Good friend canceled on us to be with her SO

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If my friends get pissy about a change in plans, let alone an understandable one, then our friendship is worth nothing. And obviously this doesn't include higher stake things that include booked flights, hotels etc. A cancellation there is a different matter.

+1. I don’t know if because I’m more of the “low maintenance” friend and or because I fully expect my friendships to take a backseat to serious relationships as we get older I don’t see the big deal? This sounds like a one off and nothing was planned or paid for, and it’s not the day off or night before that she canceled so what’s the big fuss?

Nah, ditching friends for a bf is middle and high school behavior. I totally get that the lake house weekend sounds more enticing than hosting girlfriends for a rainy weekend at home, but when you make plans with people you care about, you don’t bail because something better comes along.

She didn’t have a better offer if she was already set to go on the trip. So she was supposed to ditch plans with another person she cared about to sit at home with nothing to do but host people?

NP - the trip was supposed to start later. Moreover, she was hosting her *friends* FFS, not her in-laws or her spouse’s creepy boss or whomever. “Nothing to do but host people”? Is that how you really think of a girls’ weekend?

The number of assumptions many PPs are making is pretty staggering, even for DCUM. If you have low expectations of your friends, you won’t have very good friends.

Fine, she was hosting her FRIENDS. Happy now?

Again, not a better offer of the trip was already planned and paid for but the dates changed due do unforeseen circumstances. Not that I have low expectations of my friends but realistic. OP said she chimed in and told her friend they could just stay in the house. Why would I even want to drive hours to go be in a house and do nothing anyways? Why would I want my friend to forgo a paid trip for us to inside and braid each others hair. What I would want is to reschedule so we could do something instead of being stuck in the house anyways.

You think a realistic expectation of adult friends is that you sit inside braiding each other’s hair? With my adult girlfriends, we’re thrilled to have an evening or weekend together. We don’t run out of things to say and derive a lot of good from the time we spend together. The issue isn’t what you want to do, it’s that OP’s friend was rude to ditch her friends for a better offer. Which is what she did.

They just saw each other last month. I think they’d be fine missing a weekend. Hmm be on a boat and at a lake house or stay inside the house? Shaft others financially or reschedule her friends?

You still have yet to answer what was the friend supposed to do? Cancel on her friends or cancel on her bf and the others on the trip?

She should have told her BF that she’d join him on Sunday, as planned. If she can’t bear to do that, she should have told her friends explicitly, I’m really sorry to do this, but Larlo booked a trip for us and the plans changed, so I need to reschedule our weekend. I’m so sorry.

Is honest communication really that difficult? Apparently so.

That’s exactly what she did. The trip got moved to that Saturday and she told them they would have to reschedule because they were supposed to leave on Sunday but it got moved to Friday. What you said for her to do and say is quite literally in the OP, so what’s your point?

That’s not what she did. She sent a screenshot of the weather forecast and asked what the OP and her friends wanted to do, i.e., hoping they would want to reschedule so she wouldn’t have to take the initiative. Unfortunately for her, her friends still wanted to hang out, so only then did she come clean. If you can’t see the difference, that’s your issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If my friends get pissy about a change in plans, let alone an understandable one, then our friendship is worth nothing. And obviously this doesn't include higher stake things that include booked flights, hotels etc. A cancellation there is a different matter.

+1. I don’t know if because I’m more of the “low maintenance” friend and or because I fully expect my friendships to take a backseat to serious relationships as we get older I don’t see the big deal? This sounds like a one off and nothing was planned or paid for, and it’s not the day off or night before that she canceled so what’s the big fuss?

Nah, ditching friends for a bf is middle and high school behavior. I totally get that the lake house weekend sounds more enticing than hosting girlfriends for a rainy weekend at home, but when you make plans with people you care about, you don’t bail because something better comes along.

She didn’t have a better offer if she was already set to go on the trip. So she was supposed to ditch plans with another person she cared about to sit at home with nothing to do but host people?

NP - the trip was supposed to start later. Moreover, she was hosting her *friends* FFS, not her in-laws or her spouse’s creepy boss or whomever. “Nothing to do but host people”? Is that how you really think of a girls’ weekend?

