Good friend canceled on us to be with her SO

[Anonymous]

She definitely handled it poorly and double booked. She’s also in the start of a romance. I think we can all relate to what that feels like. I would be annoyed but, I would also cut her slack. Go to New York, and have fun and maybe stay at a cheap hotel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, would you have felt better if she had canceled due to weather, without mentioning the plans with her BF? I think it's reasonable of her to not want to be stuck indoors with multiple houseguests for the weekend (it's not like you all made plans to see a show or had other time-specific plans), but characterizing this as "I got a better offer" is crappy.

How did she characterize it as a better offer? All she said was he had already paid for it?

But why did he pay for it if she already had plans that weekend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand - why did her BF book the lake house if she had other plans? Did he book it without asking her first? If so, the "don't disappoint the person who spent money" doesn't fly.

Does it matter if he surprised her? The plans were for the girls to come up Saturday and leave Sunday and the boyfriend and her leave after the girls left. The money had already been spent so yea, it does fly. Like I said the friend is screwed either way because she was going to have to cancel on someone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, would you have felt better if she had canceled due to weather, without mentioning the plans with her BF? I think it's reasonable of her to not want to be stuck indoors with multiple houseguests for the weekend (it's not like you all made plans to see a show or had other time-specific plans), but characterizing this as "I got a better offer" is crappy.

How did she characterize it as a better offer? All she said was he had already paid for it?

But why did he pay for it if she already had plans that weekend?

Did you not read the OP? She said they were originally supposed to go AFTER the girls left aka no plans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, would you have felt better if she had canceled due to weather, without mentioning the plans with her BF? I think it's reasonable of her to not want to be stuck indoors with multiple houseguests for the weekend (it's not like you all made plans to see a show or had other time-specific plans), but characterizing this as "I got a better offer" is crappy.

How did she characterize it as a better offer? All she said was he had already paid for it?

But why did he pay for it if she already had plans that weekend?

Because men don't listen to or remember what women tell them. Tale as old as time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand - why did her BF book the lake house if she had other plans? Did he book it without asking her first? If so, the "don't disappoint the person who spent money" doesn't fly.

Does it matter if he surprised her? The plans were for the girls to come up Saturday and leave Sunday and the boyfriend and her leave after the girls left. The money had already been spent so yea, it does fly. Like I said the friend is screwed either way because she was going to have to cancel on someone.

But she could still go on Sunday as originally planned. That wouldn't be canceling on the BF - that was the actual plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, would you have felt better if she had canceled due to weather, without mentioning the plans with her BF? I think it's reasonable of her to not want to be stuck indoors with multiple houseguests for the weekend (it's not like you all made plans to see a show or had other time-specific plans), but characterizing this as "I got a better offer" is crappy.

How did she characterize it as a better offer? All she said was he had already paid for it?

But why did he pay for it if she already had plans that weekend?

Because men don't listen to or remember what women tell them. Tale as old as time.

This. It’s not her fault the boyfriend changed plans. I could see if she had said she decide to go with him instead last minute but this was already preplanned and paid for by the boyfriend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand - why did her BF book the lake house if she had other plans? Did he book it without asking her first? If so, the "don't disappoint the person who spent money" doesn't fly.

Does it matter if he surprised her? The plans were for the girls to come up Saturday and leave Sunday and the boyfriend and her leave after the girls left. The money had already been spent so yea, it does fly. Like I said the friend is screwed either way because she was going to have to cancel on someone.

But she could still go on Sunday as originally planned. That wouldn't be canceling on the BF - that was the actual plan.

How do you know if the trip wasn’t planned for multiple days? The girls were supposed to come up on Saturday which would impede on the number of days the boyfriend paid for. We also don’t know if something came up with work for the bf so he had to move the days up.

Bottom line is it’s okay for OP to be disappointed but beyond that it’s unfair. Clearly this friend plays the host to the friends every time they visit and it’s unfair for OP to want the friend to forgo a trip just so they can admittedly all sit in the house and do nothing. You can always sit in the house, a paid fir trip not so much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, would you have felt better if she had canceled due to weather, without mentioning the plans with her BF? I think it's reasonable of her to not want to be stuck indoors with multiple houseguests for the weekend (it's not like you all made plans to see a show or had other time-specific plans), but characterizing this as "I got a better offer" is crappy.

How did she characterize it as a better offer? All she said was he had already paid for it?

But why did he pay for it if she already had plans that weekend?

Because men don't listen to or remember what women tell them. Tale as old as time.

This. It’s not her fault the boyfriend changed plans. I could see if she had said she decide to go with him instead last minute but this was already preplanned and paid for by the boyfriend.

