Friends family made cruel remarks about 4.5 yr old wearing pull-ups at night

[Anonymous]

FWIW, our DD was in pullups until 4 1/2. Aspergers. Very common.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your five year old in a diaper? A pull up is a diaper.

I am surprised there are so many ignorant people out there who don't realize that it's a hormonal change that happens in childhood that makes you produce less urine overnight (hence not peeing all night long like you pee all day long). You can't "train" your way into that development. It just happens. For many kids, at age 2 or 3. For some kids, not until age 9. Bedwetting is SO normal, especially in boys. And there is absolutely a genetic component. It's not a behavioral issue. It's like making fun of a kid for using an inhaler and asking why he can't just breathe normally without it like everyone else. I swear, some adults are worse than kids.

Is there a hormonal or genetic reason why he can’t wear pants or shorts?

It’s flat out weird to have kids walking around in their underwear (and especially their diapers!) in front of other people.

I think it's flat out weird that you think it's weird. I would never consider travelling with another family if they weren't ok with some preschooler nudity. Are you serious? Half the kids at the playground (in the city!) in the summer are running around in their underwear under the sprinklers! There are some serious prudes out there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm shocked by all the posters saying the 4 YO little girl was cruel. Kids comment on differences. Most kids are giving up nighttime diapers at this time but not all. I know that not all kids are on the same time line but I wouldn't expect a 4 YO who is night trained to know that not all other kids are. I think you need to grow a thicker skin and teach your son the same thing.

The comment was made by an 8th grader.

In the original post it says that her child and the friend’s child are the same age. The OP didn’t like the initial posts saying that it was her fault for making a private issue into a public one by parading her kid around in his diaper. Then she changed the kids age to a teen to garner more sympathy.

She doesn’t want to dress her kid in age appropriate clothes and is disrespectful of his privacy. Then she blames everyone else for her shortcomings as a parent. (This has nothing to do with bed wetting btw.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your five year old in a diaper? A pull up is a diaper.

I am surprised there are so many ignorant people out there who don't realize that it's a hormonal change that happens in childhood that makes you produce less urine overnight (hence not peeing all night long like you pee all day long). You can't "train" your way into that development. It just happens. For many kids, at age 2 or 3. For some kids, not until age 9. Bedwetting is SO normal, especially in boys. And there is absolutely a genetic component. It's not a behavioral issue. It's like making fun of a kid for using an inhaler and asking why he can't just breathe normally without it like everyone else. I swear, some adults are worse than kids.

Is there a hormonal or genetic reason why he can’t wear pants or shorts?

It’s flat out weird to have kids walking around in their underwear (and especially their diapers!) in front of other people.

It's not that weird for a preschool kid in the process of getting ready for bed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your five year old in a diaper? A pull up is a diaper.

I am surprised there are so many ignorant people out there who don't realize that it's a hormonal change that happens in childhood that makes you produce less urine overnight (hence not peeing all night long like you pee all day long). You can't "train" your way into that development. It just happens. For many kids, at age 2 or 3. For some kids, not until age 9. Bedwetting is SO normal, especially in boys. And there is absolutely a genetic component. It's not a behavioral issue. It's like making fun of a kid for using an inhaler and asking why he can't just breathe normally without it like everyone else. I swear, some adults are worse than kids.

Is there a hormonal or genetic reason why he can’t wear pants or shorts?

It’s flat out weird to have kids walking around in their underwear (and especially their diapers!) in front of other people.

I think it's flat out weird that you think it's weird. I would never consider travelling with another family if they weren't ok with some preschooler nudity. Are you serious? Half the kids at the playground (in the city!) in the summer are running around in their underwear under the sprinklers! There are some serious prudes out there.

I’m not a prude. I’m also not the one starting this thread complaining about the fallout of my own failure to respect my son’s privacy. Listen you can try to blame every other kid you meet for being a kid and being curious when they see something outside of the norm. You can keep setting your son up to be embarrassed. You can insist that societal norms of wearing pants shouldn’t apply to kids but the only one who will suffer is your kid.

If you think pants are optional why don’t you go outside in your underwear? Or better yet, wear some depends. See how other people respond to that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your five year old in a diaper? A pull up is a diaper.

