Husband wants to be more intimate

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say this with kindness and without judgment: You need to put out before your husband starts looking elsewhere.

Find a babysitter to watch the kids and take an evening for yourselves each week. If you’re still uneasy with your body for whatever reason tell him that. Think of it as a time to perfect your bj skills. Men just operate differently than women it’s normal but you have to compromise. At this point it’s been a year with very little goodies I can understand his frustration.

She is THREE MONTHS past having twins and is “putting out” once a week! You’re insane, or a dude who feels like it’s his responsibility to get every other dude laid.

You're living in fantasy land. Soon it'll be but the twins need this... or I'm tired... and before you know it, hubby is looking elsewhere. It's just the way it goes. It's the reality of the thing. It just is. Either she musters up the umph to do it, or she'll be having serious marital issues in the next 3-6 months, I guarantee.

Pretty much this.

If you ignore your marriage, eventually it will go away.

And? After it goes away, the wife, like most divorced women, will probably say she doesn't feel like meeting anyone else and will live out the rest of her life in peace, while the husband ties himself into knots trying to get sex from someone else. I know who I'd rather be.

Lies. She'll be back on DCUM asking with dating apps are the app, tips on hooking up with a random bar dude in Germany, or asking how long she should wait before her new boyfriend that she just met two months ago meets the twins.

Clearly you're new here.

I'm not, and you're just cherry-picking the few comments that fit your narrative.
Everyone knows the stats on who wants to divorce and who wants to marry again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say this with kindness and without judgment: You need to put out before your husband starts looking elsewhere.

Find a babysitter to watch the kids and take an evening for yourselves each week. If you’re still uneasy with your body for whatever reason tell him that. Think of it as a time to perfect your bj skills. Men just operate differently than women it’s normal but you have to compromise. At this point it’s been a year with very little goodies I can understand his frustration.

She is THREE MONTHS past having twins and is “putting out” once a week! You’re insane, or a dude who feels like it’s his responsibility to get every other dude laid.

You're living in fantasy land. Soon it'll be but the twins need this... or I'm tired... and before you know it, hubby is looking elsewhere. It's just the way it goes. It's the reality of the thing. It just is. Either she musters up the umph to do it, or she'll be having serious marital issues in the next 3-6 months, I guarantee.

Pretty much this.

If you ignore your marriage, eventually it will go away.

And? After it goes away, the wife, like most divorced women, will probably say she doesn't feel like meeting anyone else and will live out the rest of her life in peace, while the husband ties himself into knots trying to get sex from someone else. I know who I'd rather be.

Lies. She'll be back on DCUM asking with dating apps are the app, tips on hooking up with a random bar dude in Germany, or asking how long she should wait before her new boyfriend that she just met two months ago meets the twins.

Clearly you're new here.

Don’t forget the I’m newly divorced in my 40s what mini skirt should I wear on my blind date? Or my teenagers want to live with their father and his new wife, should I just run away to Canada? Followed by my sister is still friends with my ex husband-should I be mad?

It’s like a Jerry Springer episode ‘round here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He’s ridiculous. He should be helping you with the twins and helping you get pelvic PT to recover from your birth, not harassing you for sex. Sorry but you’re at the start of a long marathon, and if you don’t get time to relax and rest now you will be extremely depleted by the end of the year. Tell him what you need to feel rested and healed and put yourself first. He’s an idiot if he doesn’t see what you need.

Sex is a part of marriage and this is a terrible opinion. No man is thinking of helping their wives get pelvic PT. Get outta here! Sex can take a few minutes at minimum, it really ain't that hard to do.

Why don’t you go sh*t two watermelons out of your ass for the sake of having a family and then have them attached to you all day for months, eating all the calories you take in? Get back to us about how hard it is or not to take it up the ass as often as demanded after that.

You're an idiot. She gave birth to twins last I read, she didn't sh^t two watermelons out of her ass. Also, giving birth to twins is amaaaaaazing, but it's not like sighting a unicorn. Keep telling this woman to take the time she needs and to tell her husband to chill and she'll be a single mama of twins in no time. As much as you weirdos on this site like to act like doling out sex to your husbands twice a year because he deserved after helping with the baby/mowing the lawn/buying you whatever you want is normal, it's not! MARRIAGES INCLUDE SEX!! I didn't make the rules. That's just what it is. Connecting with your husband sexually is key to maintaining a healthy relationship. Y'all give out sex like kindergarten teachers hand out gold stars for good behavior and then come here and rant about needing a divorce and not being able to connect with your husbands. Well, duh!!

