Good friend canceled on us to be with her SO

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know it sucks but if he already paid for something then what was she supposed to do? She was going to have disappoint someone unfortunately. IMO, I’d rather not disappoint the person whose money is involved.

You people are all really missing the point.

The weekend girls' trip had been planned first. So the BF was a jerk to schedule something at the same time. And they were going to leave on Sunday but then talked about leaving earlier, so it's not like he had booked plane tickets as a surprise and couldn't change them.

Please read OP’s update. You couldn’t be more wrong. Even w/o the update it doesn’t make the bf a jerk for moving the trip up because as I said earlier, we don’t know why he moved it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When people show you who they are, believe them.

Stop it. If money wasn’t involved it would be a different story. They were going to get rained out anyways and money had already been spent. If she’s done this more than once then yes, it would be a problem.

Money had been spent for them to leave for the lake house on Sunday. Then they decided to leave earlier.

Sounds like the guy is trying to keep you away from her, probably because you don't like him (potentially with good reason).

I'd be mad but I'd also not cut her off because their relationship sounds troubling (what kind of grown adult is on again off again with someone in their 30s? Grow up.) and she may need your friendship down the road.

Also, if she won't be at her house then she should just let you and the other friends stay there and enjoy the city!

+10000 asking the real questions

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When people show you who they are, believe them.

Stop it. If money wasn’t involved it would be a different story. They were going to get rained out anyways and money had already been spent. If she’s done this more than once then yes, it would be a problem.

Money had been spent for them to leave for the lake house on Sunday. Then they decided to leave earlier.

Sounds like the guy is trying to keep you away from her, probably because you don't like him (potentially with good reason).

I'd be mad but I'd also not cut her off because their relationship sounds troubling (what kind of grown adult is on again off again with someone in their 30s? Grow up.) and she may need your friendship down the road.

Also, if she won't be at her house then she should just let you and the other friends stay there and enjoy the city!

+10000 asking the real questions

No, you’re asking the wrong questions. They’re all adults. It’s her decision to date who she wants, good or bad. Stay out of people’s business. This has nothing to do with issue at hand.

[Anonymous]

I don't really blame her. She handled it poorly but I can understand not wanting to host people in my home when the weather is miserable - it dramatically increases the amount of cleaning, cooking, and hosting to have everyone in your home for the whole weekend compared to being out on the town but just sleeping at the home. I think you are disappointed because you are not getting to stay in her nice house. If you want to go to the city that weekend and just hang out, get a hotel. It doesn't really sound like you are upset about not seeing her just the loss of a free place to stay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She messed up by double-booking herself and then bailing on the people she committed to first (you). You are right to be annoyed.

That said, you sound kind of obnoxious in that you are mostly focused on how fun it is to visit NYC (with her doing the work of hosting) and how you all don't "like" her bf (when what matters is whether SHE likes him and he treats her well).

Do you ever invite her to come visit you? Do you care about hanging out with her, or do you just like having a nice place to stay in a fun city?

We always go to her place because we live in the country so who wants to do that? I mentioned us not liking her boyfriend because he hasn’t treated her well in the past and that’s who you’d rather spend time with? That being said, she did call but I didn’t return her call because I didn’t feel up to speaking with her at that moment. She texted and apologized again. Said the boyfriend’s friend rented a lake house and each couple paid for their portion of the lake house. The friend had to change the weekend that they were going to go.

I’m not sure what I’m going to say in response back because she still ditched us at the end of the day.

Are you more disappointed that you don't have a place to stay or that you're not seeing your friend? I mean does this stop the trip for you? How about the friend that lives 20 min away - are you all still meeting up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, would you have felt better if she had canceled due to weather, without mentioning the plans with her BF? I think it's reasonable of her to not want to be stuck indoors with multiple houseguests for the weekend (it's not like you all made plans to see a show or had other time-specific plans), but characterizing this as "I got a better offer" is crappy.

How did she characterize it as a better offer? All she said was he had already paid for it?

But why did he pay for it if she already had plans that weekend?

Because men don't listen to or remember what women tell them. Tale as old as time.

This. It’s not her fault the boyfriend changed plans. I could see if she had said she decide to go with him instead last minute but this was already preplanned and paid for by the boyfriend.

She could have told the boyfriend the change of plans didn't work for her and that he should have discussed the change with her before committing money. She didn't want to - she'd rather go on a romantic getaway with her boyfriend than play hostess on a rainy weekend in hew own house - which is understandable but it's also understandable that it makes her friends feel like they got ditched.

