Good friend canceled on us to be with her SO

[Anonymous]

PP adding on - do we think if OP had suggested actual activities (outside the house) her friend would have skipped the lake house? Because I kinda doubt it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP adding on - do we think if OP had suggested actual activities (outside the house) her friend would have skipped the lake house? Because I kinda doubt it.

Who knows but if OP hadn’t stupidly said to stay in the house we know that solicited her choice

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If my friends get pissy about a change in plans, let alone an understandable one, then our friendship is worth nothing. And obviously this doesn't include higher stake things that include booked flights, hotels etc. A cancellation there is a different matter.

+1. I don’t know if because I’m more of the “low maintenance” friend and or because I fully expect my friendships to take a backseat to serious relationships as we get older I don’t see the big deal? This sounds like a one off and nothing was planned or paid for, and it’s not the day off or night before that she canceled so what’s the big fuss?

Nah, ditching friends for a bf is middle and high school behavior. I totally get that the lake house weekend sounds more enticing than hosting girlfriends for a rainy weekend at home, but when you make plans with people you care about, you don’t bail because something better comes along.

She didn’t have a better offer if she was already set to go on the trip. So she was supposed to ditch plans with another person she cared about to sit at home with nothing to do but host people?

NP - the trip was supposed to start later. Moreover, she was hosting her *friends* FFS, not her in-laws or her spouse’s creepy boss or whomever. “Nothing to do but host people”? Is that how you really think of a girls’ weekend?

The number of assumptions many PPs are making is pretty staggering, even for DCUM. If you have low expectations of your friends, you won’t have very good friends.

Fine, she was hosting her FRIENDS. Happy now?

Again, not a better offer of the trip was already planned and paid for but the dates changed due do unforeseen circumstances. Not that I have low expectations of my friends but realistic. OP said she chimed in and told her friend they could just stay in the house. Why would I even want to drive hours to go be in a house and do nothing anyways? Why would I want my friend to forgo a paid trip for us to inside and braid each others hair. What I would want is to reschedule so we could do something instead of being stuck in the house anyways.

So why didn’t OP’s friend say “ so sorry, paid-for plans changed unexpectedly, need to reschedule girls weekend” instead of passy-assy sending screenshots of the weather?

Well she kind of did. We had placed an order for a charcuterie board for our picnic but because of the rain had to cancel it. She said that we shouldn’t cancel but wanted to reschedule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If my friends get pissy about a change in plans, let alone an understandable one, then our friendship is worth nothing. And obviously this doesn't include higher stake things that include booked flights, hotels etc. A cancellation there is a different matter.

+1. I don’t know if because I’m more of the “low maintenance” friend and or because I fully expect my friendships to take a backseat to serious relationships as we get older I don’t see the big deal? This sounds like a one off and nothing was planned or paid for, and it’s not the day off or night before that she canceled so what’s the big fuss?

Nah, ditching friends for a bf is middle and high school behavior. I totally get that the lake house weekend sounds more enticing than hosting girlfriends for a rainy weekend at home, but when you make plans with people you care about, you don’t bail because something better comes along.

She didn’t have a better offer if she was already set to go on the trip. So she was supposed to ditch plans with another person she cared about to sit at home with nothing to do but host people?

NP - the trip was supposed to start later. Moreover, she was hosting her *friends* FFS, not her in-laws or her spouse’s creepy boss or whomever. “Nothing to do but host people”? Is that how you really think of a girls’ weekend?

The number of assumptions many PPs are making is pretty staggering, even for DCUM. If you have low expectations of your friends, you won’t have very good friends.

Fine, she was hosting her FRIENDS. Happy now?

Again, not a better offer of the trip was already planned and paid for but the dates changed due do unforeseen circumstances. Not that I have low expectations of my friends but realistic. OP said she chimed in and told her friend they could just stay in the house. Why would I even want to drive hours to go be in a house and do nothing anyways? Why would I want my friend to forgo a paid trip for us to inside and braid each others hair. What I would want is to reschedule so we could do something instead of being stuck in the house anyways.

So why didn’t OP’s friend say “ so sorry, paid-for plans changed unexpectedly, need to reschedule girls weekend” instead of passy-assy sending screenshots of the weather?

Well she kind of did. We had placed an order for a charcuterie board for our picnic but because of the rain had to cancel it. She said that we shouldn’t cancel but wanted to reschedule.

