My good friend’s husband is cheating do I tell her??

[Anonymous]

If she’s your close friend and you are for certain her Dh is cheating, then you tell her.

You tell her it’s none of your business how she decides to handle the situation but that you love her and are there for her no matter what she decides.

I would be so upset if a close friend kept something so important like this from me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She needs to know for health reasons.

Blah blah blah

Says the cheater.

Always amazes me, the people on DCUM who insist that STIs are no big deal. Maybe they're walking around with them, blithely infecting others, and don't give a f*** about doing so.

Come on. Sleeping with one other person is not that big of a risk and chances are (the cheaters) they’ve already talked about STI’s before sleeping with each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she finds out and finds out YOU knew and didn’t tell her, she’s never going to want to speak to you again. It feels like a DOUBLE betrayal. Anyone who knew and didn’t tell me, or aided in an alibi are dead to me.

+1 Part of the shame in betrayal is feeling absolute embarrassment that all of these other people knew while it was going on and you were clueless. It’s the worst feeling.

Yeah. That’s exactly why you keep your mouth shut. Forever.

I can understand the argument for telling her. I disagree with it, but there’s like a reasonable view there that people can disagree on.

However, so many of you are just very obviously getting horny and foaming at the mouth about the notion of creating some Big Drama. It’s gross.

NO. You took thAt the absolute wrong way!!! I was glad I finally was made privy. It would be worst for them all to be talking behind my back for 10 more years with me still in the dark. Duh

Big surprise. The jilted ex-wife, clearly still carrying around massive baggage of her own, wants others’ lives ruined as well. (She also uses “worst” as a comparative, but I digress.)

OP, ask yourself if this is the kind of person whose advice you should follow.

MYOB.

Exactly. She clearly just wants everyone to be as miserable as she is.

Not at all the way I read it. She’s saying how awful it was to find out people knew and did t tell her. You, as cheater, obviously don’t want anyone to put you. We get it. Telling someone about an affair is not drama. HAVING an affair IS the drama. People in affairs have histrionic personality disorder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not say anything. It’s just not your business. You’d be telling her to relieve yourself of the “guilt” of knowing about it… it’s right there in the OP, the issue is that it’s eating at YOU.

FWIW I also would not want to be told if I were in her shoes. (Spouse and I are not swingers or in an open marriage by any means, and we’re past the age where sex is a major part of day-to-day life, but we’ve had an informal DADT policy for decades. No on even our closest friends know that.)

If OP's as close to the friend as she believes she is, she likely can make a very good prediction of whether the friend would want to know or not.

Such a know-it-all, busybody comment.

It would be extremely unusual for OP, best friend or not, to know about private sexual acts and practices agreed between this woman and her husband.

If you think it’s right for OP to insert herself into this situation, fine. So be it. But don’t pretend it’s based on knowing that the friend wants to hear it. You 100% have no idea.

This. I would not want to know. MYOB.

[Anonymous]

It’s a health risk and a financial risk. She’s a good friend. Of course you tell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She needs to know for health reasons.

Blah blah blah

Says the cheater.

Always amazes me, the people on DCUM who insist that STIs are no big deal. Maybe they're walking around with them, blithely infecting others, and don't give a f*** about doing so.

Not a cheater, but as an FYI a lot of good, moral people live with STIs and infect others as well. Stop talking like only disgusting low life’s get infected. You’re not above everyone else.

+1

[Anonymous]

I highly doubt you have irrefutable proof

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s a health risk and a financial risk. She’s a good friend. Of course you tell.

You don’t know if it’s a health risk because many people practice safe sex and get tested for STDs and it’s not a financial risk unless the friend tells.

[Anonymous]

I would tell her anonymously and I would never, ever tell anyone (including my spouse) that I know.

[Anonymous]

I would tell my friends and they would tell me. That’s what a true friend does. Not even a question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s a health risk and a financial risk. She’s a good friend. Of course you tell.

You don’t know if it’s a health risk because many people practice safe sex and get tested for STDs and it’s not a financial risk unless the friend tells.

The spouse did not give their consent to be in a non-monogamous relationship and given what I now know about microbiomes there is a lot of stuff being passed around that may be harmful, and not necessarily an sti.

It is absolutely appalling to be spreading body fluids- blood and semen and saliva and vaginal discharge routinely with another person and not tell your spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would tell my friends and they would tell me. That’s what a true friend does. Not even a question.

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s a health risk and a financial risk. She’s a good friend. Of course you tell.

You don’t know if it’s a health risk because many people practice safe sex and get tested for STDs and it’s not a financial risk unless the friend tells.

A lot of these nasty trash people find these partners online. People cheating engage in risky behavior. These are chaste, careful people. They have online profiles and bang after coffee dates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s a health risk and a financial risk. She’s a good friend. Of course you tell.

You don’t know if it’s a health risk because many people practice safe sex and get tested for STDs and it’s not a financial risk unless the friend tells.

A lot of these nasty trash people find these partners online. People cheating engage in risky behavior. These are chaste, careful people. They have online profiles and bang after coffee dates.

Married people don’t usually cheat with random people online. That’s what single people do not what married people do. They are statistics on this. People are a lot more careful than you would think—even the random people who are single.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s a health risk and a financial risk. She’s a good friend. Of course you tell.

You don’t know if it’s a health risk because many people practice safe sex and get tested for STDs and it’s not a financial risk unless the friend tells.

The spouse did not give their consent to be in a non-monogamous relationship and given what I now know about microbiomes there is a lot of stuff being passed around that may be harmful, and not necessarily an sti.

It is absolutely appalling to be spreading body fluids- blood and semen and saliva and vaginal discharge routinely with another person and not tell your spouse.

Of course, it’s appalling, but you don’t actually know if there’s a health risk for all you know they could be using condoms and both of them could’ve been tested.