My good friend’s husband is cheating do I tell her??

[Anonymous]

I used to think that I’d like to be told if I were ever in your friend’s situation, but now I am not sure. Kida are young, I am a SAHM so I’m financially dependent on DH… Honestly, I’d rather not know. But if no kids or adult kids, then yea, I’d like to know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I used to think that I’d like to be told if I were ever in your friend’s situation, but now I am not sure. Kida are young, I am a SAHM so I’m financially dependent on DH… Honestly, I’d rather not know. But if no kids or adult kids, then yea, I’d like to know.

Same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I used to think that I’d like to be told if I were ever in your friend’s situation, but now I am not sure. Kida are young, I am a SAHM so I’m financially dependent on DH… Honestly, I’d rather not know. But if no kids or adult kids, then yea, I’d like to know.

If you find out because you end up with an STI, well, that's one hell of a way to get the news. Don't think it can't happen to you, PP.

You'd rather not know that your life - not just your DH's life, yours, every day, all day long -- is a lie?

I'd rather know ASAP and have all the information I needed to make decisions for myself, about my own future and that of my kids (even if that decision is to stay with cheater DH after he ends the affair(s) and does the work of being an actual stand-up man).

Cheaters, through their secrets, deprive their betrayed spouses of the ability to have full agency over their own lives.

If you think "ignorance is bliss," well, keep thinking you'd rather not know about cheating. If you want to be an adult who has the dignity of choosing your own path in life, painful though it may be, rather than having it secretly chosen FOR you and foisted onto you, then you'd want to know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I used to think that I’d like to be told if I were ever in your friend’s situation, but now I am not sure. Kida are young, I am a SAHM so I’m financially dependent on DH… Honestly, I’d rather not know. But if no kids or adult kids, then yea, I’d like to know.

Would you rather be unprepared when he announces he’s leaving? Or would you rather know before he knows you do and get all of your ducks in a row and finances and divorce attorneys.

I don’t get the head in the sand approach. It is not to your benefit.

I know several cases where kids found out on electronics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I used to think that I’d like to be told if I were ever in your friend’s situation, but now I am not sure. Kida are young, I am a SAHM so I’m financially dependent on DH… Honestly, I’d rather not know. But if no kids or adult kids, then yea, I’d like to know.

If you find out because you end up with an STI, well, that's one hell of a way to get the news. Don't think it can't happen to you, PP.

You'd rather not know that your life - not just your DH's life, yours, every day, all day long -- is a lie?

I'd rather know ASAP and have all the information I needed to make decisions for myself, about my own future and that of my kids (even if that decision is to stay with cheater DH after he ends the affair(s) and does the work of being an actual stand-up man).

Cheaters, through their secrets, deprive their betrayed spouses of the ability to have full agency over their own lives.

If you think "ignorance is bliss," well, keep thinking you'd rather not know about cheating. If you want to be an adult who has the dignity of choosing your own path in life, painful though it may be, rather than having it secretly chosen FOR you and foisted onto you, then you'd want to know.

+1 million. Or he knocks the OW up, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I used to think that I’d like to be told if I were ever in your friend’s situation, but now I am not sure. Kida are young, I am a SAHM so I’m financially dependent on DH… Honestly, I’d rather not know. But if no kids or adult kids, then yea, I’d like to know.

If you find out because you end up with an STI, well, that's one hell of a way to get the news. Don't think it can't happen to you, PP.

You'd rather not know that your life - not just your DH's life, yours, every day, all day long -- is a lie?

I'd rather know ASAP and have all the information I needed to make decisions for myself, about my own future and that of my kids (even if that decision is to stay with cheater DH after he ends the affair(s) and does the work of being an actual stand-up man).

Cheaters, through their secrets, deprive their betrayed spouses of the ability to have full agency over their own lives.

If you think "ignorance is bliss," well, keep thinking you'd rather not know about cheating. If you want to be an adult who has the dignity of choosing your own path in life, painful though it may be, rather than having it secretly chosen FOR you and foisted onto you, then you'd want to know.

+1 million. Or he knocks the OW up, etc.