Forgot to add this happened days before she canceled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP adding on - do we think if OP had suggested actual activities (outside the house) her friend would have skipped the lake house? Because I kinda doubt it.

Who knows but if OP hadn’t stupidly said to stay in the house we know that solicited her choice

She was probably trying to be low maintenance like “all that matters is spending time together” without really considering the extra hosting burdens when you have a house full of people in your house all day vs. out and about for meals and activities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP adding on - do we think if OP had suggested actual activities (outside the house) her friend would have skipped the lake house? Because I kinda doubt it.

Who knows but if OP hadn’t stupidly said to stay in the house we know that solicited her choice

She was probably trying to be low maintenance like “all that matters is spending time together” without really considering the extra hosting burdens when you have a house full of people in your house all day vs. out and about for meals and activities.

PP, yea that’s why I said stupidly. Plus, if a part of the group I wouldn’t drive to meet someone just to sit in the house. We can have a Group FaceTime happy hour instead.

OP,

When was the last time you guys stayed at her house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP adding on - do we think if OP had suggested actual activities (outside the house) her friend would have skipped the lake house? Because I kinda doubt it.

Who knows but if OP hadn’t stupidly said to stay in the house we know that solicited her choice

She was probably trying to be low maintenance like “all that matters is spending time together” without really considering the extra hosting burdens when you have a house full of people in your house all day vs. out and about for meals and activities.

PP, yea that’s why I said stupidly. Plus, if a part of the group I wouldn’t drive to meet someone just to sit in the house. We can have a Group FaceTime happy hour instead.

OP,

When was the last time you guys stayed at her house?

Last month

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If my friends get pissy about a change in plans, let alone an understandable one, then our friendship is worth nothing. And obviously this doesn't include higher stake things that include booked flights, hotels etc. A cancellation there is a different matter.

+1. I don’t know if because I’m more of the “low maintenance” friend and or because I fully expect my friendships to take a backseat to serious relationships as we get older I don’t see the big deal? This sounds like a one off and nothing was planned or paid for, and it’s not the day off or night before that she canceled so what’s the big fuss?

Nah, ditching friends for a bf is middle and high school behavior. I totally get that the lake house weekend sounds more enticing than hosting girlfriends for a rainy weekend at home, but when you make plans with people you care about, you don’t bail because something better comes along.

She didn’t have a better offer if she was already set to go on the trip. So she was supposed to ditch plans with another person she cared about to sit at home with nothing to do but host people?

NP - the trip was supposed to start later. Moreover, she was hosting her *friends* FFS, not her in-laws or her spouse’s creepy boss or whomever. “Nothing to do but host people”? Is that how you really think of a girls’ weekend?

The number of assumptions many PPs are making is pretty staggering, even for DCUM. If you have low expectations of your friends, you won’t have very good friends.

Fine, she was hosting her FRIENDS. Happy now?

Again, not a better offer of the trip was already planned and paid for but the dates changed due do unforeseen circumstances. Not that I have low expectations of my friends but realistic. OP said she chimed in and told her friend they could just stay in the house. Why would I even want to drive hours to go be in a house and do nothing anyways? Why would I want my friend to forgo a paid trip for us to inside and braid each others hair. What I would want is to reschedule so we could do something instead of being stuck in the house anyways.

You think a realistic expectation of adult friends is that you sit inside braiding each other’s hair? With my adult girlfriends, we’re thrilled to have an evening or weekend together. We don’t run out of things to say and derive a lot of good from the time we spend together. The issue isn’t what you want to do, it’s that OP’s friend was rude to ditch her friends for a better offer. Which is what she did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If my friends get pissy about a change in plans, let alone an understandable one, then our friendship is worth nothing. And obviously this doesn't include higher stake things that include booked flights, hotels etc. A cancellation there is a different matter.

+1. I don’t know if because I’m more of the “low maintenance” friend and or because I fully expect my friendships to take a backseat to serious relationships as we get older I don’t see the big deal? This sounds like a one off and nothing was planned or paid for, and it’s not the day off or night before that she canceled so what’s the big fuss?

Nah, ditching friends for a bf is middle and high school behavior. I totally get that the lake house weekend sounds more enticing than hosting girlfriends for a rainy weekend at home, but when you make plans with people you care about, you don’t bail because something better comes along.

She didn’t have a better offer if she was already set to go on the trip. So she was supposed to ditch plans with another person she cared about to sit at home with nothing to do but host people?

