Carolyn Hax - can someone be a good person if they don't love dogs? WTF

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If someone loves dogs, judges those who don’t, but eat meat - I don’t want to hear it. You don’t love animals, you love your idea of what dogs are.

I grew up without pets and can’t imagine dedicating so much time and money to an animal.

Well, no one really wants to hear your opinion, either. So there we are.

[Anonymous]

I'm convinced that Hax thinks she is some sort of prophet. She is so incredibly self absorbed that she has serial kiler vibes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone loves dogs, judges those who don’t, but eat meat - I don’t want to hear it. You don’t love animals, you love your idea of what dogs are.

I grew up without pets and can’t imagine dedicating so much time and money to an animal.

Well, no one really wants to hear your opinion, either. So there we are.

Not true, I enjoyed hearing her opinion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm very much a dog person. I love dogs. But lots of people don't because they are loud and dirty and sometimes scary. It's not a character flaw.

On the other hand, if someone says they hate cats, I don't trust them. People frequently hate cats because they are annoyed that they can't control cats. They don't like that cats are independent and show affection on the cat's schedule. People who don't like cats are either controlling or super needy or both.

What a weird assessment. I don't like cats at all. I find the whole litter box thing rather gross. I don't like that they wander on kitchen counters and shelves. I'm not interested in controlling animals beyond teaching them manners, but you can't do that with cats. Not all dog breeds are super affectionate either, but all can be trained. I just find owning a cat pointless, and if I"m going to have to lint roll all the clothing I own anyway, I'd rather have an animal who will at least guard my house.

Cats take care of mice, though, and I have had many more problems with mice in our garage than potential intruders.

All that said I don’t really like either. I had to clean up enough of my kids’ poop, I don’t want to deal with any other gross stuff if I don’t have to. Sadly, we do have a cat, but one of my kids has anxiety and the cat is really helpful. Managing her anxiety is worth the cat hair. But I really, really hate pet hair.

Dogs will kill mice if you get the right breed. But yeah, didn't think of mice. I really really really hate pet hair too. I wanted to get a breed that doesn't shed (like terriers) but I didn't. I have two giant fur producers. Oh well. Definitely no intruders though, haha.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think that people who dislike dogs are bad people --that's absurd. But I could never be with someone who didn't love dogs. (I also refer to myself as a dog "owner" and not a dog "mom.")

So...if all else were ideal about this person, maybe he or she even does appreciate and respect dogs, but does not want to live with one -- you would choose having a dog over having that person in your life?

NP, but absolutely. For me, it's an essential part of life, like how most people want kids. I happen to not want kids, but I will always have dogs.

And I've never met someone I vibed with who didn't like dogs. People who don't like dogs are either uptight about cleanliness, lacking empathy, or seem almost threatened by the idea that humans are animals too, whether that's rooted in religion or just arrogance.

What's arrogant is making vast, sweeping generalizations about everyone on the planet who doesn't like dogs enough for your approval. As if you personally know exactly how countless strangers think and feel.

I wonder how you'd react if someone were as grossly generalizing about you? "People who are obsessed with dogs are slobs, hate people, and are threatened by the idea of having to deal with humans who might not adore them unconditionally and unquestioningly."

Get the idea? My statements about you are exactly as accurate as yours about me. Which is not at all, since we've never met.

But I have a feeling you think it's just fine for you to create stereotypes of others and bray those portrayals as if they're universal truths, because, after all, you love dogs so it's...OK for you stereotype strangers, I guess?

I'm the PP you're responding to, and this is the first time I've come back to post, for the record. Anyway, every anti-dog post on this thread has fallen into one of my three categories, so my interpretation seems correct.

[Anonymous]

I like dogs in the platonically ideal sense. But 80% of them are poorly behaved and the ones dragging tiny women or gentrified men in spectacles behind them don’t listen to their owners commands. I’ve had enough dogs run and attempt to jump up on me without my consent on my daily walks that I am seriously considering carrying pepper spray.

I don’t mind someone calling me a bad person. That’s just like, your opinion, man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This week's Carolyn Hx Reader question is ridiculous.

