What are the best years to stay at home (SAHM)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most parents underestimate how much care, guidance and supervision teens need.

They actually don’t need that much compared to younger children. It’s just that over parenting has become the norm now, to the detriment of the well being of teenagers and the process of trying to become independent adults one day.

There is a post today on this forum from someone who wants to know if their 14 year old can take Uber. Think about that. A parent wanting to put their underage child in a car with a stranger so the stranger can drive off with them.

That was my post. I am a SAHM of 3 kids wanting to go back to work. While it is somewhat easier to put my younger kids in all day camp, my future freshman in high school will need a ride to fall sports that starts in late July. I don’t know what time these sports will be but I know it is not all day and definitely won’t line up with my future potential work schedule.

My youngest is 6 and oldest is 14. I will have 3 kids in elementary, middle and high school this fall. Right now I am childfree 9-2.

My husband has a very demanding and also high paying career. I would like to go back to work and I feel if I don’t go back now, I will never go back.

Good for you. There’s never a great time to go back to work and if you want to do so then you have to make it happen. Not having a job because of an extracurricular activity is nuts and that’s why you’re looking for a solution like Uber. Can you imagine a conversation 20 years from now where your child asks why you didn’t work and your response is “because you had soccer every Monday”?

HS sports on never just on Monday. It will be 5 days per week at minimum.

The point went over your head. Whether it’s 1 day or 7 days doesn’t matter. Do you really want to not have a job because of your child’s sport that they will likely never plan again after HS? Are there men out there saying they can’t hold a job because their child plays a HS sport? I highly doubt it.

It didn't go over my head.
And actually, yeah...I am fine with not having a job so my kids can participate in and enjoy sports, music, and other activities.
There are people with different priorities than you. if you really "doubt" that, you should expand your horizons a bit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most parents underestimate how much care, guidance and supervision teens need.

They actually don’t need that much compared to younger children. It’s just that over parenting has become the norm now, to the detriment of the well being of teenagers and the process of trying to become independent adults one day.

There is a post today on this forum from someone who wants to know if their 14 year old can take Uber. Think about that. A parent wanting to put their underage child in a car with a stranger so the stranger can drive off with them.

That was my post. I am a SAHM of 3 kids wanting to go back to work. While it is somewhat easier to put my younger kids in all day camp, my future freshman in high school will need a ride to fall sports that starts in late July. I don’t know what time these sports will be but I know it is not all day and definitely won’t line up with my future potential work schedule.

My youngest is 6 and oldest is 14. I will have 3 kids in elementary, middle and high school this fall. Right now I am childfree 9-2.

My husband has a very demanding and also high paying career. I would like to go back to work and I feel if I don’t go back now, I will never go back.

Good for you. There’s never a great time to go back to work and if you want to do so then you have to make it happen. Not having a job because of an extracurricular activity is nuts and that’s why you’re looking for a solution like Uber. Can you imagine a conversation 20 years from now where your child asks why you didn’t work and your response is “because you had soccer every Monday”?

HS sports on never just on Monday. It will be 5 days per week at minimum.

The point went over your head. Whether it’s 1 day or 7 days doesn’t matter. Do you really want to not have a job because of your child’s sport that they will likely never plan again after HS? Are there men out there saying they can’t hold a job because their child plays a HS sport? I highly doubt it.

It didn't go over my head.
And actually, yeah...I am fine with not having a job so my kids can participate in and enjoy sports, music, and other activities.
There are people with different priorities than you. if you really "doubt" that, you should expand your horizons a bit.

You don’t have to be unemployed for your kids to do these things. You just need someone to drive your kids there.

It’s fine to just say you don’t want to have a job. That actually makes sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s the norm for families to have two working parents, even in wealthy enclaves, more families are like this than not. It has been my experience even as a SAHM and then a PT working mom, that the (public) schools where we are know this and plan accordingly. School activities in MS and HS are either after school and don’t need pickup until typical work hours end, or there is an activity bus, or the practices/games don’t even begin until the evening. I agree teens need active involved and caring parents but the times that my teens need me are not during normal working hours, unless they are sick and of course I have leave for that. If you have more kids than you have drivers and they are all busy and can’t carpool, that’s a separate issue and has nothing to do with working or not.