I am surprised there are so many ignorant people out there who don't realize that it's a hormonal change that happens in childhood that makes you produce less urine overnight (hence not peeing all night long like you pee all day long). You can't "train" your way into that development. It just happens. For many kids, at age 2 or 3. For some kids, not until age 9. Bedwetting is SO normal, especially in boys. And there is absolutely a genetic component. It's not a behavioral issue. It's like making fun of a kid for using an inhaler and asking why he can't just breathe normally without it like everyone else. I swear, some adults are worse than kids.

Is there a hormonal or genetic reason why he can’t wear pants or shorts?

It’s flat out weird to have kids walking around in their underwear (and especially their diapers!) in front of other people.

I think it's flat out weird that you think it's weird. I would never consider travelling with another family if they weren't ok with some preschooler nudity. Are you serious? Half the kids at the playground (in the city!) in the summer are running around in their underwear under the sprinklers! There are some serious prudes out there.

I’m not a prude. I’m also not the one starting this thread complaining about the fallout of my own failure to respect my son’s privacy. Listen you can try to blame every other kid you meet for being a kid and being curious when they see something outside of the norm. You can keep setting your son up to be embarrassed. You can insist that societal norms of wearing pants shouldn’t apply to kids but the only one who will suffer is your kid.

If you think pants are optional why don’t you go outside in your underwear? Or better yet, wear some depends. See how other people respond to that.

Did you forget that the 4.5yo was in pull-ups with no pants, in the house where he was going to sleep? It's a stretch, to say the least, to suggest that I believe pants are optional for adults when outside in the world. The fact that you put those two scenarios as analogous reaffirms my belief that you are actually a prude!

I also didn't start the thread complaining about the fallout, but I see the two as separate issues. A 4.5yo should be allowed to walk around at home (with or without people he's travelling with) in his underwear/a pullup/whatever without being shamed. The 8th grader was out of line, in my opinion, and my guess would be mortified if any of the family friends made any comment about her body/clothing/modesty/whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm shocked by all the posters saying the 4 YO little girl was cruel. Kids comment on differences. Most kids are giving up nighttime diapers at this time but not all. I know that not all kids are on the same time line but I wouldn't expect a 4 YO who is night trained to know that not all other kids are. I think you need to grow a thicker skin and teach your son the same thing.

The comment was made by an 8th grader.

In the original post it says that her child and the friend’s child are the same age. The OP didn’t like the initial posts saying that it was her fault for making a private issue into a public one by parading her kid around in his diaper. Then she changed the kids age to a teen to garner more sympathy.

She doesn’t want to dress her kid in age appropriate clothes and is disrespectful of his privacy. Then she blames everyone else for her shortcomings as a parent. (This has nothing to do with bed wetting btw.)

No, she didn't. She said the other family's "oldest DD" made the comment. She said they had kids the same age. She didn't say that there was only 1 kid per family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your five year old in a diaper? A pull up is a diaper.

I am surprised there are so many ignorant people out there who don't realize that it's a hormonal change that happens in childhood that makes you produce less urine overnight (hence not peeing all night long like you pee all day long). You can't "train" your way into that development. It just happens. For many kids, at age 2 or 3. For some kids, not until age 9. Bedwetting is SO normal, especially in boys. And there is absolutely a genetic component. It's not a behavioral issue. It's like making fun of a kid for using an inhaler and asking why he can't just breathe normally without it like everyone else. I swear, some adults are worse than kids.

Is there a hormonal or genetic reason why he can’t wear pants or shorts?

It’s flat out weird to have kids walking around in their underwear (and especially their diapers!) in front of other people.

I think it's flat out weird that you think it's weird. I would never consider travelling with another family if they weren't ok with some preschooler nudity. Are you serious? Half the kids at the playground (in the city!) in the summer are running around in their underwear under the sprinklers! There are some serious prudes out there.

+1. Why on earth does it matter what a baby, toddler, or preschooler is wearing in their own home, vacation home or hotel room? It’s so weird to me that people care about this.

[Anonymous]

I have a 3.5 year old and we absolutely call them diapers. I don't want him to think that it's a big boy thing wearing pull ups. We don't shame him, but I also don't want to normalize the diapers. The goal is to be dry at night. A lot of kids can be dry at night when they put their mind to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your five year old in a diaper? A pull up is a diaper.

