My good friend’s husband is cheating do I tell her??

[Anonymous]

If I were your friend and you didn’t tell me, and I found out later that you knew and didn’t tell me, I would be super pissed at you.

[Anonymous]

What is so hard about creating a burner email and sending the info/proof?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I were your friend and you didn’t tell me, and I found out later that you knew and didn’t tell me, I would be super pissed at you.

No way friend will find out.

OP, stay out of it. It may blow up in your face. And, what if you were wrong. What if friends life gets much worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Late to the party but please tell her. I had some who told me and some who didn’t. My relationship with the ones who didn’t has changed because “not choosing sides” is choosing sides.

+1. It felt like an additional betrayal by those that knew but kept quiet.

Exactly this. I dropped all the mutual friends who knew and didn’t tell. And those who knew afterward but didn’t say anything to me - no I’m sorry, how can I be supportive, etc. Choosing to be a silent bystander to abuse is choosing to support the perpetrator of abuse.

People are silent in the face of abuse aren’t friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I were your friend and you didn’t tell me, and I found out later that you knew and didn’t tell me, I would be super pissed at you.

No way friend will find out.

OP, stay out of it. It may blow up in your face. And, what if you were wrong. What if friends life gets much worse.

How do you know that the friend won’t find out? If OP knows, they are probably more people that know too.

[Anonymous]

Tell- she may suspect, and could use the proof

[Anonymous]

Follow the platinum rule. Treat people how they want to be treated.

Hopefully you know your friend well enough to know whether she would want her friends to tell her if DH was cheating on her.

I'm my case I'd want my closest friends to tell it to me straight and I'll deal with the info.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I were your friend and you didn’t tell me, and I found out later that you knew and didn’t tell me, I would be super pissed at you.

No way friend will find out.

OP, stay out of it. It may blow up in your face. And, what if you were wrong. What if friends life gets much worse.

How do you know that the friend won’t find out? If OP knows, they are probably more people that know too.

I think the PP means that there's no way the friend would find out that the OP knew about the cheating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My rule for this is that I go to the husband and give a deadline. "Ross, I know you're cheating on Rachel. You have 72 hours to tell her, or I will. Your choice." For STD purposes if nothing else, she needs to know.

This is a great way to get hurt or killed.

You don't extort or threaten people, and no way I'd get in the DH's face like this.

I'd gently offer my (good) friend what I know, as a PP suggested, without editorializing, and respect her decisions/support her.

[Anonymous]

What would you want her to do if the situation were reversed?

[Anonymous]

OP, can you kindly provide an update? WhT did you decide to do?

[Anonymous]

I’d go to him, tell him that if you saw/caught/deduced cheating your friend or others can too and he should end it with his AP or your friend. Also say that you don’t want to know anything more and you’ll never mention this to him or anyone ever again.

The rest is up to him.

[Anonymous]

As the wife who had no agency for years, please please tell her. I even (excitedly, intentionally) got pregnant and had our second child during his affair. I love my little one to death, but would have NEVER had a second child had I known. It eats away at me constantly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You could tell her anonymously with a burner email, possibly, if you’re worried about her friendship

This. Or a letter in the mail with the photos or emails or whatever incontrovertible evidence you have included.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she finds out and finds out YOU knew and didn’t tell her, she’s never going to want to speak to you again. It feels like a DOUBLE betrayal. Anyone who knew and didn’t tell me, or aided in an alibi are dead to me.

+1 Part of the shame in betrayal is feeling absolute embarrassment that all of these other people knew while it was going on and you were clueless. It’s the worst feeling.

Yeah. That’s exactly why you keep your mouth shut. Forever.

I can understand the argument for telling her. I disagree with it, but there’s like a reasonable view there that people can disagree on.

However, so many of you are just very obviously getting horny and foaming at the mouth about the notion of creating some Big Drama. It’s gross.

You’re an idiot who’s mischaracterizing things (and not well, BTW - see earlier idiot comment) to denigrate positions that disagree with yours.