Over 50 and Older sister not speaking to me for more than 10 years

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What "stories" did I change in this thread? None.

I have no friends or family in my city where I currently live. That's the truth. I do have friends and family in my hometown. These are people I went to grade school, high school, and college with. Are they "friends" where I can just call them up and hang out with them? Not really.

Some of you posting on here are so vested in making me, as the OP, out to be "wrong." What if neither I nor my sister are actually wrong? It doesn't help the fact that I reach out to her, she refuses to speak. LoL. I apologize, she doesn't accept. Did I murder someone? Was I an addict for years in recovery, who stole from my family and who doesn't remember events? No. Is there an actual record of how I was there for both my parents when they needed me? Yes. Was I there for my sister at her major life events? Yes.

You keep saying you apologized and she didn't accept. You apologized to her BIL for something involving your dogs when you were talking to your BIL about your sister behind her back.

People have explained to you that this isn't a real apology and it's actually pretty wrong.

[Anonymous]

As an adult I realized that my aunt (my mother's sister) is a psychopath. She has cut out various family members throughout her life. Sometimes she reconnects with some and tries to form alliances against other family members.

So my question is, has your sister cut ties with other family members or just you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What "stories" did I change in this thread? None.

I have no friends or family in my city where I currently live. That's the truth. I do have friends and family in my hometown. These are people I went to grade school, high school, and college with. Are they "friends" where I can just call them up and hang out with them? Not really.

Some of you posting on here are so vested in making me, as the OP, out to be "wrong." What if neither I nor my sister are actually wrong? It doesn't help the fact that I reach out to her, she refuses to speak. LoL. I apologize, she doesn't accept. Did I murder someone? Was I an addict for years in recovery, who stole from my family and who doesn't remember events? No. Is there an actual record of how I was there for both my parents when they needed me? Yes. Was I there for my sister at her major life events? Yes.

NP. Hi OP, I have no reason to doubt your version of events.
I know someone who is similar.

She is 70 years old and she has 3 siblings - 2 sisters, 1 brother. She bears grudges about things that happened 30, 40+ years ago! She hasn't spoken to her youngest sister (who is 63) since the mid/late 1980s.

She never married, never even had a romantic relationship and never had any close friends - except one co-worker she has kept in touch with.

She lived with their parents until both parents died. She was the only caregiver (she always refused to hire home health aides, a cleaner - claiming she could do it better).
She complained that her siblings never offered any help with eldercare, but on the other hand she pushed her siblings away on the occasions that they did offer assistance.

Now, at age 70, she feels depressed, miserable and lonely. She never says anything nice about anyone, be it her siblings, acquaintances or neighbors. The whole world seems bad to her. She can talk for more than 1 hour non-stop about how unlucky she is and about all the misfortunes in her life. She sounds like everyone owes her an apology for whatever real or perceived hurt they caused.
It's draining.
Some people in the neighborhood actively avoid meeting her in the street. Is is any wonder?

Are you trying to paint a picture of me? I didn't live at home with my parents. I've had romantic relationships. So, this isn't me.

No, I meant your sister. I know your sister is married but there is a similarity in how people bear long term grudges, and think the world owes them an apology for stuff that happened decades ago. 10 years in your case.

Maybe the sister has cut OP off because the sister needs to establish boundaries. We don't know the sister's side of the story and we've seen enough of OP's questionable behavior on this short thread to make that a possibility.

Normally you guys shriek "cut them off" at someone's first post about their parents or siblings. OP's sister may have cut her off for very good reasons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As an adult I realized that my aunt (my mother's sister) is a psychopath. She has cut out various family members throughout her life. Sometimes she reconnects with some and tries to form alliances against other family members.

So my question is, has your sister cut ties with other family members or just you?

That's not psychopathic behavior. But the question is a good one: does OP's sister have close ties with anybody else? The parents are dead and apparently there are no other siblings. How about long-term friends? The sister has apparently been married since she was 30 and she's now in her 50s, so that bodes well for the sister's ability to sustain relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For people saying not to contact my sister when I'm in town, I don't think that was the right thing to do, either. If I'm in town, and I'm at a huge gathering where other mutual family and friends will see me, then my sister would have reason to be upset, that I didn't contact her.

It's not your sister's fault you have no other friends. Work on you first instead of laying all your problems at her feet. The common denominator in you lack of family, friends, other women in your life is you.

Sounds like Dr. Phil.

I actually signed up for season tickets to the ballet, and then also to volunteer at the theatre. I feel like I can make friends through mutual interest in the arts.

I really do appreciate most of the comments on here. You've been very helpful.

OP, you don't realize you're self-owning, but you are. Watching your behavior on this thread, you seem in denial. You lash out (Dr Phil, other insults) at anybody who doesn't make you out to be an angel. You refuse therapy. You launch into bizarre speculation about why your parents waited four years to have a kid. You talk about your sister to her husband behind her back, and so much more. You don't have any friends in your fifties, and that's a red flag.

