Carolyn Hax - can someone be a good person if they don't love dogs? WTF

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t mind people who are neutral. But dogs are SO sweet and loving. I don’t understand people, like the OP’s boyfriend, who spend a lot of time with a dog, and don’t end up falling head over heals in love with them.

Dogs have been bred over thousands of years to be kind and solicitous to humans. They want to be with you and they want to know how to make you happy. They also live in the moment so spending time with them is so positive and uplifting. They’re not able to ruminate on the past or worry about the future. They just want each moment to be the best it can be.

And they’re so sweet and cute! What’s not to love? I don’t get people who harden their hearts against them.

I agree with this totally. I do kinda wonder about people who don't like animals, but wouldn't judge them for it. Someone who actively DISLIKES all animals - HUGE.RED.FLAG.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t mind people who are neutral. But dogs are SO sweet and loving. I don’t understand people, like the OP’s boyfriend, who spend a lot of time with a dog, and don’t end up falling head over heals in love with them.

Dogs have been bred over thousands of years to be kind and solicitous to humans. They want to be with you and they want to know how to make you happy. They also live in the moment so spending time with them is so positive and uplifting. They’re not able to ruminate on the past or worry about the future. They just want each moment to be the best it can be.

And they’re so sweet and cute! What’s not to love? I don’t get people who harden their hearts against them.

Why would you phrase it this way? It's such a judgmental and negative way to frame it. It may be that they have perfectly neutral, or even mildly positive feelings towards dogs. YOU project a bunch of stuff onto dogs; other people may not anthropomorphize them in this way. We always had working dogs; they are great animals, but they aren't furry people. They are pack animals socialized to view humans as their pack. And they have different temperaments -- some dogs are quiet, some are noisy and rambunctious. Some are gentle, some play rough. Some are chill, others are more active. IMO, it's weird to like all dogs equally, because they aren't all the same.

Also, admitting that you can't understand how people have different experiences and feelings than you is really telling on yourself. Some people have had bad experiences with dogs, after all.

[Anonymous]

This is the dumbest thread in the history of DCUM.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I like small, sweet natured, old dogs. They are few and far between. I am a nature lover but I feel that cats and dogs are not good for the environment.

Why are animals not good for the environment?

Cats kill lots of birds, squirrels, bunnies, etc, but those are animals that basically have no other natural predator.

Birds, squirrels, and bunnies have plenty of other predators. Hawks, owls, fox, other birds...

You must not have ever owned an outdoor cat. They are far more ruthless and efficient killing machines than those other predators.

I disagree. The house cat is a hobbiest killer. They don't have to kill to eat. They go on killing sprees, then give it a rest for long periods. No way is a cat a better hunter/killer than, for example, an owl who must hunt in order to survive. Same for those others I mentioned.

I've had nothing but outdoor cats. I have two now. Trust me, I know all about it. Nothing they kill is in any danger of going extinct around here. There will always be plenty of: mice, voles, small birds, bats, bunnies, frogs, and chipmunks. None of those animals live very long anyway. If the cat doesn't get it, another predator will, or it will soon die in any case. Yet, they thrive.

I didn’t say outdoor cats were going to make squirrels and birds extinct, idiot. It is precisely because cats kill for fun rather than to eat that they are more damaging to the local environment than owls, foxes, etc.

But cats have contributed to the extinction of many, many species of birds…

Yes, I've read the wildly exaggerated. highly speculative claims with crazy projections about the amount of killing attributable to cats. Only on an island with an over-population of feral cats has any bird species been wiped out. I have no such concerns where I live. I've seen what they kill and they remain abundant.

You haven't read any of the scientific studies about it, so much is obvious.

Fascinated by the idea that it's no big deal for cats to be rapacious killers of birds, squirrels, rabbits etc. because the cats aren't killing ALL the birds, squirrels, and rabbits or something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t mind people who are neutral. But dogs are SO sweet and loving. I don’t understand people, like the OP’s boyfriend, who spend a lot of time with a dog, and don’t end up falling head over heals in love with them.

Dogs have been bred over thousands of years to be kind and solicitous to humans. They want to be with you and they want to know how to make you happy. They also live in the moment so spending time with them is so positive and uplifting. They’re not able to ruminate on the past or worry about the future. They just want each moment to be the best it can be.

And they’re so sweet and cute! What’s not to love? I don’t get people who harden their hearts against them.

Why would you phrase it this way? It's such a judgmental and negative way to frame it. It may be that they have perfectly neutral, or even mildly positive feelings towards dogs. YOU project a bunch of stuff onto dogs; other people may not anthropomorphize them in this way. We always had working dogs; they are great animals, but they aren't furry people. They are pack animals socialized to view humans as their pack. And they have different temperaments -- some dogs are quiet, some are noisy and rambunctious. Some are gentle, some play rough. Some are chill, others are more active. IMO, it's weird to like all dogs equally, because they aren't all the same.

Also, admitting that you can't understand how people have different experiences and feelings than you is really telling on yourself. Some people have had bad experiences with dogs, after all.

NP. The people who don't anthropomorphize them lack empathy and suck.

[Anonymous]

My conclusion from this thread is that some (not all) dog lovers are really weird and maybe a little crazy. It's okay to love your dog and think of it as a member of your family, but it's not okay to think that everyone has to have the same feelings about dogs as you.