Pp with kid starting high school. I was surprised fall sports start in late July when there are no buses.

I actually just told Dh that maybe our son should not play this sport and Dh said our kid is a talented athlete and he should play. He does not think or care about the logistics of getting our kid to summer practice. Not his problem. It is my problem.

I'm the pp that's posted a few times already (mom of 4, military husband.) I'm not at all surprised. In my kids' schools, the buses don't even correspond with the end times of many sports/activities. If you are depending on the school bus/after school activities bus to get your kid home from practice during the school year, you should probably verify now exactly what time practice ends and what days/times the activity bus goes.
Another poster upthread mentioned that the coaches try very hard to be conscience of a working parent's schedule and that has not been my experience at all-but I'm sure it varies by school/sport/coach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Before age 5. Where the point in staying home if they are at school all day?!

Because that’s when it’s actually enjoyable!

...doing nothing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s the norm for families to have two working parents, even in wealthy enclaves, more families are like this than not. It has been my experience even as a SAHM and then a PT working mom, that the (public) schools where we are know this and plan accordingly. School activities in MS and HS are either after school and don’t need pickup until typical work hours end, or there is an activity bus, or the practices/games don’t even begin until the evening. I agree teens need active involved and caring parents but the times that my teens need me are not during normal working hours, unless they are sick and of course I have leave for that. If you have more kids than you have drivers and they are all busy and can’t carpool, that’s a separate issue and has nothing to do with working or not.

Pp with kid starting high school. I was surprised fall sports start in late July when there are no buses.

I actually just told Dh that maybe our son should not play this sport and Dh said our kid is a talented athlete and he should play. He does not think or care about the logistics of getting our kid to summer practice. Not his problem. It is my problem.

Well if he doesn’t support your working, that is a separate relationship issue that has nothing to do with the original question about logistics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s the norm for families to have two working parents, even in wealthy enclaves, more families are like this than not. It has been my experience even as a SAHM and then a PT working mom, that the (public) schools where we are know this and plan accordingly. School activities in MS and HS are either after school and don’t need pickup until typical work hours end, or there is an activity bus, or the practices/games don’t even begin until the evening. I agree teens need active involved and caring parents but the times that my teens need me are not during normal working hours, unless they are sick and of course I have leave for that. If you have more kids than you have drivers and they are all busy and can’t carpool, that’s a separate issue and has nothing to do with working or not.

Pp with kid starting high school. I was surprised fall sports start in late July when there are no buses.

I actually just told Dh that maybe our son should not play this sport and Dh said our kid is a talented athlete and he should play. He does not think or care about the logistics of getting our kid to summer practice. Not his problem. It is my problem.

I'm the pp that's posted a few times already (mom of 4, military husband.) I'm not at all surprised. In my kids' schools, the buses don't even correspond with the end times of many sports/activities. If you are depending on the school bus/after school activities bus to get your kid home from practice during the school year, you should probably verify now exactly what time practice ends and what days/times the activity bus goes.
Another poster upthread mentioned that the coaches try very hard to be conscience of a working parent's schedule and that has not been my experience at all-but I'm sure it varies by school/sport/coach.

I’m that PP. You should all move to Loudoun. HS doesn’t even dismiss until 4:18. Short after-school activities run until 5:30 (like clubs) and most sports run until 6:30 or later. Working is a total non issue. And the kids get to sleep in to boot! Better for everyone. Highly recommend. Plus my husband is an involved parent and doesn’t tell me the kids are my problem, even when I was a SAHM.

[Anonymous]

So was there a consensus on this thread? I'd love to know the "easiest time" to stay at home. We all know it's not easy.

