Regret not having kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids are about creating legacy. No kids, no legacy. When you leave the earth, you're gone. Nobody will remember you.

But your kids would.[/quote

Why would this matter to you? You’ll be dead. Legacy only has meaning to you while you’re alive.

[Anonymous]

As someone who is child-free by choice, I find it immensely odd when these discussions come up that so many think CFBC people pass on kids because of "travel and fun!" like we're perpetually stuck in our early 20s backpacking phase. Most of the CFBC people I know made that decision for bigger reasons such as knowing they wouldn't be good at it, or chronic illness, or intense jobs, or just it flat out didn't appeal to them. I don't think I've ever heard someone say, "think of all the travel and fun!" Weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As someone who is child-free by choice, I find it immensely odd when these discussions come up that so many think CFBC people pass on kids because of "travel and fun!" like we're perpetually stuck in our early 20s backpacking phase. Most of the CFBC people I know made that decision for bigger reasons such as knowing they wouldn't be good at it, or chronic illness, or intense jobs, or just it flat out didn't appeal to them. I don't think I've ever heard someone say, "think of all the travel and fun!" Weird.

+1 they're all moms with very limited imaginations

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister has been married for over 25 years. She's successful, has many friends, and is very active and well known in her community. Her husband had been married before, young, it ended ugly, and he has (now grown) children. He told her when they were young enough that he'd have kids with her if that's what she wanted, but that if it were up to him alone he really didn't want more kids. She elected not to have any.

The other day she told me she "immensely regrets" her decision. I was surprised.

I'm just curious if anyone else reading this is in the same boat, and how you're dealing with it. I feel badly for her.

I know someone in a similar situation but I'm not sure if she regrets it. Think of all that money and free time! lol

Think of growing alone and nobody taking care of you… oh wait, that’s USA 101

Not this tired line again. Go visit several nursing homes and see how many people living in them have living children, then report back.

Huh? Children who love them and helped them move into assisted living or nursing home so that they could be better cared for? Who oversee their care to make sure they get the right medication, proper food, care and attention?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister has been married for over 25 years. She's successful, has many friends, and is very active and well known in her community. Her husband had been married before, young, it ended ugly, and he has (now grown) children. He told her when they were young enough that he'd have kids with her if that's what she wanted, but that if it were up to him alone he really didn't want more kids. She elected not to have any.

The other day she told me she "immensely regrets" her decision. I was surprised.

I'm just curious if anyone else reading this is in the same boat, and how you're dealing with it. I feel badly for her.

I know someone in a similar situation but I'm not sure if she regrets it. Think of all that money and free time! lol

Think of growing alone and nobody taking care of you… oh wait, that’s USA 101

Not this tired line again. Go visit several nursing homes and see how many people living in them have living children, then report back.

Huh? Children who love them and helped them move into assisted living or nursing home so that they could be better cared for? Who oversee their care to make sure they get the right medication, proper food, care and attention?

Do you really think they get care and attention and children supervise anything? The elderly get a shower once a week, they're drugged and sitting in bed most of the time and the children maybe visit weekly, if that. I'd rather die at home peacefully - parent with 2 kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The grass is always greener, but you have to live with your choices. Kids aren’t easy.

Exactly. But you don't know what the other path looks like without going down it. We ended up in the opposite situation: we had kids but wish we didn't.

Why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s not too late for your sister, there are so many kids that need to be adopted between 12 and 17, they need good stable families, she won’t be raising them from the ground up but what she will give them is a new homebase, when my kids are gone that’s what I’m gonna do.
These kids stay in the foster system and get moved around from time to time never find a place to call home, eventually they age out, are giving a little bit of assistance and then basically booted out.
It’s likely not going to be an immediate bond like she would have with an in ant but that could change over time; she’s basically just telling a kid that hey listen I’ve got you for the next three years or whatever but this will always be your home, go out into the world and come home for Christmas, call me when you have a bad break up, everyone deserves a place to dread going to Thanksgiving.

