Regret not having kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone who is child-free by choice, I find it immensely odd when these discussions come up that so many think CFBC people pass on kids because of "travel and fun!" like we're perpetually stuck in our early 20s backpacking phase. Most of the CFBC people I know made that decision for bigger reasons such as knowing they wouldn't be good at it, or chronic illness, or intense jobs, or just it flat out didn't appeal to them. I don't think I've ever heard someone say, "think of all the travel and fun!" Weird.

It’s just like how married people think singles are all out on dates, going shopping or having brunch all the time. I stopped doing that stuff in my early thirties. On Friday and Saturday nights, I’m home reading and cuddling with my dog. I have a job and bills to pay, and I’m tired, just like every other middle aged person.

One of my friends married when we were both about 25. Ten years later her husband leaves her and she’s texting me all the time to ask if I want to get mani pedis, or and go out for dinner and cosmopolitans. I’m like Hon, Sex and the City isn’t real and I haven’t had one of those since 2002. I stay home every night and have a hookup or two per year. She got married again pretty quickly.

LOL. If find this assumption hilarious. People are genuinely shocked I'm not out drinking and going on spa days all the time. Like I'm near 40 with bills to pay, and as the only childless sibling, a lot of the care and responsibility of my aging parents falls on me. I work. I occasionally go on a hike. I volunteer at the animal shelter and hospital. I may go on a trip once every 2-5 years. Partying every night, I don't think I ever did, and I haven't been to a bar since I was somewhere between 35 and 28, can't exactly remember.

[Anonymous]

I was infertile for many years and fully lived CF. But I was still trying. I talked to many people CF and all of them had a good reason. They just don’t tell everyone. Health, death in the family, trauma, infertility, know they don’t have a maternal instinct, dysfunctional family, older husband, husband with a disability, genetic issues in the family, alcoholism and related issues, career that require a lot of travel … so many reasons.
I think more people regret having children than not having children actually. And the statistics bear that out. Everyone regrets something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was infertile for many years and fully lived CF. But I was still trying. I talked to many people CF and all of them had a good reason. They just don’t tell everyone. Health, death in the family, trauma, infertility, know they don’t have a maternal instinct, dysfunctional family, older husband, husband with a disability, genetic issues in the family, alcoholism and related issues, career that require a lot of travel … so many reasons.
I think more people regret having children than not having children actually. And the statistics bear that out. Everyone regrets something.

Unfortunately, it’s just totally unacceptable to say you regret having kids, because it would hurt the kids to hear it. But many people do, and I think we’d all be better off if we could be more open about this. I’m childless so some parents feel comfortable confiding in me about how much they dislike parenting and even their children. They do their best out of duty, and they’re good people, but they flat out do not like their children.

[Anonymous]

I'm 39 with no kids. I have no regrets.

I am getting LOTS of pressure from all sides, though. Many comments like "time is almost up" and "if you're going to do it, it has to be NOW!"

Pass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister has been married for over 25 years. She's successful, has many friends, and is very active and well known in her community. Her husband had been married before, young, it ended ugly, and he has (now grown) children. He told her when they were young enough that he'd have kids with her if that's what she wanted, but that if it were up to him alone he really didn't want more kids. She elected not to have any.

The other day she told me she "immensely regrets" her decision. I was surprised.

I'm just curious if anyone else reading this is in the same boat, and how you're dealing with it. I feel badly for her.

I know someone in a similar situation but I'm not sure if she regrets it. Think of all that money and free time! lol

Think of growing alone and nobody taking care of you… oh wait, that’s USA 101

Not this tired line again. Go visit several nursing homes and see how many people living in them have living children, then report back.

Huh? Children who love them and helped them move into assisted living or nursing home so that they could be better cared for? Who oversee their care to make sure they get the right medication, proper food, care and attention?

Do you really think they get care and attention and children supervise anything? The elderly get a shower once a week, they're drugged and sitting in bed most of the time and the children maybe visit weekly, if that. I'd rather die at home peacefully - parent with 2 kids

The PP "children oversee their care" is ridiculous. There's also a lot of elder abuse by children toward their own parents. No one here seems to think that their own child might abuse them but it happens.

Really? Do you abuse your parents and do you not oversee their care or look out for them (or will you not in the future?)? How about your friends? Do they not look out for elderly parents? I bet they do and I bet they go above and beyond in many cases.