In the case of the letter writer, clearly she needs to be with a dog lover, so she should stop wasting her boyfriend's time and let him move on. If it was so important to her, she should have made note of his feelings on dogs on their first date and not continued dating him. I feel bad for the guy.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I like small, sweet natured, old dogs. They are few and far between. I am a nature lover but I feel that cats and dogs are not good for the environment.

Why are animals not good for the environment?

Cats kill lots of birds, squirrels, bunnies, etc, but those are animals that basically have no other natural predator.

Birds, squirrels, and bunnies have plenty of other predators. Hawks, owls, fox, other birds...

You must not have ever owned an outdoor cat. They are far more ruthless and efficient killing machines than those other predators.

I disagree. The house cat is a hobbiest killer. They don't have to kill to eat. They go on killing sprees, then give it a rest for long periods. No way is a cat a better hunter/killer than, for example, an owl who must hunt in order to survive. Same for those others I mentioned.

I've had nothing but outdoor cats. I have two now. Trust me, I know all about it. Nothing they kill is in any danger of going extinct around here. There will always be plenty of: mice, voles, small birds, bats, bunnies, frogs, and chipmunks. None of those animals live very long anyway. If the cat doesn't get it, another predator will, or it will soon die in any case. Yet, they thrive.

I didn’t say outdoor cats were going to make squirrels and birds extinct, idiot. It is precisely because cats kill for fun rather than to eat that they are more damaging to the local environment than owls, foxes, etc.

But cats have contributed to the extinction of many, many species of birds…

Yes, I've read the wildly exaggerated. highly speculative claims with crazy projections about the amount of killing attributable to cats. Only on an island with an over-population of feral cats has any bird species been wiped out. I have no such concerns where I live. I've seen what they kill and they remain abundant.

You haven't read any of the scientific studies about it, so much is obvious.

Fascinated by the idea that it's no big deal for cats to be rapacious killers of birds, squirrels, rabbits etc. because the cats aren't killing ALL the birds, squirrels, and rabbits or something.

I have read the studies and they were not that scientific. As I wrote, they were full of: wildly exaggerated, highly speculative claims with crazy projections about cats and the amount of kills attributed to them.

[Anonymous]

I wonder if she'd be alarmed if he didn't like horses...or snakes...or gerbils.

I'm a dog person, but I know that my dog is a dog. A good friend is definitely not a dog person, really not an animal lover at all. She did let her daughter have cats (one at a time) and a dog. She made sure they were fed, watered and vetted but was mostly indifferent. When she comes to my house, she's overwhelmed by our 90 lb Golden, who believes all visitors are here to see him. I've trained friend to greet dog, then sit down. I've trained dog to greet friend and then sit down.

I have had genuine affection for 2 cats in my life. One is still with us, lives on the porch in good weather and in the barn in bad. He comes when called and goes on walks with us but he's a jerk. Generally don't care for cats, but I take care of my nephew's when they travel because his wife knows that the diabetic Siamese WILL get her medicine. Other people feel sorry for her. I do not.

I cannot abide rodents, is that a red flag?

[Anonymous]

I wonder if she'd be alarmed if he didn't like horses...or snakes...or gerbils.

I'm a dog person, but I know that my dog is a dog. A good friend is definitely not a dog person, really not an animal lover at all. She did let her daughter have cats (one at a time) and a dog. She made sure they were fed, watered and vetted but was mostly indifferent. When she comes to my house, she's overwhelmed by our 90 lb Golden, who believes all visitors are here to see him. I've trained friend to greet dog, then sit down. I've trained dog to greet friend and then sit down.

I have had genuine affection for 2 cats in my life. One is still with us, lives on the porch in good weather and in the barn in bad. He comes when called and goes on walks with us but he's a jerk. Generally don't care for cats, but I take care of my nephew's when they travel because his wife knows that the diabetic Siamese WILL get her medicine. Other people feel sorry for her. I do not.

I cannot abide rodents, is that a red flag?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of the largest gaps when it comes to interracial dating is on the topic of dogs.

I’m surprised when I run into a white person who is anti dog.

There are many of us white people who are indifferent towards dogs or pets, but know we shouldn't say anything to those obsessed because then we will be "bad" people.

My family couldn't afford pets and everything we actually needed too, including college, so no pets it was.

This. I don’t love dogs but people are crazy about their dogs, so I keep my mouth shut.

[Anonymous]

Sorry I stopped reading Hax after college. She rarely has any good advice. Does she even have any professional credentials?

[Anonymous]

I'm a cat person. Does that mean I'm going to hell?

[Anonymous]

People can dislike dogs and cats or animals in general. I will never understand those people and certainly would never marry/be in a relationship with one. Instant turnoff.

[Anonymous]

I have friends who don't like dogs but tolerate mine in my home and that is fine. My parent's spouse hates dogs so I don't subject them to mine. I would not, however, be able to date or be in a romantic relationship with someone who was ambivalent or worse about my dog. You don't have to love my dog but I need you to at least like her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love dogs. I hate dog "moms".

It’s always white chicks that are over the top dog moms

Not true. We have a Korean woman who calls herself a "mom" to her dog that she brings in every single day. She even talks about organizing playdates for the dog.

It's actually kind of sad.