The number of assumptions many PPs are making is pretty staggering, even for DCUM. If you have low expectations of your friends, you won’t have very good friends.

Fine, she was hosting her FRIENDS. Happy now?

Again, not a better offer of the trip was already planned and paid for but the dates changed due do unforeseen circumstances. Not that I have low expectations of my friends but realistic. OP said she chimed in and told her friend they could just stay in the house. Why would I even want to drive hours to go be in a house and do nothing anyways? Why would I want my friend to forgo a paid trip for us to inside and braid each others hair. What I would want is to reschedule so we could do something instead of being stuck in the house anyways.

You think a realistic expectation of adult friends is that you sit inside braiding each other’s hair? With my adult girlfriends, we’re thrilled to have an evening or weekend together. We don’t run out of things to say and derive a lot of good from the time we spend together. The issue isn’t what you want to do, it’s that OP’s friend was rude to ditch her friends for a better offer. Which is what she did.

They just saw each other last month. I think they’d be fine missing a weekend. Hmm be on a boat and at a lake house or stay inside the house? Shaft others financially or reschedule her friends?

You still have yet to answer what was the friend supposed to do? Cancel on her friends or cancel on her bf and the others on the trip?

The other lake house couple who (allegedly) changed the dates of the reservation without clearing it with the people who were supposed to split the cost shafted themselves. Not fair to put the blame on the person who had a prior commitment,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If my friends get pissy about a change in plans, let alone an understandable one, then our friendship is worth nothing. And obviously this doesn't include higher stake things that include booked flights, hotels etc. A cancellation there is a different matter.

+1. I don’t know if because I’m more of the “low maintenance” friend and or because I fully expect my friendships to take a backseat to serious relationships as we get older I don’t see the big deal? This sounds like a one off and nothing was planned or paid for, and it’s not the day off or night before that she canceled so what’s the big fuss?

Nah, ditching friends for a bf is middle and high school behavior. I totally get that the lake house weekend sounds more enticing than hosting girlfriends for a rainy weekend at home, but when you make plans with people you care about, you don’t bail because something better comes along.

She didn’t have a better offer if she was already set to go on the trip. So she was supposed to ditch plans with another person she cared about to sit at home with nothing to do but host people?

NP - the trip was supposed to start later. Moreover, she was hosting her *friends* FFS, not her in-laws or her spouse’s creepy boss or whomever. “Nothing to do but host people”? Is that how you really think of a girls’ weekend?

The number of assumptions many PPs are making is pretty staggering, even for DCUM. If you have low expectations of your friends, you won’t have very good friends.

Fine, she was hosting her FRIENDS. Happy now?

Again, not a better offer of the trip was already planned and paid for but the dates changed due do unforeseen circumstances. Not that I have low expectations of my friends but realistic. OP said she chimed in and told her friend they could just stay in the house. Why would I even want to drive hours to go be in a house and do nothing anyways? Why would I want my friend to forgo a paid trip for us to inside and braid each others hair. What I would want is to reschedule so we could do something instead of being stuck in the house anyways.

You think a realistic expectation of adult friends is that you sit inside braiding each other’s hair? With my adult girlfriends, we’re thrilled to have an evening or weekend together. We don’t run out of things to say and derive a lot of good from the time we spend together. The issue isn’t what you want to do, it’s that OP’s friend was rude to ditch her friends for a better offer. Which is what she did.

They just saw each other last month. I think they’d be fine missing a weekend. Hmm be on a boat and at a lake house or stay inside the house? Shaft others financially or reschedule her friends?

You still have yet to answer what was the friend supposed to do? Cancel on her friends or cancel on her bf and the others on the trip?

She should have told her BF that she’d join him on Sunday, as planned. If she can’t bear to do that, she should have told her friends explicitly, I’m really sorry to do this, but Larlo booked a trip for us and the plans changed, so I need to reschedule our weekend. I’m so sorry.

Is honest communication really that difficult? Apparently so.

That’s exactly what she did. The trip got moved to that Saturday and she told them they would have to reschedule because they were supposed to leave on Sunday but it got moved to Friday. What you said for her to do and say is quite literally in the OP, so what’s your point?