Tell me you’re an incel without telling me you’re an incel.

My H and I have sex 5-6 times a week normally, 2-5 times a week during baby times. I can easily go daily, often twice a day (or more). How? He helps with the kids, helps out around the house, values me, connects with me in dozens of different ways besides just sex, has never pressured me to put out during pregnancy/postpartum, and just being an overall great guy who doesn’t obsess over sex. Because he prioritizes every other aspect of our marriage, we have a lot of sex.

Men on here don’t like hearing it. But I’ve posted multiple times on here that I enjoy daily sex and they’ve called me a unicorn. I’m really not. I lose my drive in crappy relationships like any other woman. I just married a really great guy who respects me, values me beyond just a place to stick it in, and works with me as a true partner. Like this morning, he knows I’m exhausted because we have a baby. So he set the older kid up with a show, took the baby with him, got me coffee and breakfast, all so I could sleep in and not worry about making breakfast. Guess who got laid during morning nap time?

It’s not that hard. Value your wife beyond just sex, and she’ll want sex more.

Good for you, sis, but her husband wants sex more than once a week. You just wrote a whole novel about your marriage and your sex exploitations with your husband, but how does that help OP? It doesn't.

A bunch of sexless men telling Op her H will cheat or she should take it up the butt isn’t helpful.

But it’s simple. OP explains to her H that they are actually having sex more frequently than average, especially for having twins, and that she needs him to be understanding as she processes her trauma and handles the exhaustion of caring for infants.

Then she explains what she needs to want more sex *in the future*. More help at home, more time spent reconnecting in other ways, time alone, therapy, whatever. With the understanding that this won’t be an immediate thing, as they are still in survival mode and she is sleep deprived and exhausted. In the meantime, establish boundaries like he can’t grope her, ask her repeatedly, etc as this just builds resentment.

+1

OP this is what you absolutely have to do to lay the foundation for a good marriage in the future. You are really lucky to have gotten this comment actually. Hopefully you can just ignore many of the ones here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say this with kindness and without judgment: You need to put out before your husband starts looking elsewhere.

Find a babysitter to watch the kids and take an evening for yourselves each week. If you’re still uneasy with your body for whatever reason tell him that. Think of it as a time to perfect your bj skills. Men just operate differently than women it’s normal but you have to compromise. At this point it’s been a year with very little goodies I can understand his frustration.

She is THREE MONTHS past having twins and is “putting out” once a week! You’re insane, or a dude who feels like it’s his responsibility to get every other dude laid.

You're living in fantasy land. Soon it'll be but the twins need this... or I'm tired... and before you know it, hubby is looking elsewhere. It's just the way it goes. It's the reality of the thing. It just is. Either she musters up the umph to do it, or she'll be having serious marital issues in the next 3-6 months, I guarantee.

Pretty much this.

If you ignore your marriage, eventually it will go away.

And? After it goes away, the wife, like most divorced women, will probably say she doesn't feel like meeting anyone else and will live out the rest of her life in peace, while the husband ties himself into knots trying to get sex from someone else. I know who I'd rather be.

Lies. She'll be back on DCUM asking with dating apps are the app, tips on hooking up with a random bar dude in Germany, or asking how long she should wait before her new boyfriend that she just met two months ago meets the twins.

Clearly you're new here.

Don’t forget the I’m newly divorced in my 40s what mini skirt should I wear on my blind date? Or my teenagers want to live with their father and his new wife, should I just run away to Canada? Followed by my sister is still friends with my ex husband-should I be mad?

It’s like a Jerry Springer episode ‘round here.

You spend waaaay too much time on this forum. You are a million times more pathetic than the new divorcee who wants to look cute on a date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say this with kindness and without judgment: You need to put out before your husband starts looking elsewhere.

Find a babysitter to watch the kids and take an evening for yourselves each week. If you’re still uneasy with your body for whatever reason tell him that. Think of it as a time to perfect your bj skills. Men just operate differently than women it’s normal but you have to compromise. At this point it’s been a year with very little goodies I can understand his frustration.

She is THREE MONTHS past having twins and is “putting out” once a week! You’re insane, or a dude who feels like it’s his responsibility to get every other dude laid.