This. Everyone sucks here—boyfriend for spending money on something that conflicted with his girlfriend’s plan, girlfriend for not pointing this out to him and staying faithful to her original plans, and OP, for acting a bit entitled and whiny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, would you have felt better if she had canceled due to weather, without mentioning the plans with her BF? I think it's reasonable of her to not want to be stuck indoors with multiple houseguests for the weekend (it's not like you all made plans to see a show or had other time-specific plans), but characterizing this as "I got a better offer" is crappy.

How did she characterize it as a better offer? All she said was he had already paid for it?

But why did he pay for it if she already had plans that weekend?

Because men don't listen to or remember what women tell them. Tale as old as time.

This. It’s not her fault the boyfriend changed plans. I could see if she had said she decide to go with him instead last minute but this was already preplanned and paid for by the boyfriend.

She could have told the boyfriend the change of plans didn't work for her and that he should have discussed the change with her before committing money. She didn't want to - she'd rather go on a romantic getaway with her boyfriend than play hostess on a rainy weekend in hew own house - which is understandable but it's also understandable that it makes her friends feel like they got ditched.

This. Everyone sucks here—boyfriend for spending money on something that conflicted with his girlfriend’s plan, girlfriend for not pointing this out to him and staying faithful to her original plans, and OP, for acting a bit entitled and whiny.

Go read OP’s update. This was completely out of the boyfriend and friend’s control. Other people were relying on them to pay for their portion of the trip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She definitely handled it poorly and double booked. She’s also in the start of a romance. I think we can all relate to what that feels like. I would be annoyed but, I would also cut her slack. Go to New York, and have fun and maybe stay at a cheap hotel.

She is not “in the start of a romance.” They’ve been on and off for 3 years. Frankly doesn’t seem like much of a relationship to me. OP’s friend sounds like a doormat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, would you have felt better if she had canceled due to weather, without mentioning the plans with her BF? I think it's reasonable of her to not want to be stuck indoors with multiple houseguests for the weekend (it's not like you all made plans to see a show or had other time-specific plans), but characterizing this as "I got a better offer" is crappy.

How did she characterize it as a better offer? All she said was he had already paid for it?

But why did he pay for it if she already had plans that weekend?

Because men don't listen to or remember what women tell them. Tale as old as time.

This. It’s not her fault the boyfriend changed plans. I could see if she had said she decide to go with him instead last minute but this was already preplanned and paid for by the boyfriend.

She could have told the boyfriend the change of plans didn't work for her and that he should have discussed the change with her before committing money. She didn't want to - she'd rather go on a romantic getaway with her boyfriend than play hostess on a rainy weekend in hew own house - which is understandable but it's also understandable that it makes her friends feel like they got ditched.

This. Everyone sucks here—boyfriend for spending money on something that conflicted with his girlfriend’s plan, girlfriend for not pointing this out to him and staying faithful to her original plans, and OP, for acting a bit entitled and whiny.

Go read OP’s update. This was completely out of the boyfriend and friend’s control. Other people were relying on them to pay for their portion of the trip.

So they find a different weekend they all can go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She definitely handled it poorly and double booked. She’s also in the start of a romance. I think we can all relate to what that feels like. I would be annoyed but, I would also cut her slack. Go to New York, and have fun and maybe stay at a cheap hotel.

She is not “in the start of a romance.” They’ve been on and off for 3 years. Frankly doesn’t seem like much of a relationship to me. OP’s friend sounds like a doormat.

I read 3 WEEKS. That changes my answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, would you have felt better if she had canceled due to weather, without mentioning the plans with her BF? I think it's reasonable of her to not want to be stuck indoors with multiple houseguests for the weekend (it's not like you all made plans to see a show or had other time-specific plans), but characterizing this as "I got a better offer" is crappy.

How did she characterize it as a better offer? All she said was he had already paid for it?

But why did he pay for it if she already had plans that weekend?

Because men don't listen to or remember what women tell them. Tale as old as time.

This. It’s not her fault the boyfriend changed plans. I could see if she had said she decide to go with him instead last minute but this was already preplanned and paid for by the boyfriend.

She could have told the boyfriend the change of plans didn't work for her and that he should have discussed the change with her before committing money. She didn't want to - she'd rather go on a romantic getaway with her boyfriend than play hostess on a rainy weekend in hew own house - which is understandable but it's also understandable that it makes her friends feel like they got ditched.

