Carolyn Hax - can someone be a good person if they don't love dogs? WTF

[Anonymous]

What did Hax say?

[Anonymous]

I'm indifferent to dogs but consider most dog owners to be trashy. There are record numbers of abandoned and abused dogs as well as idiot owners walking around with their pitbulls off leash. Even the dog rescue people seem really off when you talk to them.

I'm also cheap and find it really dumb how people spend money on dog surgery or boarding when they want to go out of town. It's like people who spend money on customizing their car or getting tattoo sleeves, just trashy and not very bright.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm indifferent to dogs but consider most dog owners to be trashy. There are record numbers of abandoned and abused dogs as well as idiot owners walking around with their pitbulls off leash. Even the dog rescue people seem really off when you talk to them.

I'm also cheap and find it really dumb how people spend money on dog surgery or boarding when they want to go out of town. It's like people who spend money on customizing their car or getting tattoo sleeves, just trashy and not very bright.

I find it really dumb how you’re cheap but passing judgement on how others spend their own money. Don’t envy people who make more than you.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I don't think that people who dislike dogs are bad people --that's absurd. But I could never be with someone who didn't love dogs. (I also refer to myself as a dog "owner" and not a dog "mom.")

So...if all else were ideal about this person, maybe he or she even does appreciate and respect dogs, but does not want to live with one -- you would choose having a dog over having that person in your life?

NP, but absolutely. For me, it's an essential part of life, like how most people want kids. I happen to not want kids, but I will always have dogs.

And I've never met someone I vibed with who didn't like dogs. People who don't like dogs are either uptight about cleanliness, lacking empathy, or seem almost threatened by the idea that humans are animals too, whether that's rooted in religion or just arrogance.

What's arrogant is making vast, sweeping generalizations about everyone on the planet who doesn't like dogs enough for your approval. As if you personally know exactly how countless strangers think and feel.

I wonder how you'd react if someone were as grossly generalizing about you? "People who are obsessed with dogs are slobs, hate people, and are threatened by the idea of having to deal with humans who might not adore them unconditionally and unquestioningly."

Get the idea? My statements about you are exactly as accurate as yours about me. Which is not at all, since we've never met.

But I have a feeling you think it's just fine for you to create stereotypes of others and bray those portrayals as if they're universal truths, because, after all, you love dogs so it's...OK for you stereotype strangers, I guess?

I'm the PP you're responding to, and this is the first time I've come back to post, for the record. Anyway, every anti-dog post on this thread has fallen into one of my three categories, so my interpretation seems correct.

NP but I think you have reading comprehension issues because I've read very few things that imply "People who don't like dogs are either uptight about cleanliness, lacking empathy, or seem almost threatened by the idea that humans are animals too, whether that's rooted in religion or just arrogance." I've read your posts, which make you sound a little crazy, but every one else has fairly valid reasons for not liking dogs but you seem to be taking those things very, very personally. No one is attacking you, sweetie, they just don't like dogs and that's okay. Maybe spend some time talking to your therapist about this, I know you have one.

Ok, I'll add a fourth category, which I kinda think falls under lacking empathy, but sure: ignorance about and/or fear of dogs.

Now everyone's covered.

Oh my god, you are seriously insane - people don't have to like doggies just because you do. Not everyone is just like you, crazy lady!!! WOW.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm indifferent to dogs but consider most dog owners to be trashy. There are record numbers of abandoned and abused dogs as well as idiot owners walking around with their pitbulls off leash. Even the dog rescue people seem really off when you talk to them.

I'm also cheap and find it really dumb how people spend money on dog surgery or boarding when they want to go out of town. It's like people who spend money on customizing their car or getting tattoo sleeves, just trashy and not very bright.

I find it really dumb how you’re cheap but passing judgement on how others spend their own money. Don’t envy people who make more than you.

Owning dogs is not a sign of wealth and definitely not a source of envy. What a bizarre post.

[Anonymous]

I don't like dogs. I am a good person. I would not date or marry someone who wanted a dog. I am not living with one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To me it is a character flaw, especially if they do not like animals or pets in general. Ask a dog about the character of a person, and you will get your answer.

I don't like pets, and my character is fine. I prefer to spend my time and money on humans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm convinced that Hax thinks she is some sort of prophet. She is so incredibly self absorbed that she has serial kiler vibes.

I like Hax but she has a blind spot that enabled her to divorce and then advise salvageable marriages to end.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:This week's Carolyn Hx Reader question is ridiculous.

