My good friend’s husband is cheating do I tell her??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This reminded me of the story of this DCUM wife who sent sexy underwear to her cheating husband in the mail. I don’t remember whether she did it anonymously or used the AP’s name but it ignited a fight between his AP and DH 🤣

I remember that post! She was a special kind of evil genius.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she finds out and finds out YOU knew and didn’t tell her, she’s never going to want to speak to you again. It feels like a DOUBLE betrayal. Anyone who knew and didn’t tell me, or aided in an alibi are dead to me.

+1 Part of the shame in betrayal is feeling absolute embarrassment that all of these other people knew while it was going on and you were clueless. It’s the worst feeling.

Yeah. That’s exactly why you keep your mouth shut. Forever.

I can understand the argument for telling her. I disagree with it, but there’s like a reasonable view there that people can disagree on.

However, so many of you are just very obviously getting horny and foaming at the mouth about the notion of creating some Big Drama. It’s gross.

That last line-- projecting much?

Nobody here is getting off on the idea of telling someone they're being cheated on. The way your mind goes there does tell us a lot about you, though. You play the "reasonable" card up to that point then go off on your own assumptions of what others' motivations are when you can't possibly know. Strange.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not say anything. It’s just not your business. You’d be telling her to relieve yourself of the “guilt” of knowing about it… it’s right there in the OP, the issue is that it’s eating at YOU.

FWIW I also would not want to be told if I were in her shoes. (Spouse and I are not swingers or in an open marriage by any means, and we’re past the age where sex is a major part of day-to-day life, but we’ve had an informal DADT policy for decades. No on even our closest friends know that.)

If OP's as close to the friend as she believes she is, she likely can make a very good prediction of whether the friend would want to know or not.

Such a know-it-all, busybody comment.

It would be extremely unusual for OP, best friend or not, to know about private sexual acts and practices agreed between this woman and her husband.

If you think it’s right for OP to insert herself into this situation, fine. So be it. But don’t pretend it’s based on knowing that the friend wants to hear it. You 100% have no idea.

Such a know-it-all, jacka$$y comment.

OP doesn't have to "know about private sexual acts agreed between this woman and her husband" to know if her very close friend is a person who values monogamy and fidelity. It's very odd that you think one must know intimate details about a person's specific sex acts in order to have a read on whether that person would want to know about cheating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anonymous email

The only sane answer.

[Anonymous]

All the male posters do not ant op to tell. Most of the female posters think OP should tell.

I think, OP should send an anonymous email. Also, any proof that she has. If you tell the friend openly she will have misplaced anger towards you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely tell. She may choose to stay, but at least she will be choosing with ALL the information.

+100. Your friend deserves to know, especially since staying may carry risks for her (STIs, supporting an affair child).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All the male posters do not ant op to tell. Most of the female posters think OP should tell.

On DCUM it goes the other way if a woman is cheating - that’s when the men say “tell her husband” and the women say “no don’t tell her husband, mind your own business.”

[Anonymous]

Of course I’d tell a good friend if I knew their spouse was cheating and I have done so. How is this even a question? I’d probably tell a mediocre friend too.

[Anonymous]

How do you know, OP?

[Anonymous]

This happened to me. I had a very close friend of 22 years whose husband was cheating on her. I waited until I had solid proof (invited her to a house party that I knew he would attend with another woman while he told her he was at work). She was very upset at me and totally cut me off. As far as I know they’re still together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You could tell her anonymously with a burner email, possibly, if you’re worried about her friendship

+1

[Anonymous]

I’m appalled by some of the answers on this thread. What kind of crappy friendships do y’all have?

If you are truly my friend, tell me - with as much evidence as you have. Be factual. Don’t tell me what to do; just say you know this is a really difficult situation and you will support me and help me whatever I decide to do but that you thought as my friend, you owed it to me to tell me and that you’d want me to do the same.

If I knew a friend knew something like this and didn’t tell me, I’d feel doubly heartbroken and betrayed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m appalled by some of the answers on this thread. What kind of crappy friendships do y’all have?

If you are truly my friend, tell me - with as much evidence as you have. Be factual. Don’t tell me what to do; just say you know this is a really difficult situation and you will support me and help me whatever I decide to do but that you thought as my friend, you owed it to me to tell me and that you’d want me to do the same.

If I knew a friend knew something like this and didn’t tell me, I’d feel doubly heartbroken and betrayed.

You seem like a normal person with good friends. You'd be surprised at what other women and men are like though. Many people would rather cheat themselves or hide the information. It's sad.

[Anonymous]

Of course you tell her!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This happened to me. I had a very close friend of 22 years whose husband was cheating on her. I waited until I had solid proof (invited her to a house party that I knew he would attend with another woman while he told her he was at work). She was very upset at me and totally cut me off. As far as I know they’re still together.

How did your friend know that you set up her DH?