You're living in fantasy land. Soon it'll be but the twins need this... or I'm tired... and before you know it, hubby is looking elsewhere. It's just the way it goes. It's the reality of the thing. It just is. Either she musters up the umph to do it, or she'll be having serious marital issues in the next 3-6 months, I guarantee.

Pretty much this.

If you ignore your marriage, eventually it will go away.

And? After it goes away, the wife, like most divorced women, will probably say she doesn't feel like meeting anyone else and will live out the rest of her life in peace, while the husband ties himself into knots trying to get sex from someone else. I know who I'd rather be.

Lies. She'll be back on DCUM asking with dating apps are the app, tips on hooking up with a random bar dude in Germany, or asking how long she should wait before her new boyfriend that she just met two months ago meets the twins.

Clearly you're new here.

Don’t forget the I’m newly divorced in my 40s what mini skirt should I wear on my blind date? Or my teenagers want to live with their father and his new wife, should I just run away to Canada? Followed by my sister is still friends with my ex husband-should I be mad?

It’s like a Jerry Springer episode ‘round here.

You do know that like 90% of posts here are trolls, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say this with kindness and without judgment: You need to put out before your husband starts looking elsewhere.

Find a babysitter to watch the kids and take an evening for yourselves each week. If you’re still uneasy with your body for whatever reason tell him that. Think of it as a time to perfect your bj skills. Men just operate differently than women it’s normal but you have to compromise. At this point it’s been a year with very little goodies I can understand his frustration.

She is THREE MONTHS past having twins and is “putting out” once a week! You’re insane, or a dude who feels like it’s his responsibility to get every other dude laid.

You're living in fantasy land. Soon it'll be but the twins need this... or I'm tired... and before you know it, hubby is looking elsewhere. It's just the way it goes. It's the reality of the thing. It just is. Either she musters up the umph to do it, or she'll be having serious marital issues in the next 3-6 months, I guarantee.

Pretty much this.

If you ignore your marriage, eventually it will go away.

And? After it goes away, the wife, like most divorced women, will probably say she doesn't feel like meeting anyone else and will live out the rest of her life in peace, while the husband ties himself into knots trying to get sex from someone else. I know who I'd rather be.

Lies. She'll be back on DCUM asking with dating apps are the app, tips on hooking up with a random bar dude in Germany, or asking how long she should wait before her new boyfriend that she just met two months ago meets the twins.

Clearly you're new here.

Don’t forget the I’m newly divorced in my 40s what mini skirt should I wear on my blind date? Or my teenagers want to live with their father and his new wife, should I just run away to Canada? Followed by my sister is still friends with my ex husband-should I be mad?

It’s like a Jerry Springer episode ‘round here.

You do know that like 90% of posts here are trolls, right?

Doubt it's 90%. It's just that whenever someone posts something that the majority of people here can't relate to the first thing they do is yell TROLL!! It's happened to me on a thread I posted and I'm sure countless others. There's nothing worse than sharing your story and looking for engaging feedback only to be called a troll. It's dumb and immature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say this with kindness and without judgment: You need to put out before your husband starts looking elsewhere.

Find a babysitter to watch the kids and take an evening for yourselves each week. If you’re still uneasy with your body for whatever reason tell him that. Think of it as a time to perfect your bj skills. Men just operate differently than women it’s normal but you have to compromise. At this point it’s been a year with very little goodies I can understand his frustration.

She is THREE MONTHS past having twins and is “putting out” once a week! You’re insane, or a dude who feels like it’s his responsibility to get every other dude laid.

You're living in fantasy land. Soon it'll be but the twins need this... or I'm tired... and before you know it, hubby is looking elsewhere. It's just the way it goes. It's the reality of the thing. It just is. Either she musters up the umph to do it, or she'll be having serious marital issues in the next 3-6 months, I guarantee.

Pretty much this.

If you ignore your marriage, eventually it will go away.

And? After it goes away, the wife, like most divorced women, will probably say she doesn't feel like meeting anyone else and will live out the rest of her life in peace, while the husband ties himself into knots trying to get sex from someone else. I know who I'd rather be.

Lies. She'll be back on DCUM asking with dating apps are the app, tips on hooking up with a random bar dude in Germany, or asking how long she should wait before her new boyfriend that she just met two months ago meets the twins.

Clearly you're new here.

Don’t forget the I’m newly divorced in my 40s what mini skirt should I wear on my blind date? Or my teenagers want to live with their father and his new wife, should I just run away to Canada? Followed by my sister is still friends with my ex husband-should I be mad?

