Less successful sister is acting like she's the de facto owner of dad's beach house

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Beach house has been in the family for nearly 50 years. It's a little shabby but the land alone is worth over one million dollars. My husband and I purchased our own beach house nearby, on a slightly less valuable but still expensive parcel. It was not easy financially and we sacrifice a lot to make that happen, so we and our children are close to our parents (now it's just my dad). Ever since we bought that second home, and especially since my mom died, my sister and her husband have acted more in control of my parents' beach house, including vetoing painting decisions, remodeling projects, even making my dad have a contractor re-do something they didn't like. My dad is sharp and of sound mind, he doesn't need their aid. They are giving off the arrogant posture that they 'own the place' and/or plan to inherit it.

Also, my sister and I also used to always tell each other when we'd be out there but sister has been making more secret trips; as in, my dad and I talk every night and he will casually share she's there but she never mentioned going to me. When the time comes, my dad's estate will be split equally three ways (we have a brother who lives on the west coast). I have no interest in charitably giving her a million+ beach house. Should I be concerned they're making a move on my dad's beach house? Should I tell her to back-off in general? It's a strange side to my sister that I'm just increasingly uncomfortable with.

Why aren't you helping dad, sounds like you're the entitled one not her

Once again, likely that OP has a JOB and FAMILY to tend to. Stop trying to pretend that many people don't have both, and that greedy, encroaching sister haas NO job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, how much do you do for your dad? How much time do you spend visiting him? How much help have you provided with these renovations? I am really curious to know on what basis you believe you are entitled to a stake in the beach house now.

You are assuming the sister is not abusive, controlling, manipulative or greedy - or all of that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have your own friggin beach house. Dammit. Count your blessings, let dad give her the beach house. Why are you so jealous???

Sister found the thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your Dad should sell the house and find a nice one bedroom to live quietly. You and your sister both sound like dipshits. Why should he even put up with you two? No wonder your brother lives far away.

Why should dad sel the beach house just because OP is a money grubber?

You sound like an encroaching, manipulative sister!

I am the sibling who does everything for my mother, and specifically told my mother I did not want her to change her will to give everything to me when she suggested it on her own initiative, so no, I am in no way encroaching or manipulative. It appears that you cannot cope with the idea of anyone disagreeing with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Beach house has been in the family for nearly 50 years. It's a little shabby but the land alone is worth over one million dollars. My husband and I purchased our own beach house nearby, on a slightly less valuable but still expensive parcel. It was not easy financially and we sacrifice a lot to make that happen, so we and our children are close to our parents (now it's just my dad). Ever since we bought that second home, and especially since my mom died, my sister and her husband have acted more in control of my parents' beach house, including vetoing painting decisions, remodeling projects, even making my dad have a contractor re-do something they didn't like. My dad is sharp and of sound mind, he doesn't need their aid. They are giving off the arrogant posture that they 'own the place' and/or plan to inherit it.

Also, my sister and I also used to always tell each other when we'd be out there but sister has been making more secret trips; as in, my dad and I talk every night and he will casually share she's there but she never mentioned going to me. When the time comes, my dad's estate will be split equally three ways (we have a brother who lives on the west coast). I have no interest in charitably giving her a million+ beach house. Should I be concerned they're making a move on my dad's beach house? Should I tell her to back-off in general? It's a strange side to my sister that I'm just increasingly uncomfortable with.

Why aren't you helping dad, sounds like you're the entitled one not her

Once again, likely that OP has a JOB and FAMILY to tend to. Stop trying to pretend that many people don't have both, and that greedy, encroaching sister haas NO job.

If the dad needs help and none of the siblings were doing it because JOB and FAMILY, her dad would need to hire help that would rapidly deplete OP’s potential inheritance. If the sister is providing that help so the dad doesn’t have to spend money on it, then not only is she not mooching but she is actually helping to preserve OP’s potential inheritance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you envision happening when your father dies? Are you going to try to share your dad's beach house with your siblings? Buy them out? Sell them your share?

OP, you haven't answered. It's not $333K of cash sitting in a bank account. It's a place that can't be split easily three ways. It's clear that you think your sister is trying to steal it, which would be awful. But what's your dream scenario?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you envision happening when your father dies? Are you going to try to share your dad's beach house with your siblings? Buy them out? Sell them your share?

OP, you haven't answered. It's not $333K of cash sitting in a bank account. It's a place that can't be split easily three ways. It's clear that you think your sister is trying to steal it, which would be awful. But what's your dream scenario?

OP will want the house sold.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have your own friggin beach house. Dammit. Count your blessings, let dad give her the beach house. Why are you so jealous???