NP - the trip was supposed to start later. Moreover, she was hosting her *friends* FFS, not her in-laws or her spouse’s creepy boss or whomever. “Nothing to do but host people”? Is that how you really think of a girls’ weekend?

The number of assumptions many PPs are making is pretty staggering, even for DCUM. If you have low expectations of your friends, you won’t have very good friends.

Fine, she was hosting her FRIENDS. Happy now?

Again, not a better offer of the trip was already planned and paid for but the dates changed due do unforeseen circumstances. Not that I have low expectations of my friends but realistic. OP said she chimed in and told her friend they could just stay in the house. Why would I even want to drive hours to go be in a house and do nothing anyways? Why would I want my friend to forgo a paid trip for us to inside and braid each others hair. What I would want is to reschedule so we could do something instead of being stuck in the house anyways.

You think a realistic expectation of adult friends is that you sit inside braiding each other’s hair? With my adult girlfriends, we’re thrilled to have an evening or weekend together. We don’t run out of things to say and derive a lot of good from the time we spend together. The issue isn’t what you want to do, it’s that OP’s friend was rude to ditch her friends for a better offer. Which is what she did.

They just saw each other last month. I think they’d be fine missing a weekend. Hmm be on a boat and at a lake house or stay inside the house? Shaft others financially or reschedule her friends?

You still have yet to answer what was the friend supposed to do? Cancel on her friends or cancel on her bf and the others on the trip?

[Anonymous]

Bf didn’t want her to hang with her friends

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If my friends get pissy about a change in plans, let alone an understandable one, then our friendship is worth nothing. And obviously this doesn't include higher stake things that include booked flights, hotels etc. A cancellation there is a different matter.

+1. I don’t know if because I’m more of the “low maintenance” friend and or because I fully expect my friendships to take a backseat to serious relationships as we get older I don’t see the big deal? This sounds like a one off and nothing was planned or paid for, and it’s not the day off or night before that she canceled so what’s the big fuss?

Nah, ditching friends for a bf is middle and high school behavior. I totally get that the lake house weekend sounds more enticing than hosting girlfriends for a rainy weekend at home, but when you make plans with people you care about, you don’t bail because something better comes along.

She didn’t have a better offer if she was already set to go on the trip. So she was supposed to ditch plans with another person she cared about to sit at home with nothing to do but host people?

NP - the trip was supposed to start later. Moreover, she was hosting her *friends* FFS, not her in-laws or her spouse’s creepy boss or whomever. “Nothing to do but host people”? Is that how you really think of a girls’ weekend?

The number of assumptions many PPs are making is pretty staggering, even for DCUM. If you have low expectations of your friends, you won’t have very good friends.

Fine, she was hosting her FRIENDS. Happy now?

Again, not a better offer of the trip was already planned and paid for but the dates changed due do unforeseen circumstances. Not that I have low expectations of my friends but realistic. OP said she chimed in and told her friend they could just stay in the house. Why would I even want to drive hours to go be in a house and do nothing anyways? Why would I want my friend to forgo a paid trip for us to inside and braid each others hair. What I would want is to reschedule so we could do something instead of being stuck in the house anyways.

You think a realistic expectation of adult friends is that you sit inside braiding each other’s hair? With my adult girlfriends, we’re thrilled to have an evening or weekend together. We don’t run out of things to say and derive a lot of good from the time we spend together. The issue isn’t what you want to do, it’s that OP’s friend was rude to ditch her friends for a better offer. Which is what she did.

NP as someone else stated having others staying at your home with no things to do ends up being way more costly for host. I do think we should keep in that mind as well. It may not have been financially feasible to feed and provide 3 people for a weekend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If my friends get pissy about a change in plans, let alone an understandable one, then our friendship is worth nothing. And obviously this doesn't include higher stake things that include booked flights, hotels etc. A cancellation there is a different matter.

+1. I don’t know if because I’m more of the “low maintenance” friend and or because I fully expect my friendships to take a backseat to serious relationships as we get older I don’t see the big deal? This sounds like a one off and nothing was planned or paid for, and it’s not the day off or night before that she canceled so what’s the big fuss?

Nah, ditching friends for a bf is middle and high school behavior. I totally get that the lake house weekend sounds more enticing than hosting girlfriends for a rainy weekend at home, but when you make plans with people you care about, you don’t bail because something better comes along.

