Friends family made cruel remarks about 4.5 yr old wearing pull-ups at night

[Anonymous]

I’m curious where you’d draw the line?

I understand that wetting the bed can happen even in older kids. How long is it okay for a kid to walk around the house in diapers? 4? 5? 6? 7? 8? 9? 10? Along the same lines, if a kid sleeps naked at home is it okay for them to hang out with family friends with no clothes on before bed?

[Anonymous]

Time to night train….

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m curious where you’d draw the line?

I understand that wetting the bed can happen even in older kids. How long is it okay for a kid to walk around the house in diapers? 4? 5? 6? 7? 8? 9? 10? Along the same lines, if a kid sleeps naked at home is it okay for them to hang out with family friends with no clothes on before bed?

There is a huge difference between a kid who wets the bed occasionally and one who does it 3-4 nights a week. There are many kids at age 4 who simply do not wake up when they have to pee, and trying to night train them would be hugely disruptive to their sleep and to household happiness.

That number diminishes with each ear as kids grow, their hormones shift, and they develop larger bladders. But if an 8 or 9 or 10 year old who was otherwise totally normal with regards to urination and bowel movements (no accidents or issues) but continued to pee in their sleep at least once a week, I don't see anything wrong with that child wearing a pull-up until they can either stay dry naturally or they get medical treatment that might help them get there.

There is no shame in pull-ups (or diapers, whatever you want to call them -- pull-ups are different because older kids can actually be independent with them whereas a diaper would be awkward for a child who wears underwear and uses the toilet on their own to deal with).

Let me repeat: there is no shame in pull-ups.

And since there is no shame, I don't see why anyone who has to wear a pull-up for the above reasons would not be okay walking around their house in their pull-up assuming it is normal for kids that age to walk around the house in their underwear. I've found kids develop shyness about that sometimes starting as young as 6, but almost always by 7 or 8, and I think it's unlikely they'd choose to do so. But some kids don't care and if it's in the privacy of your home, who cares?

If a child has to wear a pull up for any reason, why are people expecting them to hide it as though it's some embarrassing thing? It's not. I would not advertise it at school or discuss it in public, because it's personal and private, but within our immediate family or very close family friends, I don't see the issue.

What do you think the issue is? I really don't understand.

[Anonymous]

To draw a comparison:

If a child had to wear a backbrace at night for a medical reason, would you expect the child to conceal the fact that he wore the backbrace at home? Would you tell him to put a shirt on over it in the evenings so that other members of the family would not see the backbrace? After all, a medical condition is private. If you went on vacation with close family friends and he was wearing his backbrace, would you make sure he was always wearing pajamas over his backbrace except in the privacy of his or your room at the vacation house, so that the other family would not know he wore it.

If they did see him wearing it, would you think it was appropriate for one of the children in the other family (at any age) to tease your child about the backbrace, suggest he shouldn't have to wear it, or otherwise criticize it? Would you expect the other child's parent to intervene if they did these things?

What is the difference between a child wearing a backbrace for medical reasons and a child wearing a pull-up because they are not developmentally able to hold pee in or wake to pee at night? Why would you treat these issues differently?

[Anonymous]

When others are around, I didn't allow my kids to walk around in their underwear. A swimsuit is different. Thicker, longer maybe, and with a liner.
So no one would know if it was pullup or underwear. Why not wear something if it's not your immediate family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m curious where you’d draw the line?

I understand that wetting the bed can happen even in older kids. How long is it okay for a kid to walk around the house in diapers? 4? 5? 6? 7? 8? 9? 10? Along the same lines, if a kid sleeps naked at home is it okay for them to hang out with family friends with no clothes on before bed?

There is a huge difference between a kid who wets the bed occasionally and one who does it 3-4 nights a week. There are many kids at age 4 who simply do not wake up when they have to pee, and trying to night train them would be hugely disruptive to their sleep and to household happiness.

That number diminishes with each ear as kids grow, their hormones shift, and they develop larger bladders. But if an 8 or 9 or 10 year old who was otherwise totally normal with regards to urination and bowel movements (no accidents or issues) but continued to pee in their sleep at least once a week, I don't see anything wrong with that child wearing a pull-up until they can either stay dry naturally or they get medical treatment that might help them get there.

There is no shame in pull-ups (or diapers, whatever you want to call them -- pull-ups are different because older kids can actually be independent with them whereas a diaper would be awkward for a child who wears underwear and uses the toilet on their own to deal with).