You are not an adult in this conversation. You do not understand money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Beach house has been in the family for nearly 50 years. It's a little shabby but the land alone is worth over one million dollars. My husband and I purchased our own beach house nearby, on a slightly less valuable but still expensive parcel. It was not easy financially and we sacrifice a lot to make that happen, so we and our children are close to our parents (now it's just my dad). Ever since we bought that second home, and especially since my mom died, my sister and her husband have acted more in control of my parents' beach house, including vetoing painting decisions, remodeling projects, even making my dad have a contractor re-do something they didn't like. My dad is sharp and of sound mind, he doesn't need their aid. They are giving off the arrogant posture that they 'own the place' and/or plan to inherit it.

Also, my sister and I also used to always tell each other when we'd be out there but sister has been making more secret trips; as in, my dad and I talk every night and he will casually share she's there but she never mentioned going to me. When the time comes, my dad's estate will be split equally three ways (we have a brother who lives on the west coast). I have no interest in charitably giving her a million+ beach house. Should I be concerned they're making a move on my dad's beach house? Should I tell her to back-off in general? It's a strange side to my sister that I'm just increasingly uncomfortable with.

Why aren't you helping dad, sounds like you're the entitled one not her

Once again, likely that OP has a JOB and FAMILY to tend to. Stop trying to pretend that many people don't have both, and that greedy, encroaching sister haas NO job.

Neither one of those things would prevent OP from visiting father if she wanted to. It's not clear from original post how frequently OP sees father in person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is one big projection by OP. Her only interest in her father is the size of her future inheritance, so she assumes everyone else views him the same way. It’s gross, OP.

I don't think it is. Starting in my 50s, I saw a kind of manipulative positioning of family members around the elder parent even in friend's families. In my own large family, we have one sibling who will drop everything and drive 11 hours to visit my mother if any of the other siblings do. He has told us all he does this not to see us but to protect his assets. Money does make people crazy and op's sister is probably trying to position herself front and center with dad to encourage him to leave her the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is one big projection by OP. Her only interest in her father is the size of her future inheritance, so she assumes everyone else views him the same way. It’s gross, OP.

I don't think it is. Starting in my 50s, I saw a kind of manipulative positioning of family members around the elder parent even in friend's families. In my own large family, we have one sibling who will drop everything and drive 11 hours to visit my mother if any of the other siblings do. He has told us all he does this not to see us but to protect his assets. Money does make people crazy and op's sister is probably trying to position herself front and center with dad to encourage him to leave her the house.

You do realize that parents owe you nothing? Sad that your siblings don't value their parent authentically.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your main complaint is that she is frequently using an otherwise vacant beach house with the owner’s full permission. You could sell your beach house and then compete with her to use your dad’s if that would make you feel better.

He's living there.

OP, you are getting beat up because it is hard to tell from your description what exactly your sister is doing. Isn't your sister visiting your dad with his permission? Why does she need to check in with you and your brother when goes to visit your dad? It doesn't make a ton of sense. I think it is fine to start having conversations about what will happen to the house when your dad passes so you know everyone's expectations.

1. Instead of working to buy her own, she and husband act like they own his beach house.

2. "Calling the shots" like it's hers or as if she's paying for anything, including making dad pay to have something redone to their specifications.

3. Separately, but worth mentioning, maybe this behavior signals she is laying the groundwork to get the house in her name soon (pre-death) or in his estate instead of his estate being divided equally among three siblings.

OP, either let it go and fight her when dad is gone, or talk to da (NOT HER) about it now). Nothing to stop you from drawing up a fair and equitable will with dad.

LOL, actually OP gets zero say in her dad’s will.

Maybe. Maybe not.

Legally, OP gets no say in the will. If she gets him to draft it a certain way and it comes out that she exerted undue influence, that can be grounds to invalidate the will.

So very hard and expensive to prove. Op should talk to her dad about his plans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is one big projection by OP. Her only interest in her father is the size of her future inheritance, so she assumes everyone else views him the same way. It’s gross, OP.

I don't think it is. Starting in my 50s, I saw a kind of manipulative positioning of family members around the elder parent even in friend's families. In my own large family, we have one sibling who will drop everything and drive 11 hours to visit my mother if any of the other siblings do. He has told us all he does this not to see us but to protect his assets. Money does make people crazy and op's sister is probably trying to position herself front and center with dad to encourage him to leave her the house.

You do realize that parents owe you nothing? Sad that your siblings don't value their parent authentically.

Your comment is directed to the sibling trying to "protect their assets", right? If not what a useless comment.

[Anonymous]

You people are all crazy. It's not just the money but $333k is a HUGE amount of money. I have to work several years to save that much.

My sister stole money from me from our inheritance. SHE is the one who ruined our relationship for money. And it was much less than $333k. I am forever resentful. I wiĺl never know how much she stole

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've seen this before. What will happen is the sister will simply use the beach house as if it's her own, and will not agree to sell or to buy out her siblings. Be prepared, OP.

I am going through this EXACT situation. Its been 11 years and sister won't sell it and it's in Europe so legally things are different.

And my sister uses it and lets all her friends use it then in return they let her use their vacation homes.