Good friend canceled on us to be with her SO

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’ve all been friends over 10 years and as all you all know the older you get the harder it is to see friends. Our good friend lives in a really nice place in the city (NYC). 2 of us, myself included, live about 2 hours away in the country, so we love coming to visit her because we have so much fun in the city.

OP seems more interested in staying in a fancy Manhattan apt and living it up than she is in the friend.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Something isn’t adding up here. I’ve booked many a vacation house/condo with another couple or couples and never in a million years would anybody involved change the dates without the prior agree of everybody involved. Who does that!?

OP again, I’ve met the group; so it’s the host and his girlfriend, his sister and her boyfriend, his brother and his girlfriend, his best friend and his girlfriend, and a few of his cousins. The host, his girlfriend, sister, and brother all bought a new boat together and they’re taking it out for the first time. So I guess because he’s related to the majority of the guests it wasn’t a huge deal to move the trip up a few days. I don’t know. That’s my best guess.

So this is a family lake house? Not a place they paid to rent?

No it’s not. I’m saying since a lot of his family members are going it wasn’t that hard to move it a few days earlier.

But they just bought a boat?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP, would you have felt better if she had canceled due to weather, without mentioning the plans with her BF? I think it's reasonable of her to not want to be stuck indoors with multiple houseguests for the weekend (it's not like you all made plans to see a show or had other time-specific plans), but characterizing this as "I got a better offer" is crappy.

How did she characterize it as a better offer? All she said was he had already paid for it?

But why did he pay for it if she already had plans that weekend?

Did you not read the OP? She said they were originally supposed to go AFTER the girls left aka no plans.

So they keep to that plan and don’t change it. Done.

OP, here. They were supposed to leave Sunday after we left. The host moved the trip up a few days to Friday. They had already paid their portion to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Something isn’t adding up here. I’ve booked many a vacation house/condo with another couple or couples and never in a million years would anybody involved change the dates without the prior agree of everybody involved. Who does that!?

OP again, I’ve met the group; so it’s the host and his girlfriend, his sister and her boyfriend, his brother and his girlfriend, his best friend and his girlfriend, and a few of his cousins. The host, his girlfriend, sister, and brother all bought a new boat together and they’re taking it out for the first time. So I guess because he’s related to the majority of the guests it wasn’t a huge deal to move the trip up a few days. I don’t know. That’s my best guess.

So this is a family lake house? Not a place they paid to rent?

No it’s not. I’m saying since a lot of his family members are going it wasn’t that hard to move it a few days earlier.

But they just bought a boat?

Yes, they just got it last month.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I don't really blame her. She handled it poorly but I can understand not wanting to host people in my home when the weather is miserable - it dramatically increases the amount of cleaning, cooking, and hosting to have everyone in your home for the whole weekend compared to being out on the town but just sleeping at the home. I think you are disappointed because you are not getting to stay in her nice house. If you want to go to the city that weekend and just hang out, get a hotel. It doesn't really sound like you are upset about not seeing her just the loss of a free place to stay.

BINGO. OP just uses her friend. I read the update where OP refused to answer her friend’s call or text. I’d drop OP like a hot potato. Everyone loves being a guest sometimes, even if in the country. The OP is just mad her free NYC stay is cancelled.

I’m not refusing to respond to her. She just contacted me today and I wanted to think about how I wanted to respond first. That’s all.
And it’s not about a trip to NYC, I was just looking forward to getting altogether and having fun. Plus, I arranged plans around this weekend so it’s also about a lack of respect for my time.

If you do not know how to reply, you are not a good friend. You should be happy your friend has better plans than waiting on a group of “friends”.

No. What an idiotic response.

not OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:OP, would you have felt better if she had canceled due to weather, without mentioning the plans with her BF? I think it's reasonable of her to not want to be stuck indoors with multiple houseguests for the weekend (it's not like you all made plans to see a show or had other time-specific plans), but characterizing this as "I got a better offer" is crappy.

How did she characterize it as a better offer? All she said was he had already paid for it?

But why did he pay for it if she already had plans that weekend?

Did you not read the OP? She said they were originally supposed to go AFTER the girls left aka no plans.

So they keep to that plan and don’t change it. Done.

OP, here. They were supposed to leave Sunday after we left. The host moved the trip up a few days to Friday. They had already paid their portion to go.

How long is the trip? Were Friday and Saturday tacked on as extra days or is the total number of days the same, just bumped up?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:If my friends get pissy about a change in plans, let alone an understandable one, then our friendship is worth nothing. And obviously this doesn't include higher stake things that include booked flights, hotels etc. A cancellation there is a different matter.

+1. I don’t know if because I’m more of the “low maintenance” friend and or because I fully expect my friendships to take a backseat to serious relationships as we get older I don’t see the big deal? This sounds like a one off and nothing was planned or paid for, and it’s not the day off or night before that she canceled so what’s the big fuss?

