Friends family made cruel remarks about 4.5 yr old wearing pull-ups at night

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s out of the “normal” range yo wear pull-ups at this age.

You should have told the mom and she could have prepped her D to not say anything.

That’s what parents did when we had sleep overs and the kids needed pull-ups

Not true at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Time to night train….

Or the easier solution is to buy some pajamas…

It’s weird that parading her kid in a diaper in front of family friends is the hill OP wants to die on.

I'm just speculating as I'm not the OP, but I am the mother of multiple kids under 5. I seriously doubt the OP was 'parading' her kid around in a diaper. If she has multiples, then she probably got her DS changed for bed, and was busy with other child when he happened to walk out to where everyone was gathered.

I'm not the world's worst micromanager, but I certainly wouldn't notice if one of my kids slipped out of their room while I busy with someone else.

I personally feel like this should have been a non-issue, none of my kids would have felt the need to comment on anyone's undergarments, especially a little boy in a diaper. 8th grader girl should have just kept quiet on it. It doesn't sound like it was malicious per se, but it shouldn't have been brought up at all. A 4 year old wearing a diaper for bedtime isn't at all unusual.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Time to night train….

Or the easier solution is to buy some pajamas…

It’s weird that parading her kid in a diaper in front of family friends is the hill OP wants to die on.

I'm just speculating as I'm not the OP, but I am the mother of multiple kids under 5. I seriously doubt the OP was 'parading' her kid around in a diaper. If she has multiples, then she probably got her DS changed for bed, and was busy with other child when he happened to walk out to where everyone was gathered.

I'm not the world's worst micromanager, but I certainly wouldn't notice if one of my kids slipped out of their room while I busy with someone else.

I personally feel like this should have been a non-issue, none of my kids would have felt the need to comment on anyone's undergarments, especially a little boy in a diaper. 8th grader girl should have just kept quiet on it. It doesn't sound like it was malicious per se, but it shouldn't have been brought up at all. A 4 year old wearing a diaper for bedtime isn't at all unusual.

I completely agree with you but I think there are two camps here. One group thinks there is nothing remarkable about a preschooler that is not fully dressed and one group believes that this is inappropriate. I don’t think either group will convince the other that they are right. Like I said, I don’t think any of this is a big deal and would not bat an eye at a four-year-old wearing a diaper to bed or boxers in his own home but, apparently, there are people scandalized by this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I completely agree with you but I think there are two camps here. One group thinks there is nothing remarkable about a preschooler that is not fully dressed and one group believes that this is inappropriate. I don’t think either group will convince the other that they are right. Like I said, I don’t think any of this is a big deal and would not bat an eye at a four-year-old wearing a diaper to bed or boxers in his own home but, apparently, there are people scandalized by this.

I can't imagine living such a sad life that I'd somehow think there was something inappropriate about seeing a little kid in a diaper before bedtime. Good lord.

[Anonymous]

Why are you assigning malicious intent to a 14 year old? Maybe she was genuinely surprised. It’s not like 14 years old don’t ever say dumb things.

Why couldn’t you say “yeah he does. It’s not that unusual for his age?”

And leave it at that? She probably would have just said “oh really? I didn’t know that?”

You’re scared to talk to a teenager? What kind of life do you live? Jesus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you assigning malicious intent to a 14 year old? Maybe she was genuinely surprised. It’s not like 14 years old don’t ever say dumb things.

Why couldn’t you say “yeah he does. It’s not that unusual for his age?”

And leave it at that? She probably would have just said “oh really? I didn’t know that?”

You’re scared to talk to a teenager? What kind of life do you live? Jesus.

I don’t think OP is “assigning malicious intent.” She is concerned the girl’s comments might have had a negative impact. I also think there are some tricky dynamics here where she was expecting the other parent to say something (“Leave him alone Larla, it’s not a big deal”) and they didn’t, and OP maybe felt awkward saying something instead. Some people really don’t like it if you correct or scold their kid. Also OP suspects the parent might agree (a reasonable suspicion given all the comments on this thread from people who seem to think it’s scandalous that the boy was in a diaper, or that OP allowed others to see it).

And that’s the real issue. It’s not that OP is assuming this teenager is a terrible person, it’s that her words were not appropriate, the other parents didn’t weigh in, and OP is worried this reflects judgment on their part. It’s not really about the teenagers behavior it’s about the relationship between the families.

[Anonymous]

I'm curious, what did you all do the following morning? Did he stay out of sight before getting changed the next morning? Did he actually pee in his pull up overnight that night? Did the parents ever apologize?

