Over 50 and Older sister not speaking to me for more than 10 years

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I stay in touch with my BIL on FB. We do absolutely have mutual friends and relatives. My sister and BIL are still close to my cousins and other family friends.

The phone conversation I had with my BIL was the first time I've spoken with him in probably 10 years. And he was telling me about his 95 year old mother and his other brothers and sisters and cousins, most of whom I am on friendly terms with.

At 9:34 yesterday you wrote this: "I was on the phone with my brother-in-law this weekend for over an hour talking about all of this. I said the words, "I apologize." Then, he tells me that the last time she visited me in Arlington, VA, my hypoallergenic dog bothered her." [bolding added]

Why should we trust anything you say?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, since you said you live a plane ride away from everyone in your hometown , I’m assuming your sister was more involved in elder care? Sometimes that can do it.

No, my mother died almost 20 years ago. I was still living there up until 2010, when I moved. You're assuming wrong. I was there for my mother. She was not an elder. She was in her early 50s. She was sick for about 3 months. I was actually the one who handled everything.

So your sister handled everything for your dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, since you said you live a plane ride away from everyone in your hometown , I’m assuming your sister was more involved in elder care? Sometimes that can do it.

No, my mother died almost 20 years ago. I was still living there up until 2010, when I moved. You're assuming wrong. I was there for my mother. She was not an elder. She was in her early 50s. She was sick for about 3 months. I was actually the one who handled everything.

So your sister handled everything for your dad.

DP. Please just shut up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, since you said you live a plane ride away from everyone in your hometown , I’m assuming your sister was more involved in elder care? Sometimes that can do it.

No, my mother died almost 20 years ago. I was still living there up until 2010, when I moved. You're assuming wrong. I was there for my mother. She was not an elder. She was in her early 50s. She was sick for about 3 months. I was actually the one who handled everything.

So your sister handled everything for your dad.

DP. Please just shut up.

That's really mature. You must be OP?

[Anonymous]

You have to let her go. Find other people to love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, since you said you live a plane ride away from everyone in your hometown , I’m assuming your sister was more involved in elder care? Sometimes that can do it.

No, my mother died almost 20 years ago. I was still living there up until 2010, when I moved. You're assuming wrong. I was there for my mother. She was not an elder. She was in her early 50s. She was sick for about 3 months. I was actually the one who handled everything.

So your sister handled everything for your dad.

DP. Please just shut up.

Why are you so abusive when people point out holes in OP's story?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nobody cuts off a close family member without good reason. Nobody.

When you hurt people, don't expect to get away with it indefinitely.

Your first paragraph is not a true statement. People cut off family members All the time for no particular reasons. We are born into a family. We don’t have to like all the family members. We can choose to leave the family or certain member in the family, and vice-versa. We can have reasons for our decisions or nine at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nobody cuts off a close family member without good reason. Nobody.

When you hurt people, don't expect to get away with it indefinitely.

This

Wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nobody cuts off a close family member without good reason. Nobody.

When you hurt people, don't expect to get away with it indefinitely.

Your first paragraph is not a true statement. People cut off family members All the time for no particular reasons. We are born into a family. We don’t have to like all the family members. We can choose to leave the family or certain member in the family, and vice-versa. We can have reasons for our decisions or nine at all.

I would say the first sentence may be true if you remove the word "good." Sometimes people cut off close family members for "bad" reasons. For example, a controlling person may cut someone off because they want to manipulate them. That is their reason but it is not "good" based on the definition of the word.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nobody cuts off a close family member without good reason. Nobody.

When you hurt people, don't expect to get away with it indefinitely.

Your first paragraph is not a true statement. People cut off family members All the time for no particular reasons. We are born into a family. We don’t have to like all the family members. We can choose to leave the family or certain member in the family, and vice-versa. We can have reasons for our decisions or nine at all.

I would say the first sentence may be true if you remove the word "good." Sometimes people cut off close family members for "bad" reasons. For example, a controlling person may cut someone off because they want to manipulate them. That is their reason but it is not "good" based on the definition of the word.

Not for 10 years they don't try cutting someone off as a way to manipulate them. Six months of cutting them off, maybe. OP's sister clearly wants nothing to do with her, and from OP's snark about her sister's career, OP talking with BIL about her sister behind her back, and OP being MIA for at least one parent's final care, a picture of the sister's side is starting to emerge.