Please don't limit yourself to seeking validation from the few people on this thread who still trust you. Please seek therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Moonstruck (2/11) Movie CLIP - Bad Blood and Curses (1987) HD

It kinda reminds me of this.

That's kinda funny. Some cultures are stuck on not speaking to each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For people saying not to contact my sister when I'm in town, I don't think that was the right thing to do, either. If I'm in town, and I'm at a huge gathering where other mutual family and friends will see me, then my sister would have reason to be upset, that I didn't contact her.

It's not your sister's fault you have no other friends. Work on you first instead of laying all your problems at her feet. The common denominator in you lack of family, friends, other women in your life is you.

Sounds like Dr. Phil.

I actually signed up for season tickets to the ballet, and then also to volunteer at the theatre. I feel like I can make friends through mutual interest in the arts.

I really do appreciate most of the comments on here. You've been very helpful.

OP, you don't realize you're self-owning, but you are. Watching your behavior on this thread, you seem in denial. You lash out (Dr Phil, other insults) at anybody who doesn't make you out to be an angel. You refuse therapy. You launch into bizarre speculation about why your parents waited four years to have a kid. You talk about your sister to her husband behind her back, and so much more. You don't have any friends in your fifties, and that's a red flag.

Please don't limit yourself to seeking validation from the few people on this thread who still trust you. Please seek therapy.

My sister has a master's in psychology. She mostly went to school to work out some of her own issues. It's why I don't believe in "therapy". Most psychologists and therapists I have seen, are some messed up people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For people saying not to contact my sister when I'm in town, I don't think that was the right thing to do, either. If I'm in town, and I'm at a huge gathering where other mutual family and friends will see me, then my sister would have reason to be upset, that I didn't contact her.

It's not your sister's fault you have no other friends. Work on you first instead of laying all your problems at her feet. The common denominator in you lack of family, friends, other women in your life is you.

Sounds like Dr. Phil.

I actually signed up for season tickets to the ballet, and then also to volunteer at the theatre. I feel like I can make friends through mutual interest in the arts.

I really do appreciate most of the comments on here. You've been very helpful.

OP, you don't realize you're self-owning, but you are. Watching your behavior on this thread, you seem in denial. You lash out (Dr Phil, other insults) at anybody who doesn't make you out to be an angel. You refuse therapy. You launch into bizarre speculation about why your parents waited four years to have a kid. You talk about your sister to her husband behind her back, and so much more. You don't have any friends in your fifties, and that's a red flag.

Please don't limit yourself to seeking validation from the few people on this thread who still trust you. Please seek therapy.

My sister has a master's in psychology. She mostly went to school to work out some of her own issues. It's why I don't believe in "therapy". Most psychologists and therapists I have seen, are some messed up people.

So you mocked your sister's career earlier in the thread, now you're mocking her degree, and you're slamming an entire profession. Can you see the problem in your relationship with her yet?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As an adult I realized that my aunt (my mother's sister) is a psychopath. She has cut out various family members throughout her life. Sometimes she reconnects with some and tries to form alliances against other family members.

So my question is, has your sister cut ties with other family members or just you?

My mother was not speaking to her mother at my sister's wedding. My mother not speaking to her mother, and then to her brother and her whole family continued until my mother became ill. My sister was also not speaking to anyone in the family except for my grandmother. People in my family stop speaking to each other. People then forget why they stopped speaking. I am the one who called my grandmother and extended family to tell them my mother was ill. My sister then started speaking to them, also. Somehow, she stopped speaking to me, and she started speaking to extended family.

This not speaking to each other is a family legacy, unfortunately.

As far as I know, my sister is only currently not speaking to me. "Everyone" else is speaking to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For people saying not to contact my sister when I'm in town, I don't think that was the right thing to do, either. If I'm in town, and I'm at a huge gathering where other mutual family and friends will see me, then my sister would have reason to be upset, that I didn't contact her.

It's not your sister's fault you have no other friends. Work on you first instead of laying all your problems at her feet. The common denominator in you lack of family, friends, other women in your life is you.

Sounds like Dr. Phil.

I actually signed up for season tickets to the ballet, and then also to volunteer at the theatre. I feel like I can make friends through mutual interest in the arts.

I really do appreciate most of the comments on here. You've been very helpful.

OP, you don't realize you're self-owning, but you are. Watching your behavior on this thread, you seem in denial. You lash out (Dr Phil, other insults) at anybody who doesn't make you out to be an angel. You refuse therapy. You launch into bizarre speculation about why your parents waited four years to have a kid. You talk about your sister to her husband behind her back, and so much more. You don't have any friends in your fifties, and that's a red flag.

Please don't limit yourself to seeking validation from the few people on this thread who still trust you. Please seek therapy.

You missed the post where OP clearly states that she doesn't have friends in the city where she currently lives, but she DOES have friends and relatives in her hometown. So yes, she does have friends, but in a different geographical location

Same as me, and I'm 55. No close friends here, only casual acquaintances or surface level friends.
My best friends are in my hometown (they never moved away) and we've known each other since we were kids or teens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As an adult I realized that my aunt (my mother's sister) is a psychopath. She has cut out various family members throughout her life. Sometimes she reconnects with some and tries to form alliances against other family members.

