Friends family made cruel remarks about 4.5 yr old wearing pull-ups at night

[Anonymous]

So we have a family (one of my coworkers) that we're very close to, our kids are the same age just about...and we've gone through the pandemic operating as more of a single family-unit, supporting each other as needed, etc. We almost think of them as more of an extended family these days. The only thing we haven't done, until recently--is overnight stays at each others houses, overnight trips, etc. We recently went on a trip together and rented a cabin, the kids loved it.

DS has been potty trained for ages now, but still wears pull-ups at night. It's never been made a big deal at our home, so DS ended up running around the cabin in his pull-up a bit before bed.

Anyways, my friends' oldest DD said something to DS, along the lines of "aren't you too old to be wearing diapers?". She even called them diapers, not pull-ups, right to DS's face. Later on, she asked DS if he "pees his pants". Her mom didn't say a word on hearing her daughter make these comments.

DS is normally a very confident, happy kid, but was clearly very stunned and upset to be called out like this in a room around so many people that we've grown to trust over the past few years. I haven't said anything to her mom (my friend) about this directly just yet, but I'm wondering how everyone here would suggest dealing with this? I realize we probably shouldn't have let DS roam around in just a pull-up, but...I honestly didn't think it would be that big of a deal at the time, and especially didn't think such a mean-spirited comment would be made on it.

WWYD? We love this family, but kind of dazed that this happened.

[Anonymous]

A - Young kids are not going to distinguish between pull-ups and a diaper.

B - Why is an almost 5 year old wearing a pull-up and running around in it without clothes in front of guests? I don't care if they're 'almost' family.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, unless members of this family continue to make shaming comments to your son's face, I'd let it go. It sounds like the other family's kids just aren't used to seeing kids in nighttime pull-ups, and the daughter didn't know any better. You also don't know if the mom made some comments to her daughter in private after hearing this -- that's what I would have done.

I came from a family where no one wore night-time pull-ups, so I never even knew it was a thing until I married my DH and realized it was a thing in his family. I called them diapers myself, initially. The bottom line is that if you love the family, you probably know that they are generally well-intentioned. Chalk it up to a learning experience for them, and just move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A - Young kids are not going to distinguish between pull-ups and a diaper.

B - Why is an almost 5 year old wearing a pull-up and running around in it without clothes in front of guests? I don't care if they're 'almost' family.

I should have said, but this wasn't a comment made by a 'young' kid. She's actually going to be going into high school next year. Certainly old enough to know better than to say something like that.

We weren't planning on him being in just a pull-up, he actually *did* have a shirt on, just no pants. That's generally what he wears at bedtime while we're at home, so he ended up just wandering out like that while we were helping our youngest get situated for bed.

[Anonymous]

Well, she’s a child. And children have big mouths and comment on things. If you are uncomfortable with the children commenting on things, then you already know the answer, which is that you should not have had him running around the house in a pull up. Wearing a pull-up at that age overnight is not the worst thing in the world but it is not ideal. However, it’s nobody’s business except for your family’s business. So keep it your family’s business and don’t “let it all hang out” with people who are not family.

[Anonymous]

OP -- pull-ups are diapers. Just like Depends are also diapers.

There's no shame in wearing either unless you make it a shame. If your child feels bad about what he heard, just explain that it's not a big deal, that bodies mature at different times, and he's got nothing to worry about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A - Young kids are not going to distinguish between pull-ups and a diaper.

B - Why is an almost 5 year old wearing a pull-up and running around in it without clothes in front of guests? I don't care if they're 'almost' family.

I should have said, but this wasn't a comment made by a 'young' kid. She's actually going to be going into high school next year. Certainly old enough to know better than to say something like that.

We weren't planning on him being in just a pull-up, he actually *did* have a shirt on, just no pants. That's generally what he wears at bedtime while we're at home, so he ended up just wandering out like that while we were helping our youngest get situated for bed.

Yeah I'd say the 'pants' part of this is the most important part. Not the shirt.

[Anonymous]

I'd give them the benefit of the doubt. You're probably attributing rudeness where there was none intended. Also pullups look a lot like diapers, it's likely she thought he was actually wearing one. It's whatever. Not a big deal.

[Anonymous]

If these comments were made by a child around the same age as your 4.5 year old, then it was only inadvertently rude because kids that age don’t really get that everyone doesn’t have the same experience. If the comments were made by an 8th grader, then yes, rude as hell to ask a little kid if he pees his pants. Did you stick up for him in the moment? Have a talk with him to reassure him that he’s not a baby wearing diapers?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP -- pull-ups are diapers. Just like Depends are also diapers.

There's no shame in wearing either unless you make it a shame. If your child feels bad about what he heard, just explain that it's not a big deal, that bodies mature at different times, and he's got nothing to worry about.

+1. My niece wore pull-ups at night until she was 9 years old. She didn't worry about it because she knew it was genetic in her family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP -- pull-ups are diapers. Just like Depends are also diapers.

There's no shame in wearing either unless you make it a shame. If your child feels bad about what he heard, just explain that it's not a big deal, that bodies mature at different times, and he's got nothing to worry about.

+1. My niece wore pull-ups at night until she was 9 years old. She didn't worry about it because she knew it was genetic in her family.

Your family has a bed-wetting gene?

[Anonymous]

What exactly is the difference between pull ups and diapers?

[Anonymous]

Maybe it's time to work on the nighttime routine with your preschooler

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP -- pull-ups are diapers. Just like Depends are also diapers.

There's no shame in wearing either unless you make it a shame. If your child feels bad about what he heard, just explain that it's not a big deal, that bodies mature at different times, and he's got nothing to worry about.

+1. My niece wore pull-ups at night until she was 9 years old. She didn't worry about it because she knew it was genetic in her family.

Your family has a bed-wetting gene?

Not the PP, but in my DH's family all the males EXCEPT for my DH ironically, wet the bed until into their tweens. It's for sure got a genetic component to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What exactly is the difference between pull ups and diapers?

We never used pull ups in my family at all, but my understanding is that pull ups are meant to give the child a sensation of being wet, to encourage potty training, while not being as absorbent as a traditional diaper.