She didn’t have a better offer if she was already set to go on the trip. So she was supposed to ditch plans with another person she cared about to sit at home with nothing to do but host people?

NP - the trip was supposed to start later. Moreover, she was hosting her *friends* FFS, not her in-laws or her spouse’s creepy boss or whomever. “Nothing to do but host people”? Is that how you really think of a girls’ weekend?

The number of assumptions many PPs are making is pretty staggering, even for DCUM. If you have low expectations of your friends, you won’t have very good friends.

Fine, she was hosting her FRIENDS. Happy now?

Again, not a better offer of the trip was already planned and paid for but the dates changed due do unforeseen circumstances. Not that I have low expectations of my friends but realistic. OP said she chimed in and told her friend they could just stay in the house. Why would I even want to drive hours to go be in a house and do nothing anyways? Why would I want my friend to forgo a paid trip for us to inside and braid each others hair. What I would want is to reschedule so we could do something instead of being stuck in the house anyways.

So why didn’t OP’s friend say “ so sorry, paid-for plans changed unexpectedly, need to reschedule girls weekend” instead of passy-assy sending screenshots of the weather?

Well she kind of did. We had placed an order for a charcuterie board for our picnic but because of the rain had to cancel it. She said that we shouldn’t cancel but wanted to reschedule.

I wasn’t aware you can only eat charcuterie outside! How odd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If my friends get pissy about a change in plans, let alone an understandable one, then our friendship is worth nothing. And obviously this doesn't include higher stake things that include booked flights, hotels etc. A cancellation there is a different matter.

+1. I don’t know if because I’m more of the “low maintenance” friend and or because I fully expect my friendships to take a backseat to serious relationships as we get older I don’t see the big deal? This sounds like a one off and nothing was planned or paid for, and it’s not the day off or night before that she canceled so what’s the big fuss?

Nah, ditching friends for a bf is middle and high school behavior. I totally get that the lake house weekend sounds more enticing than hosting girlfriends for a rainy weekend at home, but when you make plans with people you care about, you don’t bail because something better comes along.

She didn’t have a better offer if she was already set to go on the trip. So she was supposed to ditch plans with another person she cared about to sit at home with nothing to do but host people?

NP - the trip was supposed to start later. Moreover, she was hosting her *friends* FFS, not her in-laws or her spouse’s creepy boss or whomever. “Nothing to do but host people”? Is that how you really think of a girls’ weekend?

The number of assumptions many PPs are making is pretty staggering, even for DCUM. If you have low expectations of your friends, you won’t have very good friends.

Fine, she was hosting her FRIENDS. Happy now?

Again, not a better offer of the trip was already planned and paid for but the dates changed due do unforeseen circumstances. Not that I have low expectations of my friends but realistic. OP said she chimed in and told her friend they could just stay in the house. Why would I even want to drive hours to go be in a house and do nothing anyways? Why would I want my friend to forgo a paid trip for us to inside and braid each others hair. What I would want is to reschedule so we could do something instead of being stuck in the house anyways.

So why didn’t OP’s friend say “ so sorry, paid-for plans changed unexpectedly, need to reschedule girls weekend” instead of passy-assy sending screenshots of the weather?

Well she kind of did. We had placed an order for a charcuterie board for our picnic but because of the rain had to cancel it. She said that we shouldn’t cancel but wanted to reschedule.

I wasn’t aware you can only eat charcuterie outside! How odd.

You’re obnoxious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If my friends get pissy about a change in plans, let alone an understandable one, then our friendship is worth nothing. And obviously this doesn't include higher stake things that include booked flights, hotels etc. A cancellation there is a different matter.

+1. I don’t know if because I’m more of the “low maintenance” friend and or because I fully expect my friendships to take a backseat to serious relationships as we get older I don’t see the big deal? This sounds like a one off and nothing was planned or paid for, and it’s not the day off or night before that she canceled so what’s the big fuss?

Nah, ditching friends for a bf is middle and high school behavior. I totally get that the lake house weekend sounds more enticing than hosting girlfriends for a rainy weekend at home, but when you make plans with people you care about, you don’t bail because something better comes along.

She didn’t have a better offer if she was already set to go on the trip. So she was supposed to ditch plans with another person she cared about to sit at home with nothing to do but host people?

