Should we cancel our 4th of July party?

[Anonymous]

We moved to our current area two years ago and made a solid group of friends with similar aged children.

I actually wonder if the issue isn't that you skipped her party, but that you've been there "only" two years and you're trying to take one of "her" holidays.

[Anonymous]

More proof that women never grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

We moved to our current area two years ago and made a solid group of friends with similar aged children.

I actually wonder if the issue isn't that you skipped her party, but that you've been there "only" two years and you're trying to take one of "her" holidays.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This doesn’t seem like something someone would do because you didn’t attend their party. It sounds like something else happened.

Are your kids good friends with her kids? People get weird when kid stuff happens.

Yes it does sound like it could be because of MD party. So, weeks before Memorial Day weekend, OP sent out 4th of July invites and got people, including QB, to rsvp yes. Then she proceeds to sleep QB’s party. So insecure QB is doing what she does to reclaim her territory.

If OP wanted to play by QB rules, she could have skipped QB’s party and gone to her 4th party OR gone to QB’s MD party and thrown her own 4th party. She shouldn’t have done both.

You sound like a QB yourself! OP can only host a party if she also attends the QB's party??? Grown adults can have a social life outside of their neighborhood or immediate suburb!

+1. It’s super weird to be upset about someone missing your MD party, because tons of people travel on that weekend.

We have attended many of her events and parties. Halloween, New Years etc.

We’ve hosted birthday parties but never a holiday and felt like we should since we’re one of the few people with the large patio and pool. Our living space is smaller so an outdoor summer party makes the most sense.

We gave her plenty of notice we could not attend a month in advance. It wasn’t personal we had planned to see old friends far earlier on the year.

I don’t want to be iced out but if it happens it happens. I’m a grown up.

I do worry about my kids. My son and her son are on the same soccer team and friendly enough. He has plenty of other friends in school as well. As does my daughter, but she’s VERY close with another little girl in the group whose mom is very close to this woman so I would be very sad it this affected that friendship.

Ok, OP - I see several potential things that you have "done" to the QB to cause her to feel as though you are encroaching on her turf. Mind you, none of these are bad at all, but QB women are often deeply insecure and vindictive.

1.) You dared to host a non-birthday party event, and encroach on her territory of hosting on holidays. If you have a pool and she doesn't - something for her to be jealous of. Also, by hosting the 4th of July party, you took control of the guest list, not her. Trust me, before this issue with you, she had other targets, women like her always do.

2.) You mention your daughter is very close the daughter of her close friend. When kids are that young, play dates typically involve the parents hanging out as well. She's worried that you may get close with one of her close friends. She's going to try to stop that from happening.

I live very near a woman like this, and these women are not well. However, like other PPs have said - you lose a lot of respect for those who are in their vicinity and see their exclusionary behavior and do nothing to stop it, even when it's negatively impacting kids. I would host your 4th of July party, expect a lot of your mutual friends to come early and then head over to the QB's party. Try to expand your guest list if possible, although I understand this may be tough, given that you mentioned your social circle is primarily mutual friends. You can't win with a woman like this, your best hope is to try to expand your social circle.

1) But it seems like many people in our group host holiday parties, not just her.

For example other families hosted Friendsgiving & a Holiday party. Someone even hosted a massive Easter Egg hunt.

So it’s not always just her hosting parties.


My biggest fear is this affects my kids friendships. My husbands biggest fear is he buys too many burgers and hotdogs lol.

We have expanded the guest list a bit to friends farther away and more coworkers just in case we have low attendance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This doesn’t seem like something someone would do because you didn’t attend their party. It sounds like something else happened.

Are your kids good friends with her kids? People get weird when kid stuff happens.

Yes it does sound like it could be because of MD party. So, weeks before Memorial Day weekend, OP sent out 4th of July invites and got people, including QB, to rsvp yes. Then she proceeds to sleep QB’s party. So insecure QB is doing what she does to reclaim her territory.

If OP wanted to play by QB rules, she could have skipped QB’s party and gone to her 4th party OR gone to QB’s MD party and thrown her own 4th party. She shouldn’t have done both.