I'm PP from above and should have added -- a good friend found out about her DH's longstanding affair when the OW ended up pregnant and the DH decided to leave suddenly to be with the AP and baby.

So yeah, it's a b**ch to find out only because the cheater DH got the side piece knocked up. Or the betrayed wife has a mystery STI. Or the wife stumbles over something in the DH's texts/emails/DMs etc. Or perhaps worst of all, the kids stumble over it. Especially if the kids are old enough to figure out what it means

Better to hear it from a friend, another adult (probably another woman) who will tell you in a way that lets you process it better than you can if it comes out in a medical test or "She's pregnant" or "Mom, what does this mean?" moment.

[Anonymous]

If you have proof you can show her then tell her. If I were her I'd want to know but would want proof.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I used to think that I’d like to be told if I were ever in your friend’s situation, but now I am not sure. Kida are young, I am a SAHM so I’m financially dependent on DH… Honestly, I’d rather not know. But if no kids or adult kids, then yea, I’d like to know.

I'm a SAHM and my husband had an affair when the kids were in preschool. There's now way I wouldn't have wanted to know. He was acting so weird and constantly blame-shifting and gas-lighting me, and I was going crazy from trying to figure out what the hell was going on. I needed to know the truth to move our lives forward in an authentic way, which is the only way I'll live. For me, ignorance isn't bliss because you can't build anything worthwhile on a foundation of lies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I used to think that I’d like to be told if I were ever in your friend’s situation, but now I am not sure. Kida are young, I am a SAHM so I’m financially dependent on DH… Honestly, I’d rather not know. But if no kids or adult kids, then yea, I’d like to know.

Would you rather be unprepared when he announces he’s leaving? Or would you rather know before he knows you do and get all of your ducks in a row and finances and divorce attorneys.

I don’t get the head in the sand approach. It is not to your benefit.

I know several cases where kids found out on electronics.

Then you know a lot of stupid people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I used to think that I’d like to be told if I were ever in your friend’s situation, but now I am not sure. Kida are young, I am a SAHM so I’m financially dependent on DH… Honestly, I’d rather not know. But if no kids or adult kids, then yea, I’d like to know.

Would you rather be unprepared when he announces he’s leaving? Or would you rather know before he knows you do and get all of your ducks in a row and finances and divorce attorneys.

I don’t get the head in the sand approach. It is not to your benefit.

I know several cases where kids found out on electronics.

Then you know a lot of stupid people.

Agree, cheaters are stupid.

[Anonymous]

Make sure you BCC yourself on the anonymous email to make know whether it hit inbox or spam folder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I used to think that I’d like to be told if I were ever in your friend’s situation, but now I am not sure. Kida are young, I am a SAHM so I’m financially dependent on DH… Honestly, I’d rather not know. But if no kids or adult kids, then yea, I’d like to know.

Would you rather be unprepared when he announces he’s leaving? Or would you rather know before he knows you do and get all of your ducks in a row and finances and divorce attorneys.

I don’t get the head in the sand approach. It is not to your benefit.

I know several cases where kids found out on electronics.

Then you know a lot of stupid people.

Agree, cheaters are stupid.

Research studies say most affairs are never discovered...so you know some dumb cheaters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I used to think that I’d like to be told if I were ever in your friend’s situation, but now I am not sure. Kida are young, I am a SAHM so I’m financially dependent on DH… Honestly, I’d rather not know. But if no kids or adult kids, then yea, I’d like to know.

Would you rather be unprepared when he announces he’s leaving? Or would you rather know before he knows you do and get all of your ducks in a row and finances and divorce attorneys.

I don’t get the head in the sand approach. It is not to your benefit.

I know several cases where kids found out on electronics.

Then you know a lot of stupid people.

Agree, cheaters are stupid.

Research studies say most affairs are never discovered...so you know some dumb cheaters.

Or they subconsciously wanted to get caught-either to get out of it and stop the spiral—or in the case of women cheaters- to force the divorce.

[Anonymous]

Are you the one he is cheating with

[Anonymous]

Would love an update from the OP!