I actually moved away to a different country from my borderline mom and haven’t taken a phone call from her in 3 years. I saw my mom abuse her own mom but she was the only sibling who took her mom in. I learn that it is best to a)don’t rely on family and b)always have your own money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone who is child-free by choice, I find it immensely odd when these discussions come up that so many think CFBC people pass on kids because of "travel and fun!" like we're perpetually stuck in our early 20s backpacking phase. Most of the CFBC people I know made that decision for bigger reasons such as knowing they wouldn't be good at it, or chronic illness, or intense jobs, or just it flat out didn't appeal to them. I don't think I've ever heard someone say, "think of all the travel and fun!" Weird.

It’s just like how married people think singles are all out on dates, going shopping or having brunch all the time. I stopped doing that stuff in my early thirties. On Friday and Saturday nights, I’m home reading and cuddling with my dog. I have a job and bills to pay, and I’m tired, just like every other middle aged person.

One of my friends married when we were both about 25. Ten years later her husband leaves her and she’s texting me all the time to ask if I want to get mani pedis, or and go out for dinner and cosmopolitans. I’m like Hon, Sex and the City isn’t real and I haven’t had one of those since 2002. I stay home every night and have a hookup or two per year. She got married again pretty quickly.

LOL. If find this assumption hilarious. People are genuinely shocked I'm not out drinking and going on spa days all the time. Like I'm near 40 with bills to pay, and as the only childless sibling, a lot of the care and responsibility of my aging parents falls on me. I work. I occasionally go on a hike. I volunteer at the animal shelter and hospital. I may go on a trip once every 2-5 years. Partying every night, I don't think I ever did, and I haven't been to a bar since I was somewhere between 35 and 28, can't exactly remember.

Now that’s SAD af.

31 here with two kids and travel twice every year. Sometimes more. This whole cancel culture toxic anti white have no kids and tax me to death over climate change is the demise of the west. Kudos to you and your brain dead weaklings following you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone who is child-free by choice, I find it immensely odd when these discussions come up that so many think CFBC people pass on kids because of "travel and fun!" like we're perpetually stuck in our early 20s backpacking phase. Most of the CFBC people I know made that decision for bigger reasons such as knowing they wouldn't be good at it, or chronic illness, or intense jobs, or just it flat out didn't appeal to them. I don't think I've ever heard someone say, "think of all the travel and fun!" Weird.

It’s just like how married people think singles are all out on dates, going shopping or having brunch all the time. I stopped doing that stuff in my early thirties. On Friday and Saturday nights, I’m home reading and cuddling with my dog. I have a job and bills to pay, and I’m tired, just like every other middle aged person.

One of my friends married when we were both about 25. Ten years later her husband leaves her and she’s texting me all the time to ask if I want to get mani pedis, or and go out for dinner and cosmopolitans. I’m like Hon, Sex and the City isn’t real and I haven’t had one of those since 2002. I stay home every night and have a hookup or two per year. She got married again pretty quickly.

LOL. If find this assumption hilarious. People are genuinely shocked I'm not out drinking and going on spa days all the time. Like I'm near 40 with bills to pay, and as the only childless sibling, a lot of the care and responsibility of my aging parents falls on me. I work. I occasionally go on a hike. I volunteer at the animal shelter and hospital. I may go on a trip once every 2-5 years. Partying every night, I don't think I ever did, and I haven't been to a bar since I was somewhere between 35 and 28, can't exactly remember.

Now that’s SAD af.

31 here with two kids and travel twice every year. Sometimes more. This whole cancel culture toxic anti white have no kids and tax me to death over climate change is the demise of the west. Kudos to you and your brain dead weaklings following you

Someone says they don’t go on many trips, and THIS is your take?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone who is child-free by choice, I find it immensely odd when these discussions come up that so many think CFBC people pass on kids because of "travel and fun!" like we're perpetually stuck in our early 20s backpacking phase. Most of the CFBC people I know made that decision for bigger reasons such as knowing they wouldn't be good at it, or chronic illness, or intense jobs, or just it flat out didn't appeal to them. I don't think I've ever heard someone say, "think of all the travel and fun!" Weird.

It’s just like how married people think singles are all out on dates, going shopping or having brunch all the time. I stopped doing that stuff in my early thirties. On Friday and Saturday nights, I’m home reading and cuddling with my dog. I have a job and bills to pay, and I’m tired, just like every other middle aged person.