This. Everyone sucks here—boyfriend for spending money on something that conflicted with his girlfriend’s plan, girlfriend for not pointing this out to him and staying faithful to her original plans, and OP, for acting a bit entitled and whiny.

Go read OP’s update. This was completely out of the boyfriend and friend’s control. Other people were relying on them to pay for their portion of the trip.

So they find a different weekend they all can go.

Oh so you mean leave the other couples to pony up more money to cover the difference so the friend can stay in the house with the friends? Screw over many people financially to do nothing at home? Got it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, would you have felt better if she had canceled due to weather, without mentioning the plans with her BF? I think it's reasonable of her to not want to be stuck indoors with multiple houseguests for the weekend (it's not like you all made plans to see a show or had other time-specific plans), but characterizing this as "I got a better offer" is crappy.

How did she characterize it as a better offer? All she said was he had already paid for it?

But why did he pay for it if she already had plans that weekend?

Because men don't listen to or remember what women tell them. Tale as old as time.

This. It’s not her fault the boyfriend changed plans. I could see if she had said she decide to go with him instead last minute but this was already preplanned and paid for by the boyfriend.

She could have told the boyfriend the change of plans didn't work for her and that he should have discussed the change with her before committing money. She didn't want to - she'd rather go on a romantic getaway with her boyfriend than play hostess on a rainy weekend in hew own house - which is understandable but it's also understandable that it makes her friends feel like they got ditched.

This. Everyone sucks here—boyfriend for spending money on something that conflicted with his girlfriend’s plan, girlfriend for not pointing this out to him and staying faithful to her original plans, and OP, for acting a bit entitled and whiny.

Go read OP’s update. This was completely out of the boyfriend and friend’s control. Other people were relying on them to pay for their portion of the trip.

So they find a different weekend they all can go.

No. That’s stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She definitely handled it poorly and double booked. She’s also in the start of a romance. I think we can all relate to what that feels like. I would be annoyed but, I would also cut her slack. Go to New York, and have fun and maybe stay at a cheap hotel.

She is not “in the start of a romance.” They’ve been on and off for 3 years. Frankly doesn’t seem like much of a relationship to me. OP’s friend sounds like a doormat.

I know I said I don’t like him but my friend isn’t a doormat. He is absolutely crazy about her. In fact, I know he loves her more than she loves him but I told her the first day I met him that I didn’t like him and have made no bones about it. We were at her cousin’s wedding and a guest asked her about her boyfriend and I let the guest know she could do much better. She got mad at me and said it wasn’t my business to tell other people but I wanted her to know how I felt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, would you have felt better if she had canceled due to weather, without mentioning the plans with her BF? I think it's reasonable of her to not want to be stuck indoors with multiple houseguests for the weekend (it's not like you all made plans to see a show or had other time-specific plans), but characterizing this as "I got a better offer" is crappy.

How did she characterize it as a better offer? All she said was he had already paid for it?

But why did he pay for it if she already had plans that weekend?

Because men don't listen to or remember what women tell them. Tale as old as time.

This. It’s not her fault the boyfriend changed plans. I could see if she had said she decide to go with him instead last minute but this was already preplanned and paid for by the boyfriend.

She could have told the boyfriend the change of plans didn't work for her and that he should have discussed the change with her before committing money. She didn't want to - she'd rather go on a romantic getaway with her boyfriend than play hostess on a rainy weekend in hew own house - which is understandable but it's also understandable that it makes her friends feel like they got ditched.

This. Everyone sucks here—boyfriend for spending money on something that conflicted with his girlfriend’s plan, girlfriend for not pointing this out to him and staying faithful to her original plans, and OP, for acting a bit entitled and whiny.

Go read OP’s update. This was completely out of the boyfriend and friend’s control. Other people were relying on them to pay for their portion of the trip.

So they find a different weekend they all can go.

Oh so you mean leave the other couples to pony up more money to cover the difference so the friend can stay in the house with the friends? Screw over many people financially to do nothing at home? Got it

First, OP said the money had already been spent. So the other couples are not being screwed over financially. But also, we don’t know that there isn’t some flexibility in the booking. We don’t know very much at all. Neither does OP. My point is that if seeing her friends was truly important to her, she would find a way, even if it meant sending the boyfriend off to the lake house and eating part of the cost. Like if my best friend were visiting from Chicago, wild horses wouldn’t drag me away from that visit, no matter how much my husband had paid. So unfortunately what we’ve learned here is that OP’s friend doesn’t really value her much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, get over it. Your friend wants to get laid in a nice place and actually be the one to get away for once.

So much this. Grow up!

Plan for another time.