Nah, ditching friends for a bf is middle and high school behavior. I totally get that the lake house weekend sounds more enticing than hosting girlfriends for a rainy weekend at home, but when you make plans with people you care about, you don’t bail because something better comes along.

She didn’t have a better offer if she was already set to go on the trip. So she was supposed to ditch plans with another person she cared about to sit at home with nothing to do but host people?

The “better offer” was to head to the lake house early (Friday or Saturday instead of Sunday as originally planned). Yeah I know - a third party changed the dates without consulting her first - doesn’t change the basic fact that she bailed for a better offer. We can all debate whether that choice was reasonable or the same one we would have made.

Okay. Bail on her boyfriend and have someone else/other people eat the cost to confer the difference that everyone pitched in to rent the lake house. Like I said earlier she was d*mned either way for reasons outside of her control.

This won’t be true no matter how many times you post it.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:If my friends get pissy about a change in plans, let alone an understandable one, then our friendship is worth nothing. And obviously this doesn't include higher stake things that include booked flights, hotels etc. A cancellation there is a different matter.

+1. I don’t know if because I’m more of the “low maintenance” friend and or because I fully expect my friendships to take a backseat to serious relationships as we get older I don’t see the big deal? This sounds like a one off and nothing was planned or paid for, and it’s not the day off or night before that she canceled so what’s the big fuss?

Nah, ditching friends for a bf is middle and high school behavior. I totally get that the lake house weekend sounds more enticing than hosting girlfriends for a rainy weekend at home, but when you make plans with people you care about, you don’t bail because something better comes along.

She didn’t have a better offer if she was already set to go on the trip. So she was supposed to ditch plans with another person she cared about to sit at home with nothing to do but host people?

NP - the trip was supposed to start later. Moreover, she was hosting her *friends* FFS, not her in-laws or her spouse’s creepy boss or whomever. “Nothing to do but host people”? Is that how you really think of a girls’ weekend?

The number of assumptions many PPs are making is pretty staggering, even for DCUM. If you have low expectations of your friends, you won’t have very good friends.

Fine, she was hosting her FRIENDS. Happy now?

Again, not a better offer of the trip was already planned and paid for but the dates changed due do unforeseen circumstances. Not that I have low expectations of my friends but realistic. OP said she chimed in and told her friend they could just stay in the house. Why would I even want to drive hours to go be in a house and do nothing anyways? Why would I want my friend to forgo a paid trip for us to inside and braid each others hair. What I would want is to reschedule so we could do something instead of being stuck in the house anyways.

You think a realistic expectation of adult friends is that you sit inside braiding each other’s hair? With my adult girlfriends, we’re thrilled to have an evening or weekend together. We don’t run out of things to say and derive a lot of good from the time we spend together. The issue isn’t what you want to do, it’s that OP’s friend was rude to ditch her friends for a better offer. Which is what she did.

They just saw each other last month. I think they’d be fine missing a weekend. Hmm be on a boat and at a lake house or stay inside the house? Shaft others financially or reschedule her friends?

You still have yet to answer what was the friend supposed to do? Cancel on her friends or cancel on her bf and the others on the trip?

She should have told her BF that she’d join him on Sunday, as planned. If she can’t bear to do that, she should have told her friends explicitly, I’m really sorry to do this, but Larlo booked a trip for us and the plans changed, so I need to reschedule our weekend. I’m so sorry.

Is honest communication really that difficult? Apparently so.

That’s exactly what she did. The trip got moved to that Saturday and she told them they would have to reschedule because they were supposed to leave on Sunday but it got moved to Friday. What you said for her to do and say is quite literally in the OP, so what’s your point?

No, it isn’t. She texted a screenshot of the weather boo boo sad face, hoping they would cancel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Something isn’t adding up here. I’ve booked many a vacation house/condo with another couple or couples and never in a million years would anybody involved change the dates without the prior agree of everybody involved. Who does that!?

OP again, I’ve met the group; so it’s the host and his girlfriend, his sister and her boyfriend, his brother and his girlfriend, his best friend and his girlfriend, and a few of his cousins. The host, his girlfriend, sister, and brother all bought a new boat together and they’re taking it out for the first time. So I guess because he’s related to the majority of the guests it wasn’t a huge deal to move the trip up a few days. I don’t know. That’s my best guess.

So this is a family lake house? Not a place they paid to rent?

No it’s not. I’m saying since a lot of his family members are going it wasn’t that hard to move it a few days earlier.

OMG now I’m even more confused. I thought this was going to be a romantic weekend getaway for your friend and her BF, but no, it’s some kind of extended family reunion with the BF’s siblings, cousins, etc. and she’d rather do THAT (sounds like the IL beach house hell week threads we get every summer and they aren’t even engaged or married). Hell naw.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, would you have felt better if she had canceled due to weather, without mentioning the plans with her BF? I think it's reasonable of her to not want to be stuck indoors with multiple houseguests for the weekend (it's not like you all made plans to see a show or had other time-specific plans), but characterizing this as "I got a better offer" is crappy.

