S/O What motivates men to string women along for years?

[Anonymous]

“Men don’t commit because they just don’t think about it” is cope.

Give an above average man a few dates with a VS model and watch what happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just read the thread about the 26yo whose 34yo boyfriend still hasn’t proposed after 3 years of dating and it has got me thinking about why men do this.

I know many women who’ve experienced this. The guy would always know that his girlfriend wants commitment and he knew he wasn’t planning to her give her that, yet, would continue to date her and waste years of her time.

Why aren’t they just upfront about their intentions and end the relationship?

As I get older I see that women don't give themselves enough agency. That can always leave when they are not getting what they want. No need to be a victim.

We also give men too much credit for having a 'motivation'. They generally have no idea what they are doing.

Because it looks desperate and non-credible. Anyome with leverage would just walk away.
This is the best nugget of wisdom in this thread. Most men have zero clue what women want and can’t articulate their own feelings.

It took me way too long to go after what I wanted. Prior to my now-wife, I was sliding in and out of relationships that were not right for me. I’d stay way too long because that was the easiest thing to do. I had zero clue what I was doing with life.

-A Man

Bottom line, this is a simple communication problem. If a woman wants a proposal, either propose yourself, or ask your man to propose to you. If he says he doesn't know or isn't ready, figure out a time period that you are willing to wait, and tell him to figure it out by that date. If he hasn't figured it out, move on. The man that wants to be with you will figure it out immediately, because that will be one of the most important questions in his life at that time.

Women are explicitly told NOT to give ultimatums like this. I can never figure out why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just read the thread about the 26yo whose 34yo boyfriend still hasn’t proposed after 3 years of dating and it has got me thinking about why men do this.

I know many women who’ve experienced this. The guy would always know that his girlfriend wants commitment and he knew he wasn’t planning to her give her that, yet, would continue to date her and waste years of her time.

Why aren’t they just upfront about their intentions and end the relationship?

As I get older I see that women don't give themselves enough agency. That can always leave when they are not getting what they want. No need to be a victim.

We also give men too much credit for having a 'motivation'. They generally have no idea what they are doing.

This is the best nugget of wisdom in this thread. Most men have zero clue what women want and can’t articulate their own feelings.

It took me way too long to go after what I wanted. Prior to my now-wife, I was sliding in and out of relationships that were not right for me. I’d stay way too long because that was the easiest thing to do. I had zero clue what I was doing with life.

-A Man

Bottom line, this is a simple communication problem. If a woman wants a proposal, either propose yourself, or ask your man to propose to you. If he says he doesn't know or isn't ready, figure out a time period that you are willing to wait, and tell him to figure it out by that date. If he hasn't figured it out, move on. The man that wants to be with you will figure it out immediately, because that will be one of the most important questions in his life at that time.

Women are explicitly told NOT to give ultimatums like this. I can never figure out why.

And they are told this by men who do not want to marry. The men are looking out for themselves. If the women do want to marry
...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most men prefer to take the path of least resistance. Men take part in marriage, kids, Christmas and birthday celebrations, decorating, homeownership/renovations, parties with extended family, because women (either their mothers or wives) prod them to.

It's why men tend to do their best in highly structured environments, like the military. The self-starter entrepreneur types are rare.

So if women didn’t prod them, what would they do on their own accord? Am curious.
Maybe this feeds in to the current failure to launch male crisis.

Play golf, watch porn, play video games, shoot guns, Watch sports, play poker. All the usual guy stuff that married men partake in to avoid their wife & kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What motivates people to BE strung along for years?

Lies and the lying liars who tell them. If people were honest about their intentions, their partners would be able to make better choices. But people lie, and people want the lies to be true, and things drag on much longer than they should until one person decides to look at reality and do the right thing.

It's usually a woman who leaves, not a man who comes clean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men enjoy regular sex without long term commitment or putting in any effort.

And after marriage, men put in regular efforts yet get almost no sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just propose to him. Will you marry me? No? Ok bye. Don’t twist his arm and make him propose to you, that’s really just you proposing and lying about who is doing it.

Agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:An anecdote about this. Told by a long married, older neighbor. She told her long term boyfriend, "I want to be married to you. But if you don't want to be married, I need to be dating other people." And she did. And no longer saw him. He had some months experiencing this new normal, evaluated his feelings and intentions and proposed marriage.

This is what I would suggest to young women. Women who do want to be married. If you don't want to be married that's ok too. But if you do, it's not exactly an ultimatum. It's just stating the truth. I can't be devoted to you, for any longer, if you're not wanting to be married.

Life isn’t a Hallmark movie. This shit rarely happens in real life. No guy realizes how good they had it and comes groveling. That’s just weird romance novel fantasy.

Really? All my exes did

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From all the men I know: free sex. They like a steady supply- so they will keep hitting it and only leave if they fall hard for someone else.

But wouldn’t the guy keep getting “free sex” if he married her? Unless the woman is just using sex to lure him in and then planning to stop once she’s got the ring….

That’s not the plan per se but once she has a baby that’s what ends up happening

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What motivates people to BE strung along for years?

End Thread.

I had low self esteem. I was poor. I had his kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What motivates people to BE strung along for years?

End Thread.

I had low self esteem. I was poor. I had his kids.

Also, he had this way of convincing me that marriage was *right* around the corner. Especially if I tried to leave.

Turns out he was a narcissist and it ended up being a pretty bad relationship. I’m thankful I got away in the end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was in a situation like this, I gave him an ultimatum and I knew his answer so when he finally did break up with me I told him I already know. Turns out he had been seeing someone towards the end of the relationship so I think he was stringing me along until someone better came along. (He divorced her after a year so so much for waiting for the right girl, meanwhile I’m about to celebrate my 20th) I’m a firm believer that if he’s stringing you along, he is not interested in you, he’s just biding time for someone better.

I don't think it's necessarily someone better because mine married a retail worker from bath& body works who was then creating snake oil and she had cankles. I don't think it's better but just someone who has lower self-esteem and is empathetic and desperate for attention of the user/selfish boob/cheater bf.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What motivates people to BE strung along for years?

End Thread.

I had low self esteem. I was poor. I had his kids.

That you had as kids means you stayed. But the one he left previously and replaced with you was also used but she just couldn't put up with his cheating or using and left.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men enjoy regular sex without long term commitment or putting in any effort.

And after marriage, men put in regular efforts yet get almost no sex.

No they don't. Numerous threads here about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men enjoy regular sex without long term commitment or putting in any effort.

And after marriage, men put in regular efforts yet get almost no sex.

No they don't. Numerous threads here about it.

So why are all these women so eager to lock them down?