Dad’s girlfriend has officially taken over

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Six pages, posters arguing and still no follow up answers from OP??? 🧐

Well done in Troll World.

OP. I've been reading the responses and thinking it through.

Regarding inheritance: so, it's not about money for me. If he gave it all to my siblings, or to charity, or whatever, I wouldn't care. And actually, I don't think I would mind if he left it to a wife/girlfriend under some circumstances, like when she passed it was divided evenly among all the kids, and if she wasn't actively trying to cut him off from his kids.

But the whole thing is just so suspicious to me. She stopped working shortly after she moved in, and is now trying to keep him away from his own family. That doesn't sit well with me at all. Ultimately I want him to be happy, and I can't imagine he's very happy supporting a second family and not seeing his own family.

But it sounds like you do care if they get married and she inherits upon his death. Despite it being his money.

Everything points to you have a serious problem with the GF that goes well beyond the issues of control you brought up. You don't seem to like her, and it doesn't sound like you ever liked her. No doubt that came through. You may have been perfectly polite, but this level of animosity always comes through other ways.

I strongly suspect there are other relevant details regarding the relationship, your father's situation, and how what you think of the GF's situation that you're not being forthcoming about.

Maybe it isn't about the money itself, but your attitude toward the money suggests other issues at play.

[Anonymous]

Wet pu$$y has that impact on old men.

Sort of like money impacts old women

[Anonymous]

You have a Dad problem. GF has nothing to do with it. If he wanted to see you he would. He sounds like a jerk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she’s already preventing him from seeing his children and grandchildren at Christmas, the war is over and you lost. The inheritance is gone. There’s nothing you can do at this point.

She is still girl friend not wife.
Unless she is a wife and OP doesn’t know about it yet.

This is a real possibility.

My FIL married the first woman he met less than a year of becoming widower. She must have pushed for the legal marriage certificate in city hall and they had a religious wedding with all their families six months later. She’s very controlling and excludes his kids and he does nothing. He has a daughter who was his pride and joy who he’s almost completely cut from his life in favor of the new wife.

Objectively, the wife was a hot mess. She was bankrupt with 10 kids so she won the lottery when she met FIL. He was a stable professional with low six figure income and a paid off house. MIL was normal. I don’t get it.

[Anonymous]

This is the story of my FIL. It spiraled and got worse and worse and worse until the day he died. Then she bolted with the inheritance and left us to handle the funeral arrangements (though tbh, we were glad to do that and not have to deal with her).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:With that attitude, I can't imagine why she doesn't want to spend time with you.

Yuck you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Confront him before it’s too late.

You have nothing to lose. Take the high road and you’ll be watching all his stuff go to her kids, and you’ll be begging for th photo albums.

lol. Yeah, going after the inheritance is definitely the way to rebuild a relationship.

OP. So for inheritance, I don’t necessarily care about the money itself. If he chose to leave everything to my siblings and nothing to me, I’d be fine with that because it’s staying in the family and I trust my siblings not to squander it.

But I do have a real problem if he leaves everything to her and her kids. She doesn’t work, so it’s a very real possibility she could convince him to leave her our childhood house so she has a place to stay, leave her money for her kids’ college tuition (they are high school age), etc.

I don’t think that’s unreasonable.

But more importantly, I want to be able to see my dad. I want him to be able to see his grandkids without it being an issue with her.

That is why it should be written into the will that when one spouse dies, the other gets half, and children get half.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With that attitude, I can't imagine why she doesn't want to spend time with you.

What’s wrong with OP’s attitude? I think OP sounds more than reasonable. Are you dad’s GF?

Read the post again. Does that sound like someone who is pleasant to be around? You don't think that's going to come out other ways?

She is fine. You, on the other hand, sounds like a gold digger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With that attitude, I can't imagine why she doesn't want to spend time with you.

What’s wrong with OP’s attitude? I think OP sounds more than reasonable. Are you dad’s GF?

Read the post again. Does that sound like someone who is pleasant to be around? You don't think that's going to come out other ways?

She is fine. You, on the other hand, sounds like a gold digger.