It’s like a Jerry Springer episode ‘round here.

You do know that like 90% of posts here are trolls, right?

Doubt it's 90%. It's just that whenever someone posts something that the majority of people here can't relate to the first thing they do is yell TROLL!! It's happened to me on a thread I posted and I'm sure countless others. There's nothing worse than sharing your story and looking for engaging feedback only to be called a troll. It's dumb and immature.

A “mid-40s woman” asking what miniskirt to wear on a blind date or talking about running away to Canada is very obviously a troll. I’m not sure why the PP thinks that is an accurate depiction of what mid-40s women post online. If they ever were posted here and not just hyperbole by PP to prove a point (“women suck and here’s a hypothetical situation proving why!”) they are very obviously troll posts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say this with kindness and without judgment: You need to put out before your husband starts looking elsewhere.

Find a babysitter to watch the kids and take an evening for yourselves each week. If you’re still uneasy with your body for whatever reason tell him that. Think of it as a time to perfect your bj skills. Men just operate differently than women it’s normal but you have to compromise. At this point it’s been a year with very little goodies I can understand his frustration.

She is THREE MONTHS past having twins and is “putting out” once a week! You’re insane, or a dude who feels like it’s his responsibility to get every other dude laid.

+1. The PP was absolutely ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say this with kindness and without judgment: You need to put out before your husband starts looking elsewhere.

Find a babysitter to watch the kids and take an evening for yourselves each week. If you’re still uneasy with your body for whatever reason tell him that. Think of it as a time to perfect your bj skills. Men just operate differently than women it’s normal but you have to compromise. At this point it’s been a year with very little goodies I can understand his frustration.

+1

WTF? “With very little goodies?” Are you both immature horndog 17-year-old boys? Absurd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say this with kindness and without judgment: You need to put out before your husband starts looking elsewhere.

Find a babysitter to watch the kids and take an evening for yourselves each week. If you’re still uneasy with your body for whatever reason tell him that. Think of it as a time to perfect your bj skills. Men just operate differently than women it’s normal but you have to compromise. At this point it’s been a year with very little goodies I can understand his frustration.

She is THREE MONTHS past having twins and is “putting out” once a week! You’re insane, or a dude who feels like it’s his responsibility to get every other dude laid.

You're living in fantasy land. Soon it'll be but the twins need this... or I'm tired... and before you know it, hubby is looking elsewhere. It's just the way it goes. It's the reality of the thing. It just is. Either she musters up the umph to do it, or she'll be having serious marital issues in the next 3-6 months, I guarantee.

+1 best thing for those kids is a strong marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you and your DH need to compromise. You, put out a little bit more, and him a little bit less.

Don't go all or nothing. It just breeds resentment and is not good for your marriage.

Talk to him. Open the communication channel, and your legs. .

You’re a joke.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ii could have been your DH many years ago. We had twins, time in NICU, and the blood transfusion. My wife was exhausted and was news doing everything I could to help. She didn't feel like putting out. At this time though, I also needed the intimacy. I wasn't interacting with others enough because it was all babies or work all the time.
My point here is if he told you he needs more intamacy, he needs more intamacy. I accepted some compromises but so did the wife. Honestly, sex somewhat sucked during that time, but the intamacy was important. He shouldn't expect you to bounce back to where you were, but you shouldn't expect him to just happily accept less.
The extreme views in this thread are ridiculous. You both have to compromise.

The lie being told here is that men can only get intimacy” through sex. BS. He wants to get his rocks off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He’s ridiculous. He should be helping you with the twins and helping you get pelvic PT to recover from your birth, not harassing you for sex. Sorry but you’re at the start of a long marathon, and if you don’t get time to relax and rest now you will be extremely depleted by the end of the year. Tell him what you need to feel rested and healed and put yourself first. He’s an idiot if he doesn’t see what you need.

Sex is a part of marriage and this is a terrible opinion. No man is thinking of helping their wives get pelvic PT. Get outta here! Sex can take a few minutes at minimum, it really ain't that hard to do.

Why don’t you go sh*t two watermelons out of your ass for the sake of having a family and then have them attached to you all day for months, eating all the calories you take in? Get back to us about how hard it is or not to take it up the ass as often as demanded after that.