How did she characterize it as a better offer? All she said was he had already paid for it?

But why did he pay for it if she already had plans that weekend?

Did you not read the OP? She said they were originally supposed to go AFTER the girls left aka no plans.

So they keep to that plan and don’t change it. Done.

OP, here. They were supposed to leave Sunday after we left. The host moved the trip up a few days to Friday. They had already paid their portion to go.

How long is the trip? Were Friday and Saturday tacked on as extra days or is the total number of days the same, just bumped up?

2 nights Friday-Sunday. It was originally for Sunday-Wednesday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Something isn’t adding up here. I’ve booked many a vacation house/condo with another couple or couples and never in a million years would anybody involved change the dates without the prior agree of everybody involved. Who does that!?

OP again, I’ve met the group; so it’s the host and his girlfriend, his sister and her boyfriend, his brother and his girlfriend, his best friend and his girlfriend, and a few of his cousins. The host, his girlfriend, sister, and brother all bought a new boat together and they’re taking it out for the first time. So I guess because he’s related to the majority of the guests it wasn’t a huge deal to move the trip up a few days. I don’t know. That’s my best guess.

So this is a family lake house? Not a place they paid to rent?

No it’s not. I’m saying since a lot of his family members are going it wasn’t that hard to move it a few days earlier.

OMG now I’m even more confused. I thought this was going to be a romantic weekend getaway for your friend and her BF, but no, it’s some kind of extended family reunion with the BF’s siblings, cousins, etc. and she’d rather do THAT (sounds like the IL beach house hell week threads we get every summer and they aren’t even engaged or married). Hell naw.

How is it not romantic? If it’s all couples they’d have their own room. Being out on a boat is still better than being at home in cold, rainy, weather with friends that you just hosted a month prior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, would you have felt better if she had canceled due to weather, without mentioning the plans with her BF? I think it's reasonable of her to not want to be stuck indoors with multiple houseguests for the weekend (it's not like you all made plans to see a show or had other time-specific plans), but characterizing this as "I got a better offer" is crappy.

How did she characterize it as a better offer? All she said was he had already paid for it?

But why did he pay for it if she already had plans that weekend?

Did you not read the OP? She said they were originally supposed to go AFTER the girls left aka no plans.

So they keep to that plan and don’t change it. Done.

OP, here. They were supposed to leave Sunday after we left. The host moved the trip up a few days to Friday. They had already paid their portion to go.

How long is the trip? Were Friday and Saturday tacked on as extra days or is the total number of days the same, just bumped up?

2 nights Friday-Sunday. It was originally for Sunday-Wednesday.

BF should have gone ahead and enjoyed the weekend with his extended family while GF kept her plans for a girls weekend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, would you have felt better if she had canceled due to weather, without mentioning the plans with her BF? I think it's reasonable of her to not want to be stuck indoors with multiple houseguests for the weekend (it's not like you all made plans to see a show or had other time-specific plans), but characterizing this as "I got a better offer" is crappy.

How did she characterize it as a better offer? All she said was he had already paid for it?

But why did he pay for it if she already had plans that weekend?

Did you not read the OP? She said they were originally supposed to go AFTER the girls left aka no plans.

So they keep to that plan and don’t change it. Done.

OP, here. They were supposed to leave Sunday after we left. The host moved the trip up a few days to Friday. They had already paid their portion to go.

How long is the trip? Were Friday and Saturday tacked on as extra days or is the total number of days the same, just bumped up?

2 nights Friday-Sunday. It was originally for Sunday-Wednesday.

BF should have gone ahead and enjoyed the weekend with his extended family while GF kept her plans for a girls weekend.

It’s not his family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, would you have felt better if she had canceled due to weather, without mentioning the plans with her BF? I think it's reasonable of her to not want to be stuck indoors with multiple houseguests for the weekend (it's not like you all made plans to see a show or had other time-specific plans), but characterizing this as "I got a better offer" is crappy.

How did she characterize it as a better offer? All she said was he had already paid for it?

But why did he pay for it if she already had plans that weekend?

Did you not read the OP? She said they were originally supposed to go AFTER the girls left aka no plans.

So they keep to that plan and don’t change it. Done.

OP, here. They were supposed to leave Sunday after we left. The host moved the trip up a few days to Friday. They had already paid their portion to go.

How long is the trip? Were Friday and Saturday tacked on as extra days or is the total number of days the same, just bumped up?

2 nights Friday-Sunday. It was originally for Sunday-Wednesday.

BF should have gone ahead and enjoyed the weekend with his extended family while GF kept her plans for a girls weekend.

Or she could’ve enjoyed herself on a boat instead of hosting for zillionth time for a group who said they wanted to stay in all weekend.

[Anonymous]

OO how old are you all?