That’s not what she did. She sent a screenshot of the weather forecast and asked what the OP and her friends wanted to do, i.e., hoping they would want to reschedule so she wouldn’t have to take the initiative. Unfortunately for her, her friends still wanted to hang out, so only then did she come clean. If you can’t see the difference, that’s your issue.

OP here. She say what you suggested that she should’ve said. Also, I’m mistaken, she brought up the weather and it being rained out days prior to canceling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If my friends get pissy about a change in plans, let alone an understandable one, then our friendship is worth nothing. And obviously this doesn't include higher stake things that include booked flights, hotels etc. A cancellation there is a different matter.

+1. I don’t know if because I’m more of the “low maintenance” friend and or because I fully expect my friendships to take a backseat to serious relationships as we get older I don’t see the big deal? This sounds like a one off and nothing was planned or paid for, and it’s not the day off or night before that she canceled so what’s the big fuss?

Nah, ditching friends for a bf is middle and high school behavior. I totally get that the lake house weekend sounds more enticing than hosting girlfriends for a rainy weekend at home, but when you make plans with people you care about, you don’t bail because something better comes along.

She didn’t have a better offer if she was already set to go on the trip. So she was supposed to ditch plans with another person she cared about to sit at home with nothing to do but host people?

NP - the trip was supposed to start later. Moreover, she was hosting her *friends* FFS, not her in-laws or her spouse’s creepy boss or whomever. “Nothing to do but host people”? Is that how you really think of a girls’ weekend?

The number of assumptions many PPs are making is pretty staggering, even for DCUM. If you have low expectations of your friends, you won’t have very good friends.

Fine, she was hosting her FRIENDS. Happy now?

Again, not a better offer of the trip was already planned and paid for but the dates changed due do unforeseen circumstances. Not that I have low expectations of my friends but realistic. OP said she chimed in and told her friend they could just stay in the house. Why would I even want to drive hours to go be in a house and do nothing anyways? Why would I want my friend to forgo a paid trip for us to inside and braid each others hair. What I would want is to reschedule so we could do something instead of being stuck in the house anyways.

You think a realistic expectation of adult friends is that you sit inside braiding each other’s hair? With my adult girlfriends, we’re thrilled to have an evening or weekend together. We don’t run out of things to say and derive a lot of good from the time we spend together. The issue isn’t what you want to do, it’s that OP’s friend was rude to ditch her friends for a better offer. Which is what she did.

They just saw each other last month. I think they’d be fine missing a weekend. Hmm be on a boat and at a lake house or stay inside the house? Shaft others financially or reschedule her friends?

You still have yet to answer what was the friend supposed to do? Cancel on her friends or cancel on her bf and the others on the trip?

She should have told her BF that she’d join him on Sunday, as planned. If she can’t bear to do that, she should have told her friends explicitly, I’m really sorry to do this, but Larlo booked a trip for us and the plans changed, so I need to reschedule our weekend. I’m so sorry.

Is honest communication really that difficult? Apparently so.

That’s exactly what she did. The trip got moved to that Saturday and she told them they would have to reschedule because they were supposed to leave on Sunday but it got moved to Friday. What you said for her to do and say is quite literally in the OP, so what’s your point?

That’s not what she did. She sent a screenshot of the weather forecast and asked what the OP and her friends wanted to do, i.e., hoping they would want to reschedule so she wouldn’t have to take the initiative. Unfortunately for her, her friends still wanted to hang out, so only then did she come clean. If you can’t see the difference, that’s your issue.

OP here. She say what you suggested that she should’ve said. Also, I’m mistaken, she brought up the weather and it being rained out days prior to canceling.

She did say*

[Anonymous]

Something isn’t adding up here. I’ve booked many a vacation house/condo with another couple or couples and never in a million years would anybody involved change the dates without the prior agree of everybody involved. Who does that!?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Something isn’t adding up here. I’ve booked many a vacation house/condo with another couple or couples and never in a million years would anybody involved change the dates without the prior agree of everybody involved. Who does that!?