I am surprised there are so many ignorant people out there who don't realize that it's a hormonal change that happens in childhood that makes you produce less urine overnight (hence not peeing all night long like you pee all day long). You can't "train" your way into that development. It just happens. For many kids, at age 2 or 3. For some kids, not until age 9. Bedwetting is SO normal, especially in boys. And there is absolutely a genetic component. It's not a behavioral issue. It's like making fun of a kid for using an inhaler and asking why he can't just breathe normally without it like everyone else. I swear, some adults are worse than kids.

Is there a hormonal or genetic reason why he can’t wear pants or shorts?

It’s flat out weird to have kids walking around in their underwear (and especially their diapers!) in front of other people.

I think it's flat out weird that you think it's weird. I would never consider travelling with another family if they weren't ok with some preschooler nudity. Are you serious? Half the kids at the playground (in the city!) in the summer are running around in their underwear under the sprinklers! There are some serious prudes out there.

+1. Why on earth does it matter what a baby, toddler, or preschooler is wearing in their own home, vacation home or hotel room? It’s so weird to me that people care about this.

Alright guys. You win. Keep setting your kid up to be embarrassed and blaming the world for not being as enlightened as you.

Apparently, even your friends who are “like family” don’t agree that it’s NBD to have a kid running around in a diaper. You do you. I feel bad for your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your five year old in a diaper? A pull up is a diaper.

I am surprised there are so many ignorant people out there who don't realize that it's a hormonal change that happens in childhood that makes you produce less urine overnight (hence not peeing all night long like you pee all day long). You can't "train" your way into that development. It just happens. For many kids, at age 2 or 3. For some kids, not until age 9. Bedwetting is SO normal, especially in boys. And there is absolutely a genetic component. It's not a behavioral issue. It's like making fun of a kid for using an inhaler and asking why he can't just breathe normally without it like everyone else. I swear, some adults are worse than kids.

Is there a hormonal or genetic reason why he can’t wear pants or shorts?

It’s flat out weird to have kids walking around in their underwear (and especially their diapers!) in front of other people.

I think it's flat out weird that you think it's weird. I would never consider travelling with another family if they weren't ok with some preschooler nudity. Are you serious? Half the kids at the playground (in the city!) in the summer are running around in their underwear under the sprinklers! There are some serious prudes out there.

+1. Why on earth does it matter what a baby, toddler, or preschooler is wearing in their own home, vacation home or hotel room? It’s so weird to me that people care about this.

Because there is a difference between a baby and a 4 year old.

I know you want to pretend that there isn’t but that’s not how the rest of the world—and your closest friends feel about it. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your five year old in a diaper? A pull up is a diaper.

I am surprised there are so many ignorant people out there who don't realize that it's a hormonal change that happens in childhood that makes you produce less urine overnight (hence not peeing all night long like you pee all day long). You can't "train" your way into that development. It just happens. For many kids, at age 2 or 3. For some kids, not until age 9. Bedwetting is SO normal, especially in boys. And there is absolutely a genetic component. It's not a behavioral issue. It's like making fun of a kid for using an inhaler and asking why he can't just breathe normally without it like everyone else. I swear, some adults are worse than kids.

Is there a hormonal or genetic reason why he can’t wear pants or shorts?

It’s flat out weird to have kids walking around in their underwear (and especially their diapers!) in front of other people.

I think it's flat out weird that you think it's weird. I would never consider travelling with another family if they weren't ok with some preschooler nudity. Are you serious? Half the kids at the playground (in the city!) in the summer are running around in their underwear under the sprinklers! There are some serious prudes out there.

+1. Why on earth does it matter what a baby, toddler, or preschooler is wearing in their own home, vacation home or hotel room? It’s so weird to me that people care about this.

Because there is a difference between a baby and a 4 year old.

I know you want to pretend that there isn’t but that’s not how the rest of the world—and your closest friends feel about it. Sorry.

I am the close friend and I really don’t care. My kids are two and almost one but my sister has a four-year-old and so does my best friend. I’ve definitely seen both the kids in underwear while at home (and even, gasp, naked!) At no point was I disturbed or shocked by this. I genuinely don’t understand why everyone should be feeling embarrassed in the scenario. Is it because the four-year-old’s body is too mature or could be viewed as sexual? If that’s the case, that’s a really disturbing line a thought.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your five year old in a diaper? A pull up is a diaper.