One of my friends married when we were both about 25. Ten years later her husband leaves her and she’s texting me all the time to ask if I want to get mani pedis, or and go out for dinner and cosmopolitans. I’m like Hon, Sex and the City isn’t real and I haven’t had one of those since 2002. I stay home every night and have a hookup or two per year. She got married again pretty quickly.

LOL. If find this assumption hilarious. People are genuinely shocked I'm not out drinking and going on spa days all the time. Like I'm near 40 with bills to pay, and as the only childless sibling, a lot of the care and responsibility of my aging parents falls on me. I work. I occasionally go on a hike. I volunteer at the animal shelter and hospital. I may go on a trip once every 2-5 years. Partying every night, I don't think I ever did, and I haven't been to a bar since I was somewhere between 35 and 28, can't exactly remember.

Now that’s SAD af.

31 here with two kids and travel twice every year. Sometimes more. This whole cancel culture toxic anti white have no kids and tax me to death over climate change is the demise of the west. Kudos to you and your brain dead weaklings following you

wut

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone who is child-free by choice, I find it immensely odd when these discussions come up that so many think CFBC people pass on kids because of "travel and fun!" like we're perpetually stuck in our early 20s backpacking phase. Most of the CFBC people I know made that decision for bigger reasons such as knowing they wouldn't be good at it, or chronic illness, or intense jobs, or just it flat out didn't appeal to them. I don't think I've ever heard someone say, "think of all the travel and fun!" Weird.

It’s just like how married people think singles are all out on dates, going shopping or having brunch all the time. I stopped doing that stuff in my early thirties. On Friday and Saturday nights, I’m home reading and cuddling with my dog. I have a job and bills to pay, and I’m tired, just like every other middle aged person.

One of my friends married when we were both about 25. Ten years later her husband leaves her and she’s texting me all the time to ask if I want to get mani pedis, or and go out for dinner and cosmopolitans. I’m like Hon, Sex and the City isn’t real and I haven’t had one of those since 2002. I stay home every night and have a hookup or two per year. She got married again pretty quickly.

LOL. If find this assumption hilarious. People are genuinely shocked I'm not out drinking and going on spa days all the time. Like I'm near 40 with bills to pay, and as the only childless sibling, a lot of the care and responsibility of my aging parents falls on me. I work. I occasionally go on a hike. I volunteer at the animal shelter and hospital. I may go on a trip once every 2-5 years. Partying every night, I don't think I ever did, and I haven't been to a bar since I was somewhere between 35 and 28, can't exactly remember.

Now that’s SAD af.

31 here with two kids and travel twice every year. Sometimes more. This whole cancel culture toxic anti white have no kids and tax me to death over climate change is the demise of the west. Kudos to you and your brain dead weaklings following you

Deranged podcasts have turned your brain to slobbering mush. Put down the AirPods!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was infertile for many years and fully lived CF. But I was still trying. I talked to many people CF and all of them had a good reason. They just don’t tell everyone. Health, death in the family, trauma, infertility, know they don’t have a maternal instinct, dysfunctional family, older husband, husband with a disability, genetic issues in the family, alcoholism and related issues, career that require a lot of travel … so many reasons.
I think more people regret having children than not having children actually. And the statistics bear that out. Everyone regrets something.

Unfortunately, it’s just totally unacceptable to say you regret having kids, because it would hurt the kids to hear it. But many people do, and I think we’d all be better off if we could be more open about this. I’m childless so some parents feel comfortable confiding in me about how much they dislike parenting and even their children. They do their best out of duty, and they’re good people, but they flat out do not like their children.

I love my child with all my heart but if I'd known there'd be a pandemic I would have stayed childfree. I'm only a good parent on extreme easy mode (a ton of help, no huge life-altering stressors like COVID). Otherwise it is a struggle and I outsource as much as I can. Thank goodness I didn't have a crystal ball.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone who is child-free by choice, I find it immensely odd when these discussions come up that so many think CFBC people pass on kids because of "travel and fun!" like we're perpetually stuck in our early 20s backpacking phase. Most of the CFBC people I know made that decision for bigger reasons such as knowing they wouldn't be good at it, or chronic illness, or intense jobs, or just it flat out didn't appeal to them. I don't think I've ever heard someone say, "think of all the travel and fun!" Weird.

It’s just like how married people think singles are all out on dates, going shopping or having brunch all the time. I stopped doing that stuff in my early thirties. On Friday and Saturday nights, I’m home reading and cuddling with my dog. I have a job and bills to pay, and I’m tired, just like every other middle aged person.