[Anonymous]

Why are you going on trips with other families in the middle of a pandemic?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A - Young kids are not going to distinguish between pull-ups and a diaper.

B - Why is an almost 5 year old wearing a pull-up and running around in it without clothes in front of guests? I don't care if they're 'almost' family.

I should have said, but this wasn't a comment made by a 'young' kid. She's actually going to be going into high school next year. Certainly old enough to know better than to say something like that.

We weren't planning on him being in just a pull-up, he actually *did* have a shirt on, just no pants. That's generally what he wears at bedtime while we're at home, so he ended up just wandering out like that while we were helping our youngest get situated for bed.

To her, it is a diaper. A pull-up is a diaper. Perhaps it's been a long time for you, but 8th graders don't always know when "they should know better." Wait until you have an 8th grader!

Perhaps your friends were thinking the same thing but knew better not to comment.

And yes, at that age, your kid should have on pj bottoms until he gets into bed.

Honestly, I’m an adult and I can’t tell the difference just by looking at a kid walking by. Especially if they have a shirt on.

DP. And the salient reference when someone mentions a "diaper" isn't that you don't pull it up -- it's that you poop and pee in it. That's the purpose.

String bikinis are a lot more challenging to get on than velcro tabs, and you tie them on (at least the first time), not pull them up -- but that doesn't make them diapers. You don't poop and pee in them. How you put them on really is just a distraction to the purpose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So we have a family (one of my coworkers) that we're very close to, our kids are the same age just about...and we've gone through the pandemic operating as more of a single family-unit, supporting each other as needed, etc. We almost think of them as more of an extended family these days. The only thing we haven't done, until recently--is overnight stays at each others houses, overnight trips, etc. We recently went on a trip together and rented a cabin, the kids loved it.

DS has been potty trained for ages now, but still wears pull-ups at night. It's never been made a big deal at our home, so DS ended up running around the cabin in his pull-up a bit before bed.

Anyways, my friends' oldest DD said something to DS, along the lines of "aren't you too old to be wearing diapers?". She even called them diapers, not pull-ups, right to DS's face. Later on, she asked DS if he "pees his pants". Her mom didn't say a word on hearing her daughter make these comments.

DS is normally a very confident, happy kid, but was clearly very stunned and upset to be called out like this in a room around so many people that we've grown to trust over the past few years. I haven't said anything to her mom (my friend) about this directly just yet, but I'm wondering how everyone here would suggest dealing with this? I realize we probably shouldn't have let DS roam around in just a pull-up, but...I honestly didn't think it would be that big of a deal at the time, and especially didn't think such a mean-spirited comment would be made on it.

WWYD? We love this family, but kind of dazed that this happened.

Does DS really need the pull-ups?

[Anonymous]

My DS4 also still wears pull-up at night. It's dry like 90% of the time, but it's for the other 10%. Actual doctors will tell you night potty training is not really thing and you just have to wait until your kid gets there developmentally.

Anyway OP, I would just let it pass. It was annoying of the 14yo to comment but 14yos don't know better. If your son brings it up you could say something like "she thought you were wearing a diaper, but it's your nighttime pull-up. She didn't understand."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A - Young kids are not going to distinguish between pull-ups and a diaper.

B - Why is an almost 5 year old wearing a pull-up and running around in it without clothes in front of guests? I don't care if they're 'almost' family.

I should have said, but this wasn't a comment made by a 'young' kid. She's actually going to be going into high school next year. Certainly old enough to know better than to say something like that.

We weren't planning on him being in just a pull-up, he actually *did* have a shirt on, just no pants. That's generally what he wears at bedtime while we're at home, so he ended up just wandering out like that while we were helping our youngest get situated for bed.

To her, it is a diaper. A pull-up is a diaper. Perhaps it's been a long time for you, but 8th graders don't always know when "they should know better." Wait until you have an 8th grader!

Perhaps your friends were thinking the same thing but knew better not to comment.

And yes, at that age, your kid should have on pj bottoms until he gets into bed.

You people are so obnoxious. It doesn't matter if she thought it was a diaper, or if it's reasonable to think a pull-up is a diaper. The point is that she mocked OP's 4yo for wearing it. If it was a diaper, is it fine to mock him? JFC


Honestly, I’m an adult and I can’t tell the difference just by looking at a kid walking by. Especially if they have a shirt on.

DP. And the salient reference when someone mentions a "diaper" isn't that you don't pull it up -- it's that you poop and pee in it. That's the purpose.