I am surprised there are so many ignorant people out there who don't realize that it's a hormonal change that happens in childhood that makes you produce less urine overnight (hence not peeing all night long like you pee all day long). You can't "train" your way into that development. It just happens. For many kids, at age 2 or 3. For some kids, not until age 9. Bedwetting is SO normal, especially in boys. And there is absolutely a genetic component. It's not a behavioral issue. It's like making fun of a kid for using an inhaler and asking why he can't just breathe normally without it like everyone else. I swear, some adults are worse than kids.

Is there a hormonal or genetic reason why he can’t wear pants or shorts?

It’s flat out weird to have kids walking around in their underwear (and especially their diapers!) in front of other people.

I think it's flat out weird that you think it's weird. I would never consider travelling with another family if they weren't ok with some preschooler nudity. Are you serious? Half the kids at the playground (in the city!) in the summer are running around in their underwear under the sprinklers! There are some serious prudes out there.

+1. Why on earth does it matter what a baby, toddler, or preschooler is wearing in their own home, vacation home or hotel room? It’s so weird to me that people care about this.

Because there is a difference between a baby and a 4 year old.

I know you want to pretend that there isn’t but that’s not how the rest of the world—and your closest friends feel about it. Sorry.

I am the close friend and I really don’t care. My kids are two and almost one but my sister has a four-year-old and so does my best friend. I’ve definitely seen both the kids in underwear while at home (and even, gasp, naked!) At no point was I disturbed or shocked by this. I genuinely don’t understand why everyone should be feeling embarrassed in the scenario. Is it because the four-year-old’s body is too mature or could be viewed as sexual? If that’s the case, that’s a really disturbing line a thought.

The close friends I was referring to was the family who OP considers like family, yet made a comment about the diaper. The parents said nothing because they were likely uncomfortable with it.

This wasn’t a kid getting changed out of a swimsuit briefly in front of another parent or kid. This was OP deciding that her 4 year old was dressed for bed and ready to hang out with the other kids in his diaper. That’s weird. The other kids were uncomfortable. The other parents were uncomfortable. Honestly, the only reason I’m even coming back is because I feel sorry for these rising kindergartners who are being put in such a bad position by their parents. Kids need privacy too.

[Anonymous]

This thread is reminding me what a broad range of parenting attitude there are and how bizarre some of them seem to me (and I"m sure mine seem weird to others). Like some of these comments feel like they are from another time or written from aliens, I just can't make sense of them.

There is nothing wrong with a 4 yr old running around a private home in underwear or a diaper/pull-up. This seems extremely normal to me. Like others, I wouldn't vacations with others who might find that weird.

Nothing wrong with a 4.5 yr old in pull-ups. It's not uncommon and it's also no one's business but his and his parents. The appropriate response from anyone else is: nothing.

If I were the older girl's parent I would absolutely have told her it's not appropriate to comment on something like that in general, and also reminded her that teasing younger kids is cruel -- older kids have a special kind of power over younger kids and I teach my kids to take that seriously and not to abuse it.

But since the girl's mother said nothing, I would have just focused on my kid and made sure he wasn't upset by what the girl had said, and make sure he knew that there's nothing shameful or embarrassing about needing to wear pull-ups at night until his body is ready to get rid of them.

I'd probably still vacation with this family if everything else was good and not think that hard about this incident, unless it was something that was repeated or part of a bigger pattern of the other family's kids teasing or criticizing my kid, because that would not be okay with me.

[Anonymous]

First of all - For those of you saying that the OP shouldn't "LET" her 4 YO run around the house in pull ups don't really get how nighttime works with more than one kid. When I read the OP, I assumed she got the 4YO ready for bed, put him in the bed, turned the lights off and headed to put her second child to bed. While doing that, the 4YO runs out of his room into the common area. OP being, you know... a human.... didn't leave the kid she was attending to lock the 4 YO in his room. She probably finished up with the kid, came out and heard the 8th grader making those comments.


To OP - You say these are good friends of yours. I would give them the benefit of doubt and put it in your head that your friend talked to her 8th grader privately out of everyone's earshot. Everyone should get one pass for a stupid remark. If I put myself in your friend's position, I'd probably not want to bring attention to the issue and not say anything in front of everyone either.

That being said, if you all are that close where you vacation together, you should be comfortable enough to say something to the 8th grader if you thought it was that bad. I have friends like yours - I've corrected my friend's kid many many times in a nice way - like a previous poster mentioned