Let me repeat: there is no shame in pull-ups.

And since there is no shame, I don't see why anyone who has to wear a pull-up for the above reasons would not be okay walking around their house in their pull-up assuming it is normal for kids that age to walk around the house in their underwear. I've found kids develop shyness about that sometimes starting as young as 6, but almost always by 7 or 8, and I think it's unlikely they'd choose to do so. But some kids don't care and if it's in the privacy of your home, who cares?

If a child has to wear a pull up for any reason, why are people expecting them to hide it as though it's some embarrassing thing? It's not. I would not advertise it at school or discuss it in public, because it's personal and private, but within our immediate family or very close family friends, I don't see the issue.

What do you think the issue is? I really don't understand.

The issue is that the other family OP was vacationing with was uncomfortable with a 4 year old walking around in a diaper. You keep shifting the issue to night training when the issue is comfort level with a kid walking around with no pants. I would never send my kids (potty trained or not) to hang out with family friends in their underwear or diaper. This seems so weird to me. It’s not that hard to wear pajama bottoms.

I’m just trying to understand how long the people defending this think it’s okay. For example if the 12 year old wanted to hang out in just her underwear is that okay? Would you expect everyone to be comfortable with a middle schooler not wearing bottoms?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A - Young kids are not going to distinguish between pull-ups and a diaper.

B - Why is an almost 5 year old wearing a pull-up and running around in it without clothes in front of guests? I don't care if they're 'almost' family.

I should have said, but this wasn't a comment made by a 'young' kid. She's actually going to be going into high school next year. Certainly old enough to know better than to say something like that.

We weren't planning on him being in just a pull-up, he actually *did* have a shirt on, just no pants. That's generally what he wears at bedtime while we're at home, so he ended up just wandering out like that while we were helping our youngest get situated for bed.

To her, it is a diaper. A pull-up is a diaper. Perhaps it's been a long time for you, but 8th graders don't always know when "they should know better." Wait until you have an 8th grader!

Perhaps your friends were thinking the same thing but knew better not to comment.

And yes, at that age, your kid should have on pj bottoms until he gets into bed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m curious where you’d draw the line?

I understand that wetting the bed can happen even in older kids. How long is it okay for a kid to walk around the house in diapers? 4? 5? 6? 7? 8? 9? 10? Along the same lines, if a kid sleeps naked at home is it okay for them to hang out with family friends with no clothes on before bed?

There is a huge difference between a kid who wets the bed occasionally and one who does it 3-4 nights a week. There are many kids at age 4 who simply do not wake up when they have to pee, and trying to night train them would be hugely disruptive to their sleep and to household happiness.

That number diminishes with each ear as kids grow, their hormones shift, and they develop larger bladders. But if an 8 or 9 or 10 year old who was otherwise totally normal with regards to urination and bowel movements (no accidents or issues) but continued to pee in their sleep at least once a week, I don't see anything wrong with that child wearing a pull-up until they can either stay dry naturally or they get medical treatment that might help them get there.

There is no shame in pull-ups (or diapers, whatever you want to call them -- pull-ups are different because older kids can actually be independent with them whereas a diaper would be awkward for a child who wears underwear and uses the toilet on their own to deal with).

Let me repeat: there is no shame in pull-ups.

And since there is no shame, I don't see why anyone who has to wear a pull-up for the above reasons would not be okay walking around their house in their pull-up assuming it is normal for kids that age to walk around the house in their underwear. I've found kids develop shyness about that sometimes starting as young as 6, but almost always by 7 or 8, and I think it's unlikely they'd choose to do so. But some kids don't care and if it's in the privacy of your home, who cares?

If a child has to wear a pull up for any reason, why are people expecting them to hide it as though it's some embarrassing thing? It's not. I would not advertise it at school or discuss it in public, because it's personal and private, but within our immediate family or very close family friends, I don't see the issue.

What do you think the issue is? I really don't understand.

The issue is that the other family OP was vacationing with was uncomfortable with a 4 year old walking around in a diaper. You keep shifting the issue to night training when the issue is comfort level with a kid walking around with no pants. I would never send my kids (potty trained or not) to hang out with family friends in their underwear or diaper. This seems so weird to me. It’s not that hard to wear pajama bottoms.

I’m just trying to understand how long the people defending this think it’s okay. For example if the 12 year old wanted to hang out in just her underwear is that okay? Would you expect everyone to be comfortable with a middle schooler not wearing bottoms?

