Over 50 and Older sister not speaking to me for more than 10 years

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did your parents favor you over her? It's not fair to hold resentment at a sibling for that but it can be hard not to. My sister and I have a difficult relationship because my parents favored her and she has never acknowledged it. If she were ever to do so, I would feel so validated and heard.

She may not agree with you. Maybe they were overcompensating for your resentment and she’s tired of it too, so she can’t acknowledge something she can’t see or agree with.

[Anonymous]

write her a letter just saying how much you love and miss her and how sorry you are that you've done things to upset her along the way and how you hope in the remaining years you both have on this earth that you can spend some time together. do not mention specific incidents and do not be tempted to place blame at her feet. keep it simple. And stick with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:write her a letter just saying how much you love and miss her and how sorry you are that you've done things to upset her along the way and how you hope in the remaining years you both have on this earth that you can spend some time together. do not mention specific incidents and do not be tempted to place blame at her feet. keep it simple. And stick with it.

I would not do this especially the part about the "remaining years you have on earth."

It is creepy trying to drag the husband into this. I noticed OP got very excited when somebody said the sister is likely mentally ill. That tells me OP is looking to vent and have a bunch of strangers join in the drama. If you truly want a meaningful relationship you would care that you hurt her deeply and you would want to repair it. It sounds like you find her upset trivial and you want a bunch of strangers to validate that.

OP, get help to accept things as they are. You don't agree with your sister about the issues and she doesn't want to be around you. Let it go. Having a bunch of strangers tell you she must be nuts does not help. Dragging her husband in is disturbing. Writing a letter to someone who made it clear she does not want contact is disrespecting boundaries. Move on. Give her peace. Find your own peace.

[Anonymous]

It does not sound like you actually like your sister. Accept that and move on. She will not fill a void in your life. You have to find friendships and love outside of your family of origin.

[Anonymous]

Have you tried therapy, OP? It might be helpful.

[Anonymous]

Number 2. She's telling the truth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you tried therapy, OP? It might be helpful.

+1

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you are both crazy and better off without each other

[Anonymous]

She sounds like a witch who is picking fights with you. It will always be something. Be HAPPY she's not in your lift. Toxic people suck. Focus on blooming your friendships.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like the ONLY reason you want her in your life is shared DNA. Not a good enough reason. You don't like her, she doesn't treat you well, she never has. There is nothing to be gained by having a relationship with her.

[Anonymous]

Op, my older DS brings you in and out of her life when it's most convenient for her. It is a running joke in our family. It never bothered me until COVID and we all thought the end of the world was upon us. I lived literally 10 mins from her house and she spoke to me twice over a thirteen month period of time. And before you nut jobs pipe in, yes I tried and tried to see her but was constantly put off, still sent those flowers and bd/holiday gifts. She finally gifted me with a visit and shared what her life was like for the past year and that did it for me. Massages with her traveling masseuse at her house, lunches with a variety of friends at her house, visits with my nephew and niece at her house, but no time for me. It hurt, really hurt to finalize realize that what my DH had said about her for years was actually true. The world is coming to an end (lol, or so we thought) and I was the last person she wanted to see. I've since sold my house, moved onto our vacation home until we decide our next stop. She has no idea, and I do not believe she will feel an ounce of emotion once she figures it out. In my mind, I'm an only child. Oh well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you are both crazy and better off without each other

This is just a wrong thing to say. Sorry Op.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, my older DS brings you in and out of her life when it's most convenient for her. It is a running joke in our family. It never bothered me until COVID and we all thought the end of the world was upon us. I lived literally 10 mins from her house and she spoke to me twice over a thirteen month period of time. And before you nut jobs pipe in, yes I tried and tried to see her but was constantly put off, still sent those flowers and bd/holiday gifts. She finally gifted me with a visit and shared what her life was like for the past year and that did it for me. Massages with her traveling masseuse at her house, lunches with a variety of friends at her house, visits with my nephew and niece at her house, but no time for me. It hurt, really hurt to finalize realize that what my DH had said about her for years was actually true. The world is coming to an end (lol, or so we thought) and I was the last person she wanted to see. I've since sold my house, moved onto our vacation home until we decide our next stop. She has no idea, and I do not believe she will feel an ounce of emotion once she figures it out. In my mind, I'm an only child. Oh well.

Using phrases like the bolded is not a good way to get helpful comments. It's judgmental and inappropriate. If you get feedback that you don't like or that doesn't help just ignore it. Don't insult people before they have even typed a word.

[Anonymous]

This sounds a lot like a dynamic between two cousins of mine. The younger one very subtly bullied the older one for years.

The older one moved away for college and grad school and started standing up for herself when the younger sister started in with her little digs and veiled insults. Younger one didn’t like it and tried to take control of the situation, but older one was just done with being treated badly.

The younger sister pulled this stuff on her parents, too. She’d go months at a time without talking to the elderly parents if they didn’t toe the line she drew. One of the parents died during a time when she hadn’t spoken to them for a couple months. She thinks the extended family doesn’t know she treated her parents this way because she likes to appear to be charming and a “connector” of people, but we actually all know how she really is.

The older sister needed to remove herself from contact with the younger one to avoid her hurtful behaviors. There’s no need in this world to spend time with people who don’t like you and say things to try to hurt you.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you don’t care about her or really want a relationship, you just want to needle her. You don’t get your lack of connection with her to be her call.

Too bad, she jettisoned your controlling arse, and she sounds well-rid of you.