One of my friends married when we were both about 25. Ten years later her husband leaves her and she’s texting me all the time to ask if I want to get mani pedis, or and go out for dinner and cosmopolitans. I’m like Hon, Sex and the City isn’t real and I haven’t had one of those since 2002. I stay home every night and have a hookup or two per year. She got married again pretty quickly.

I'm honestly surprised you and PP have found this so uncommon. I'm in a CFBC relationship and we absolutely made the choice because we wanted more travel and fun opportunities. Having a child is probably the single most costly decision someone can make in terms of both money and time, of course travel and fun are going to be a factor in anyone's decision not to have kids, whether they admit it or not.

The people you or PP spoke to probably just wanted to avoid the whole "you'd rather spend your money on yourself than have a kid and spend it on them, how selfish!" comments that inevitably happen when you're honest about your decisions no to have kids, as if anyone owes the world a child. We've got too many people on this planet as it stands, if anyone breeders are the selfish ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister has been married for over 25 years. She's successful, has many friends, and is very active and well known in her community. Her husband had been married before, young, it ended ugly, and he has (now grown) children. He told her when they were young enough that he'd have kids with her if that's what she wanted, but that if it were up to him alone he really didn't want more kids. She elected not to have any.

The other day she told me she "immensely regrets" her decision. I was surprised.

I'm just curious if anyone else reading this is in the same boat, and how you're dealing with it. I feel badly for her.

I know someone in a similar situation but I'm not sure if she regrets it. Think of all that money and free time! lol

Think of growing alone and nobody taking care of you… oh wait, that’s USA 101

Seriously. My mother has two children and neither of us plans to "take care of her." Just as she didn't take care of her parents. And just as no parent should expect their child to do.

Many of the parents I know are worried about whether they'll be taking care of their adult children forever. Thanks, no thanks.

-- Blissfully child-free

And this is why you're 'blissfully child-free' because your mother didn't love you and her mother didn't love her. There's no love in your family, plain and simple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was infertile for many years and fully lived CF. But I was still trying. I talked to many people CF and all of them had a good reason. They just don’t tell everyone. Health, death in the family, trauma, infertility, know they don’t have a maternal instinct, dysfunctional family, older husband, husband with a disability, genetic issues in the family, alcoholism and related issues, career that require a lot of travel … so many reasons.
I think more people regret having children than not having children actually. And the statistics bear that out. Everyone regrets something.

Unfortunately, it’s just totally unacceptable to say you regret having kids, because it would hurt the kids to hear it. But many people do, and I think we’d all be better off if we could be more open about this. I’m childless so some parents feel comfortable confiding in me about how much they dislike parenting and even their children. They do their best out of duty, and they’re good people, but they flat out do not like their children.

I love my child with all my heart but if I'd known there'd be a pandemic I would have stayed childfree. I'm only a good parent on extreme easy mode (a ton of help, no huge life-altering stressors like COVID). Otherwise it is a struggle and I outsource as much as I can. Thank goodness I didn't have a crystal bal[b]l.

Thanks goodness you're rich AS so you can 'outsource' as much as you can. Ugh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was infertile for many years and fully lived CF. But I was still trying. I talked to many people CF and all of them had a good reason. They just don’t tell everyone. Health, death in the family, trauma, infertility, know they don’t have a maternal instinct, dysfunctional family, older husband, husband with a disability, genetic issues in the family, alcoholism and related issues, career that require a lot of travel … so many reasons.
I think more people regret having children than not having children actually. And the statistics bear that out. Everyone regrets something.

Unfortunately, it’s just totally unacceptable to say you regret having kids, because it would hurt the kids to hear it. But many people do, and I think we’d all be better off if we could be more open about this. I’m childless so some parents feel comfortable confiding in me about how much they dislike parenting and even their children. They do their best out of duty, and they’re good people, but they flat out do not like their children.

I love my child with all my heart but if I'd known there'd be a pandemic I would have stayed childfree. I'm only a good parent on extreme easy mode (a ton of help, no huge life-altering stressors like COVID). Otherwise it is a struggle and I outsource as much as I can. Thank goodness I didn't have a crystal bal[b]l.

Thanks goodness you're rich AS so you can 'outsource' as much as you can. Ugh.

I'm not rich at all, I'm poor by this forum's standards! I outsource to daycare and helpful grandparents/family members and weekly babysitters. I also lean on a partner who is very helpful and does his fair share.

[Anonymous]

Honestly if a child has no kids the parents should of never had them.