Friends family made cruel remarks about 4.5 yr old wearing pull-ups at night

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Weird that PP’s are fixating on a preschooler wearing a pull-up around close friends. Ignore them PP.

A 12 or 13 confronting a 4 year old like that for wearing a diaper is rude and unkind. How strange. It’s hard to even imagine unless she’s autistic or intellectually disabled and thus genuinely confused/curious why a child who isn’t a baby would wear a diaper, and doesn’t understand why it’s impolite to point out.

Are you kidding? At 12 or 13 I would have had NO IDEA that it was “normal” for a 4 year old to wear a nighttime diaper. Hell I would have thought it was strange as an adult until I had kids and learned all about potty training! Ridiculous how you think this makes the tween intellectually disabled. It makes them a typical teen/tween. Many have no filter. It’s not abnormal.

[Anonymous]

Just let it go. My oldest wore pull ups until 7. My 5 yr old has woken up dry for 2 years and refuses to stop wearing them at bedtime. The pediatrician told us not to worry unless they are wetting multiple times a week at age 8. Some kids, just boys, take longer to hold urine at night. It is genetic and is a physical development - not a lack of potty training.

I don’t think it is a appropriate for a teenage girl to know about preschool age development, types of diapers, or even that your kid might be embarrassed by the comment and to “be kind” like an adult. I think she was surprised and curious and it came out wrong. You kid has probably forgotten about it and so should you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just let it go. My oldest wore pull ups until 7. My 5 yr old has woken up dry for 2 years and refuses to stop wearing them at bedtime. The pediatrician told us not to worry unless they are wetting multiple times a week at age 8. Some kids, just boys, take longer to hold urine at night. It is genetic and is a physical development - not a lack of potty training.

I don’t think it is a appropriate for a teenage girl to know about preschool age development, types of diapers, or even that your kid might be embarrassed by the comment and to “be kind” like an adult. I think she was surprised and curious and it came out wrong. You kid has probably forgotten about it and so should you.

Not just boys, mostly boys. I do not know why my iPhone changes earlier words in a sentence after I finish typing a full phrase - but I don’t always catch it and I look like an idiot.

[Anonymous]

It's a normal interaction between kids. I feel bad for your son but yeah, lesson learned. You run around in your incontinence underwear and a person who is not sophisticated enough to turn a blind eye might comment on it.

As far as the other kid goes, if she says something again I would be very KIND and say, "Larla, it hurts Johnny's feelings when people say that. He was wearing the pull up just in case of accidents, but no he doesn't usually wear diapers or pee his pants. But these are private issues so it's not polite for us to talk about them publicly; let's change the subject". DON'T be mean or defensive.

Larla's mom was probably mortified by the whole thing and didn't know what to say.

Meanwhile yes, I'd endeavor to get my son out of pull ups.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, she’s a child. And children have big mouths and comment on things. If you are uncomfortable with the children commenting on things, then you already know the answer, which is that you should not have had him running around the house in a pull up. Wearing a pull-up at that age overnight is not the worst thing in the world but it is not ideal. However, it’s nobody’s business except for your family’s business. So keep it your family’s business and don’t “let it all hang out” with people who are not family.

This. You made it sound like the whole family was making fun of your kid. It was a question by a child, even if that child is 8th grader. Her mother didn’t say anything not to accentuate and prolong a discussion. The only thing the mom could have said, “don’t comment on others peoples clothes” but she could have gotten 100 “but…” in response and this would have turned into a long discussion of pull ups, etc.

How are you planning to address it? Tell mom that her daughter was rude to ask the question? The mother already knows it and probably spoken to her dd in private. Do you want a formal apology for the question?

You are assuming bad intentions and deliberate hurting of your kid’s feelings. But you need to ask yourself, if you and your kid are ok with him in pull ups, why are his feelings hurt by the question? Why didn’t you just say, “he got used to them, so that’s what he still wears as pjs”. Your silence is what is making your kid doubt himself. As far as he knew, it’s normal, but now the question made him wonder and your non-response is confirming that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Without opening the thread I knew the term cruel was going to be very overdramatic. You didn't disappoint OP!

Yep

And pullups are diapers.

You are "stunned" OP?

And Op expects the teenager to know the difference too?

Op - why didn't you defend your kid at that moment?? Why didn't you advocate?

ANYTHInG would've helped deflect the comment - nit even a "it's common in boys to not be able to stay dry overnight at this age. Their little bladders are one of the last things to grow and catch up with the rest of the body:. And obviously we're not the only ones bc Pull-ups and Nite Nija overnight underwear go all the way up to 60+ lbs"

Then Gove your kid an extra hug and pivot the conversation.

[Anonymous]

The family was not making cruel remarks.

One child in the family had a few questions.

Your child has a bladder that is still developing. Her child has a brain that is still developing.

All you had to do was tell the teen after bedtime that he is daytime trained and stays dry all day, but many kids still have occasional accidents at night and need protection longer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I should have said, but this wasn't a comment made by a 'young' kid. She's actually going to be going into high school next year. Certainly old enough to know better than to say something like that.

OP the mom was probably expecting you to respond to the "pees his pants" comment. Only you can determine how mean-spirited the comment was but I would not expect an eighth grader to understand the difference between a nighttime pull-up and a diaper. Middle schoolers don't know what they don't know, they have bad filters, and they are notoriously bad at reading others' facial expressions. This has been documented in research. You need to engage with them. Answer their questions right away, tell them what they don't know, and if their words were hurtful, tell them in a no-drama way.

[Anonymous]

This may be on you OP.
My DS wore pull ups for an extended time and I kept it private from the beginning even from family. Partly it was due to my DH and his memory of being shamed for bedwetting, but also because it's a private matter for DS, even if he is not yet aware it should be private.
I tried not to make it seem like a big secret, but instead that as we get older, our bodily functions are our own business and no one else's. We take care of it and move on.

Other families are maybe not going to treat this in the same way as I would so I leave them out of it. I'm sure it was tough for your DS, but this is how many families view this, so I go out of my way to protect my DS because though he initially didn't care, he did eventually so I'm glad I kept it private from the beginning.

[Anonymous]

This one is on you, OP. You should not put on a pull up until right before the child gets into bed. The other child was just responding to what we all tell our kids which is “big kids don’t wear diapers”.

I’m sorry your child got his feelings hurt regardless.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think a MS or HS “knows better” on this issue. A MS or HS kid doesn’t know anything about potty training or age appropriate anything for a kid or what a little kid might feel bad about it. Let it go.

[Anonymous]

My daughter wore a pullup until she was almost eight. She is highly intelligent and very social. Overall a great kid and advanced in most other ways, but didn't wake up to pee in the middle of the night. We never tried to train her. Just figured she would grow out of it when her brain was ready. It was getting hard to find something her size, but we never made a big deal out of it. There are worse problems to have with your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What exactly is the difference between pull ups and diapers?

Marketing

It’s a way to make people feel okay about wearing diapers longer. It’s sold as the stage in between infant diapers and potty training. The longer this new stage can be dragged out, the more diapers they sell.

[Anonymous]

Why is your five year old in a diaper? A pull up is a diaper.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is your five year old in a diaper? A pull up is a diaper.

I am not the OP but my 5 year old insists on wearing a pull up. He hasn’t wet himself in a year and a half but says he wants it “just in case”. I choose not to fight that battle and we revisit occasionally.