Did you see the episode on Dateline about the adoptive mom who was murdered by her adoptive son from South America?This was a kid she raised from age 4....I wouldn't trust a teenager to foster. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister has been married for over 25 years. She's successful, has many friends, and is very active and well known in her community. Her husband had been married before, young, it ended ugly, and he has (now grown) children. He told her when they were young enough that he'd have kids with her if that's what she wanted, but that if it were up to him alone he really didn't want more kids. She elected not to have any.

The other day she told me she "immensely regrets" her decision. I was surprised.

I'm just curious if anyone else reading this is in the same boat, and how you're dealing with it. I feel badly for her.

I know someone in a similar situation but I'm not sure if she regrets it. Think of all that money and free time! lol

Think of growing alone and nobody taking care of you… oh wait, that’s USA 101

Not this tired line again. Go visit several nursing homes and see how many people living in them have living children, then report back.

Huh? Children who love them and helped them move into assisted living or nursing home so that they could be better cared for? Who oversee their care to make sure they get the right medication, proper food, care and attention?

Do you really think they get care and attention and children supervise anything? The elderly get a shower once a week, they're drugged and sitting in bed most of the time and the children maybe visit weekly, if that. I'd rather die at home peacefully - parent with 2 kids

The PP "children oversee their care" is ridiculous. There's also a lot of elder abuse by children toward their own parents. No one here seems to think that their own child might abuse them but it happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The grass is always greener, but you have to live with your choices. Kids aren’t easy.

Exactly. But you don't know what the other path looks like without going down it. We ended up in the opposite situation: we had kids but wish we didn't.

Why?

DP here and I don't exactly wish I didn't have kids, but I vastly overestimated how much energy I would have to raise kids as I got into my 40's. When I was in my early 30's I thought that it would be no problem to have 2 working parents with kids in daycare, but the reality was so much different. Now I have issues with fatigue and I want to cut back on work, but will probably have to continue 10 more years at least. Without kids I could easily have retired early. I'm sure it's worth it, but it has really taken a toll on my health.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone who is child-free by choice, I find it immensely odd when these discussions come up that so many think CFBC people pass on kids because of "travel and fun!" like we're perpetually stuck in our early 20s backpacking phase. Most of the CFBC people I know made that decision for bigger reasons such as knowing they wouldn't be good at it, or chronic illness, or intense jobs, or just it flat out didn't appeal to them. I don't think I've ever heard someone say, "think of all the travel and fun!" Weird.

+1 they're all moms with very limited imaginations

My best friend is child free by choice mainly because she likes her freedom. She has a lot of hobbies, including skiing all over the world, and feels she would be resentful if she lost the ability to pick up and go at a moment’s notice. And I fully support her! You don’t need a “serious” reason to be child free. Just not wanting kids is enough of a reason.

-mom of two

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone who is child-free by choice, I find it immensely odd when these discussions come up that so many think CFBC people pass on kids because of "travel and fun!" like we're perpetually stuck in our early 20s backpacking phase. Most of the CFBC people I know made that decision for bigger reasons such as knowing they wouldn't be good at it, or chronic illness, or intense jobs, or just it flat out didn't appeal to them. I don't think I've ever heard someone say, "think of all the travel and fun!" Weird.

+1 they're all moms with very limited imaginations

My best friend is child free by choice mainly because she likes her freedom. She has a lot of hobbies, including skiing all over the world, and feels she would be resentful if she lost the ability to pick up and go at a moment’s notice. And I fully support her! You don’t need a “serious” reason to be child free. Just not wanting kids is enough of a reason.

-mom of two

You have ONE friend as an example. ONE.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only people I know well who don't have kids are women who aged out of having them prior to finding the right relationship. They regret that they didn't have kids, but I suppose feel that it was out of their hands. They more generally regret how their lives turned out.
I personally tried to have kids as a single mother. Although it was not successful, I am very glad that I tried (despite the expense and toll it took on my life). I think that I would regret it if I hadn't.