Dear Carolyn: Do you think someone can truly be a good person if they don't love dogs? I have a boyfriend whom I could really see a future with — except that he doesn't love dogs. I have such a problem with that.
He has never had a dog, says he has never wanted one, and, when he is around my dog, seems mostly indifferent. On the other hand, he's smart and funny and successful and kind. But it hurts me that he and I will go out and have a wonderful time together, and then we'll return to my house and I just want to hug my dog but my boyfriend is standing back like he thinks my dog is going to bite him or something. It just feels like it is a character red flag not to love dogs, isn't it?
— Must Love Dogs

There can be a lot of reasons that someone isn't a dog person - I didn't grow up with dogs, I'm not comfortable around them, I was bit by a dog once for no reason and the dog's owner refused to believe I didn't do something to provoke her precious little muffin (I literally held out my hadn't for the dog to sniff and dog chomped on me). But that doesn't make me any less lovable. It's fine for the OP to dump her boyfriend because he doesn't love her dog, but to say that he must be a bad person because he doesn't love her dog is narcissistic and if I were the BF, I'd think THAT was a red flag!!

What position was your hand in, OP, if you remember?

I'm sorry this happened and I totally understand how this could make someone a no-dog person, and that also makes me sad for what that person is missing, but I get it. Probably like me and cats; I just think they are dicks.

If your hand was in the wrong position and this was not explained at the time, I am sorry- and that still doesn't make it ok. If your hand was in a non-threatening position and the dog bit you, then that owner is a jerk and I hope their dog didn't go on to bite others. I don't think this is a character flaw in you.

I could be with a non-dog person possibly, as long as they also engaged with my pet, but if they didn't engage I don't think I could do it- like if I had a child and my partner wanted to also ignore them.

You arent supposed to hold your hand out to their face to begin with actually. Also, small dogs are annoying- the yip yaps. I love big dogs.

Yeah, PSA folks: don't hold your hand out to a dog's face. Of course they shouldn't bite and that's not a normal reaction, but when you don't know a dog, don't take a chance. Never pet a dog on the face or head, they find the back or shoulder unthreatening. No eye contact either.

I don’t like that the onus is on me to know how to act around a dog, when I generally don’t want to be around them at all. If your dog can’t handle me looking at them in the eye or putting my hand near their face, then just don’t let it come near me.

[Anonymous]

As long as someone isn't beating animals or poisoning their food why is this so important?

Who wants to date some exactly like yourself anyway? Won't that just lead to more arguments?

OP he doesn't have to love your dog the way you do. He just has to love you and accept the dog won't be going away if he dates you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This week's Carolyn Hx Reader question is ridiculous.

Dear Carolyn: Do you think someone can truly be a good person if they don't love dogs? I have a boyfriend whom I could really see a future with — except that he doesn't love dogs. I have such a problem with that.
He has never had a dog, says he has never wanted one, and, when he is around my dog, seems mostly indifferent. On the other hand, he's smart and funny and successful and kind. But it hurts me that he and I will go out and have a wonderful time together, and then we'll return to my house and I just want to hug my dog but my boyfriend is standing back like he thinks my dog is going to bite him or something. It just feels like it is a character red flag not to love dogs, isn't it?
— Must Love Dogs

There can be a lot of reasons that someone isn't a dog person - I didn't grow up with dogs, I'm not comfortable around them, I was bit by a dog once for no reason and the dog's owner refused to believe I didn't do something to provoke her precious little muffin (I literally held out my hadn't for the dog to sniff and dog chomped on me). But that doesn't make me any less lovable. It's fine for the OP to dump her boyfriend because he doesn't love her dog, but to say that he must be a bad person because he doesn't love her dog is narcissistic and if I were the BF, I'd think THAT was a red flag!!

What position was your hand in, OP, if you remember?

I'm sorry this happened and I totally understand how this could make someone a no-dog person, and that also makes me sad for what that person is missing, but I get it. Probably like me and cats; I just think they are dicks.

If your hand was in the wrong position and this was not explained at the time, I am sorry- and that still doesn't make it ok. If your hand was in a non-threatening position and the dog bit you, then that owner is a jerk and I hope their dog didn't go on to bite others. I don't think this is a character flaw in you.

I could be with a non-dog person possibly, as long as they also engaged with my pet, but if they didn't engage I don't think I could do it- like if I had a child and my partner wanted to also ignore them.

You arent supposed to hold your hand out to their face to begin with actually. Also, small dogs are annoying- the yip yaps. I love big dogs.

Well then maybe someone should tell dog owners that - I always ask people if I can touch their dog and how and the vast majority of them tell me to hold my hand out for their dog to sniff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This week's Carolyn Hx Reader question is ridiculous.