NP - the trip was supposed to start later. Moreover, she was hosting her *friends* FFS, not her in-laws or her spouse’s creepy boss or whomever. “Nothing to do but host people”? Is that how you really think of a girls’ weekend?

The number of assumptions many PPs are making is pretty staggering, even for DCUM. If you have low expectations of your friends, you won’t have very good friends.

Fine, she was hosting her FRIENDS. Happy now?

Again, not a better offer of the trip was already planned and paid for but the dates changed due do unforeseen circumstances. Not that I have low expectations of my friends but realistic. OP said she chimed in and told her friend they could just stay in the house. Why would I even want to drive hours to go be in a house and do nothing anyways? Why would I want my friend to forgo a paid trip for us to inside and braid each others hair. What I would want is to reschedule so we could do something instead of being stuck in the house anyways.

You think a realistic expectation of adult friends is that you sit inside braiding each other’s hair? With my adult girlfriends, we’re thrilled to have an evening or weekend together. We don’t run out of things to say and derive a lot of good from the time we spend together. The issue isn’t what you want to do, it’s that OP’s friend was rude to ditch her friends for a better offer. Which is what she did.

They just saw each other last month. I think they’d be fine missing a weekend. Hmm be on a boat and at a lake house or stay inside the house? Shaft others financially or reschedule her friends?

You still have yet to answer what was the friend supposed to do? Cancel on her friends or cancel on her bf and the others on the trip?

She should have told her BF that she’d join him on Sunday, as planned. If she can’t bear to do that, she should have told her friends explicitly, I’m really sorry to do this, but Larlo booked a trip for us and the plans changed, so I need to reschedule our weekend. I’m so sorry.

Is honest communication really that difficult? Apparently so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If my friends get pissy about a change in plans, let alone an understandable one, then our friendship is worth nothing. And obviously this doesn't include higher stake things that include booked flights, hotels etc. A cancellation there is a different matter.

+1. I don’t know if because I’m more of the “low maintenance” friend and or because I fully expect my friendships to take a backseat to serious relationships as we get older I don’t see the big deal? This sounds like a one off and nothing was planned or paid for, and it’s not the day off or night before that she canceled so what’s the big fuss?

Nah, ditching friends for a bf is middle and high school behavior. I totally get that the lake house weekend sounds more enticing than hosting girlfriends for a rainy weekend at home, but when you make plans with people you care about, you don’t bail because something better comes along.

She didn’t have a better offer if she was already set to go on the trip. So she was supposed to ditch plans with another person she cared about to sit at home with nothing to do but host people?

NP - the trip was supposed to start later. Moreover, she was hosting her *friends* FFS, not her in-laws or her spouse’s creepy boss or whomever. “Nothing to do but host people”? Is that how you really think of a girls’ weekend?

The number of assumptions many PPs are making is pretty staggering, even for DCUM. If you have low expectations of your friends, you won’t have very good friends.

Fine, she was hosting her FRIENDS. Happy now?

Again, not a better offer of the trip was already planned and paid for but the dates changed due do unforeseen circumstances. Not that I have low expectations of my friends but realistic. OP said she chimed in and told her friend they could just stay in the house. Why would I even want to drive hours to go be in a house and do nothing anyways? Why would I want my friend to forgo a paid trip for us to inside and braid each others hair. What I would want is to reschedule so we could do something instead of being stuck in the house anyways.

You think a realistic expectation of adult friends is that you sit inside braiding each other’s hair? With my adult girlfriends, we’re thrilled to have an evening or weekend together. We don’t run out of things to say and derive a lot of good from the time we spend together. The issue isn’t what you want to do, it’s that OP’s friend was rude to ditch her friends for a better offer. Which is what she did.

They just saw each other last month. I think they’d be fine missing a weekend. Hmm be on a boat and at a lake house or stay inside the house? Shaft others financially or reschedule her friends?

You still have yet to answer what was the friend supposed to do? Cancel on her friends or cancel on her bf and the others on the trip?

She should have told her BF that she’d join him on Sunday, as planned. If she can’t bear to do that, she should have told her friends explicitly, I’m really sorry to do this, but Larlo booked a trip for us and the plans changed, so I need to reschedule our weekend. I’m so sorry.

Is honest communication really that difficult? Apparently so.

That’s exactly what she did. The trip got moved to that Saturday and she told them they would have to reschedule because they were supposed to leave on Sunday but it got moved to Friday. What you said for her to do and say is quite literally in the OP, so what’s your point?