I would have been such a person. Instead I married the wrong person had a kid and divorced. It’s my second-worst-case scenario, worst being alone and childless. I never wanted to be a single mother but he was extremely abusive.

PP here.

I love it when divorced moms who used to be married to abusers tell me that I’m living their worst nightmare lol.
I’ve never regretted not marrying the wrong man for the sake of having children. (I have several friends who did that. Some are still married, most aren’t; none are very happy). I do regret that my efforts to conceive weren’t successful but I suppose childlessness would’ve been my end result either way.

I think everyone regrets certain things but ultimately they’re futile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As someone who is child-free by choice, I find it immensely odd when these discussions come up that so many think CFBC people pass on kids because of "travel and fun!" like we're perpetually stuck in our early 20s backpacking phase. Most of the CFBC people I know made that decision for bigger reasons such as knowing they wouldn't be good at it, or chronic illness, or intense jobs, or just it flat out didn't appeal to them. I don't think I've ever heard someone say, "think of all the travel and fun!" Weird.

All the CFBC people I know have health issues, family dysfunction that they didn’t want to perpetuate, or just didn’t want kids. None of them are off traveling and doing fun things all the time. They sleep more and make different activity/travel choices when they have time for those things, but mostly they’re just working and paying bills like everyone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister has been married for over 25 years. She's successful, has many friends, and is very active and well known in her community. Her husband had been married before, young, it ended ugly, and he has (now grown) children. He told her when they were young enough that he'd have kids with her if that's what she wanted, but that if it were up to him alone he really didn't want more kids. She elected not to have any.

The other day she told me she "immensely regrets" her decision. I was surprised.

I'm just curious if anyone else reading this is in the same boat, and how you're dealing with it. I feel badly for her.

I know someone in a similar situation but I'm not sure if she regrets it. Think of all that money and free time! lol

Think of growing alone and nobody taking care of you… oh wait, that’s USA 101

Not this tired line again. Go visit several nursing homes and see how many people living in them have living children, then report back.

Huh? Children who love them and helped them move into assisted living or nursing home so that they could be better cared for? Who oversee their care to make sure they get the right medication, proper food, care and attention?

Do you really think they get care and attention and children supervise anything? The elderly get a shower once a week, they're drugged and sitting in bed most of the time and the children maybe visit weekly, if that. I'd rather die at home peacefully - parent with 2 kids

The PP "children oversee their care" is ridiculous. There's also a lot of elder abuse by children toward their own parents. No one here seems to think that their own child might abuse them but it happens.

Really? Do you abuse your parents and do you not oversee their care or look out for them (or will you not in the future?)? How about your friends? Do they not look out for elderly parents? I bet they do and I bet they go above and beyond in many cases.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister has been married for over 25 years. She's successful, has many friends, and is very active and well known in her community. Her husband had been married before, young, it ended ugly, and he has (now grown) children. He told her when they were young enough that he'd have kids with her if that's what she wanted, but that if it were up to him alone he really didn't want more kids. She elected not to have any.

The other day she told me she "immensely regrets" her decision. I was surprised.

I'm just curious if anyone else reading this is in the same boat, and how you're dealing with it. I feel badly for her.

I know someone in a similar situation but I'm not sure if she regrets it. Think of all that money and free time! lol

Think of growing alone and nobody taking care of you… oh wait, that’s USA 101

Not this tired line again. Go visit several nursing homes and see how many people living in them have living children, then report back.

Huh? Children who love them and helped them move into assisted living or nursing home so that they could be better cared for? Who oversee their care to make sure they get the right medication, proper food, care and attention?

Do you really think they get care and attention and children supervise anything? The elderly get a shower once a week, they're drugged and sitting in bed most of the time and the children maybe visit weekly, if that. I'd rather die at home peacefully - parent with 2 kids

So elderly at home by yourself unable to shower at all perhaps?!

Or - at home knowing that your children will LOOK OUT FOR YOU.