When your kid is melting down and people try to "help"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometime, the parents of young children seem to think it's their world and we are all just living in it.

Not that you don't have my sympathy OP, I just think you are wrong. If your kid is having a tantrum in shared space, then you don't suddenly own the space and get to dictate the behavior of all the other people in that space.

I would never interfere with a parent and child in mid tantrum, but I also don't think you have any right to say "f@@@ off" to someone who does. It's shared space.

+1. You are the adult and you don't get to tantrum just because you are frustrated with the situation and people walking by are reacting imperfectly. Really, don't worry so much about being embarrassed or judged, just focus on your kid.

I think the point is that other adults should act like adults instead of butting in.

I think the point is that other adults are stepping in to be an adult when people like the OP are behaving like kids.

Do not let your child tantrum in public. Leave immediately if they can’t handle a situation. It might be an inconvenience sometimes but that’s life. That’s being an adult.

Yes, being an adult is definitely interfering with a mom handling a tantrum. What are you going to do, oh superior stranger? Go pick up someone else’s 2 year old and remove him from the restaurant? Stand over the mom and tell her “get out of here with your brat”?

Other people may not say this but, believe me. Ty his is what they're thinking and praying for!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think people step in because it’s known that distractions help kids overcome tantrums and they’re hoping that they can be the one to distract the kid long enough that they stop crying. I have seen it work and I’ve also seen it fail.

I’m just trying to wrap my head around the arrogance of believing that you, a stranger, have some magical power over kids such that you can terminate a tantrum. Many/most tantrums get worse with attention.

I agree with the previous poster. I don't think that the person thinks they have some magical power, but a new face/new interaction might just confuse/startle the kid enough for them to pause and allow the parent to do a reset. It's not a new idea that kids will react differently to others than to their parent

[Anonymous]

I remember telling people "you aren't helping".

[Anonymous]

I have said things ranging from "thanks for your input" to "no one asked you" to "are you enjoying the show/take a picture, it will last longer." People need to mind their own effing business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I remember telling people "you aren't helping".

I've said this so many times to unhelpful strangers (and sometimes family and friends) that my kid now says it, too. Once she was throwing a fit about leaving the playground after a long day in the car, and some random old lady wanted to insert herself into it, and my DD stopped what she was doing, looked at this lady, and said "This is between my mom and I. We've got it." She was 7

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometime, the parents of young children seem to think it's their world and we are all just living in it.

Not that you don't have my sympathy OP, I just think you are wrong. If your kid is having a tantrum in shared space, then you don't suddenly own the space and get to dictate the behavior of all the other people in that space.

I would never interfere with a parent and child in mid tantrum, but I also don't think you have any right to say "f@@@ off" to someone who does. It's shared space.

+1. You are the adult and you don't get to tantrum just because you are frustrated with the situation and people walking by are reacting imperfectly. Really, don't worry so much about being embarrassed or judged, just focus on your kid.

I think the point is that other adults should act like adults instead of butting in.

I think the point is that other adults are stepping in to be an adult when people like the OP are behaving like kids.

Do not let your child tantrum in public. Leave immediately if they can’t handle a situation. It might be an inconvenience sometimes but that’s life. That’s being an adult.

Yes, being an adult is definitely interfering with a mom handling a tantrum. What are you going to do, oh superior stranger? Go pick up someone else’s 2 year old and remove him from the restaurant? Stand over the mom and tell her “get out of here with your brat”?

Other people may not say this but, believe me. Ty his is what they're thinking and praying for!

If you’re a bad person, sure.

My personal, hard-won parenting stance is that I don’t GAF about people who are jerks. So yes, I will take my child in public even though it’s possible he will melt down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think people step in because it’s known that distractions help kids overcome tantrums and they’re hoping that they can be the one to distract the kid long enough that they stop crying. I have seen it work and I’ve also seen it fail.

I’m just trying to wrap my head around the arrogance of believing that you, a stranger, have some magical power over kids such that you can terminate a tantrum. Many/most tantrums get worse with attention.

I agree with the previous poster. I don't think that the person thinks they have some magical power, but a new face/new interaction might just confuse/startle the kid enough for them to pause and allow the parent to do a reset. It's not a new idea that kids will react differently to others than to their parent

ffs please do not take it upon yourself to “startle” a stranger’s child. seriously?!!

[Anonymous]

This OP is nearly identical to another thread from the past year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ah, yes, DCUM, home of the beautifully simultaneous combo of "It Takes A Village!" and "Burn Down The Village!"

So weird it's like DCUM is two totally different people!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think people step in because it’s known that distractions help kids overcome tantrums and they’re hoping that they can be the one to distract the kid long enough that they stop crying. I have seen it work and I’ve also seen it fail.