Dear Carolyn: Do you think someone can truly be a good person if they don't love dogs? I have a boyfriend whom I could really see a future with — except that he doesn't love dogs. I have such a problem with that.
He has never had a dog, says he has never wanted one, and, when he is around my dog, seems mostly indifferent. On the other hand, he's smart and funny and successful and kind. But it hurts me that he and I will go out and have a wonderful time together, and then we'll return to my house and I just want to hug my dog but my boyfriend is standing back like he thinks my dog is going to bite him or something. It just feels like it is a character red flag not to love dogs, isn't it?
— Must Love Dogs

There can be a lot of reasons that someone isn't a dog person - I didn't grow up with dogs, I'm not comfortable around them, I was bit by a dog once for no reason and the dog's owner refused to believe I didn't do something to provoke her precious little muffin (I literally held out my hadn't for the dog to sniff and dog chomped on me). But that doesn't make me any less lovable. It's fine for the OP to dump her boyfriend because he doesn't love her dog, but to say that he must be a bad person because he doesn't love her dog is narcissistic and if I were the BF, I'd think THAT was a red flag!!

What position was your hand in, OP, if you remember?

I'm sorry this happened and I totally understand how this could make someone a no-dog person, and that also makes me sad for what that person is missing, but I get it. Probably like me and cats; I just think they are dicks.

If your hand was in the wrong position and this was not explained at the time, I am sorry- and that still doesn't make it ok. If your hand was in a non-threatening position and the dog bit you, then that owner is a jerk and I hope their dog didn't go on to bite others. I don't think this is a character flaw in you.

I could be with a non-dog person possibly, as long as they also engaged with my pet, but if they didn't engage I don't think I could do it- like if I had a child and my partner wanted to also ignore them.

You arent supposed to hold your hand out to their face to begin with actually. Also, small dogs are annoying- the yip yaps. I love big dogs.

Yeah, PSA folks: don't hold your hand out to a dog's face. Of course they shouldn't bite and that's not a normal reaction, but when you don't know a dog, don't take a chance. Never pet a dog on the face or head, they find the back or shoulder unthreatening. No eye contact either.

And you wonder why some people don't care for dogs.

[Anonymous]

I don't want to date someone who loves dogs so much they have one, I want to date someone who loves MY dog. I don't want to deal with another person's dog just my spoiled pooch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who is lovely but is not a dog person (where she grew up dogs were dirty outside animals) but she is kind to my dog, who is little and cute and (mostly) well-behaved. I have a step-parent who doesn't like dogs (was attacked by one as a child) and they are one of the most loving people I know, but I don't take my -- again little, cute and (mostly) well-behaved -- dog to their house ever (they live in another state) out of respect for their fear.

People who kick and harm dogs and other animals are psychopaths but just not being a dog person isn't some sign of a character flaw.

Yes, exactly this!!! Some people just don't like dogs, and dog owners should respect that. I can't imagine why the letter writer would think that makes them a bad person. She has the right to reject someone from her life that doesn't like dogs because her dog is part of her life, but to generalize that someone who doesn't like dogs is a red flag and a bad person is crazy!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This week's Carolyn Hx Reader question is ridiculous.

Dear Carolyn: Do you think someone can truly be a good person if they don't love dogs? I have a boyfriend whom I could really see a future with — except that he doesn't love dogs. I have such a problem with that.
He has never had a dog, says he has never wanted one, and, when he is around my dog, seems mostly indifferent. On the other hand, he's smart and funny and successful and kind. But it hurts me that he and I will go out and have a wonderful time together, and then we'll return to my house and I just want to hug my dog but my boyfriend is standing back like he thinks my dog is going to bite him or something. It just feels like it is a character red flag not to love dogs, isn't it?
— Must Love Dogs

There can be a lot of reasons that someone isn't a dog person - I didn't grow up with dogs, I'm not comfortable around them, I was bit by a dog once for no reason and the dog's owner refused to believe I didn't do something to provoke her precious little muffin (I literally held out my hadn't for the dog to sniff and dog chomped on me). But that doesn't make me any less lovable. It's fine for the OP to dump her boyfriend because he doesn't love her dog, but to say that he must be a bad person because he doesn't love her dog is narcissistic and if I were the BF, I'd think THAT was a red flag!!

What position was your hand in, OP, if you remember?

I'm sorry this happened and I totally understand how this could make someone a no-dog person, and that also makes me sad for what that person is missing, but I get it. Probably like me and cats; I just think they are dicks.

If your hand was in the wrong position and this was not explained at the time, I am sorry- and that still doesn't make it ok. If your hand was in a non-threatening position and the dog bit you, then that owner is a jerk and I hope their dog didn't go on to bite others. I don't think this is a character flaw in you.