So my question is, has your sister cut ties with other family members or just you?

That's not psychopathic behavior. But the question is a good one: does OP's sister have close ties with anybody else? The parents are dead and apparently there are no other siblings. How about long-term friends? The sister has apparently been married since she was 30 and she's now in her 50s, so that bodes well for the sister's ability to sustain relationships.

That in itself is not psychopathic behavior. But I don't want to derail this thread talking about what my aunt had said and done to me.

But the question still remains, has she cut out anyone else in her life? And as a follow-up, do you visit her husband when you go back to your hometown? What have other family members said about the estrangement?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As an adult I realized that my aunt (my mother's sister) is a psychopath. She has cut out various family members throughout her life. Sometimes she reconnects with some and tries to form alliances against other family members.

So my question is, has your sister cut ties with other family members or just you?

My mother was not speaking to her mother at my sister's wedding. My mother not speaking to her mother, and then to her brother and her whole family continued until my mother became ill. My sister was also not speaking to anyone in the family except for my grandmother. People in my family stop speaking to each other. People then forget why they stopped speaking. I am the one who called my grandmother and extended family to tell them my mother was ill. My sister then started speaking to them, also. Somehow, she stopped speaking to me, and she started speaking to extended family.

This not speaking to each other is a family legacy, unfortunately.

As far as I know, my sister is only currently not speaking to me. "Everyone" else is speaking to me.

Wow this is twisted. It also sounds like the only reason you're not cut off from other immediate family is because your parents and grandparents are dead. Relationships with cousins don't count if you were never particularly close with them.

In any case, you haven't done anything yourself in the 10 years of this estrangement. You keep claiming that you reached out, but apparently this just means BIL recently called you (not the other way around) and you apologized to him (not to your sister) about the dog incident (not about whatever else she's angry about).

Unless you take some sincere steps, nothing is going to change. Working with a therapist would be a great start to understanding your role and hers, because honestly some of your reactions on this thread, and your lack of friends, are alarming. Perhaps try really reaching out, sending your sister a card or something?

Failing you taking sincere action, you are going to have to get used to not having any close immediate family.

[Anonymous]

What I fail to understand is why do you feel your sister owes you a relationship beyond what she’s given you? Why do you feel entitled to her time or energy? Just because you’re sisters? Sometimes that’s not enough. Sometimes personalities clash and as adults you get to choose who you want to be connected to. Why is that not enough for you?

I’m not close to one sibling. We see each other during family gatherings a few times a year and are cordial, but beyond that I have no interest in her life. At all. She is who she is and I accept that. I am who I am and don’t make any apologies for being me. And no, I don’t think it’s unfortunate because we both have full but separate lives. And for me, that’s ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For people saying not to contact my sister when I'm in town, I don't think that was the right thing to do, either. If I'm in town, and I'm at a huge gathering where other mutual family and friends will see me, then my sister would have reason to be upset, that I didn't contact her.

It's not your sister's fault you have no other friends. Work on you first instead of laying all your problems at her feet. The common denominator in you lack of family, friends, other women in your life is you.

Sounds like Dr. Phil.

I actually signed up for season tickets to the ballet, and then also to volunteer at the theatre. I feel like I can make friends through mutual interest in the arts.

I really do appreciate most of the comments on here. You've been very helpful.

OP, you don't realize you're self-owning, but you are. Watching your behavior on this thread, you seem in denial. You lash out (Dr Phil, other insults) at anybody who doesn't make you out to be an angel. You refuse therapy. You launch into bizarre speculation about why your parents waited four years to have a kid. You talk about your sister to her husband behind her back, and so much more. You don't have any friends in your fifties, and that's a red flag.

Please don't limit yourself to seeking validation from the few people on this thread who still trust you. Please seek therapy.

You missed the post where OP clearly states that she doesn't have friends in the city where she currently lives, but she DOES have friends and relatives in her hometown. So yes, she does have friends, but in a different geographical location

Same as me, and I'm 55. No close friends here, only casual acquaintances or surface level friends.
My best friends are in my hometown (they never moved away) and we've known each other since we were kids or teens.

There are ride-or-die friends in your hometown and there are friends you have dinner with when you visit every two years. It's not clear which OP has.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As an adult I realized that my aunt (my mother's sister) is a psychopath. She has cut out various family members throughout her life. Sometimes she reconnects with some and tries to form alliances against other family members.

So my question is, has your sister cut ties with other family members or just you?

That's not psychopathic behavior. But the question is a good one: does OP's sister have close ties with anybody else? The parents are dead and apparently there are no other siblings. How about long-term friends? The sister has apparently been married since she was 30 and she's now in her 50s, so that bodes well for the sister's ability to sustain relationships.

That in itself is not psychopathic behavior. But I don't want to derail this thread talking about what my aunt had said and done to me.

But the question still remains, has she cut out anyone else in her life? And as a follow-up, do you visit her husband when you go back to your hometown? What have other family members said about the estrangement?

Pp here. Sorry, I just read your response to my previous post.