I’m just trying to wrap my head around the arrogance of believing that you, a stranger, have some magical power over kids such that you can terminate a tantrum. Many/most tantrums get worse with attention.

I agree with the previous poster. I don't think that the person thinks they have some magical power, but a new face/new interaction might just confuse/startle the kid enough for them to pause and allow the parent to do a reset. It's not a new idea that kids will react differently to others than to their parent

ffs please do not take it upon yourself to “startle” a stranger’s child. seriously?!!

ffs don't take your child out in public if you can't handle the presence of other people

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometime, the parents of young children seem to think it's their world and we are all just living in it.

Not that you don't have my sympathy OP, I just think you are wrong. If your kid is having a tantrum in shared space, then you don't suddenly own the space and get to dictate the behavior of all the other people in that space.

I would never interfere with a parent and child in mid tantrum, but I also don't think you have any right to say "f@@@ off" to someone who does. It's shared space.

+1. You are the adult and you don't get to tantrum just because you are frustrated with the situation and people walking by are reacting imperfectly. Really, don't worry so much about being embarrassed or judged, just focus on your kid.

I think the point is that other adults should act like adults instead of butting in.

I think the point is that other adults are stepping in to be an adult when people like the OP are behaving like kids.

Do not let your child tantrum in public. Leave immediately if they can’t handle a situation. It might be an inconvenience sometimes but that’s life. That’s being an adult.

Yes, being an adult is definitely interfering with a mom handling a tantrum. What are you going to do, oh superior stranger? Go pick up someone else’s 2 year old and remove him from the restaurant? Stand over the mom and tell her “get out of here with your brat”?

Other people may not say this but, believe me. Ty his is what they're thinking and praying for!

If you’re a bad person, sure.

My personal, hard-won parenting stance is that I don’t GAF about people who are jerks. So yes, I will take my child in public even though it’s possible he will melt down.

At the old "the real jerks are the people who can't accept jerks".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So many perfect parents on this thread. Strange that I never seem to encounter any of your perfect children at school, or anywhere.

You do, but you don't notice them because they aren't screaming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have said things ranging from "thanks for your input" to "no one asked you" to "are you enjoying the show/take a picture, it will last longer." People need to mind their own effing business.

If you’re disturbing the peace in public, it is everyone’s business.

If you want to have a private moment with your kid then go/stay home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you let your child tantrum in public you put yourself in the position of getting unsolicited comments and advice. If you don’t like it remove your child when they melt down.

I think the reason we don’t “remove our child” right away is:
1. We are hoping to get things back on track without walking away
2. Maybe child or myself or someone else close to us really needs an item in the store. We recognize there an issue, we’re taking time to listen to our kid on the sidewalk by the store’s entrance…. we’re trying to resolve it.
3. Sorry I don’t want to surfboard carry right now. I think this semi-private location by the carts (not in the way of the carts) is enough to handle what we have.

And then it can turn out the kid still isn’t settling and we need to walk away. Or, we need to go back in. This isn’t 30 minutes, this is like a 2-7 minute tantrum AND WE REALLY WANT the thing in the store. That’s why we drove here. In 2023, there is delivery, but we drove here because we need it sooner.

All of this plus sometimes just getting the kid to leave causes the tantrum to escalate or sometimes the parents are trying to leave but it’s hard to wrestle them up to carry them without inviting more comments and more screaming from the kid. They can’t just magically transport themselves out of the store.

It’s a rare exception that a parent is letting a kid have a tantrum in a store is not trying to do something to diffuse the situation.

Oh they are diffusing it across the whole store, but not defusing it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you let your child tantrum in public you put yourself in the position of getting unsolicited comments and advice. If you don’t like it remove your child when they melt down.

Yep, she sounds too permissive "allowing" her child to meltdown in public. Geez, you're obviously not a parent. This is actually normal age appropriate behavior. I'm sure if you were normal you melted down in public at some point. OP, we've all been there. Keep calm and carry on.

I have three children, now grown. And not a single one ever had a tantrum, public or private. I didn't keep them out too long so they got tired or hungry. The main reason was because they were taught how to behave in public.

Your kids never ever cried or whined in public with you? Then you either were rich enough to have someone else caring for them and/or running your errands full time, or more likely don’t remember what having a toddler was like. Either way you’re not the target audience for this thread.

OP, I was once dealing with walking an overtired 2yo home from daycare and she’d sat down on an empty sidewalk and was yelling about not wanting go get in the stroller or to walk. Not a full tantrum but just overtired misery that I knew perfectly well would be best fixed by some quiet time. So I was just standing there waiting for her to calm down and someone had the absolute gall to cross the street specifically to come up to me to stop, stare, and after like 30 seconds ask “is she having a tantrum?”

The absolute gall!
Why that's almost as bad as screaming for over a minute in public!