I could be with a non-dog person possibly, as long as they also engaged with my pet, but if they didn't engage I don't think I could do it- like if I had a child and my partner wanted to also ignore them.

You arent supposed to hold your hand out to their face to begin with actually. Also, small dogs are annoying- the yip yaps. I love big dogs.

Well then maybe someone should tell dog owners that - I always ask people if I can touch their dog and how and the vast majority of them tell me to hold my hand out for their dog to sniff.

+1 As a non-dog person, I thought letting them sniff my hand was what we’re supposed to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think that people who dislike dogs are bad people --that's absurd. But I could never be with someone who didn't love dogs. (I also refer to myself as a dog "owner" and not a dog "mom.")

So...if all else were ideal about this person, maybe he or she even does appreciate and respect dogs, but does not want to live with one -- you would choose having a dog over having that person in your life?

NP, but absolutely. For me, it's an essential part of life, like how most people want kids. I happen to not want kids, but I will always have dogs.

And I've never met someone I vibed with who didn't like dogs. People who don't like dogs are either uptight about cleanliness, lacking empathy, or seem almost threatened by the idea that humans are animals too, whether that's rooted in religion or just arrogance.

What's arrogant is making vast, sweeping generalizations about everyone on the planet who doesn't like dogs enough for your approval. As if you personally know exactly how countless strangers think and feel.

I wonder how you'd react if someone were as grossly generalizing about you? "People who are obsessed with dogs are slobs, hate people, and are threatened by the idea of having to deal with humans who might not adore them unconditionally and unquestioningly."

Get the idea? My statements about you are exactly as accurate as yours about me. Which is not at all, since we've never met.

But I have a feeling you think it's just fine for you to create stereotypes of others and bray those portrayals as if they're universal truths, because, after all, you love dogs so it's...OK for you stereotype strangers, I guess?

I'm the PP you're responding to, and this is the first time I've come back to post, for the record. Anyway, every anti-dog post on this thread has fallen into one of my three categories, so my interpretation seems correct.

NP but I think you have reading comprehension issues because I've read very few things that imply "People who don't like dogs are either uptight about cleanliness, lacking empathy, or seem almost threatened by the idea that humans are animals too, whether that's rooted in religion or just arrogance." I've read your posts, which make you sound a little crazy, but every one else has fairly valid reasons for not liking dogs but you seem to be taking those things very, very personally. No one is attacking you, sweetie, they just don't like dogs and that's okay. Maybe spend some time talking to your therapist about this, I know you have one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think that people who dislike dogs are bad people --that's absurd. But I could never be with someone who didn't love dogs. (I also refer to myself as a dog "owner" and not a dog "mom.")

So...if all else were ideal about this person, maybe he or she even does appreciate and respect dogs, but does not want to live with one -- you would choose having a dog over having that person in your life?

NP, but absolutely. For me, it's an essential part of life, like how most people want kids. I happen to not want kids, but I will always have dogs.

And I've never met someone I vibed with who didn't like dogs. People who don't like dogs are either uptight about cleanliness, lacking empathy, or seem almost threatened by the idea that humans are animals too, whether that's rooted in religion or just arrogance.

What's arrogant is making vast, sweeping generalizations about everyone on the planet who doesn't like dogs enough for your approval. As if you personally know exactly how countless strangers think and feel.

I wonder how you'd react if someone were as grossly generalizing about you? "People who are obsessed with dogs are slobs, hate people, and are threatened by the idea of having to deal with humans who might not adore them unconditionally and unquestioningly."

Get the idea? My statements about you are exactly as accurate as yours about me. Which is not at all, since we've never met.

But I have a feeling you think it's just fine for you to create stereotypes of others and bray those portrayals as if they're universal truths, because, after all, you love dogs so it's...OK for you stereotype strangers, I guess?

I'm the PP you're responding to, and this is the first time I've come back to post, for the record. Anyway, every anti-dog post on this thread has fallen into one of my three categories, so my interpretation seems correct.

NP but I think you have reading comprehension issues because I've read very few things that imply "People who don't like dogs are either uptight about cleanliness, lacking empathy, or seem almost threatened by the idea that humans are animals too, whether that's rooted in religion or just arrogance." I've read your posts, which make you sound a little crazy, but every one else has fairly valid reasons for not liking dogs but you seem to be taking those things very, very personally. No one is attacking you, sweetie, they just don't like dogs and that's okay. Maybe spend some time talking to your therapist about this, I know you have one.

Ok, I'll add a fourth category, which I kinda think falls under lacking empathy, but sure: ignorance about and/or fear of dogs.

Now everyone's covered.