You're the one that wants to control your parent's money. That sounds like a gold digger to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With that attitude, I can't imagine why she doesn't want to spend time with you.

What’s wrong with OP’s attitude? I think OP sounds more than reasonable. Are you dad’s GF?

Read the post again. Does that sound like someone who is pleasant to be around? You don't think that's going to come out other ways?

She is fine. You, on the other hand, sounds like a gold digger.

You're the one that wants to control your parent's money. That sounds like a gold digger to me.

Looks like dad’s GF got triggered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Confront him before it’s too late.

You have nothing to lose. Take the high road and you’ll be watching all his stuff go to her kids, and you’ll be begging for th photo albums.

lol. Yeah, going after the inheritance is definitely the way to rebuild a relationship.

This is very, very common when the man, often widowed, gets a new wife or girlfriend.

The women move vry quickly to cut him off from his kids and especially grandkids, while lavishing his money and attention on her family.

Drop the rope and focus on your inlaws.

My dad dumping our family and the grandkids resulted in all of my siblings and I to create stronger bonds with the inlaws, even if we didn't have tge best relationship with them prior.

It is 20 years now in my rear view mirror, and thanks to my inlaws stepping up to the plate and filling the grandparent basket to the brim, I can say with certainty that it was a huge loss for my dad to miss out on all those moments with all of his (now teen and adult) grandkids, for her 2 grandkids and 1 daughter.

Every friend I know whose mom passed first, went through the exact same thing with their dad and the new woman cutting them off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take him to lunch and talk honestly with him. Tell him it’s up to him, not her, whethyhe has a relationship with you, but he’s giving her that power.

This. Have lunch. Phones off. Tell him how you feel about not seeing him, about your kids not seeing him, etc. Ask him how he sees it.

Unfortunately, he’s an adult and can choose what life he wants.

I seriously don’t understand people like his GF who want so much control over others. Must be the money.

It doesn't work.

Ask anyone who has been through it with their dad and a new woman.

Even the most doting grandpa will cut out his original family in a heartbeat if the new woman wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she’s already preventing him from seeing his children and grandchildren at Christmas, the war is over and you lost. The inheritance is gone. There’s nothing you can do at this point.

Agree.

She got my mom's house, that was paid off the month after she died, by her earnings while my dad spent, spent, spent.

That one stings tge most. Not because the house has a lot of value, but because it was the house we grew up in and our mom paid for, working even when her health was failing so the house would be paid off.

2nd wives suck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Confront him before it’s too late.

You have nothing to lose. Take the high road and you’ll be watching all his stuff go to her kids, and you’ll be begging for th photo albums.

lol. Yeah, going after the inheritance is definitely the way to rebuild a relationship.

This is very, very common when the man, often widowed, gets a new wife or girlfriend.

The women move vry quickly to cut him off from his kids and especially grandkids, while lavishing his money and attention on her family.

Drop the rope and focus on your inlaws.

My dad dumping our family and the grandkids resulted in all of my siblings and I to create stronger bonds with the inlaws, even if we didn't have tge best relationship with them prior.

It is 20 years now in my rear view mirror, and thanks to my inlaws stepping up to the plate and filling the grandparent basket to the brim, I can say with certainty that it was a huge loss for my dad to miss out on all those moments with all of his (now teen and adult) grandkids, for her 2 grandkids and 1 daughter.

Every friend I know whose mom passed first, went through the exact same thing with their dad and the new woman cutting them off.

There are so many sociopaths in this thread. I was wondering if the posters here would cut off their parents if not for the expectation of inheritance, and then you came along and confirmed it. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she’s already preventing him from seeing his children and grandchildren at Christmas, the war is over and you lost. The inheritance is gone. There’s nothing you can do at this point.

Agree.

She got my mom's house, that was paid off the month after she died, by her earnings while my dad spent, spent, spent.

That one stings tge most. Not because the house has a lot of value, but because it was the house we grew up in and our mom paid for, working even when her health was failing so the house would be paid off.

2nd wives suck.

So you're mad your father didn't pay for enough of the house?

How much did you pay for? Or were also a source of "spend, spend, spend"?