stubborn senior declaring she would rather die falling at home than go into a nursing home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 70 and I agree with your mom.

I run the dogs, muck out the stables, and ride my horse 6 days a week and I will do a swan dive off a cliff into the ocean before I'll go to a nursing home.

So what's your plan to not F over your kids when you get older and can't live independently anymore? Or do you not care about them?

I don't have any kids. I live in a state with assisted suicide.

Why are you on this site for parents? Weirdo

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 70 and I agree with your mom.

I run the dogs, muck out the stables, and ride my horse 6 days a week and I will do a swan dive off a cliff into the ocean before I'll go to a nursing home.

So what's your plan to not F over your kids when you get older and can't live independently anymore? Or do you not care about them?

This.
I’d love to know too.

Because I don’t actually think most adult children will feel ok about leaving a mom who can’t walk, bathe herself, change herself all alone in her home to just hope for the best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 70 and I agree with your mom.

I run the dogs, muck out the stables, and ride my horse 6 days a week and I will do a swan dive off a cliff into the ocean before I'll go to a nursing home.

So what's your plan to not F over your kids when you get older and can't live independently anymore? Or do you not care about them?

the morbid reality is that you might fall and not die, and then live with unbelievable suffering. and then you will be dependent on others for care.

Yes! I had a client who had this outlook on wanting g to just be left alone and if she falls and dies, so be it!—and I reminded her that death may not be the worst condition after a fall…

[Anonymous]

After visiting my aunt in a nursing home over the last 2 years, I never want to be in one. It’s no life. My 80 yo dad feels similarly and I would do anything to keep him out of one. He has made plans to age in place. If that is not an option, perhaps your mom would be more open to moving to independent living or assisted living should she need it. I have healthcare POA for loved ones and I will always honor my family members wishes. If you can assure your mom you will do the same, it might help. Make it clear a nursing home would absolutely be a last resort (for example advanced dementia).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 70 and I agree with your mom.

I run the dogs, muck out the stables, and ride my horse 6 days a week and I will do a swan dive off a cliff into the ocean before I'll go to a nursing home.

Do you worry at all about your horse and dogs if you go days without help in the event of an emergency?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After visiting my aunt in a nursing home over the last 2 years, I never want to be in one. It’s no life. My 80 yo dad feels similarly and I would do anything to keep him out of one. He has made plans to age in place. If that is not an option, perhaps your mom would be more open to moving to independent living or assisted living should she need it. I have healthcare POA for loved ones and I will always honor my family members wishes. If you can assure your mom you will do the same, it might help. Make it clear a nursing home would absolutely be a last resort (for example advanced dementia).

Have you visited assisted livings? There are some very nice ones with social activities. We had an inlaw age in place. Not being able to walk or feed yourself at home is pretty grim. those who went into nursing homes at least had lovely settings where we got visit a garden and more people around than a hired caregiver on her phone who is hoping he'll take another nap soon. The house easily falls into disarray even when adult children try to check on things. Neighbors who were once kind are exasperated because they have to make a stink about how the house is kept from the outside, sometimes when the next shift caregiver shows up they block a neighbors driveway, they are still low down on some emergency list they agreed to 8 years ago and now they get a call. Just as old people can be snobby about living around other old people and don't wants special communities for old people, a lot of young neighbors are overwhelmed balancing young kids and work and extended family and they start to lose their patience with the entitled elderly person insisting on aging in place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 70 and I agree with your mom.

I run the dogs, muck out the stables, and ride my horse 6 days a week and I will do a swan dive off a cliff into the ocean before I'll go to a nursing home.

Do you worry at all about your horse and dogs if you go days without help in the event of an emergency?

This. I assume you have a plan of why takes care of them all that includes several backups? When people have children they create a legal document naming who will take over parenting if they die or became severely ill. Do you have that for all your animals?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom is 70 and fine living by herself, but we had this conversation about nursing homes. She said she won't sign a health care POA and would rather make her own decisions even when she loses mental capacity and doesn't want to live in a nursing home under any circumstances. Having recently visited a relative with dementia in a nursing home, I get where she's coming from, but don't think staying at home is a great option for someone who should be in a nursing home. There's not money for assisted living or home health aides, unfortunately. We live in different states, and she doesn't want to move. What advice do you have for me?