String bikinis are a lot more challenging to get on than velcro tabs, and you tie them on (at least the first time), not pull them up -- but that doesn't make them diapers. You don't poop and pee in them. How you put them on really is just a distraction to the purpose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A - Young kids are not going to distinguish between pull-ups and a diaper.

B - Why is an almost 5 year old wearing a pull-up and running around in it without clothes in front of guests? I don't care if they're 'almost' family.

I should have said, but this wasn't a comment made by a 'young' kid. She's actually going to be going into high school next year. Certainly old enough to know better than to say something like that.

We weren't planning on him being in just a pull-up, he actually *did* have a shirt on, just no pants. That's generally what he wears at bedtime while we're at home, so he ended up just wandering out like that while we were helping our youngest get situated for bed.

To her, it is a diaper. A pull-up is a diaper. Perhaps it's been a long time for you, but 8th graders don't always know when "they should know better." Wait until you have an 8th grader!

Perhaps your friends were thinking the same thing but knew better not to comment.

And yes, at that age, your kid should have on pj bottoms until he gets into bed.

Honestly, I’m an adult and I can’t tell the difference just by looking at a kid walking by. Especially if they have a shirt on.

DP. And the salient reference when someone mentions a "diaper" isn't that you don't pull it up -- it's that you poop and pee in it. That's the purpose.

String bikinis are a lot more challenging to get on than velcro tabs, and you tie them on (at least the first time), not pull them up -- but that doesn't make them diapers. You don't poop and pee in them. How you put them on really is just a distraction to the purpose.

You people are so obnoxious. It doesn't matter if she thought it was a diaper, or if it's reasonable to think a pull-up is a diaper. The point is that she mocked OP's 4yo for wearing it. If it was a diaper, is it fine to mock him? JFC

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your five year old in a diaper? A pull up is a diaper.

I am surprised there are so many ignorant people out there who don't realize that it's a hormonal change that happens in childhood that makes you produce less urine overnight (hence not peeing all night long like you pee all day long). You can't "train" your way into that development. It just happens. For many kids, at age 2 or 3. For some kids, not until age 9. Bedwetting is SO normal, especially in boys. And there is absolutely a genetic component. It's not a behavioral issue. It's like making fun of a kid for using an inhaler and asking why he can't just breathe normally without it like everyone else. I swear, some adults are worse than kids.

Is there a hormonal or genetic reason why he can’t wear pants or shorts?

It’s flat out weird to have kids walking around in their underwear (and especially their diapers!) in front of other people.

I think it's flat out weird that you think it's weird. I would never consider travelling with another family if they weren't ok with some preschooler nudity. Are you serious? Half the kids at the playground (in the city!) in the summer are running around in their underwear under the sprinklers! There are some serious prudes out there.

I’m not a prude. I’m also not the one starting this thread complaining about the fallout of my own failure to respect my son’s privacy. Listen you can try to blame every other kid you meet for being a kid and being curious when they see something outside of the norm. You can keep setting your son up to be embarrassed. You can insist that societal norms of wearing pants shouldn’t apply to kids but the only one who will suffer is your kid.

If you think pants are optional why don’t you go outside in your underwear? Or better yet, wear some depends. See how other people respond to that.

Wow, does anyone on this board actually have an infant/toddler/preschooler? The number of people who think it's scandalous for a kid to be seen in a pull-up at bedtime...you people are nuts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Time to night train….

Or the easier solution is to buy some pajamas…

It’s weird that parading her kid in a diaper in front of family friends is the hill OP wants to die on.

I'm just speculating as I'm not the OP, but I am the mother of multiple kids under 5. I seriously doubt the OP was 'parading' her kid around in a diaper. If she has multiples, then she probably got her DS changed for bed, and was busy with other child when he happened to walk out to where everyone was gathered.

I'm not the world's worst micromanager, but I certainly wouldn't notice if one of my kids slipped out of their room while I busy with someone else.

I personally feel like this should have been a non-issue, none of my kids would have felt the need to comment on anyone's undergarments, especially a little boy in a diaper. 8th grader girl should have just kept quiet on it. It doesn't sound like it was malicious per se, but it shouldn't have been brought up at all. A 4 year old wearing a diaper for bedtime isn't at all unusual.

Except it was unusual for OP’s friends family. This would be unusual for the kids in my family and same for my husband’s family and many family friends who we’ve vacationed with. There are a people on this board who are committed to insisting that walking around in diapers a normal regular thing when it’s very out of the ordinary for most families. Does that mean I think a little kid should be shamed over it? Of course not! But his parents also have a responsibility treat it in a more private manner and not set up their kid to be embarrassed.