or blaming parents for their kids' meltdowns. However, leaving is an option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I also feel your pain. I am not exactly proud of this, but one time on a pleasant autumn saturday in georgetown, an older woman approached my tantruming toddler who kept running toward the canal trying to jump in, and as i held my squirming child and trued to put them in their stroller, she said to my kid “oh your mommy is being ao mean to you, poor baby”. And i roared at her “go away, leave me alone!”



Maybe she was joking? I suppose I have good luck with strangers. They have helped divert my toddler and made them smile!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People, it’s defuse, not diffuse. They are tiny bombs, not essential oils!

Thanks grammar natzi.. that's the contribution you have to make. So helpful!

What is a "natzi"? Ignorance, contrary to whatever you may believe, Is not bliss

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"we need some space. please be on your way"

What if I was there first and your sunflower throws tantrum in my space? Why don't you pick up your little demon and move on!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Before I had kids I swore I wouldn't "let" my kids have tantrums. Hahahaha. I am a good parent, but I have highly emotional kids, so yeah sometimes they had meltdowns in public. We left immediately. They grew up and now they don't. It was a stage, it sucked. And I have sympathy for those who have kid's melting down in public, but if I see you give them a treat to placate them then I have no sympathy for you. You're literally paying them to do it again in the future.

+1 NP. I had had twins when my older child was 2. One of my twins is highly emotional, stubborn, and prone to difficult behavior. My husband worked long hours when they were young, so I was frequently out with the three of them alone. With three, if you let one tantrum, there was no telling what the other ones would do. I learned that when possible, it was best to leave wherever we were (store, museum, party) when all of them were still happy. Pushing things was a recipe for disaster. If one of them started to melt down in a store, we were out the door, no matter what I needed or even if I had a full cart. I'm sorry for the staff who had to put my cart away, but personally, I didn't want my kids to ride out tantrums in public. I'm not saying that's the right approach for everyone or blaming parents for their kids' meltdowns. However, leaving is an option.

You need to write a book so the idiots with children who are allowed to throw tantrums in public, know how to avoid these tantrums

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"we need some space. please be on your way"

You don't get to suddenly claim the space in a common area though.
I was in Target and a kid was having a tantrum in the school supply section, like a HUGE MASSIVE epic meltdown. The parent looked at me like I was the devil when I went in for the paper clips. Sorry lady, you don't own the school supply aisle.

The right move here is to remove your kid from the shared space, not to demand "space" that isn't yours to dictate.

It's Target, not your living room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in my 50s, children are young adults. I just walk on past you and your crying little ones. I do not say a word, or get involved in any way. It's your problem, not mine.

I walk to the other side of the store where it's blissfully quiet and begin my shopping there, far, far away from you and your crying child. By the time I reach the area where you were dealing with it, you are gone.

Works for me.

+1. I will never say anything or try to "help." I'm not interested in you, your child, or why it's upset. I will just get as far away as possible until the noise is over.

You are good people. We parents of young children appreciate you. I sincerely hope you find everything you need in the store and all the lights turn green for you on the way home.

Np. You can't speak for all parents with small children. I am gratefull to those who give kind words.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"we need some space. please be on your way"

What if I was there first and your sunflower throws tantrum in my space? Why don't you pick up your little demon and move on!

I’m pretty sure they mean that for people who are trying to be “helpful”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks grammar natzi

A nomination for the "Best of DCUM" list.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometime, the parents of young children seem to think it's their world and we are all just living in it.

Not that you don't have my sympathy OP, I just think you are wrong. If your kid is having a tantrum in shared space, then you don't suddenly own the space and get to dictate the behavior of all the other people in that space.

I would never interfere with a parent and child in mid tantrum, but I also don't think you have any right to say "f@@@ off" to someone who does. It's shared space.

+1. You are the adult and you don't get to tantrum just because you are frustrated with the situation and people walking by are reacting imperfectly. Really, don't worry so much about being embarrassed or judged, just focus on your kid.

I think the point is that other adults should act like adults instead of butting in.

I think the point is that other adults are stepping in to be an adult when people like the OP are behaving like kids.

Do not let your child tantrum in public. Leave immediately if they can’t handle a situation. It might be an inconvenience sometimes but that’s life. That’s being an adult.

Yes, being an adult is definitely interfering with a mom handling a tantrum. What are you going to do, oh superior stranger? Go pick up someone else’s 2 year old and remove him from the restaurant? Stand over the mom and tell her “get out of here with your brat”?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think people step in because it’s known that distractions help kids overcome tantrums and they’re hoping that they can be the one to distract the kid long enough that they stop crying. I have seen it work and I’ve also seen it fail.

I’m just trying to wrap my head around the arrogance of believing that you, a stranger, have some magical power over kids such that you can terminate a tantrum. Many/most tantrums get worse with attention.