Dear Carolyn: Do you think someone can truly be a good person if they don't love dogs? I have a boyfriend whom I could really see a future with — except that he doesn't love dogs. I have such a problem with that.
He has never had a dog, says he has never wanted one, and, when he is around my dog, seems mostly indifferent. On the other hand, he's smart and funny and successful and kind. But it hurts me that he and I will go out and have a wonderful time together, and then we'll return to my house and I just want to hug my dog but my boyfriend is standing back like he thinks my dog is going to bite him or something. It just feels like it is a character red flag not to love dogs, isn't it?
— Must Love Dogs

There can be a lot of reasons that someone isn't a dog person - I didn't grow up with dogs, I'm not comfortable around them, I was bit by a dog once for no reason and the dog's owner refused to believe I didn't do something to provoke her precious little muffin (I literally held out my hadn't for the dog to sniff and dog chomped on me). But that doesn't make me any less lovable. It's fine for the OP to dump her boyfriend because he doesn't love her dog, but to say that he must be a bad person because he doesn't love her dog is narcissistic and if I were the BF, I'd think THAT was a red flag!!

What position was your hand in, OP, if you remember?

I'm sorry this happened and I totally understand how this could make someone a no-dog person, and that also makes me sad for what that person is missing, but I get it. Probably like me and cats; I just think they are dicks.

If your hand was in the wrong position and this was not explained at the time, I am sorry- and that still doesn't make it ok. If your hand was in a non-threatening position and the dog bit you, then that owner is a jerk and I hope their dog didn't go on to bite others. I don't think this is a character flaw in you.

I could be with a non-dog person possibly, as long as they also engaged with my pet, but if they didn't engage I don't think I could do it- like if I had a child and my partner wanted to also ignore them.

You arent supposed to hold your hand out to their face to begin with actually. Also, small dogs are annoying- the yip yaps. I love big dogs.

Yeah, PSA folks: don't hold your hand out to a dog's face. Of course they shouldn't bite and that's not a normal reaction, but when you don't know a dog, don't take a chance. Never pet a dog on the face or head, they find the back or shoulder unthreatening. No eye contact either.

I don’t like that the onus is on me to know how to act around a dog, when I generally don’t want to be around them at all. If your dog can’t handle me looking at them in the eye or putting my hand near their face, then just don’t let it come near me.

You're responding to my post. You don't have to worry about my dogs, they are well bred and well trained. It was a PSA in general so that people who do not understand dogs know that this is generally a bad idea if you don't know a dog. Maybe the dog was abused and is reactive, maybe not. I'm perfectly happy not to have my dogs around anyone who doesn't want to be around them, but multiple threads on here will show you that people are not rational with their love of/hate for dogs.

[Anonymous]

No. Anyone who does "not like" animals or children is not a good person

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:This week's Carolyn Hx Reader question is ridiculous.

Dear Carolyn: Do you think someone can truly be a good person if they don't love dogs? I have a boyfriend whom I could really see a future with — except that he doesn't love dogs. I have such a problem with that.
He has never had a dog, says he has never wanted one, and, when he is around my dog, seems mostly indifferent. On the other hand, he's smart and funny and successful and kind. But it hurts me that he and I will go out and have a wonderful time together, and then we'll return to my house and I just want to hug my dog but my boyfriend is standing back like he thinks my dog is going to bite him or something. It just feels like it is a character red flag not to love dogs, isn't it?
— Must Love Dogs

There can be a lot of reasons that someone isn't a dog person - I didn't grow up with dogs, I'm not comfortable around them, I was bit by a dog once for no reason and the dog's owner refused to believe I didn't do something to provoke her precious little muffin (I literally held out my hadn't for the dog to sniff and dog chomped on me). But that doesn't make me any less lovable. It's fine for the OP to dump her boyfriend because he doesn't love her dog, but to say that he must be a bad person because he doesn't love her dog is narcissistic and if I were the BF, I'd think THAT was a red flag!!

What position was your hand in, OP, if you remember?

I'm sorry this happened and I totally understand how this could make someone a no-dog person, and that also makes me sad for what that person is missing, but I get it. Probably like me and cats; I just think they are dicks.

If your hand was in the wrong position and this was not explained at the time, I am sorry- and that still doesn't make it ok. If your hand was in a non-threatening position and the dog bit you, then that owner is a jerk and I hope their dog didn't go on to bite others. I don't think this is a character flaw in you.

I could be with a non-dog person possibly, as long as they also engaged with my pet, but if they didn't engage I don't think I could do it- like if I had a child and my partner wanted to also ignore them.

You arent supposed to hold your hand out to their face to begin with actually. Also, small dogs are annoying- the yip yaps. I love big dogs.

Yeah, PSA folks: don't hold your hand out to a dog's face. Of course they shouldn't bite and that's not a normal reaction, but when you don't know a dog, don't take a chance. Never pet a dog on the face or head, they find the back or shoulder unthreatening. No eye contact either.

And you wonder why some people don't care for dogs.

Did I say I was wondering? People need to understand dog behaviour, and the vast majority of dog owners do not. It's unfortunate. Hopefully most of them own small yippy dogs....not working breeds that can be more challenging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This week's Carolyn Hx Reader question is ridiculous.