NP. Were they? It sounds like the teenager made a mildly snarky comment and nothing else was said by anyone else. I may have missed something else in the thread, did anything else happen? Personally, I don’t think there is any issue with a 4yo wearing pull ups or underwear in front of family and close family friends at home. I also doubt the teen intended to be mean. I’d forget about it and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s out of the “normal” range yo wear pull-ups at this age.

You should have told the mom and she could have prepped her D to not say anything.

That’s what parents did when we had sleep overs and the kids needed pull-ups

OR, just have your kid wear PJs over them until he is in bed. No need to put this on DD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A - Young kids are not going to distinguish between pull-ups and a diaper.

B - Why is an almost 5 year old wearing a pull-up and running around in it without clothes in front of guests? I don't care if they're 'almost' family.

I should have said, but this wasn't a comment made by a 'young' kid. She's actually going to be going into high school next year. Certainly old enough to know better than to say something like that.

We weren't planning on him being in just a pull-up, he actually *did* have a shirt on, just no pants. That's generally what he wears at bedtime while we're at home, so he ended up just wandering out like that while we were helping our youngest get situated for bed.

To her, it is a diaper. A pull-up is a diaper. Perhaps it's been a long time for you, but 8th graders don't always know when "they should know better." Wait until you have an 8th grader!

Perhaps your friends were thinking the same thing but knew better not to comment.

And yes, at that age, your kid should have on pj bottoms until he gets into bed.

Honestly, I’m an adult and I can’t tell the difference just by looking at a kid walking by. Especially if they have a shirt on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A - Young kids are not going to distinguish between pull-ups and a diaper.

B - Why is an almost 5 year old wearing a pull-up and running around in it without clothes in front of guests? I don't care if they're 'almost' family.

I should have said, but this wasn't a comment made by a 'young' kid. She's actually going to be going into high school next year. Certainly old enough to know better than to say something like that.

We weren't planning on him being in just a pull-up, he actually *did* have a shirt on, just no pants. That's generally what he wears at bedtime while we're at home, so he ended up just wandering out like that while we were helping our youngest get situated for bed.

To her, it is a diaper. A pull-up is a diaper. Perhaps it's been a long time for you, but 8th graders don't always know when "they should know better." Wait until you have an 8th grader!

Perhaps your friends were thinking the same thing but knew better not to comment.

And yes, at that age, your kid should have on pj bottoms until he gets into bed.

My four-year-old wears boxers to bed. If we had overnight guests they would likely see him in his boxers before bed. I can’t imagine having friends stay the night who would be scandalized by this. I would hope they would tell us if they were so we could know that about them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A - Young kids are not going to distinguish between pull-ups and a diaper.

B - Why is an almost 5 year old wearing a pull-up and running around in it without clothes in front of guests? I don't care if they're 'almost' family.

I should have said, but this wasn't a comment made by a 'young' kid. She's actually going to be going into high school next year. Certainly old enough to know better than to say something like that.

We weren't planning on him being in just a pull-up, he actually *did* have a shirt on, just no pants. That's generally what he wears at bedtime while we're at home, so he ended up just wandering out like that while we were helping our youngest get situated for bed.

To her, it is a diaper. A pull-up is a diaper. Perhaps it's been a long time for you, but 8th graders don't always know when "they should know better." Wait until you have an 8th grader!

Perhaps your friends were thinking the same thing but knew better not to comment.

And yes, at that age, your kid should have on pj bottoms until he gets into bed.

My four-year-old wears boxers to bed. If we had overnight guests they would likely see him in his boxers before bed. I can’t imagine having friends stay the night who would be scandalized by this. I would hope they would tell us if they were so we could know that about them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Time to night train….

Or the easier solution is to buy some pajamas…

It’s weird that parading her kid in a diaper in front of family friends is the hill OP wants to die on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Time to night train….

Or the easier solution is to buy some pajamas…

It’s weird that parading her kid in a diaper in front of family friends is the hill OP wants to die on.

But really he is old enough to learn to not wet the bed…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Time to night train….

Or the easier solution is to buy some pajamas…

It’s weird that parading her kid in a diaper in front of family friends is the hill OP wants to die on.

But really he is old enough to learn to not wet the bed…

My preschooler no longer wets the bed but, even when he was 3.5 he would sleep through having to pee. I don’t think it’s that abnormal for heavy sleeping young kids to sleep through the urge to urinate.