[Anonymous]

Forever

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s the norm for families to have two working parents, even in wealthy enclaves, more families are like this than not. It has been my experience even as a SAHM and then a PT working mom, that the (public) schools where we are know this and plan accordingly. School activities in MS and HS are either after school and don’t need pickup until typical work hours end, or there is an activity bus, or the practices/games don’t even begin until the evening. I agree teens need active involved and caring parents but the times that my teens need me are not during normal working hours, unless they are sick and of course I have leave for that. If you have more kids than you have drivers and they are all busy and can’t carpool, that’s a separate issue and has nothing to do with working or not.

Pp with kid starting high school. I was surprised fall sports start in late July when there are no buses.

I actually just told Dh that maybe our son should not play this sport and Dh said our kid is a talented athlete and he should play. He does not think or care about the logistics of getting our kid to summer practice. Not his problem. It is my problem.

Well if he doesn’t support your working, that is a separate relationship issue that has nothing to do with the original question about logistics.

I don’t know if it makes a difference but he earns a seven figure income. I would probably earn 100-150k if I’m lucky. He would earn 20x what I earn. This is not what the thread is about. I would like to go back to work whether I earn 50k or 200k. Even if I earned 300-400k, it would make no difference in our lifestyle financially, which is why I have not gone back to work.

As others have said 0-5 or 0-7 is ideal. Moms often have multiple kids so you would have to go back to work when one kid is 2 or 3.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most parents underestimate how much care, guidance and supervision teens need.

They actually don’t need that much compared to younger children. It’s just that over parenting has become the norm now, to the detriment of the well being of teenagers and the process of trying to become independent adults one day.

There is a post today on this forum from someone who wants to know if their 14 year old can take Uber. Think about that. A parent wanting to put their underage child in a car with a stranger so the stranger can drive off with them.

That was my post. I am a SAHM of 3 kids wanting to go back to work. While it is somewhat easier to put my younger kids in all day camp, my future freshman in high school will need a ride to fall sports that starts in late July. I don’t know what time these sports will be but I know it is not all day and definitely won’t line up with my future potential work schedule.

My youngest is 6 and oldest is 14. I will have 3 kids in elementary, middle and high school this fall. Right now I am childfree 9-2.

My husband has a very demanding and also high paying career. I would like to go back to work and I feel if I don’t go back now, I will never go back.

Good for you. There’s never a great time to go back to work and if you want to do so then you have to make it happen. Not having a job because of an extracurricular activity is nuts and that’s why you’re looking for a solution like Uber. Can you imagine a conversation 20 years from now where your child asks why you didn’t work and your response is “because you had soccer every Monday”?

HS sports on never just on Monday. It will be 5 days per week at minimum.

The point went over your head. Whether it’s 1 day or 7 days doesn’t matter. Do you really want to not have a job because of your child’s sport that they will likely never plan again after HS? Are there men out there saying they can’t hold a job because their child plays a HS sport? I highly doubt it.

It didn't go over my head.
And actually, yeah...I am fine with not having a job so my kids can participate in and enjoy sports, music, and other activities.
There are people with different priorities than you. if you really "doubt" that, you should expand your horizons a bit.

You don’t have to be unemployed for your kids to do these things. You just need someone to drive your kids there.

It’s fine to just say you don’t want to have a job. That actually makes sense.

DP here. I used to be a working mom and am now a SAHM. When I used to work, it was stressful for me to get my one child to sports practice one day per week. I tried to find a PT afternoon sitter and I wanted to be the one to drive my kids to school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So was there a consensus on this thread? I'd love to know the "easiest time" to stay at home. We all know it's not easy.

Younger years is when the kids need you most.