No one in their right mind would voluntarily move to a nursing home. Have you visited one lately? They aren’t good places to live. They can be placed to die though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In our family we take care of our elderly and we're paid to do so. If dementia enters the picture and it becomes too hard, they are then placed in a facility that can handle this.

Glad you have that kind of cash in your famil

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 70 and I agree with your mom.

I run the dogs, muck out the stables, and ride my horse 6 days a week and I will do a swan dive off a cliff into the ocean before I'll go to a nursing home.

Well, you’re not the one that will have to worry about their mom falling down the stairs and slowly dying while laying in their own feces. And you won’t have to deal with the fact that no one noticed for says as the decay started to set in. That is the special gift you will leave to your kids. So kind!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 70 and I agree with your mom.

I run the dogs, muck out the stables, and ride my horse 6 days a week and I will do a swan dive off a cliff into the ocean before I'll go to a nursing home.

So what's your plan to not F over your kids when you get older and can't live independently anymore? Or do you not care about them?

Oh just you wait until you have to go to a nursing home. As they say, karma’s a B**ch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 70 and I agree with your mom.

I run the dogs, muck out the stables, and ride my horse 6 days a week and I will do a swan dive off a cliff into the ocean before I'll go to a nursing home.

So what's your plan to not F over your kids when you get older and can't live independently anymore? Or do you not care about them?

This.
I’d love to know too.

Because I don’t actually think most adult children will feel ok about leaving a mom who can’t walk, bathe herself, change herself all alone in her home to just hope for the best.

100% agree. I think old people who refuse help are really selfish. Maybe because they don’t care about their kids, they don’t expect their kids to care about them. . . It just doesn’t work that way. I still care about my narcissistic selfish stubborn mother. But the fact is she will probably break a hip and die in slow agony of dehydration and I will have to feel guilty about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 70 and I agree with your mom.

I run the dogs, muck out the stables, and ride my horse 6 days a week and I will do a swan dive off a cliff into the ocean before I'll go to a nursing home.

Well, you’re not the one that will have to worry about their mom falling down the stairs and slowly dying while laying in their own feces. And you won’t have to deal with the fact that no one noticed for says as the decay started to set in. That is the special gift you will leave to your kids. So kind!

Kids who want to put their parents in nursing homes are evil sadists.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 70 and I agree with your mom.

I run the dogs, muck out the stables, and ride my horse 6 days a week and I will do a swan dive off a cliff into the ocean before I'll go to a nursing home.

Well, you’re not the one that will have to worry about their mom falling down the stairs and slowly dying while laying in their own feces. And you won’t have to deal with the fact that no one noticed for says as the decay started to set in. That is the special gift you will leave to your kids. So kind!

Kids who want to put their parents in nursing homes are evil sadists.

^And you are either a completely uneducated ignoramus or are a 12 year old.

Please tell me what you advice would be to an adult child when a parent has a massive stroke, is paralyzed, cannot eat on their own, needs to wear a diaper, and also needs two people in order to move or bathe them? But their mind is completely fine and they are well aware of their condition.

Better yet, do this: Pretend YOU are paralyzed for a weekend, are bedridden, and tie up the left side of your body so you can't use your arm or leg, be sure to tighten up that diaper, and also put an eyepatch over your left eye. Now let your DH, DW, partner, friend, whoever ... care for you for a week straight. Then come back on here and tell us how it went.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 70 and I agree with your mom.

I run the dogs, muck out the stables, and ride my horse 6 days a week and I will do a swan dive off a cliff into the ocean before I'll go to a nursing home.

Well, you’re not the one that will have to worry about their mom falling down the stairs and slowly dying while laying in their own feces. And you won’t have to deal with the fact that no one noticed for says as the decay started to set in. That is the special gift you will leave to your kids. So kind!

Kids who want to put their parents in nursing homes are evil sadists.

My uncle's wife had her arm broken by her father, staying with them. He sundowned all the time. This time she didn't get away fast enough. Of course, the bone was broken, but her skin was clawed up as well.

Yeah, that's the point where she agreed to be honest with his medical providers about what was happening. He didn't live with them anymore after that. What an evil sadist, the little self-preserving b---h.