Dear Carolyn: Do you think someone can truly be a good person if they don't love dogs? I have a boyfriend whom I could really see a future with — except that he doesn't love dogs. I have such a problem with that.
He has never had a dog, says he has never wanted one, and, when he is around my dog, seems mostly indifferent. On the other hand, he's smart and funny and successful and kind. But it hurts me that he and I will go out and have a wonderful time together, and then we'll return to my house and I just want to hug my dog but my boyfriend is standing back like he thinks my dog is going to bite him or something. It just feels like it is a character red flag not to love dogs, isn't it?
— Must Love Dogs

There can be a lot of reasons that someone isn't a dog person - I didn't grow up with dogs, I'm not comfortable around them, I was bit by a dog once for no reason and the dog's owner refused to believe I didn't do something to provoke her precious little muffin (I literally held out my hadn't for the dog to sniff and dog chomped on me). But that doesn't make me any less lovable. It's fine for the OP to dump her boyfriend because he doesn't love her dog, but to say that he must be a bad person because he doesn't love her dog is narcissistic and if I were the BF, I'd think THAT was a red flag!!

What position was your hand in, OP, if you remember?



I'm sorry this happened and I totally understand how this could make someone a no-dog person, and that also makes me sad for what that person is missing, but I get it. Probably like me and cats; I just think they are dicks.

If your hand was in the wrong position and this was not explained at the time, I am sorry- and that still doesn't make it ok. If your hand was in a non-threatening position and the dog bit you, then that owner is a jerk and I hope their dog didn't go on to bite others. I don't think this is a character flaw in you.

I could be with a non-dog person possibly, as long as they also engaged with my pet, but if they didn't engage I don't think I could do it- like if I had a child and my partner wanted to also ignore them.

You arent supposed to hold your hand out to their face to begin with actually. Also, small dogs are annoying- the yip yaps. I love big dogs.

Well then maybe someone should tell dog owners that - I always ask people if I can touch their dog and how and the vast majority of them tell me to hold my hand out for their dog to sniff.

+1 As a non-dog person, I thought letting them sniff my hand was what we’re supposed to do.

No. It's unfortunate that so many dog owners don't understand dogs that well. (I'm the PP who poste the PSA in one of the comments. Don't hold your hand out.
Dogs have been our companions for centuries. That kind of familiarity often leads some wanting to approach and pet an unfamiliar dog. That said, there are six things you should do when approaching a dog you don’t know (or who doesn’t know you).

Ask permission from the dog’s owner before interacting. Never approach a dog if the owner is not present or if the dog is tied up.
Don’t offer your hand to be sniffed. Instead, stand with your side facing the dog, avoid eye contact, and let them come to you.
Be Calm. Don’t make sudden movements.
Don’t make high-pitched noises. Greet the dog using your normal voice.
Bending over a dog or petting their head from above can frighten them. It’s better to squat down to their level and pet their chest or sides. (I wouldn't necessarily recommend squatting down depending on the breed and size of dog)
Not every dog can be your friend. Read the dog’s body language. Keep your distance if they’re tense, their tail is between their legs, or they are growling.

(https://www.hauptman-obrien.net/blog/how-to-safely-approach-an-unfamiliar-dog/#:~:text=Never%20approach%20a%20dog%20if,Be%20Calm.)

Growling is obvious and is often right before a snap, which precedes a bite. Look for the "whale eye"--that's when you see the white of the eye, and they are looking away. You can google it.

[Anonymous]

This is so dumb. The LW isn't even talking about someone who dislikes dogs. She's mad that he's indifferent to her dog. Like it upsets her that he's not falling all over himself about how great her dog is. That's ridiculous.

I like animals and have had pets my whole life (just a cat now, I live in an apartment and have a kid and a dog doesn't work for us right now) but sometimes I'm indifferent to other people's pets. They are like humans -- some have personalities that I just click with and some don't. I don't dislike them, but I don't go seeking them out either. I have some friends who have dogs they've never really trained not to jump up on people, which I find annoying, so I avoid those dogs a bit because I don't like being jumped on. I actually was attacked by a poorly socialized dog many years ago so I am wary about dogs that jump or just aren't well trained because I've seen what happens when a dog like this feels cornered or threatened and it can be scary.

Anyway, the LW sounds like she's being narcissistic and thinks this guy's feelings about her dog are somehow a reflection of his feelings about her. But I also think probably they aren't a good fit because she obviously seems to be looking for someone who is really into her dog, and this guy isn't. But that doesn't make him a BAD PERSON. FFS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. Anyone who does "not like" animals or children is not a good person

Anyone who makes blanket judgements like this is not a good person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To me it is a character flaw, especially if they do not like animals or pets in general. Ask a dog about the character of a person, and you will get your answer.

I don't like pets, and my character is fine. I prefer to spend my time and money on humans.

Same. I am a baby person I'd rather squeal over your baby than pet your dog, sorry.