[Anonymous]

The answer to this question should be based only on what's best for the children, not the parents. But if you read all the comments you will see that only a small percentage address the issue from that point of view. It's sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s the norm for families to have two working parents, even in wealthy enclaves, more families are like this than not. It has been my experience even as a SAHM and then a PT working mom, that the (public) schools where we are know this and plan accordingly. School activities in MS and HS are either after school and don’t need pickup until typical work hours end, or there is an activity bus, or the practices/games don’t even begin until the evening. I agree teens need active involved and caring parents but the times that my teens need me are not during normal working hours, unless they are sick and of course I have leave for that. If you have more kids than you have drivers and they are all busy and can’t carpool, that’s a separate issue and has nothing to do with working or not.

Pp with kid starting high school. I was surprised fall sports start in late July when there are no buses.

I actually just told Dh that maybe our son should not play this sport and Dh said our kid is a talented athlete and he should play. He does not think or care about the logistics of getting our kid to summer practice. Not his problem. It is my problem.

Well if he doesn’t support your working, that is a separate relationship issue that has nothing to do with the original question about logistics.

I don’t know if it makes a difference but he earns a seven figure income. I would probably earn 100-150k if I’m lucky. He would earn 20x what I earn. This is not what the thread is about. I would like to go back to work whether I earn 50k or 200k. Even if I earned 300-400k, it would make no difference in our lifestyle financially, which is why I have not gone back to work.

As others have said 0-5 or 0-7 is ideal. Moms often have multiple kids so you would have to go back to work when one kid is 2 or 3.

Can't you just hire a nanny (or several) instead of worrying about ubers and other transportation logistics?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So was there a consensus on this thread? I'd love to know the "easiest time" to stay at home. We all know it's not easy.

Easier for the mom? Or better for the children?

Obviously some women plan to not work forever, and rather than just say so they make excuses, as seen by their comments here. But for most people, working becomes pretty easy once the kids are late elementary. Especially if you have no more than 2 kids and a functional spouse. I loved being home with babies/young kids and would never trade those years with them stay home in the high school years. My kids do all the activities they want and we have no issues getting them there with our work schedules.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most parents underestimate how much care, guidance and supervision teens need.

They actually don’t need that much compared to younger children. It’s just that over parenting has become the norm now, to the detriment of the well being of teenagers and the process of trying to become independent adults one day.

There is a post today on this forum from someone who wants to know if their 14 year old can take Uber. Think about that. A parent wanting to put their underage child in a car with a stranger so the stranger can drive off with them.

That was my post. I am a SAHM of 3 kids wanting to go back to work. While it is somewhat easier to put my younger kids in all day camp, my future freshman in high school will need a ride to fall sports that starts in late July. I don’t know what time these sports will be but I know it is not all day and definitely won’t line up with my future potential work schedule.

My youngest is 6 and oldest is 14. I will have 3 kids in elementary, middle and high school this fall. Right now I am childfree 9-2.

My husband has a very demanding and also high paying career. I would like to go back to work and I feel if I don’t go back now, I will never go back.

Good for you. There’s never a great time to go back to work and if you want to do so then you have to make it happen. Not having a job because of an extracurricular activity is nuts and that’s why you’re looking for a solution like Uber. Can you imagine a conversation 20 years from now where your child asks why you didn’t work and your response is “because you had soccer every Monday”?

HS sports on never just on Monday. It will be 5 days per week at minimum.

The point went over your head. Whether it’s 1 day or 7 days doesn’t matter. Do you really want to not have a job because of your child’s sport that they will likely never plan again after HS? Are there men out there saying they can’t hold a job because their child plays a HS sport? I highly doubt it.

It didn't go over my head.
And actually, yeah...I am fine with not having a job so my kids can participate in and enjoy sports, music, and other activities.
There are people with different priorities than you. if you really "doubt" that, you should expand your horizons a bit.

You don’t have to be unemployed for your kids to do these things. You just need someone to drive your kids there.

It’s fine to just say you don’t want to have a job. That actually makes sense.

No, PP doesn’t want a job badly enough that she wants somebody else to drive around her kids.

I don’t understand why people twist themselves in knots to prove that somebody doesn’t mean what they said.