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Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
Good friend canceled on us to be with her SO
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Anonymous
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We’ve all been friends over 10 years and as all you all know the older you get the harder it is to see friends. Our good friend lives in a really nice place in the city (NYC). 2 of us, myself included, live about 2 hours away in the country, so we love coming to visit her because we have so much fun in the city. The other friend lives about 20 minutes from her. We had made plans to come stay with her this upcoming weekend. We planned a picnic on Saturday and then we’d head home on Sunday. Backstory, she’s been dating this guy and on off for about 3 years that we don’t like. Today, she texted the group with a screen shot of rain for the weekend with a high of 58 and asked what we wanted to do since we were going to be rained out. I said that I didn’t care and we could just stay in the house. She then followed and said, “ I was holding off until I knew for sure but we may have to reschedule this weekend. *Bf name* paid for us to go to a lake houses and originally we were leaving on Sunday, which would’ve worked for our girls weekend, but now he’s talking about leaving either Friday or Saturday. So sorry y’all.”
I am so PO about this. Ditching your friend’s for some boyfriend that we can’t stand? |
Anonymous
| When people show you who they are, believe them. |
Anonymous
Stop it. If money wasn’t involved it would be a different story. They were going to get rained out anyways and money had already been spent. If she’s done this more than once then yes, it would be a problem. |
Anonymous
The fact that you can't stand him is actually irrelevant. I know that it makes it feel worse, but it's the same. The real issue is that your friend made a commitment to you and your other friend(s) and is now being opportunistic and backing out of it. Which is pretty crappy. Call her out on that, but don't mention the BF or your dislike of him. Also please try to be more succint. |
Anonymous
| My bff of over 30 years lives in NYC, and I love the energy of the city, and I love visiting her. So I understand your disappointment. And I would certainly let her know that it was a sh*tty thing to do. I think that's why our friendship has lasted this long, we aren't afraid to call each other out on our BS, and we aren't afraid to let each other know when we've hurt the other one. It's always tricky trying to coordinate scheduling with several people, but I hope you guys can reschedule your trip soon! |
Anonymous
| I know it sucks but if he already paid for something then what was she supposed to do? She was going to have disappoint someone unfortunately. IMO, I’d rather not disappoint the person whose money is involved. |
Anonymous
| OP, get over it. Your friend wants to get laid in a nice place and actually be the one to get away for once. |
Anonymous
This! I’m sorry be stuck in the house on a cold, rainy weekend with my friends who admittedly said they didn’t want to do anything but stay in the house or go on a get a chance to not host for once and get out of my house on a trip with my bf who has already paid for the trip? Would easily take the latter. You guys weren’t going to do anything anyways. |
Anonymous
What was she supposed to do? Cancel on the person who already spent the money or play host again for friends who admittedly want to stay in the house? I understand the disappointment but to say it was sh*tty is unfair. She was going to have to be the villain no matter what and was put in a hard place, hence why she asked the girls what they wanted to do since they were going to be rained out - she was hoping they would reschedule so she wouldn’t have to. |
Anonymous
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She messed up by double-booking herself and then bailing on the people she committed to first (you). You are right to be annoyed.
That said, you sound kind of obnoxious in that you are mostly focused on how fun it is to visit NYC (with her doing the work of hosting) and how you all don't "like" her bf (when what matters is whether SHE likes him and he treats her well). Do you ever invite her to come visit you? Do you care about hanging out with her, or do you just like having a nice place to stay in a fun city? |
Anonymous
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She handled it sort of awkwardly but you can't do your original plan anyway because of the rain and she understandably does not want to spend the weekend stuck in her own apartment with multiple house guests (who would?!).
If you are upset by the last minute change of plans and the somewhat passive aggressive way she handled (hoping you guys would just want to reschedule based on weather instead of being up front about her other plans), that's fair and I would call her out on it. But it sounds like you just resent that your free place to stay in NYC is no longer available and you feel deprived of a weekend in the city (and it seems like it was the apartment/NYC visit that mattered most to you, not the friends or activities). It's not her job to make sure you get a fun weekend in the city without paying for a hotel. If you weren't being resentful or hating on her BF, you could have probably found a way to ask if she'd be okay if you guys still met up in the city at her apartment while she's at the lake with her BF. But you're being petty an she has probably sniffed that out and feel used, so no dice. |
Anonymous
| I don't understand - why did her BF book the lake house if she had other plans? Did he book it without asking her first? If so, the "don't disappoint the person who spent money" doesn't fly. |
Anonymous
| OP, would you have felt better if she had canceled due to weather, without mentioning the plans with her BF? I think it's reasonable of her to not want to be stuck indoors with multiple houseguests for the weekend (it's not like you all made plans to see a show or had other time-specific plans), but characterizing this as "I got a better offer" is crappy. |
Anonymous
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Anonymous
How did she characterize it as a better offer? All she said was he had already paid for it? |