She could have told the boyfriend the change of plans didn't work for her and that he should have discussed the change with her before committing money. She didn't want to - she'd rather go on a romantic getaway with her boyfriend than play hostess on a rainy weekend in hew own house - which is understandable but it's also understandable that it makes her friends feel like they got ditched.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She messed up by double-booking herself and then bailing on the people she committed to first (you). You are right to be annoyed.

That said, you sound kind of obnoxious in that you are mostly focused on how fun it is to visit NYC (with her doing the work of hosting) and how you all don't "like" her bf (when what matters is whether SHE likes him and he treats her well).

Do you ever invite her to come visit you? Do you care about hanging out with her, or do you just like having a nice place to stay in a fun city?

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand - why did her BF book the lake house if she had other plans? Did he book it without asking her first? If so, the "don't disappoint the person who spent money" doesn't fly.

Does it matter if he surprised her? The plans were for the girls to come up Saturday and leave Sunday and the boyfriend and her leave after the girls left. The money had already been spent so yea, it does fly. Like I said the friend is screwed either way because she was going to have to cancel on someone.

But she could still go on Sunday as originally planned. That wouldn't be canceling on the BF - that was the actual plan.

How do you know if the trip wasn’t planned for multiple days? The girls were supposed to come up on Saturday which would impede on the number of days the boyfriend paid for. We also don’t know if something came up with work for the bf so he had to move the days up.

Bottom line is it’s okay for OP to be disappointed but beyond that it’s unfair. Clearly this friend plays the host to the friends every time they visit and it’s unfair for OP to want the friend to forgo a trip just so they can admittedly all sit in the house and do nothing. You can always sit in the house, a paid fir trip not so much.

True, a lot we don't know here. I had interpreted this as he booked the lake house for however many days and that they would have access to the house staring Friday but weren't planning to actually go until Sunday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, would you have felt better if she had canceled due to weather, without mentioning the plans with her BF? I think it's reasonable of her to not want to be stuck indoors with multiple houseguests for the weekend (it's not like you all made plans to see a show or had other time-specific plans), but characterizing this as "I got a better offer" is crappy.

How did she characterize it as a better offer? All she said was he had already paid for it?

But why did he pay for it if she already had plans that weekend?

Because men don't listen to or remember what women tell them. Tale as old as time.

This. It’s not her fault the boyfriend changed plans. I could see if she had said she decide to go with him instead last minute but this was already preplanned and paid for by the boyfriend.

She could have told the boyfriend the change of plans didn't work for her and that he should have discussed the change with her before committing money. She didn't want to - she'd rather go on a romantic getaway with her boyfriend than play hostess on a rainy weekend in hew own house - which is understandable but it's also understandable that it makes her friends feel like they got ditched.

You’re not getting this are you? The boyfriend had already paid for the trip before the change of plans. That’s why the friend brought up how he had already paid for it starting once the girls had left to go back home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When people show you who they are, believe them.

Stop it. If money wasn’t involved it would be a different story. They were going to get rained out anyways and money had already been spent. If she’s done this more than once then yes, it would be a problem.

Money had been spent for them to leave for the lake house on Sunday. Then they decided to leave earlier.

Sounds like the guy is trying to keep you away from her, probably because you don't like him (potentially with good reason).

I'd be mad but I'd also not cut her off because their relationship sounds troubling (what kind of grown adult is on again off again with someone in their 30s? Grow up.) and she may need your friendship down the road.

Also, if she won't be at her house then she should just let you and the other friends stay there and enjoy the city!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know it sucks but if he already paid for something then what was she supposed to do? She was going to have disappoint someone unfortunately. IMO, I’d rather not disappoint the person whose money is involved.

You people are all really missing the point.

The weekend girls' trip had been planned first. So the BF was a jerk to schedule something at the same time. And they were going to leave on Sunday but then talked about leaving earlier, so it's not like he had booked plane tickets as a surprise and couldn't change them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She messed up by double-booking herself and then bailing on the people she committed to first (you). You are right to be annoyed.

That said, you sound kind of obnoxious in that you are mostly focused on how fun it is to visit NYC (with her doing the work of hosting) and how you all don't "like" her bf (when what matters is whether SHE likes him and he treats her well).

Do you ever invite her to come visit you? Do you care about hanging out with her, or do you just like having a nice place to stay in a fun city?

We always go to her place because we live in the country so who wants to do that? I mentioned us not liking her boyfriend because he hasn’t treated her well in the past and that’s who you’d rather spend time with? That being said, she did call but I didn’t return her call because I didn’t feel up to speaking with her at that moment. She texted and apologized again. Said the boyfriend’s friend rented a lake house and each couple paid for their portion of the lake house. The friend had to change the weekend that they were going to go.

I’m not sure what I’m going to say in response back because she still ditched us at the end of the day.