Continually get asked if I’m my son’s grandmother

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe dressing better would help how you look. Too many women go out in public dressed as though they just finished cleaning a pig sty.

Nah - people will still make assumptions. I'm older than OP and do not dress particularly well and no one yet has mistaken me for a grandmother. To be honest more make-up, certain hair styles, more put together clothing - could actually signal older!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe dressing better would help how you look. Too many women go out in public dressed as though they just finished cleaning a pig sty.

Nah - people will still make assumptions. I'm older than OP and do not dress particularly well and no one yet has mistaken me for a grandmother. To be honest more make-up, certain hair styles, more put together clothing - could actually signal older!!

We are judged by how we look in public. If you look like you might smell because your clothes are a mess and you haven't bothered to comb your hair--people notice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe dressing better would help how you look. Too many women go out in public dressed as though they just finished cleaning a pig sty.

Nah - people will still make assumptions. I'm older than OP and do not dress particularly well and no one yet has mistaken me for a grandmother. To be honest more make-up, certain hair styles, more put together clothing - could actually signal older!!

We are judged by how we look in public. If you look like you might smell because your clothes are a mess and you haven't bothered to comb your hair--people notice.

Yes but it’s unlikely that that is why they are assuming she’s a grandma. I see many more young people with messy clothes and hair than grandma appearing people.

[Anonymous]

Very frumpy mom here, I had my last three years before you did. No one EVER assume I was her gma. WTH

[Anonymous]

I think you have to accept that you could pass as the grandma.
If that's a problem for you, put some effort into your appearance.

[Anonymous]

OP, you probably look like you are in your 40s, which you are, and depending on where this happened, that can be a very common age to be a grandma. It doesn’t sounds like they were commenting on your appearance in any way. I’m assuming this was an older person who said this too. I wouldn’t take it to mean you look older than 40s.

[Anonymous]

Being a grandma in your early 40s is super backwoods. It’s not you.

[Anonymous]

OP, comfort yourself with all the money you likely have for waiting to have a child when you could easily afford to do so. Enjoy your little one, your social status, and being your true self!

[Anonymous]

This can't possibly have happened in DC, that's like the minimum age to have a toddler around here. I had mine in my 20s and people think I'm a religious nut.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This just happened. My son (3y) and I are at a diner eating breakfast. The guests in front of us left and as they were leaving, struck up conversation with my son. He said he had a great-niece and said I had to ensure I do everything for her (misgendering my son). He said it a couple of times so it wasn’t an error. I didn’t correct - it happens often because he has soft features and my son didn’t hear it. If he had, I would have said something for my son’s sake.

Anyway, then he asked my son if I was his grandma and said he has to listen to Grandma and no pouting or complaining. To be clear, my son was eating his food and no tantrums at all, stayed in his seat the whole time eating his food so that was just a general comment. It’s just frustrating and happens enough that it makes me wonder if other people think it but don’t say it.

I’m 42, turning 43 this year. I get that I got an older start but it’s demoralizing to be assumed to be my son’s grandmother. I usually don’t correct the person bc that’s more embarrassing and I just want the conversation to end. Am I alone in this? Does it ever end?

In the diner regions of the US many women have children in their late teens and early 20's so it is common for women in their 40's to be grandmas.

i don't have anything to contribute except i love the term "diner region." it's so specific, yet instantly recognizable--gritty, blue collar areas of the northeast have diners.

Actually I do have a contribution. i was once carrying a sack of flour wrapped in a bag, and an elderly gentleman complimented me on my beautiful baby. i think sometimes the older people are not totally there mentally.

Thank you, this made me laugh so hard!

[Anonymous]

OP my kids are now 15 & 16, I had them when I was 37 & 38 and was frequently asked if I was taking my grandkids for a walk when I had them in a stroller. And the same assumption has been made since, many times. I once went out and dyed my hair bright pink as I was so pissed about it. That made no difference.

Its partly a generational thing and partly a socio-economic thing and partly just a stupid / distracted people thing. No one ever needs to make these assumptions or ask. And the conversation that they were having with your son actually sounds to me like they weren't all there, mentally. Smile, nod, move on.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

I got asked the same thing at 41 and decided immediately to go back to coloring my hair.

[Anonymous]

Op you’re complaining about and old person doing the exact thing that old people have done forever and the exact thing you’ll probably do when you too are old if you are lucky. There was a human who was trying to have a brief, nice human connection with you and your child and all you can see is what they bungled. I feel sorry for you that you can only see the bad and I hope you get to be old and that when you are old, people are more generous with you than you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are “embracing the gray” then you have to deal with this. If you don’t want to be viewed as older than you are, then sorry, you do need to dye your hair, pay attention to your clothing, and wear a little bit of makeup.

It’s absolutely fine not to do any of those things, but the trade-off is that you can’t complain and feel wounded when people assume you are older than you are. Because there are women in their late 40s, 50s and 60s who look much younger than you because they are taking these steps. Again, it’s fine not to, but if you’re going to take steps to look good, you’re going to look older than you are.

Why would she want to waste so much time money and energy pretending to be 32 when she is 42 hard earned years old. Ignore the foolish questions and don't assume a person caring for a child is mom. grandma. nanny or anything else.

That is all well and good. Make your choices, live your choices, own your choices. But then don’t complain! That’s all I’m saying. Don’t be bothered! Make your choices and keep it moving.

How about you shut your mouth and keep moving--the rude comments are the problem, not the hair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are “embracing the gray” then you have to deal with this. If you don’t want to be viewed as older than you are, then sorry, you do need to dye your hair, pay attention to your clothing, and wear a little bit of makeup.

It’s absolutely fine not to do any of those things, but the trade-off is that you can’t complain and feel wounded when people assume you are older than you are. Because there are women in their late 40s, 50s and 60s who look much younger than you because they are taking these steps. Again, it’s fine not to, but if you’re going to take steps to look good, you’re going to look older than you are.

Why would she want to waste so much time money and energy pretending to be 32 when she is 42 hard earned years old. Ignore the foolish questions and don't assume a person caring for a child is mom. grandma. nanny or anything else.

That is all well and good. Make your choices, live your choices, own your choices. But then don’t complain! That’s all I’m saying. Don’t be bothered! Make your choices and keep it moving.

How about you shut your mouth and keep moving--the rude comments are the problem, not the hair.

Do you actually eat or kiss your children with that mouth? Yucko!