You sound like a QB yourself! OP can only host a party if she also attends the QB's party??? Grown adults can have a social life outside of their neighborhood or immediate suburb!

+1. It’s super weird to be upset about someone missing your MD party, because tons of people travel on that weekend.

We have attended many of her events and parties. Halloween, New Years etc.

We’ve hosted birthday parties but never a holiday and felt like we should since we’re one of the few people with the large patio and pool. Our living space is smaller so an outdoor summer party makes the most sense.

We gave her plenty of notice we could not attend a month in advance. It wasn’t personal we had planned to see old friends far earlier on the year.

I don’t want to be iced out but if it happens it happens. I’m a grown up.

I do worry about my kids. My son and her son are on the same soccer team and friendly enough. He has plenty of other friends in school as well. As does my daughter, but she’s VERY close with another little girl in the group whose mom is very close to this woman so I would be very sad it this affected that friendship.

Does QB have a pool?

Yes they do. There house in general is larger than ours but we do have a big porch and outdoor kitchen set up for hosting.

[Anonymous]

There’s a special place in hell for emotionally stunted UMC white women.

That is all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you know that no one will attend your party OP??
Have your invited guests cancelled their RSVPs?

Because that would be the only good reason to cancel a party that you have already sent invites for as well as accepted RSVPs for (I am assuming.)

If this friend is truly upset w/you ➕ your husband for not attending her Memorial Day party then she is nuts & you do not want to be friends w/someone who has placed “conditions” on your friendship.
It is very unlikely that she is miffed that you didn’t attend her party - - could she be mad at you for something else perhaps?

OP, do not cancel your party >> unless of course no one can attend.

Good luck!

I don’t. I assumed the mutual group would attend hers over mine out of loyalty. I was catastrophizing a bit. There’s actually plenty of time to attend both we live 4 miles away from one another and it’s like a 6 hour block of time.

Once this all rolls over I’m going to ask her if we upset her. She did invite us so I’ll probably go over to hers for an hour to save face.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This doesn’t seem like something someone would do because you didn’t attend their party. It sounds like something else happened.

Are your kids good friends with her kids? People get weird when kid stuff happens.

Yes it does sound like it could be because of MD party. So, weeks before Memorial Day weekend, OP sent out 4th of July invites and got people, including QB, to rsvp yes. Then she proceeds to sleep QB’s party. So insecure QB is doing what she does to reclaim her territory.

If OP wanted to play by QB rules, she could have skipped QB’s party and gone to her 4th party OR gone to QB’s MD party and thrown her own 4th party. She shouldn’t have done both.

You sound like a QB yourself! OP can only host a party if she also attends the QB's party??? Grown adults can have a social life outside of their neighborhood or immediate suburb!

+1. It’s super weird to be upset about someone missing your MD party, because tons of people travel on that weekend.

We have attended many of her events and parties. Halloween, New Years etc.

We’ve hosted birthday parties but never a holiday and felt like we should since we’re one of the few people with the large patio and pool. Our living space is smaller so an outdoor summer party makes the most sense.

We gave her plenty of notice we could not attend a month in advance. It wasn’t personal we had planned to see old friends far earlier on the year.

I don’t want to be iced out but if it happens it happens. I’m a grown up.

I do worry about my kids. My son and her son are on the same soccer team and friendly enough. He has plenty of other friends in school as well. As does my daughter, but she’s VERY close with another little girl in the group whose mom is very close to this woman so I would be very sad it this affected that friendship.

Ok, OP - I see several potential things that you have "done" to the QB to cause her to feel as though you are encroaching on her turf. Mind you, none of these are bad at all, but QB women are often deeply insecure and vindictive.

1.) You dared to host a non-birthday party event, and encroach on her territory of hosting on holidays. If you have a pool and she doesn't - something for her to be jealous of. Also, by hosting the 4th of July party, you took control of the guest list, not her. Trust me, before this issue with you, she had other targets, women like her always do.

2.) You mention your daughter is very close the daughter of her close friend. When kids are that young, play dates typically involve the parents hanging out as well. She's worried that you may get close with one of her close friends. She's going to try to stop that from happening.