You're an idiot. She gave birth to twins last I read, she didn't sh^t two watermelons out of her ass. Also, giving birth to twins is amaaaaaazing, but it's not like sighting a unicorn. Keep telling this woman to take the time she needs and to tell her husband to chill and she'll be a single mama of twins in no time. As much as you weirdos on this site like to act like doling out sex to your husbands twice a year because he deserved after helping with the baby/mowing the lawn/buying you whatever you want is normal, it's not! MARRIAGES INCLUDE SEX!! I didn't make the rules. That's just what it is. Connecting with your husband sexually is key to maintaining a healthy relationship. Y'all give out sex like kindergarten teachers hand out gold stars for good behavior and then come here and rant about needing a divorce and not being able to connect with your husbands. Well, duh!!

What’s with all the exclamation points? You sound hysterical.

[Anonymous]

I’m struck by how many posters (though hopefully the same one, several times) are so gross that they’d want to have unpleasurable — for her— sex with a partner who they know doesn’t want it. That’s “intimacy”? What, precisely, is intimate about someone telling you to “make it quick”?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He’s ridiculous. He should be helping you with the twins and helping you get pelvic PT to recover from your birth, not harassing you for sex. Sorry but you’re at the start of a long marathon, and if you don’t get time to relax and rest now you will be extremely depleted by the end of the year. Tell him what you need to feel rested and healed and put yourself first. He’s an idiot if he doesn’t see what you need.

Sex is a part of marriage and this is a terrible opinion. No man is thinking of helping their wives get pelvic PT. Get outta here! Sex can take a few minutes at minimum, it really ain't that hard to do.

Why don’t you go sh*t two watermelons out of your ass for the sake of having a family and then have them attached to you all day for months, eating all the calories you take in? Get back to us about how hard it is or not to take it up the ass as often as demanded after that.

You're an idiot. She gave birth to twins last I read, she didn't sh^t two watermelons out of her ass. Also, giving birth to twins is amaaaaaazing, but it's not like sighting a unicorn. Keep telling this woman to take the time she needs and to tell her husband to chill and she'll be a single mama of twins in no time. As much as you weirdos on this site like to act like doling out sex to your husbands twice a year because he deserved after helping with the baby/mowing the lawn/buying you whatever you want is normal, it's not! MARRIAGES INCLUDE SEX!! I didn't make the rules. That's just what it is. Connecting with your husband sexually is key to maintaining a healthy relationship. Y'all give out sex like kindergarten teachers hand out gold stars for good behavior and then come here and rant about needing a divorce and not being able to connect with your husbands. Well, duh!!

Tell me you’re an incel without telling me you’re an incel.

My H and I have sex 5-6 times a week normally, 2-5 times a week during baby times. I can easily go daily, often twice a day (or more). How? He helps with the kids, helps out around the house, values me, connects with me in dozens of different ways besides just sex, has never pressured me to put out during pregnancy/postpartum, and just being an overall great guy who doesn’t obsess over sex. Because he prioritizes every other aspect of our marriage, we have a lot of sex.

Men on here don’t like hearing it. But I’ve posted multiple times on here that I enjoy daily sex and they’ve called me a unicorn. I’m really not. I lose my drive in crappy relationships like any other woman. I just married a really great guy who respects me, values me beyond just a place to stick it in, and works with me as a true partner. Like this morning, he knows I’m exhausted because we have a baby. So he set the older kid up with a show, took the baby with him, got me coffee and breakfast, all so I could sleep in and not worry about making breakfast. Guess who got laid during morning nap time?

It’s not that hard. Value your wife beyond just sex, and she’ll want sex more.

Good for you, sis, but her husband wants sex more than once a week. You just wrote a whole novel about your marriage and your sex exploitations with your husband, but how does that help OP? It doesn't.

A bunch of sexless men telling Op her H will cheat or she should take it up the butt isn’t helpful.

But it’s simple. OP explains to her H that they are actually having sex more frequently than average, especially for having twins, and that she needs him to be understanding as she processes her trauma and handles the exhaustion of caring for infants.

Then she explains what she needs to want more sex *in the future*. More help at home, more time spent reconnecting in other ways, time alone, therapy, whatever. With the understanding that this won’t be an immediate thing, as they are still in survival mode and she is sleep deprived and exhausted. In the meantime, establish boundaries like he can’t grope her, ask her repeatedly, etc as this just builds resentment.

+1

OP this is what you absolutely have to do to lay the foundation for a good marriage in the future. You are really lucky to have gotten this comment actually. Hopefully you can just ignore many of the ones here.

This is good advice.

-a dad