Moving it from Sunday to Friday isn’t that hard to believe? It’s the weekend and I’m assuming they all have corporate jobs so they’re off on the weekends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Something isn’t adding up here. I’ve booked many a vacation house/condo with another couple or couples and never in a million years would anybody involved change the dates without the prior agree of everybody involved. Who does that!?

Moving it from Sunday to Friday isn’t that hard to believe? It’s the weekend and I’m assuming they all have corporate jobs so they’re off on the weekends.

But people could have (and in fact did have) non-work weekend commitments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Something isn’t adding up here. I’ve booked many a vacation house/condo with another couple or couples and never in a million years would anybody involved change the dates without the prior agree of everybody involved. Who does that!?

OP again, I’ve met the group; so it’s the host and his girlfriend, his sister and her boyfriend, his brother and his girlfriend, his best friend and his girlfriend, and a few of his cousins. The host, his girlfriend, sister, and brother all bought a new boat together and they’re taking it out for the first time. So I guess because he’s related to the majority of the guests it wasn’t a huge deal to move the trip up a few days. I don’t know. That’s my best guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Something isn’t adding up here. I’ve booked many a vacation house/condo with another couple or couples and never in a million years would anybody involved change the dates without the prior agree of everybody involved. Who does that!?

OP again, I’ve met the group; so it’s the host and his girlfriend, his sister and her boyfriend, his brother and his girlfriend, his best friend and his girlfriend, and a few of his cousins. The host, his girlfriend, sister, and brother all bought a new boat together and they’re taking it out for the first time. So I guess because he’s related to the majority of the guests it wasn’t a huge deal to move the trip up a few days. I don’t know. That’s my best guess.

So this is a family lake house? Not a place they paid to rent?

[Anonymous]

If your friend could skip the lake house trip without costing herself or third parties any money, that’s a whole different dynamic…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand - why did her BF book the lake house if she had other plans? Did he book it without asking her first? If so, the "don't disappoint the person who spent money" doesn't fly.

Exactly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP adding on - do we think if OP had suggested actual activities (outside the house) her friend would have skipped the lake house? Because I kinda doubt it.

Who knows but if OP hadn’t stupidly said to stay in the house we know that solicited her choice

She was probably trying to be low maintenance like “all that matters is spending time together” without really considering the extra hosting burdens when you have a house full of people in your house all day vs. out and about for meals and activities.

PP, yea that’s why I said stupidly. Plus, if a part of the group I wouldn’t drive to meet someone just to sit in the house. We can have a Group FaceTime happy hour instead.

OP,

When was the last time you guys stayed at her house?

You and your friends need to book a nice suite at a hotel occasionally to treat your NYC friend. Hosting is hard and 2 times in 2 months is too much.

Last month

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She definitely handled it poorly and double booked. She’s also in the start of a romance. I think we can all relate to what that feels like. I would be annoyed but, I would also cut her slack. Go to New York, and have fun and maybe stay at a cheap hotel.

Three.
Years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, would you have felt better if she had canceled due to weather, without mentioning the plans with her BF? I think it's reasonable of her to not want to be stuck indoors with multiple houseguests for the weekend (it's not like you all made plans to see a show or had other time-specific plans), but characterizing this as "I got a better offer" is crappy.

How did she characterize it as a better offer? All she said was he had already paid for it?

But why did he pay for it if she already had plans that weekend?

Did you not read the OP? She said they were originally supposed to go AFTER the girls left aka no plans.

So they keep to that plan and don’t change it. Done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Something isn’t adding up here. I’ve booked many a vacation house/condo with another couple or couples and never in a million years would anybody involved change the dates without the prior agree of everybody involved. Who does that!?

OP again, I’ve met the group; so it’s the host and his girlfriend, his sister and her boyfriend, his brother and his girlfriend, his best friend and his girlfriend, and a few of his cousins. The host, his girlfriend, sister, and brother all bought a new boat together and they’re taking it out for the first time. So I guess because he’s related to the majority of the guests it wasn’t a huge deal to move the trip up a few days. I don’t know. That’s my best guess.

So this is a family lake house? Not a place they paid to rent?

No it’s not. I’m saying since a lot of his family members are going it wasn’t that hard to move it a few days earlier.