[Anonymous]

I have a sister like this. She just always has a grievance with me, our brothers, or our parents. Even when I understand why she is upset, the way she handles it just makes it hard to have a relationship. It is not enough for her for someone to apologize. She wants people to tell her she's right about everything, to do what she says, to defer to her on all matters. It's not about an apology, it's about relinquishing all authority to her.

I think my sister has some valid things to be angry about. We had a not great upbringing with parents who were often very immature and selfish, occasionally physically abusive, often emotionally/verbally abusive. I get it, I was there. But my sister channels this anger against everyone, including her siblings. Like OP, I often feel like my sister is angry I was born and has hated me ever since, and nothing I do or say can change that perspective. It's not possible to "repair" a relationship like that. She wants something from me I can't give if I want to feel okay about myself. And I also grew up in an abusive/neglectful home. I also deserve kindness and empathy and a place in the world. She wants me to create that for her but feels no such obligation to me.

I dropped the rope a while ago. That of course made her angry too. But I am at peace. If she ever finds some peace in her heart with regards to me, I'd be open to that. But I'm not going to keep trying with someone who is unkind to me, disrespects me, constantly demands more of me while giving absolutely nothing in return.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I stay in touch with my BIL on FB. We do absolutely have mutual friends and relatives. My sister and BIL are still close to my cousins and other family friends.

The phone conversation I had with my BIL was the first time I've spoken with him in probably 10 years. And he was telling me about his 95 year old mother and his other brothers and sisters and cousins, most of whom I am on friendly terms with.

At 9:34 yesterday you wrote this: "I was on the phone with my brother-in-law this weekend for over an hour talking about all of this. I said the words, "I apologize." Then, he tells me that the last time she visited me in Arlington, VA, my hypoallergenic dog bothered her." [bolding added]

Why should we trust anything you say?

You're getting a bit emotionally involved in this forum. Step away. Why would you trust anything that a random stranger posts online? LoL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a sister like this. She just always has a grievance with me, our brothers, or our parents. Even when I understand why she is upset, the way she handles it just makes it hard to have a relationship. It is not enough for her for someone to apologize. She wants people to tell her she's right about everything, to do what she says, to defer to her on all matters. It's not about an apology, it's about relinquishing all authority to her.

I think my sister has some valid things to be angry about. We had a not great upbringing with parents who were often very immature and selfish, occasionally physically abusive, often emotionally/verbally abusive. I get it, I was there. But my sister channels this anger against everyone, including her siblings. Like OP, I often feel like my sister is angry I was born and has hated me ever since, and nothing I do or say can change that perspective. It's not possible to "repair" a relationship like that. She wants something from me I can't give if I want to feel okay about myself. And I also grew up in an abusive/neglectful home. I also deserve kindness and empathy and a place in the world. She wants me to create that for her but feels no such obligation to me.

I dropped the rope a while ago. That of course made her angry too. But I am at peace. If she ever finds some peace in her heart with regards to me, I'd be open to that. But I'm not going to keep trying with someone who is unkind to me, disrespects me, constantly demands more of me while giving absolutely nothing in return.

OK, but you dropped the rope, not your sister. So that makes your situation totally different from OP's. Plus OP gave many reasons besides "just being born" for her sister to be annoyed with her. Heck, OP talked to BIL about her sister behind her sister's back, OP is on here mocking her sister's jobs, and other stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I stay in touch with my BIL on FB. We do absolutely have mutual friends and relatives. My sister and BIL are still close to my cousins and other family friends.

The phone conversation I had with my BIL was the first time I've spoken with him in probably 10 years. And he was telling me about his 95 year old mother and his other brothers and sisters and cousins, most of whom I am on friendly terms with.

At 9:34 yesterday you wrote this: "I was on the phone with my brother-in-law this weekend for over an hour talking about all of this. I said the words, "I apologize." Then, he tells me that the last time she visited me in Arlington, VA, my hypoallergenic dog bothered her." [bolding added]

Why should we trust anything you say?

You're getting a bit emotionally involved in this forum. Step away. Why would you trust anything that a random stranger posts online? LoL.

So ad hominems are all you have when OP (you?) contradicts themselves. Got it.

[Anonymous]

OP here, some people are really vested in proving that I'm at fault.

And this is what perpetuates these family dynamics. I said that you're only getting my side of the story. I said I was genuinely sorry, and I apologized. I wanted to move forward.