I live very near a woman like this, and these women are not well. However, like other PPs have said - you lose a lot of respect for those who are in their vicinity and see their exclusionary behavior and do nothing to stop it, even when it's negatively impacting kids. I would host your 4th of July party, expect a lot of your mutual friends to come early and then head over to the QB's party. Try to expand your guest list if possible, although I understand this may be tough, given that you mentioned your social circle is primarily mutual friends. You can't win with a woman like this, your best hope is to try to expand your social circle.

1) But it seems like many people in our group host holiday parties, not just her.

For example other families hosted Friendsgiving & a Holiday party. Someone even hosted a massive Easter Egg hunt.

So it’s not always just her hosting parties.


My biggest fear is this affects my kids friendships. My husbands biggest fear is he buys too many burgers and hotdogs lol.

We have expanded the guest list a bit to friends farther away and more coworkers just in case we have low attendance.

I hope that the people who have RSVP'd will let you know if their plans change...secondly, wouldn't a normal person find it totally psycho to get a second invitation from the same friend group for a party at the exact day and time as another party in the group? What is wrong with people who think that this is ok???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you know that no one will attend your party OP??
Have your invited guests cancelled their RSVPs?

Because that would be the only good reason to cancel a party that you have already sent invites for as well as accepted RSVPs for (I am assuming.)

If this friend is truly upset w/you ➕ your husband for not attending her Memorial Day party then she is nuts & you do not want to be friends w/someone who has placed “conditions” on your friendship.
It is very unlikely that she is miffed that you didn’t attend her party - - could she be mad at you for something else perhaps?

OP, do not cancel your party >> unless of course no one can attend.

Good luck!

I don’t. I assumed the mutual group would attend hers over mine out of loyalty. I was catastrophizing a bit. There’s actually plenty of time to attend both we live 4 miles away from one another and it’s like a 6 hour block of time.

Once this all rolls over I’m going to ask her if we upset her. She did invite us so I’ll probably go over to hers for an hour to save face.

I wouldn't. You'd be feeding into her narcissism/queen bee-ism and look like you're groveling to get back into her good graces. See how the parties play out and then move on. You've already apologized for missing her Mem Day party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This doesn’t seem like something someone would do because you didn’t attend their party. It sounds like something else happened.

Are your kids good friends with her kids? People get weird when kid stuff happens.

Yes it does sound like it could be because of MD party. So, weeks before Memorial Day weekend, OP sent out 4th of July invites and got people, including QB, to rsvp yes. Then she proceeds to sleep QB’s party. So insecure QB is doing what she does to reclaim her territory.

If OP wanted to play by QB rules, she could have skipped QB’s party and gone to her 4th party OR gone to QB’s MD party and thrown her own 4th party. She shouldn’t have done both.

You sound like a QB yourself! OP can only host a party if she also attends the QB's party??? Grown adults can have a social life outside of their neighborhood or immediate suburb!

+1. It’s super weird to be upset about someone missing your MD party, because tons of people travel on that weekend.

We have attended many of her events and parties. Halloween, New Years etc.

We’ve hosted birthday parties but never a holiday and felt like we should since we’re one of the few people with the large patio and pool. Our living space is smaller so an outdoor summer party makes the most sense.

We gave her plenty of notice we could not attend a month in advance. It wasn’t personal we had planned to see old friends far earlier on the year.

I don’t want to be iced out but if it happens it happens. I’m a grown up.

I do worry about my kids. My son and her son are on the same soccer team and friendly enough. He has plenty of other friends in school as well. As does my daughter, but she’s VERY close with another little girl in the group whose mom is very close to this woman so I would be very sad it this affected that friendship.

Ok, OP - I see several potential things that you have "done" to the QB to cause her to feel as though you are encroaching on her turf. Mind you, none of these are bad at all, but QB women are often deeply insecure and vindictive.

1.) You dared to host a non-birthday party event, and encroach on her territory of hosting on holidays. If you have a pool and she doesn't - something for her to be jealous of. Also, by hosting the 4th of July party, you took control of the guest list, not her. Trust me, before this issue with you, she had other targets, women like her always do.

2.) You mention your daughter is very close the daughter of her close friend. When kids are that young, play dates typically involve the parents hanging out as well. She's worried that you may get close with one of her close friends. She's going to try to stop that from happening.

I live very near a woman like this, and these women are not well. However, like other PPs have said - you lose a lot of respect for those who are in their vicinity and see their exclusionary behavior and do nothing to stop it, even when it's negatively impacting kids. I would host your 4th of July party, expect a lot of your mutual friends to come early and then head over to the QB's party. Try to expand your guest list if possible, although I understand this may be tough, given that you mentioned your social circle is primarily mutual friends. You can't win with a woman like this, your best hope is to try to expand your social circle.

1) But it seems like many people in our group host holiday parties, not just her.

For example other families hosted Friendsgiving & a Holiday party. Someone even hosted a massive Easter Egg hunt.

So it’s not always just her hosting parties.


My biggest fear is this affects my kids friendships. My husbands biggest fear is he buys too many burgers and hotdogs lol.

We have expanded the guest list a bit to friends farther away and more coworkers just in case we have low attendance.

I hope that the people who have RSVP'd will let you know if their plans change...secondly, wouldn't a normal person find it totally psycho to get a second invitation from the same friend group for a party at the exact day and time as another party in the group? What is wrong with people who think that this is ok???

This. The whole group seems very dysfunctional including OP who's talking about going to the other party as well.

[Anonymous]

It's July 4. That's a narrow window. Southern people go to multiple New Year's Day open houses in a day. Get over it. Who spends 6 hours at one bbq.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you know that no one will attend your party OP??
Have your invited guests cancelled their RSVPs?

Because that would be the only good reason to cancel a party that you have already sent invites for as well as accepted RSVPs for (I am assuming.)

If this friend is truly upset w/you ➕ your husband for not attending her Memorial Day party then she is nuts & you do not want to be friends w/someone who has placed “conditions” on your friendship.
It is very unlikely that she is miffed that you didn’t attend her party - - could she be mad at you for something else perhaps?

OP, do not cancel your party >> unless of course no one can attend.

Good luck!

I don’t. I assumed the mutual group would attend hers over mine out of loyalty. I was catastrophizing a bit. There’s actually plenty of time to attend both we live 4 miles away from one another and it’s like a 6 hour block of time.

Once this all rolls over I’m going to ask her if we upset her. She did invite us so I’ll probably go over to hers for an hour to save face.

I wouldn't. You'd be feeding into her narcissism/queen bee-ism and look like you're groveling to get back into her good graces. See how the parties play out and then move on. You've already apologized for missing her Mem Day party.

+1 and consider yourself fortunate to live four miles away from this narcissistic queen bee. I live across the street from one. She knew one woman in the neighborhood before she moved here and befriended her friends (including me) to convince us to all to help her identify a house in the neighborhood before it truly hit the market. She used me to get the contact information of the elderly owner’s children so that she could call them and spout some story about how this was the house she dreamed of raising her children in, and then she got us to write letters of recommendation for her and her family to include with her offer. Within 6 months of her moving in, her true personality began to show through and she was starting to burn through people. Looking back, I should have been wiser in dealing with her. However, I was in my 30s and still naive as to how terrible suburban moms can be to each other, it was COVID and my social life had largely shrunk to within my neighborhood, and she had been so nice until she got what she wanted. I actually think most of her current “friends” have caught on to her personality, but don’t want to stand up to the queen bee. Sorry OP. At least she loves a few miles away!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There’s a special place in hell for emotionally stunted UMC white women.

That is all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There’s a special place in hell for emotionally stunted UMC white women.

That is all.

this isn't exclusive to white women. GMAFB

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do not reach out to her. Queen Bees feed off drama. As long as you have friends coming outside the neighborhood group, host your party and have fun with those who show up. If you live near the Queen Bee, I agree that people will likely hit both parties, especially those who already RSVP'd to yours.

But OP needs to RSVP. I'd respond and say that you can't make her party since you have yours. I'd also ask if she was still planning on attending. But keep your party and have fun with your real friends, who are the people who RSVP'd yes to yours and will show up.